Detention: The Story

The Beginning of a New Year was something everyone looked forward to; little did they know what this New Year had in store for them.

"..And if you EVER go near my book bag again, I'll feed you to 'Old man Snape'!" Sree threatened to some first years that had gotten too close to her book bag, which held her sketch books.

"Miss Hunting, that is inappropriate behavior," Professor McGonagall interjected. "You will NOT scare the first years, and you will NOT call Professor Snape, 'Old Man Snape'. Is that clear?" Professor McGonagall scolded. Sree nodded with a beet-red face.

"That's 5 points from Gryffindor, and detention for such disrespectful actions."

Sree sighed, and left for class. Great, not even a week into the new school year, and I've already got detention, she thought.

Later that evening, she made her way down into the deepest depths of the castle, into the cold, dank classroom where detention was held with Professor Snape or Professor Umbridge. When she got there, she noticed that she wasn’t alone. A young Gryffindor sat towards the back and was already copying lines. Sree came back and sat next to her fellow housemate, waiting for Snape to give her instruction. She didn’t have to wait long as he stepped out of a back room and strode towards her desk. He dropped some parchment down in front of her.

“One hundred lines. Now!” And with that he went to his own desk at the front of the class.

Sree bent over to look at Potter’s Rose's lines before starting her own.

I must not pass around any pictures of Prof. Snape wearing a vulture hat.

Sree giggled and got started on her own work. Not long after, another student came into the room and sat down in front of Sree and Potter’s Rose. It was PhoenixStar, a young lady whom Professor Snape gave a dirty look as well. She took her parchment and began writing. When Snape was busy grading scrolls, Sree and Potter’s Rose stood up and glanced at PhoenixStar’s lines.

I will refrain from measuring professors' bottoms in cauldron sizes.

Day-glo orange is not good for Professor Snape's complexion.

On that note, I must not even think of Professor Snape's complexion. Ever.

I will not scheme to feed Trelawney to the Giant Squid.

Draco Malfoy is not a mermaid-loving knicker-snogger.

They looked at each other and smiled. Just as they got started, Argus Filch came in pulling along a student by the arm.

“What seems to be the problem, Argus?” Snape asked, nonchalantly.

“This … this creature set off dungbombs and explosions all throughout the trophy room that … that…”

“It’s alright Argus, Falconwing will finish their detention here.”

Mr. Filch unceremoniously dropped Falconwing into a chair and left, with a slightly green Mrs. Norris on his heels. Professor Snape handed the student a piece of parchment, and left them to continue their lines.

When they thought there wouldn’t be anymore disturbances, one more student came into the classroom. Snape gave the young girl a dirty look, and dropped the parchment on her desk, instead of handing it to her, and promptly told her to write. She sat at a desk in the very front of the classroom, and kept winking at Professor Snape, and blowing kisses at him.

“Who’s that?” Sree asked Potter’s Rose.

“Venefica Docta. She keeps calling Professor Dumbledore Gandalf, and refers to her wand as her precious,” Potter’s Rose answered.

“Isn’t she the one who streaked at the Quidditch House Cup last year?” Falconwing asked.

“Yeah, I remember her now. She keeps scaring Harry, by trying to talk Parseltounge to him. So what’s she in for?”

“I heard she tried to snog Snape…” PhoenixStar said.

“EWWW!” the other girls said in unison.

“What’s with the fake fur?” Potter’s Rose asked when she noticed the young Slytherin had fake fur glued to her hands and face.

“Oh, she’s trying to convince the firsties that she’s Professor Lupin’s daughter."

When they were done for the night, Sree glanced at Falconwing’s lines, before handing hers in.

1. I must not leave a bottle of Shampoo on Professor Snape's desk with a note bearing the words 'I think you lost this'

2. I must not drop dungbombs, stink pellets, set off fireworks, or swallow skiving snackbox treats, to get out of a detention with Filch.

3 I must not dye Mrs. Norris’s fur green to get said detention with Filch.

“That was YOU?” roared Snape as Falconwing ran down the hall. Sree, Potter’s Rose, and PhoenixStar laughed all the way back to their common room.

~*~

The next day during lunch, the latest gossip was spreading along the tables.

