Are You Off Your Rocker?

September - part 2

Monday, September 9, 1996

Snape's mood had not improved by the next Gryffindor potions class. The fact that the Minister himself had suggested that they assign a detail of Aurors to protect him from the harrassers had not gone over well. He did NOT need to be protected from his own students. He was the teacher! The scary potions master that gave people nightmares! First years cowered under his menacing stare! What could a few harmless children do to him, the Great Severus Snape?

Speaking of famous last words....

Harry watched carefully as Snape stalked into the classroom, then stole a peak over at Lavender. She winked at him. The stage was hers now.

Lavender reached under her desk for the plate.

"Now - " Snape started then sighed. "Miss Brown, what is that you are....'chomping' on?"

"Chocolate cake." She smiled sweetly. "Wanna lick?"

"No, thank you. As I was saying, I hope we will not have anymore incidents like last week - "

"Finnigan, what do you think you are doing?"

"Miss Brown?"

"I thought the class could use some livening up. I know how much you love Lockh - " Seamus called from his side of the class.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for the disruption. Give me that." Lavender mimed pulling a book away from an invisible person in front of her. "And what are you looking at? Why aren't you working?"

"Peek-a-boo!" Dean shouted.

"What the - ten more points from - !"

"Wow," Harry mumbled. "The Lord and Master of All Things Slimy has his panties in a twist today."

"Get out!" Lavender screamed. "All three of you! Just go!"

Snape made a noise of frustration in the back of his throat. "We don't need reminding of what happened last week. It's in the past. Forget about it." He turned to the board. "This week we will be studying Restorative Potions. The recipe for a simple Strengthening Draught is on the board. Get to work. And don't forget to add the beetle antennas."

"He's right you know!" exclaimed Lavender. She had 'The Complete List of Medical Potions and their Components' open in front of her. "It says here that if you don't add - "

Snape loudly cut her off. "You know what?" He scribbled something down furiously. "Take this note to Madame Pomfrey. I'm sure she can help you."

"Alright!" She bounded over, taking the note (and brushing Snape's hand a bit more than necessary) and headed towards the door. But before she left, she had one last question.

"Professor? What's your middle name, darling?"

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Eat chocolate cake in class. Offer to let him lick the plate clean - Check.

Quote things he said last lesson. Word for word - Check.

Bring large piles of books to class, and verify anything he states. Loudly. (IE: 'He's right you know! or 'He's done it again!') - Check.

Ask him what his middle name is - Check.

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"I think Sevvie is trying to fight us. I had to pull out the big wand on that last one," said Lavender. The group was sitting in a shadowy corner of the Gryffindor Common Room, discussing the progress of 'the Plan.'

"Yeah, but it worked," Dean pointed out. "Did you see the dent in the wall he made?"

"How was I to know his middle name is Sydney?"

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Wednsday, September 11, 1996

"What is this?" Snape asked as he reached the High Table. There was a box wrapped in bright orange paper where he usually sat. And there were suspicious looking air holes.

"Don't know," replied McGonagall. "It's been there all morning. Addressed to you, though."

Snape approached the package carefully and opened it.

"Awww, that's so sweet," McGonagall gushed in a very, well, un-McGonagall-like way. "And it even has a little collar." She glanced at the purple band with a name stitched on it around the animal's neck and looked back up at the head of Slytherin House. "Is there something you want to tell me, Severus?"

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Present him with a pet baby bunny. Name it Minerva - Check.

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