Like Weasel, Like Ferret

Chapter 3

Back at the Burrow, Draco was suffering through a chess game with Fred; and losing horribly at it too.

"Geez, Ron. No offense or anything, but you suck today!" Fred commented as he moved his bishop three squares on the diagonal and took Draco's knight. "Check."

Draco moved a pawn forward one space, having no clue what he was doing. He had really never played chess before; he found it a stupid way to spend his time when he could be practicing laughing evilly in the mirror instead.

Fred gave him a quizzical look and then moved his bishop which promptly attacked Draco's king. "Checkmate!" he said, still eyeing Draco strangely. "That was the worst move I have ever seen in my life, Ron. What's up with you today?"

Draco said nothing. Any minute Harry and that stupid Mudblood would be arriving. He left Fred to pick up the chess pieces by himself and stalked over to the kitchen where Mrs. Weasley was mashing potatoes.

"Oh, Ron dear, would you be so kind as to fetch me some pepper from the cupboard?" Draco scowled and looked around the kitchen. He managed to find the pepper hidden behind a box of baking soda. Just as he was handing the pepper to Mrs. Weasley there was a whooshing noise which announced the arrival of Hermione. She jumped up from the kitchen floor, brushing soot off of her sweater.

"Hi!" she said breathlessly. "Harry's coming now!" Sure enough Harry zoomed out of the fireplace.

"Hi, Ron. What's new?" he asked as he replaced his glasses on his nose.

"Nothing," growled Draco.

"Can I go put my stuff upstairs in your room?" Harry asked.

"Sure," shrugged Draco.

"Ron," said Mrs. Weasley. "Bring Hermione's things up to Ginny's room, will you?"

Draco followed Harry up the stairs clutching Hermione's suitcase.

Hermione turned to Mrs. Weasley. "Mrs. Weasley?"

"Yes, dear?"

"This is very important. We need to get everyone into the kitchen as quickly as possible. Everyone that is except for Dr... I mean Ron. Give him an errand or something. It's really important that he doesn't hear this."

"Alright," said Mrs. Weasley looking slightly worried. When Draco and Harry came back down the stairs Mrs. Weasley grabbed a basket and shoved it into Draco's hands.

"Be a dear and go into the garden and pick some vegetables for dinner, Ron. Carrots and green beans will do nicely," she gave Draco a small smile. Draco scowled again but he had no choice except to march right out into the garden.

"Now dear," said Mrs. Weasley turning to Hermione. "What is it you want to tell us?"

Hermione ran over to the sitting room and called Ginny, George, Fred and Percy into the kitchen. When they were all seated around the kitchen table she began: "While Harry was at my house just a little over an hour ago I got a phone call." She paused here to make sure they all know what a phone call was. Evidently Mr. Weasley had talked a lot about them because no one looked puzzled. "It was Ron."

"But we don't have a phellytone!" Ginny interrupted.

"Yeah!" said George. "And Ron was here at the Burrow the whole day!"

"First of all it's a telephone, Ginny. And just wait until we finish our story," Harry said. He looked at Hermione who continued.

"Well, when I first picked up the telephone, the voice sounded like Draco Malfoy. So I started yelling at him trying to figure out why in the world he was calling my house. I told Harry to pick up the other phone in my parents' room so he could listen too. Then the voice that sounded like Draco said 'It's Ron!'"

"We told him that we didn't believe him and asked him to prove that he was Ron," Harry said. "He started rambling on about all this stuff that only Ron would know. We were convinced. Then he told us that this morning when he woke up, he was in Draco's body. He thinks Draco's in his, and he wanted to warn us about it."

There was a stunned silence and then;

"Are you serious?" Fred asked.

"Dead serious," Hermione assured him.

"So, you mean, Draco woke up in Ron's body?" Percy asked.

"Yup," Hermione said grimly.

"The lawn gnome bit Draco!" shouted George.

"Shhhhh!" Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, Percy and Mrs. Weasley chorused.

"Sorry!" George apologized.

"But, but what do we do now?" Mrs. Weasley fretted.

"Don't worry, we have some ideas," Hermione said grinning mischievously. "Does anyone know how to play charades?"

Harry explained the Muggle game to the puzzled Weasleys and then explained what they were planning on doing.

"But what if it is Ron?" Mrs. Weasley asked nervously, wringing a dishtowel in her hands. "I don't want to do that to poor Ron!"

"Hasn't he been acting weird all day, though?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, mum. That definitely isn't Ron," Fred said. "He couldn't play chess to save his life earlier. He-" but Fred was cut off as Draco reentered the kitchen with the basket of carrots and green beans.

"Oh...uh...thank you-um- dear," Mrs. Weasley forced. She went over and took the basket from him. "Now, Fred, George and Percy, if you could just tidy up the living room for later and Ron and Harry, you two can set the table. Hermione and Ginny, if you would be so kind as to help me with this chicken..."

"So, Ron," Harry began as they set the forks down on the table. "What have you been up to this summer? Anything interesting?"

"Er...no. Not-not really," Draco said through clenched teeth.

"How's Pig?" Harry asked.

Draco thought frantically. Who was Pig? Did Weasley have a girlfriend? Pig sounded like someone Weasley would date.

"Oh...er...she's great. We went out together a few nights ago, had some fun."

Harry looked over at Hermione who had stopped cutting the chicken and placed the knife far away from her so as not to hurt herself as she was doubled over with silent laughter. Harry quickly looked away so he wouldn't laugh.

"Er...Ron? Pig? Your owl?" Harry prompted.

"Right, right!" Draco said, turning a little red in the face. "I...er...took her out back and raced her and stuff. That's what a meant."

"I thought Pig was a boy," Harry pointed out.