“Did you hear about Diamond? I heard she got a detention for eating Professor Dumbledore’s lemon drop.”

“Oh she did not! She got it for jinxing Madam Hooch’s broom to moan when she rides it.”

"Yeah, well at least she didn't get caught trying to snog both Weasley twins at the same time. Did she, Prideth?"

"Oh shut up!"

~*~

M. Ollivander came into the detention room that night, and found a group of students already there, laughing and grouped together in the back.

“Hey Ollivander, what you in for?” Jasmine (Torn_Between_Two) asked.

“Attempting to convince Madame Prince that my stuffed kitten is McGonagall and that she gave me permission to be in the restricted section,” Ollivander said shyly.

“Ha! That’s it? I’m in for trying to convince the firsties that Dumbledore is Father Christmas! Ooh, the look on his face when they kept giving him their Christmas list. Priceless!” Jasmine said with a far-off look, and a smile.

“Pfft! Please, I got caught raising cobras under my bed,” Prideth said proudly.

When their two hours of writing were done, Jasmine got up to hand in her lines, and noticed a piece of paper lying on the floor. She picked it up and read:

1. Ronald Weasley is not my snuggle muffin.

2. Furthermore, Ron Weasley is not my shag-gle muffin, either.

3. I shall never go into the Room of Requirement with a Weasley man.

Signed, Snowflake

She laughed her way all the way back to her common room.

~*~

Cat Feral was working on her Potions test. The room was quiet, except for the sound of metal clanging against cauldrons, and glass clinking together. She had just added her Belladonna when she absent-mindedly licked the spoon. No sooner had she done it, did she regret it. Within seconds she groaned, and Professor Snape swooped down on her like a vulture to dead meat.

“How many times have I told you NOT to lick the spoon?” He demanded. She couldn’t answer as she felt queasy. She gave him a pleading look with her eyes, but it did no good, for he made her stay to finish her test, and gave her a detention to boot.

As Cat Feral made her way to the Hospital Wing after class, she passed Professor McGonagall giving a detention to Bellatrix Malfoy.

“For your information, I am quite happy single, and I do NOT need Crookshanks to ‘fill the gaping void in my life’. Nor do I need a flea collar, so STOP insisting that I do.”

~*~

That evening in detention, Tabbykit, Diamonique, and SoS sat on their desks gossiping about the latest relationship, homework, and what they did to get in detention.

“Oh my goddess, he is soooo gay! I mean really…”

“Ooooh, did you guys get your History of Magic home work done? I completely forgot to work on mine.”

“You mean, you fell asleep in class again, and don’t even know what it is.”

“Well, that too. So did you really tell Umbridge that McGonagall could outwit and out-hex her any day?” SoS asked of Tabbykit.

“Yes, and I also told her that McGonagall is planning to transfigure her into a toad, which she'll then chase around the castle in her animagus form.”

“Hehehe… Well, when are you going to stop stalking Neville Longbottom, SoS? That poor boy has been through enough as it is.”

“I can’t help it, he’s adorable.”

“Yeah, well, you’re freaking him out. Knock it off.”

“ME! Well, at least I’m not knocking Draco Malfoy down stairs into Harry Potter!”

“Or Harry Potter into Draco Malfoy. I mean really, Diamonique, they’re not dating, stop trying to push them on each other. Plus, you could have hurt one of them.”

“All right, all right… I’ll just write love letters and sign their names to it…”

As they laughed, a young Gryffindor joined their group.

“Hi!”

“Hi, Sicrius, what're you in for?”

“Here, I’ll show you,” she said, and pulled out an already filled-out scroll.

It is neither funny nor appropriate to put an 'I bite' sign on the back of Prof. Lupin's robes. Especially before he teaches a first year class or second year class.

It is not considered cute to dress up like Red Riding Hood and ask Prof. Lupin if he could just eat you all up.

It’s not nice to buy Draco a ferret collar for Christmas or any other occasion you try to think of out of nowhere.

Boggards stay in the DADA classroom, not the Slytherin common room.

I shall not scream in a crowded hallway 'Beware the Heir!'

