Snape's Worst Day

Ch. 4: An Extreme Case

The early April rain clouds outside Hogwarts have finally thinned to allow a few rays of the glorious sunshine to sparkle on the fallen raindrops. Such beauty outside the walls was lost to the inhabitants inside the castle, if anyone were to pay any heed to the outside world were most likely to be either a bored student in class or a portrait that faced a window. The moving portraits of Hogwarts watched the world with little interest unless the affairs of the world happen to concern them.

When both the Headmaster of Hogwarts and the current DADA teacher strolled down the corridors at a brisk pace and talking in hushed voices, the magical paintings observed the two men with apparent little interest, but a few of the more gossipy portraits cupped a hand around their ears to listen to the hushed conversation.

"Of course Remus, I have done my own research on this matter." Albus Dumbledore seemed to glide over the stone floor, his feet barely poking at his rich purple robes. He gave a sideway glance to the eavesdropping portraits, whom then tried to look innocent. Dumbledore ignored the portraits and continued, "Why Severus's powers are blocked, I am not entirely sure. I am positive that it is due to outside magic, other than Sirius's prank."
"Hmm, that would make sense." Remus Lupin hitched up his old fashioned robes to keep up with Dumbledore's long stride. "Do you have any idea to what kind of magic might have interfered?"

"I do actually, and I fear the worst for Severus." Dumbledore paused when he realized that Remus had stopped a little ways behind him. He turned to see Lupin cocking his head animal-like in concentration as he listened to a distant sound. Lupin gave Dumbledore a grim look. "We may have to hurry Headmaster, I don't believe Sirius can last much longer being in the same room with Snape, no matter how much he deserves it."

* * *

Dumbledore opened the door to discover the once cozy office of Remus Lupin had turned into a battlefield. Smashed pottery, chairs and bottles littered the ground. In the middle of the floor were the two said people wrestling on the ground. It would have looked raunchy, if not for the fact that Snape was throttling Black. "Oh my, did I come at a bad time?" he inquired politely.

"Certainly not, Headmaster!" Sirius croaked from under his strangler. Severus stiffened at the mention of Dumbledore's name, and loosened her hold on Black's neck.

"You know Snape." Sirius sported a cheeky grin. "You really need to fix your bra."

Snape snarled and punched him in the face.

"THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!" Dumbledore roared. Both his former students cowed, then Severus stood up dejectedly, but not before dealing a final well-aimed kick at Sirius.

"Please sit down Albus." Lupin gestured towards a chair.

"Why thank you Remus." Dumbledore settled himself on the one remaining chair, the others having been destroyed during the squabble. Dumbledore cast a disapproving eye around the demolished office before settling that said gaze upon both Snape and Black. "I have determined the source of the problem, gentlemen." He pulled out from his pocket a crumpled orange envelope that had once contained a spell. "The spell transported into this envelope had been contaminated by a wisp of ancient magic. More specifically, a lokienian."

"A what?" All three chorused.

Dumbledore pursed his lips. "Have you all not paid any attention during Professor Binns's history lessons?"

All three faces flushed.

The Headmaster cleared his throat, "A lokienian is a very unpredictable form of magic, much like the person that was its source. The ancient wizard Loki to be exact."

Dumbledore received blank stares from his former students. A small smile quirked on the edge of his mouth. "Perhaps you three should refresh your memories with private lessons from Professor Binns himself." He smiled inwardly at the terrified looks on their faces, then continued:

"Loki was an ancient evil wizard from the dark times, and he is noted for having a severe personality disorder." Dumbledore explained. "He was considered a God among the ancient Muggles, and his reputation survives into modern Muggle mythology."

"Loki had two sides of him, one being mischievous and playful, the other evil and sadistic. Eventually those two personalities merged into one, though he remained an unpredictable and highly dangerous foe. His power was so great, that upon his defeat little magical rifts and eddies of his power had become embedded within time and space all over northern Europe. Every once in a while, it would emerge to contaminate various spells meant for mischief, as his magic is attracted to such vibes."

Dumbledore paused. "As coincidental the chances may be, a lokienian has manifested itself right outside Hogwarts during the one time of the year when the emotions of malice and mischief is at its peak; April Fool's Day. Shortly after the lokienian manifested, it latched itself to the nearest spell that attracted its most, which happened to be Sirius' letter."

"What exactly does a lokienian do to a spell?" Lupin asked, a little worried.

"I have done some research on past lokienian cases." Dumbledore produced a scroll and carefully unrolled it. He cleared his throat and read aloud:

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"Lokienian Cases in Northern Europe

Chapter 5, extreme cases in the British Isles in the last 200 years.

1857: Polly the Pyro was enchanted with a short term fire spell--but literally backfired and caused her to breath fire whenever she sneezed for the rest of her life, and coincidentally she was a hypochondriac and allergic to just about everything. Polly has been credited with discovering the delicious properties of toasted marshmallows. It is suspected that she was the cause of the 'Great Diagon Alley Fire of 1862,' along with numerous arson incidents.

1884: Herbert the Tree-Hugger was struck by a spell that was meant for him to appreciate nature more. Instead, he fell madly in love with the first tree he saw. This incident caused the formation of the 'P.A.V.D.P.A' ('Protection Against the Violation of Defenseless Plants Association').

1902: Gerald the Unlucky has been documented as one of the few persons in history ever able to capture an untainted lokienian. He attempted to use it in a plot that would turn Gringotts Bank inside-out. Instead, the lokienian turned Gerald inside-out. St. Mungo's hospital was able to put most of Gerald back inside his body."

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Dumbledore looked up from the scroll. "The list goes on and on. Those are just a few examples of extreme cases. Lokienians themselves vary of degree and potency, they are unpredictable and can even attach themselves to a simple gluing charm."

"Have any of those cases ever been cured?" Snape asked, looking a little pale.

"Only a few of the extreme cases ever had. I'm sorry to say Severus, but I believe that you are an extreme case."

"Wonderful." Snape muttered humorlessly.

"On the subject of your loss of magic.." Dumbledore continued, looking grim. "I believe that it has to do with the transformation. Not only did the spell transform you into a woman, but into a Muggle woman as well."

"WHAAAAT?!" Severus shrieked. "That's even worse!" She glared at Sirius, who was looking very sheepish. "This is all your fault Black!" Snape lurched at Black, who was taken off guard and they began to fight again.

"There is still hope!" Dumbledore roared, ceasing the fight. "I may have a solution to this problem, though it requires more research."

"Research it! Research it!" Snape pleaded.

"All in good time Severus." Dumbledore glanced at Black. "This may require your help as well, since you played a crucial part in all of this."

"Yes, Albus." Sirius did not sound very enthused. Remus smirked.

A faint chime sounded. Dumbledore pulled out a pocket watch and looked at it thoughtfully. "Hrm. It says here that you are late for an appointment Severus."

"An appointment?" Realization dawned on Snape. "The Parent-Teacher Conference! I forgot to cancel..." Severus looked pleadingly at Dumbledore, who merely shrugged. "Better hurry, Severus."

Snape scowled and stalked out the door.

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Author: Yes, yes, I know it is short and not very funny. But be forewarned! There will be insanity and mayhem (lots of mayhem!) in the next chapter! You have been warned. *Mwa ha ha ha!*