A House Party... Wizarding Style

I N e v e r

     "I'm really bored."

     "Me too."

     "Mmmm..."

     Sirius, James, and Remus were all sprawled on different couches in the living room, eyes closed. Sirius then opened one eye, smirking.

     "I have an idea," said Sirius.

     James sat bolt upright, staring at him. "If it has anything to do with banana peels and fig juice..."

     "No, no, that's old now."

     Remus opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at the pair of them, looking amused. "Ohh..", he commented smiling. "Wasn't that the time when that Fawcett girl slapped Sirius silly?"

     Sirius scowled. "That was an accident..." he said stiffly. "I didn't mean to pour fig juice down her shirt..."

     "Sure," said James grinning. "Just like you didn't mean to drop the banana peels right in front of Fawcett in an attempt to make her fall into your arms..."

     Remus' smirk widened. "Yeah, you and Snape both looked pretty shocked when he walked onto them instead..."

     "ANYWAY..." said Sirius loudly. "How about some Ogden's Old Firewhiskey?"

     James stared at him. "No WAY!" he said, sounding impressed. "You nicked some Firewhiskey?"

     "Sirius..." said Remus, looking severe but grinning all the same.

     "Remus, my Prefected friend, you must learn to enjoy yourself at some point!" said Sirius, smiling broadly and getting off of is chair. "To quote a famous aunt: Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!'"

     Remus cracked up. "You watch MUGGLE musicals???"

     Sirius blushed. "Well...they're amusing!" he said defensively.

     "And besides," continued Sirius. "I haven't nicked Firewhiskey yet..."

     "Oh no, Sirius, you're not going to talk to..."

     "Oh yes I am Jamsie dear!"

     "WAIT! NO! MY PARENTS HAVE SOME IN THE CUPBOARD!"

     Sirius stuck his head around the door. "Really?" he asked suspiciously.

     "Really," said James, looking relieved.

     "Oh okay," said Sirius nodding. "But I'll speak with Dung later then."

     "Wait! No...don't!" said James weakly, but Sirius was already gone.

     James sighed. "Moony, sometimes I wonder what my parents were thinking in letting me have a juvenile delinquent stay in the house."

     "Or a werewolf," said Remus grinning.

     "True," said James fairly. "Hmm...having you two as friends makes me look almost normal!"

     "No it doesn't!" said Sirius jovially, strolling back into the room. "Or, do you need some reminding of how special you are?" Sirius then proceeded to sit on James' lap.

     "SIRIUS!" said James, shoving him off. "Cut it out!"

     Sirius smirked as he sat down next to James and pulled out a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey. James proceeded to scoot away slowly, so as not to attract any attention.

     Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back. He crossed his arms. "Are you saying I'm fat?" asked Sirius, looking terribly hurt.

     "What?" asked James, looking shocked. Remus was howling with laughter on the carpet, tears spilling out of his eyes.

     Sirius ruffled James' hair. "I'm just kidding," he said laughing. "You should have seen your face though!"

     Sirius then proceeded to take out his wand and conjure three shot glasses out of midair. "Here," he said, grinning. "Let's play ‘I Never' with Firewhiskey!"

     Remus looked confused. "What's "I Never'?" he asked.

     Sirius gave him an evil grin. "I Never' is when one of us says something that he's never done. If you have done that thing, you put up a finger, and take a shot of Firewhiskey. You lose when all ten fingers are up. Or you win. Depending on what the questions are."

     "Sirius always ‘wins'," said James grinning. "He's usually out after ten questions!"

     Remus gave a nervous laugh.

     "Okay, I'll take that as a ‘yes'. Let's play!" said Sirius.

     Sirius, Remus, and James all sat in a circle on the shag rug, the bottle of Firewhiskey lying in the center.

     "Wait a second...maybe we should move the Firewhiskey bottle," said James. "You know, just in case my mum and dad come back again..."

     Remus looked confused. "What–"

     "Never mind," said James quickly.

     "Remus, sometimes I wonder how you manage to stay innocent with friends like us," said Sirius, shaking his head.

     "It's the Prefect badge," said Remus nodding. James and Sirius laughed.

     "Okay," said Sirius. "I'll start."

     Sirius had been thinking for a good two minutes before James interrupted.

     "You know, Sirius, I think I'll start."

     "Oh, yeah, okay, good idea," said Sirius sheepishly.

     James thought for a moment. "I've never...you know...done it."

     Sirius stuck up five fingers. "SIRIUS!" exclaimed his two best friends.