“Sicrius, you’re terrible. Next time you should invite us to join you,” TabbyKit said with a smile. They were laughing when Professor Snape came in and gave them the trademark look. They quickly and quietly got into their seats and began writing lines. A half-hour later, Blood Falcon swaggered in and waved to Snape.

“Sorry I’m late, I had a meeting with Professor McGonagall.”

“I know where you were, Mr. Falcon, now SIT and WRITE.”

He took a seat in the back and got out some parchment, a Quotes-Quill, and began speaking to it.

1) I will not hang garlic and spread Minute Rice in front of Professor Snape's office, seeing that he is not, in fact, a vampire.

2) I will not attempt to give Professor Snape a 'Wingardium Wedgie' when his back is turned. Magically pulling someone's underwear up over their head is wrong, no matter how funny it is.

3) Switching out Professor Snape's Veritaserum for Nitro-Glycerin is wrong.

4) I will not solemnly swear that I'm up to no good. (...within earshot of Professor Snape.)

5) Under no circumstances will I ever again awcknowledge that I have heard the term 'Snivellus'.

6) I will not entice first year Slytherins to try to poke the knot in the centre of the Whomping Willow. It seldom ends well, and besides, if the gossip is true, then it's already been done... “Oh, hello Professor Sna...URK!”

Professor Snape pushed Blood Falcon aside and grabbed the Quotes-Quill and broke it in half.

“BY HAND!!!” yelled Professor Snape.

The rest of the evening was quiet. When the students left the dungeon and headed back to their common rooms, Severus packed up his scrolls and headed for the teachers' lounge. A good hot cup of coffee, and a warm fire, was what he needed.

When he got there, Minerva was already sipping a cup of tea, and reading a book in one of the two chairs that faced the fire. Severus set his scrolls down on a near-by table, and got some coffee from the readily available pot that sat on one side of the room.

“How was detention tonight?” Minerva asked without looking up from her book.

“Annoying, as usual. Why do we have to house such irritating students?”

“Oh, they're just children, Severus, they’re just having a little fun.”

“Fun, you call this fun?” he said, handing her a scroll from Moern LeStrange.

1. I will refrain from attempting to create curses that might be considered Unforgivable.

2. First-year Hufflepuffs/Gryffindors are not appropriate test-subjects/victims for such curses.

3. ....nor are prefects of such houses.

4. ....nor are house-elves, small rodents, those of less than pure wizarding blood, the magically-ungifted, professors who I deem less than qualified for their positions, or most other subjects.

5. I will proceed to all classes, meetings, and ceremonies in due haste without pausing to gossip with the giant squid.

6. ....nor will I deliberately be late to such occasions in the hopes of being caught by Professor Snape.

7. ....who is not to be called by any other name or familiar term.

8. ....nor to be hugged, glomped, tackled, or otherwise molested.

“Oh my! Another student with a crush on you… they’ll grow out of it.”

“I just don’t understand why they can’t find young men their own age.”

“Oh, I quite agree, I don’t understand what they see in you either,” Minerva said with a smirk. Severus, realizing he had been set up and knocked down, just glared at her, and carefully blew across his hot cup of coffee.

“Why don’t we see what else our students have been up to?”

1. I must never comment on Professor Snape's resemblance to a vampire.

2. I must not taunt the Whomping Willow.

3. I must not call Malfoy 'The Amazing Bouncing Ferret'.

4. I must not respond to Malfoy's insults, no matter how vulgar they may be.

5. Snape is not a greaseball. He is a grease-person.

6. Malfoy isn't evil. He's alternative.

7. Potions class is fun and educational!

Signed, Lady Pixie.

“Well it seems you’re a vampire once again this year. How nice.”

Grunt.

“Here’s one from Sandy Phoenix, she’s usually a good girl…”

“Ha! Read it.”

I will not use Prof. Trelawney's crystal balls for croquet, bocce or ten pins.

I must not give Prof. Snape a package of white briefs and a bottle of bleach with a note reading, 'To keep them at their best...'

I must not fill Filch's file cabinets with kitty litter and a note reading: 'There you go, Mrs. N.... feel free!'

I must not rig rope traps and bait them with truffle, and if I do, I must not leave Crabbe and Goyle hanging by their ankles.

“Bleach?”

Groan.

1. 'It's Not Easy Being Green' is not the official Slytherin song.

