A House Party... Wizarding Style

T h e P l a n

"Well, we'll need beer."

"SIRIUS!"

"Remus, grow up."

"Lots of beer," added James, writing it down on the notepad. Sirius looked over his friend's shoulder, looking deeply amused.

"I love Lily?" he read aloud, looking at the corner. James blushed.

"Lily...Lily Joselsnats. She's my dad's favorite singer..." said James lamely.

"Evans," coughed Remus loudly.

James opened his mouth, but Sirius cut him off.

"If your question is going to be 'Am I really that big of an obvious prat', then the answer is a resounding yes."

"Shut it Sirius."

"See? You just backed my point."

"Will you both just shut it!" exclaimed Remus.

"Oh alright, back to the list," said James.

"Wait...no...actually, arguing was quite nice," said Remus.

Sirius shook his head. "Remus, have you ever had an alcoholic beverage in your life?"

"Not until tonight, no."

Sirius' eyes widened. "No way! Even Peter's had beer!"

"Yeah, well, Peter's probably going to end up in Azkaban for selling secrets to an enemy while asking for punch..." commented James.

Sirius laughed. "I'd like some punch," he intoned in a high, squeaky voice. "And while I'm at it, I think I'll gossip about the movement of troops and where we plan to hit you next!"

"Sirius, James..." said Remus severely.

James interrupted loudly. "BACK TO THE LIST!" he said. They looked down at what

they had written.

LIST:

ITEMS FOR HOUSE PARTY

1. Beer

2. Beer

3. Beer

4. Vodka

5. Firewhisky

6. Rum

7. Beer

8. Punch

9. Butterbeer

10. Beer.

"Prongs...was your mind elsewhere?" commented Remus, looking amused.

James looked down at his list.

"Oh. Yes, probably, it was..."

Remus shook his head, muttering something along the lines of 'lovestruck teens should not be allowed to write important lists...'.

"Where are we going to get all of this stuff?" James asked, looking down at the extensive list.

"Well technically," said Remus, examining the list. "We only need six items."

Everyone stared at him. "What?"

"Six items. You listed beer five times."

"Yes! Exactly! We need loads of beer!" exclaimed Sirius.

Everyone sat in silence for a moment. James then voiced what they all were thinking.

"Where are we going to find beer and vodka and Firewhisky and-"

"DUNG!" yelled Sirius

"You eat dung? Wow Padfoot, I knew your childhood was bad, but..."

"No, no, not that dung...Dung! Fletcher!"

There was a collective Ooooohhhhh...., and Sirius sighed. "I'll go contact him now," said Sirius, bounding out of the room. James shook his head.

"It just had to be Dung didn't it? Dung this...Dung that..." James then proceeded to go into a very long rant under his breath about Mundungus Fletcher, most of which was very rude and involved trees. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I doubt your mother would like to hear you saying that James..." commented Remus.

"Oh come on," said James irritably. "It's not like you don't ever swear!"

Remus looked indignant, but stayed silent. James sighed. "Sorry Moony...I didn't mean it. I guess...I dunno. Let's make a guest list."

Remus nodded, looking happier. He pulled out a quill and parchment from one of the drawers in the kitchen, and sat down on a stool, quill poised. James looked thoughtfully at the ceiling.

"Well, we'll need Molly and Arthur, of course," said James.

"And Amos...and Dung..." said Sirius, coming back in.

An hour later, they were done, with a guest list of around 50 people.

"Now," said Sirius, rolling up his sleeves. "Let's charm it."

James looked dubious. "Sirius, are you sure? You had quite a lot of

Firewhisky...or at least...the bottle's empty now, and I didn't have any..."

Sirius nodded. "Yep," he said. "I'm all good." He hiccupped, and his wand gave a burst of red sparks. "Oops," he said laughing. He swished his wand, then tapped the paper twice, muttering: "Praemittebis!"

The parchment rolled up of it's own accord, then vanished in a plume of green smoke.

"Um...Sirius? Are you sure that it was...supposed...to do that?" asked

Remus, blinking through the emerald smoke.

"Yes!" said Sirius in a confident voice that fooled no one. "Of course

I am! Green! Always green! Green is what it's supposed to be! Even if when Flitwick did it it was...we're doomed."

"Oh dear. You did something wrong. The world is ending," snorted Remus.

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

James looked at Sirius. "Yeah!" he said cheerfully. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Sirius looked at them. "Er...maybe that I just sent invitations to all the fifth, sixth, and seventh years in the school?"

There was a silence.

"That might take the cake," said Remus.

James nodded.

Sirius groaned. "I'm serious, I just did!"

"We know," said Remus.

"And we're not laughing, either," said James.

"So...er...how many people d'you suppose that is?" asked Sirius.

Remus did the math. "Er...120 at the very least."

"And...er...James?"

"Yes?"

"How many people can this house hold?"

"200?"

"Thank god."

"That is, of course, if we're all stacked on top of each other like sardines and twisted in strange acrobatic positions that the human body usually can't manage," added

James.

"Jesus," began Sirius.

"And if there's no furniture."

"Holy-"

Remus cut him off. "What about the supplies?" he asked loudly.

"Dung's getting loads of everything."

"'Loads'?"

"Er...yeah."

There was a very loud rumbling noise from the front yard.

"LOADS?"

"No, I don't think...I mean...oh shit."

Sirius had just looked out the window. There were two huge trucks coming up the driveway, both full to the brim with beer. Someone with bright ginger hair was waving from the first, and the other was being driven by...no one.

"We. Are. Screwed." said James.

"Yep," said Remus optimistically. "That we are."