     Sirius sighed, and then reduced it to two. "Oh alright..." he muttered.

     James glared at him, and Sirius finally simply stuck up one. "Sorry," he muttered.

     "Bad...images...invading...my...head..." mumbled Remus from inside a pillow.

     Sirius grinned, but his one finger remained up, and he took a shot of Firewhiskey.

     "Please tell me you were drunk," said Remus, emerging at last from the pink frilly cushion.

     "Well...I'm not sure...I'm pretty sure that I was...conscious at least..."

     James snickered. Remus buried his head in the pillow again.

     "I've got one!" exclaimed Sirius. "I've never deliberately hurt a teacher."

     Remus snorted. James put up a finger.

     "Well, okay, so I've never deliberately hurt a teacher that wasn't a complete bastard."

     James put down his finger.

     "You're turn Remus," said James smirking.

     "Yeah, what's yours? ‘I've never gotten into trouble in class?'" asked Sirius.

     "Actually, I have," said Remus cooly.

     "Ah."

     "I've never tried to sneak into the Girl's Dormitory at night," said Remus.

     James put up a finger. Sirius put up a finger. Sirius rubbed the back of his head in remembrance. "I've still got the scars..."

     "Yeah, well, that's because you tried six times, isn't it?" asked James.

     "They were having a pillow fight!" exclaimed Sirius. "What did you expect me to do? Sit there and listen to all that fiendish glee and giggling?"

     Remus shook his head hopelessly. "You two are beyond help, I tell you..."

     They both took a shot of Firewhiskey.

     Sirius smirked at James, and muttered something in his ear. James grinned.

     James then said, as nonchalantly as possible: "I've never been bitten by a werewolf."

     Remus gave a squeal of indignation. James pointed at his shot glass. "Drink up Moony, old friend."

     Remus scowled. Sirius was laughing hysterically, watching Remus frowning at the full glass in front of him. "Moony, Moony, Moony, Moony," chanted Sirius, quickly joined by James.

     Remus glared at them, and then, with a look of great apprehension, drank the Firewhiskey. He immediately coughed and choked, but swallowed all the same. "How do you stand that stuff?" he sputtered. James winked. "Years of practice, my old friend. Years of practice."

     Sirius then took the floor. "I've never tried to fly a broomstick to Mars." He gave James a pointed look.

     "Shoot," muttered James. He put a finger up and downed another shot.

     "You did what?" asked Remus, sounding amused. "When?"

     "Never mind," muttered James.

     "Well..." said Sirius, cracking his knuckles, with the air of someone settling down to tell a very long story. "It all began on a long winters' night, much like the one we will be having..."

     James gave a loud cough.

     "Oh, okay, so it was mid-afternoon on a nice spring day, but it sounded better to start a story the other way. I mean, when you think about the impact the opening sentence might have on the listeners' view of the entire-"

     "Sirius?" said Remus.

     "Yes?"

     "Shut up."

     "Right. Well, anyway, so it was the Quidditch Cup Final three years ago- it was a full moon Moony, you were occupied- and it was a fierce match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. The teams had been playing for eight hours already. James had already lost the Snitch at least seven times, and was just generally stinking royally-"

     James made an indignant noise. "Sirius!" he spluttered. Remus snickered. Sirius shrugged. "Oh come on, you hadn't had enough sleep the night before, we were trying to get up into the Girl's Dormitory, remember? You were fit to be tied!"

     Sirius cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, so James was really, really tired, and I could tell, being beating off bludgers from hitting him. He wasn't even swerving away from them! So, he finally spotted the snitch (this is at around eight o'clock, mind you), and started zooming towards it. It kept going higher and higher into the sky, and then darted away to the left. However James did not swerve to the left. He just kept climbing to higher altitudes. He told me later that he thought Mars was the snitch, twinkling just of reach. Eventually, he ran out of air, and fell of his broomstick. That," Sirius finished with flourish. "was the only Quidditch match we ever lost."

     "Now," said James, after glaring at Sirius. "Your turn Remus!"

     "Well..." said Remus, looking thoughtful. "I've never thrown a house party when my parents weren't home."

     James and Sirius looked at Remus for a moment, then at each other. No fingers went up, they just grinned at each other like maniacs.

     "Oh NO...no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!!" exclaimed Remus. "NO!"

     "EXCELLENT!" yelled Sirius and James, high-fiving (and missing).

     "Holy hell," said Remus, burying his face back into his frilly pink pillow.