2. It is not my place to talk to the Weasleys about birth control.

3. Harry has no idea why his parents married so young and if he did he wouldn't tell me.

4. Professor Lupin might know, but he considers it nobody's business, least of all mine.

5. Professor McGonagall is not my 'Snuggle-kitty'.

Signed, Cat Feral

“Snuggle-Kitty?”

"Shush!" Snape said as he gave the room his death glare.

1) It is improper to curse anyone who accuses me of being proof of Remus Lupin being gay, simply because I need extra help in Defense Against the Dark Arts. (THAT'S ALL that happens. No illicit-pillow-games.)

2) It is improper to get Peeves to leave a Snape-plushie in the good Professor's bed, especially if it is full of pins and cuts.

3) Although through the help of my DADA extra studies, I am impervious to most minor curses, hexes and jinxes, those around me are still vulnerable. Therefore, it is improper to debate the sexuality of any male in the wizarding world, especially with any female.

4) It is improper to hex Trelawney’s crystal ball to show her own brutal (albeit fake) death at the hands of Draco Malfoy. The poor guy has enough problems with those leather pants he keeps wearing, for some reason.

5) It is improper to turn Draco Malfoy into a woman, simply for laughs. The same applies to Harry Potter, Remus Lupin, and especially Severus Snape. They seldom find it funny, and if the stories are true, those who do it are seldom found at all.

Signed, Blood Falcon

“Well that explains a lot.”

“What was that, Minerva?”

“Oh, nothing.”

1. Painting 'Slytherins Stink! (and Snape wears women's clothing!)' is not a mural, and it isn't beautifying the school.

2. In fact, all of my 'murals' are a menace, and I should stop painting them.

3. I shouldn't take bets during Divination, no matter how many times Professor Trelawney mentions the tragic death of a student. And the odds are a lot better than 10-1.

4. I will not ride my broom in the hallways, no matter how many minutes it cuts off my time.

5. I am not the Goddess of Gryffindor, and should not make the first years peel grapes for me.

6. Singing Beatles songs loudly during meals is not 'delightful background music' when it has deafened 7 first-years.

Signed, Kittykat

Growl.

“Oh, Argus removed the paint, Severus. You really need to let go.”

1) I will not re-arrange the letters in my name, and insist that my closest friends call me by that name only in private; it irks most of the professors, terrifies a good deal of Harry's friends, makes Malfoy suck-up (for some reason beyond my comprehension...), and besides, "Master Panlahechello" just doesn't strike enough fear to make it worth it.

Signed Blood Falcon

“Another one from Mr. Falcon? How often does he get detention?”

“Too often, and yet not often enough.”

1. I must not bewitch my socks to chase after innocent kitchen house-elves.

2. I must not continuously sing the 'meow mix' cat food jingle when Professor McGonagall is present.

3. Moaning Myrtle does not appreciate it when you refer to her as 'Captain Moaneyed Myrtle of the Fresh Water Toilet' nor does she enjoy it when I make smarmy comments such as 'Arr Moaneye! Going to search for the sunken treasure of the deep seas?' and so on.

Signed, Fossy Boots

Snort. “Meow Mix? I haven’t heard that in a while.”

“Hush, Severus, or I’ll start quoting Herbal Essence.”

“…”

~*~

“Help me! Somebody please!”

“Miss Pixie, what is the meaning of this?” McGonagall asked of Lady Pixie, who was leaning against a girl’s bathroom door.

“Ummm, nothing,” she said, trying to look innocent.

“Please, HELP ME!”

“Get away from the door, Miss Pixie, and let that first year out.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Lady Pixie said moving away from the door. As soon as she did, a frightened Hufflepuff dashed out with Moaning Myrtle right behind her.

“Explain yourself!” Minvera demanded.

“I … um…”

“She called it an initiation,” the Hufflepuff said still crying.

“I see. Miss Pixie, detention. You know when and where.”

“Yes Professor.”

~*~

“Detention, Hermione Alexandria,” Professor McGonagall said to the young Gryffindor.

“What did she do?” Little Lost One asked Sicirus.

“I heard she got caught in the boy’s dorm again, riding Henry,” Sicirus replied, peeking around the corner.