"Well, I like to...to call him her sometimes. You know, it helps him to...er...keep in touch with his feminine side."

"I see," Harry said. Even Mrs. Weasley had to put aside her wand.

********

Mr. Weasley came home just in time for dinner, and Mrs. Weasley immediately pulled him outside to "show him where their neighbor's kneazle had been digging holes in the Weasley's garden." When they came back in, Mr. Weasley gave Ron a quick, furtive glance but sat down to eat as normal.

The dinner was great. No matter how much Draco tried to tell himself the green beans were too limp and too mushy, that the potatoes were too lumpy and the chicken was too spicy, he just couldn't make himself think anything but "yum."

He managed to get a grip on himself after a second helping and turned down a third, feeling guilty that he had enjoyed some foolish woman's cooking.

"No third helping, Ron? You usually love this chicken!" inquired Mrs. Weasley.

"What? Huh...oh, no," Draco responded distractedly. He was too busy thinking. He needed to ruin Weasley's life somehow. He just didn't know how to do it. It occurred to him that the people who gave Weasel the most crap, besides himself and the other Slytherins of course, were Ron's own two brothers, Fred and George. If he could embarrass Ron in front of them, they wouldn't let him live it down, and maybe they'd tell others at Hogwarts next year.

"Yes," Draco thought. "Embarrass him in front of those two morons, that's what I'll do!"

"Ron!" Hermione yelled. From the look on her face, and the looks on the faces of everyone else, Draco could tell Hermione had been calling his name a couple of times. "Are you coming?"

"Right," he got up and followed them all into the living room. "Quite cozy," he found himself thinking. "NO!" he corrected himself. "It's shabby! And...and Weasleyish!"

"Hermione," Ginny piped up on cue. "Can we play that Muggle game you were telling me about on the train home that time? What was it? Charoo...? Cha-

"Charades?"

"Yes!"

"Sure."

"How do you play?" George asked on cue.

Hermione explained the game to the Weasleys who were in mock puzzlement.

"Okay," Mr. Weasley said, waving his wand in the air. Slips of paper, obviously with the words written on them, spewed from the wand's tip and fell into the hat which Mr. Weasley had conjured. "Who wants to go first? Harry, how about you?"

Harry took a strip of paper and, after reading it, tossed it on the coffee table.

"Person! Two Words! Five syllables!' everyone chimed in as Harry signed. Then he put on a huge, false grin and pretended to write something in the air with huge, exaggerated gestures.

"You're signing autographs!" Fred yelled.

"Viktor Krum!" Hermione squealed.

A dawn of recognition came across Ginny's face. "Gilderoy Lockhart!" she shouted.

Harry nodded. "Your turn, Ginny."

Ginny took a piece of paper and stifled a laugh.

"Person! Two words! Four syllables!"

She began to smooth her long red hair back, sticking her nose in the air and putting on a look of supreme superiority. Then she began bouncing up and down, her face looking oddly like a ferret's.

"Draco Malfoy!" Harry shouted suddenly. "Only I've already gone. Oh-thanks, Ron! You can go instead of me."

Draco, who had stood up with indignation at this completely false impression of himself, looked at Harry with the utmost loathing.

"Wait! Let's make this more interesting," suggested Fred.

"Yeah," agreed George. 'Whoever is the first to not successfully act something out has to dance to the first song we find on the radio." Everyone agreed except Draco. "Eight to one, Ron. You lose."

Draco furiously grabbed a paper and read it, relieved to find it was something easy. FINGER.

"Thing! One word! Two syllables!"

Draco lifted the pointer finger on his right hand. Everyone stared at him.

"Come on, Ron! Do something!" Ginny called.

"I am!" Draco shot back.

"NO TALKING!" everyone shouted at him.

He glared.

"Point?" Harry asked.

"Stick?" Hermione guessed.

"Up?" ventured Mr. Weasley.

Draco pointed at the finger with his other hand.

"Joint?" suggested Ginny.

"Nail?" was Fred's guess.

"Skin!" said George.

"Time's up, Ron!' said Mrs. Weasley. "You lose. Someone get the radio."

Giny ran to get it, smiling, and scanned the channels. The first song she came to was a new, slow love ballad by the Magic Squares. Draco was about to argue when he realized this was the perfect way to embarrass Ron.

"If I dance really well, Fred and George will make fun of Ron until he's pushing up daisies! Those jerks won't appreciate great ballet."

It was a good thing Draco's little cousin had made him dance with her whenever he babysat for her. He leaped and twirled and frolicked on his toes with all the grace of a real ballerina, minus the tutu. However, as he attempted to land a difficult leap, his foot snagged on the rug, and he went falling flat on his already sore nose. He looked up. Fred and George were laughing hysterically, Ginny was sitting cross-legged on the carpet with her mouth wide open. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley just looked confused, Hermione had her head buried on the sofa arm, laughing so hard she was moistening the arm with tears. Harry was smiling hugely as if he had found out the Dursley house had exploded with his aunt, uncle and cousin inside of it, and Percy was staring at Draco with a look of slight jealousy.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" George chortled.

"Ron's a ballerina!" Fred hooted. "Come on, George. Let's go write to Lee about this." The two of them left, red in the face with laughter. Ginny followed shortly after, overcome with uncontrollable giggles.

"Well, we'll go...um...haha clear the...haha... dishes," laughed Mr. Weasley. "Come on, Molly. Percy."

Draco sat down on the side of the couch opposite Harry and Hermione, who were now leaning on each other for support as they laughed. Draco, thinking he had taken his first steps in ruining Ron's life, was finding it hard to feint embarrassment. He only hoped that Ron hadn't done anything to ruin his reputation...