“HENRY”

“Shh!”

“You mean she and Harry Potter were…?”

“No you silly git, Henry is the name of her broom. She was flying it around the boy’s dorm.”

“Oh, ha! That’s funny!”

“Let’s go to the library before she finds a reason to give us a detention,” Sicirus said, moving away from the fuming Professor.

When they got to the library, they found a small group of students sitting in a corner, laughing.

“What’s going on? Little Lost One asked.

“Shh! We’re looking at some drawings that Kittykat drew. Sit down,” Justin Finch-Fletchley said. The two girls sat down at the long table, and pulled a few pieces of parchment towards them to see what artistic creations Kittykat had come up with.

“Here’s one of McGonagall and Dumbledore.”

“Ewwww!” both girls said as one.

“What’s that one?” Sicirus asked.

“Snape and his cabinet of special potions.” Little Lost One and Sicirus giggled as they looked over Kitty’s pictures, but it was the one of Flitwick that made them burst out laughing.

“SHHH! Madam Prince will hear you!” Kittykat said with a finger over her lips, but it was too late, for the librarian was already there and grabbing up the offending artwork.

“Who drew these?!” She demanded while looking down at all the students. No one moved--she may have been a tiny woman, but she was a force to be reckoned with. Kitty slowly raised her hand when Madam Prince threatened to take house points from all the students present if someone didn’t come forward. The librarian looked down her nose at the young lady, and gave her a stern look.

“If your teachers knew about these, you would find your self packing your bags young lady. Be thankful they don't. That’ll be five points off Gryffindor, and detention. And next time you had better think twice about what you draw, and who sees it.” With that she turned with all the drawings in her hand and walked off.

“Well, it could have been worse, mate,” Sree offered.

“Yeah, how?”

“We all could have gotten detention.”

Groan.

~*~

“Thank you for coming, Alastor, we could really use your help,” Albus Dumbledore said to his friend.

“Well, it was last minute but… what’s that?”

Just then Little Lost One came skipping down the hall, bopping first years on the head, while humming a little song.

“Lost One, what are you doing?” Moody asked.

“I’m bopping the first years,” she said with a smile.

“Well, stop it.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll turn you into a rodent.”

She looked at him, then slowly walked away, and just when he thought he had won, he heard a little tune drift down the hall, and the yelp of a first year.

"A crazy Ravenclaw was skipping through the hallways scooping up the first years and bopping them on the head. Then the crazy ex-Auror said 'Crazy Ravenclaw, I don't want to see you, scooping up the first years and bopping them on the head. I'll give you three more chances or I'll turn you into a ferret'...."

~*~

Severus Snape was sitting in the detention room waiting for the most recent band of law-breakers, wearing a black dress, and scratched at the brazier he was wearing. That morning the Weasley Twins, with the help of 9L1054, had put polyjuice potion in the dinner drinks and had turned everyone into everyone else. So now he sat there, in his dungeon looking like Professor Sprout. Only Pomona Sprout doesn’t sneer or grumble under her breath. The students came in quietly. After the fiasco at dinner, not a single student dared to speak in Professor Snape’s presence. They all sat down, got out their parchments and quills and began writing. Snape got up and walked around the class room and peered over student’s shoulders to make sure they were doing what they should be. When he got to 9L1054, he gave a growl, which didn’t sound as menacing in Sprout’s voice.

1. I will not wake up the dormitories with my version of 'Good morning, Good morning'.

2. I will not set loose a cage of pixies in History of Magic.

3. I will not, under any circumstances, tell any student, teacher, animal, half-human, nor anything else, what I saw in the Astronomy Tower last night between McGonagall and Snape.

4. I will not melt my cauldron on purpose.

5. I will not put a potion in the morning pumpkin juice that would cause everybody to switch bodies.

6. I will never again eat anything that Fred or George gives me.

7. I will not throw mashed potatoes at the Slytherins.

8. I promise I will not jinx the shower heads to sing songs as people take showers.

Signed, 9L1054

Next to her was Diamond, who seemed to be able to keep her self out of trouble, or away from the male population.

1. I will NOT skip down the hall singing 'We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful wizard of Oz' whenever I need to go to Prof. Dumbledore's office.

2. I will NOT call Professor McGonagall 'The Cat's Meow' in her presence.

3. I will NOT try to conduct 'Talent Night' with only Ron, George, Fred, Harry, Draco, Ginny, Hermione, Professors Snape, Lupin, or Mr. Sirius Black! As they feel the degree of their 'talent' is NONE of my business!

4. The Giant Squid is NOT a floatation device.

5. I will NOT try to start a nudist colony within the grounds of Hogwarts.

6. I will NOT have fellow students participate in a performance of 'Chicago' during History of Magic, as it does not pertain to OUR history.

7. Karaoke Night is for PG performances… NOT for strip teases!

8. I will STOP asking the house-elves if they know any Oumpa-lumpas.

9. I will NOT pay Dennis or Collin Creevy to take pictures of any member of the Weasley family, Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, or any Professor whilst showering.

&

10. PlayWitch or PlayWizard are NOT school material.

Signed, Diamond

Sitting next to Diamond was Diamonque, and she was scribbling her own lines. Another poor girl who got on the wrong side of Snape.

1) Bribing first years to hug Professor Snape is not funny.

2) Jumping out from behind statues and throwing buckets of soapy water at Prof. Snape, then running off, is not permitted.

3) Sitting in class and suddenly giggling madly is disruptive and making the professors nervous.

4) Leaving a large jar of flies outside Professor Umbridge's office is not thoughtful, so I should stop telling the first years so.

5) Transfiguring Harry Potter's and Draco Malfoy's clothes to become see-through is not appropriate.

6) Especially when they are wearing said clothes.

Signed, Diamonque

Sitting in front of Diamonque and Diamond was Icy Gurl12. She had been causing a lot of ruckus with the Hufflepuffs.

1. Hufflepuffs are NOT Hugglepuffs, and it is NOT Huggle a Hugglepuff day. And cute boys do NOT need to wear 'Snog the Snogglepuff' badges.

2. Mini-skirts, thongs, and low-cut tops are NOT classroom supplies for Professor Lupin's class.

3. After learning love potions, it is not funny to use said potion on Professor Snape, as even a love potion couldn't make him love me.

After detention was done with for the night, some Ravenclaws were walking along to their common room when Diamond and Little Lost One got into a fight.

“All I’m say is Professor Lupin isn’t interested. I think he’s dating that Sirius guy,” Diamond was saying.

“He is NOT GAY! He’s my boyfriend!” Little Lost One tried to counter. This made Diamond laugh, which earned her a dirty look from the other girl. She knew better, Little Lost One wasn’t even a seventh year yet--it was simply a crush on a teacher. Cute, but since Little Lost One kept trying to hex people who got too close to the teacher, it was beginning to get annoying.

“Look, all I’m saying is perhaps you should find someone more your own age…” at this Little Lost One threw a hex at Diamond and hit her square in the face. Within seconds her face began to break out in boils, and soon she wasn’t able to breath. Quickly enough she was brought to the hospital wing for treatment. When she got there, Kittykat was lying in a bed with bandages around her head, and she was drinking a potion that made steam come out of her ears.

“Oh, for goodness sake, sit her down right there,” Madam Pomprey said as Diamond was directed towards a bed. The boils had now spread to her arms and hands. Madam Pomprey hurried to her store room and was back within seconds with two different potions. One was a liquid blue, and the other was a grey paste. She got the paste out and quickly began administering it to Diamond’s face and throat, and as soon as it touched the boils, they began to recede and disappear. As soon as Diamond was breathing again, the vile of blue liquid was forced down her throat. Its vibrant appearance was a deception, as it tasted terrible and she almost spit it back up. Soon she was lying down on the bed resting as the rest of the boils slowly disappeared. After the chaos had settled down, Diamond looked over at Kittykat and asked what happened to her. With a big grin she explained.

“Got the house-elves to over-wax the floor so I could slide on it in my socks. I ended up denting at least five suits of armor. I even got some of the house-elves to slide with me. It was great!”

“Hehe, so many detentions did it get you?”

“Three I think, I’ll know for sure later. What happened to you?”

“Got into a fight with Little Lost One. She’s obsessing over Professor Lupin.”

“Well, who doesn’t? He’s dreamy!”

Diamond rolled her eyes at the Gryffindor and laid back in the comfy bed and tried to relax for the night.

“So, what are you going to do tomorrow?” Kitty asked after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know. You?”

“I’m going go roller-skating through halls,” she said with a smile. Diamond laughed at this and then went to sleep for the night.

~*~

“PEEVES!” McGonagall yelled as the poltergeist flew off with a pair of light blue panties. McGonagall was on her back, having been pushed over, and her face was beet-red. She was shaking her fist at the specter as he cackled and flew off. He zoomed around the school until he found Disturbedapple by the lake trying to feed first years to the giant squid.

“Here ya go… Enjoy!” he laughed as he dropped the blue panties on to the student, who grinned at their ability to talk Peeves into stealing the Professor’s underwear in the first place, and while she was wearing them.

They left the first years alone, and walked back to the school. On their way they passed GoldenSlytherin as she was whispering to Collin Creevy.

“Okay, here’s the address of where we need to send these pictures of Harry and Oliver in the boys’ locker room. And it seems someone’s got a real obsession with Malfoy, seems they want at least a dozen pictures. I’ll have to pick those out myself.”

“Black market is busy these days.”

“It sure is, Collin, it sure is!”

~*~

”Severus! What happened to you?” Filius said with a gasp when Potions Master Severus Snape barged into the teachers' lounge in an angry rage.

“Where’s Minerva?” he demanded of the Charms teacher.

“I… I don’t know, Severus, I haven’t seen her lately. Why are your robes all different colors?”

Growl.

Snape slammed the door after leaving, looking for his counterpart.

“I heard Mini_Macphisto is the one who tie-dyed his robes,” said Rolanda Hooch, as she sipped her coffee, never taking her eyes off the Quidditch magazine in her lap.

“Well at least she didn’t almost burn the school down like Miss Kittykat,” said Professor Sinistra. “Darn girl was holding some kind of candle vigil for something called the 'Cubs'. I told her that animals don’t need vigils, but she gave me a look like I was some kind of first year. I tell you these students just don’t have any respect.”

Just then, Professor Pomona Sprout came in, with a small bag of mushrooms.

“Does anyone know who Frodo Baggins is?” she asked the small ensemble of teachers. Many shook their heads or gave her confused looks. “Miss Zully keeps calling him List, in fact a lot of girls are calling him Frodo, and some even call Ron Samwise. I just don’t understand these students nowadays.” She sat down next to Filius and started nibbling on a mushroom, after offering one to Filius, who accepted with a gleeful smile.

“At least she’s not singing ‘Hungry Like a Wolf’ every time she comes near you,” said a new voice to the conversation. Everyone turned to see Professor Remus Lupin come in a side door and get himself a cup of coffee.

“How are the classes going, Remus?” Rolanda asked from her seat in front of the roaring fire.

“All right if you take away the amount of girls that keep flirting with me, how they all seem to want to get detention and then throw a fit when they find out it won’t be with me, and then there’s their boyfriends who threaten me afterwards. Oh, and did I mention that Severus isn’t making my life easier either? Which reminds me, why are his robes tie-dyed day-glo colors?”

This brought a round of laughter from the teachers and Rolanda let him in on the fun.

"So, who was singing to you Remus? I’ll have to ask them to stop by, I rather like that song,” Pomona asked sweetly. Remus gave her an annoyed look before answering.

“Sevens Alloy started it, now I hear it almost everywhere I go.”

Just then they heard a yell, a thud, and a horrible groan. The teachers ran to the door to see what had happened, and no more then a few feet away was Morwen lying on top of Professor Snape, patting him down.

"GET OFF ME!” he yelled at her, and she quickly scrambled to her feet.

“I … I thought you were on fire, Professor,” she stammered.

Remus came out to give his colleague a hand, but Snape batted it away and stood up on him own. His robes were still tie-dyed day-glo red and orange. The other teachers standing by the door were snickering and trying not to laugh.

“I assure you that I am NOT on fire, Miss Bohem. So you may go back to your dorm." She nodded her head and ran off towards Slytherin house, but not before Remus saw a smirk on her face. He shook his head as they resumed their places in the lounge.

“Has anyone seen Minvera?” Snape asked for the second time.

“Sorry Severs, haven’t seen her. Why?”

“I want her to see what one of hers did to me,” he said gesturing to his bright robes.

“Oh, that girl!” McGonagall exclaimed as she came in. “I’ve never been so insulted in all my life, giving me Mrs. Norris cat food. As if … What?”

McGonagall stopped her ranting when she noticed everyone was staring at her. Then she noticed Snape.

“Severus, what happened to you? Neville blow up a potion again when you were too close?”

“No, Minerva, this is what one of your students felt was a practical joke.”

“Oh, come now, Severus, it’s just a robe, it’s not as though they charmed your hair pink, like last year.”

“Don’t remind me. But the point is you need to keep better control of your students”

“My students!?”

The other teachers watched on as Severus and Minerva got into a row. One by one they quickly and quietly left. Best to be outside the storm, then in its vicinity.

As they left, Dolores Umbridge came around a corner quickly, spotted Remus and strode towards him with an angry look on her face. He saw her, but pretended that he didn’t and tried to escape, but unfortunately she caught up with him quickly.

“Mr. Lupin!”

Remus sighed. “Yes, Ms. Umbridge, how may I help you?” he said with a fake smile.

“Don’t give me that cheek, I’m not afraid of you…”

“I wasn--”

“Now what’s this business between you and two of the students?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do not patronize me Lupin, you know exactly what I’m talking about, two girls, a Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw!”

“They are not girls, they’re over 17 and are women. Please try to remember they are of age.”

“Oh so you do know whom I speak of,” she said with an evil grin. Remus groaned at realizing he fell for her trap.

“Look, the ladies and I are just friends, I’m a teacher, and they’re students.”

“Yes they are Lupin, and it better stay that way. They would do best to stay away from the likes of you unless absolutely necessary. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some students to sit with for detention, which just so you know, both of the ‘ladies’ are attending.” With that she turned on her heel and, with her nose in the air, walked down to the cold dungeon detention room.

When she got there, she found said ladies, and a few others sitting at their respected desk writing lines. Diamond and Sree were sitting together, and didn’t look up when the professor entered.

“It’s encouraging to see the room is still intact,” she said as she sat down at the large oak table in front.

Sree looked over and glanced at Diamond’s lines, wanting to see what she had done to irk the teachers this time.

1. I will NOT introduce any more muggle candy to Professor Dumbledore, as he has enough already (by order of Professor McGonagall).

2. I will NOT try to train Fluffy to attack Professor Umbridge.

3. I will NOT stick my tongue out at Professor Umbridge.

4. I will NOT flip Professor Umbridge the bird.

5. I will NOT be absent for my next month of detentions, nor will I curse Professor Umbridge.

6. I will NOT join Sree in 'Malfoy Hunting'.

7. I will NOT join Sree in singing during Professor Umbridge's class.

Sree laughed, and showed Diamond her lines.

1.) It is distracting to start up random musical episodes with Diamond in Professor Umbridge's classes and I shall not ask Diamond if she's interested in a repeat performance tomorrow.

2.) It would be wise to stop trying to get the Ministry to make 'Malfoy Hunting' legal as it isn't a real sport and I am STILL not allowed to teach the first years how to play.

3.) I cannot roam the school during classes at my leisure looking for Diamond to see if she wants to 'frisk some Weasleys' with me.

4.) It is not amusing to tell Lockhart he has grey hairs. Even if it really is true.

5.) Seamus Finnigan does not appreciate being chased around the castle while I shriek for him to 'give me back me lucky charms'.

Diamond giggled at the last one.

“That was hilarious. So what should we sing in Umbridge’s class tomorrow?”

“How about ‘Hey Big Spender?”

“Oh, or how about ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’?”

“Hey, I heard from Lee Jordon that the Weasley twins are putting dungbombs in Filch’s office, you want to go frisk em?”

“Yeah, but how do we get out of here?”

“Quietly! HEY UMBRIDGE LOOK OVER THERE!” Sree yelled out. Diamond shook her head and giggled. Professor Umbridge, having dealt with more then one detentionee, knew better and just gave Sree another detention.

“Stupid cow!” Sree whispered as she got back to her lines.

To be continued…