I'll Stand Alone

-I've lived my life alone
My every step foretold
To never linger
And yet it haunts me so-

Her room, set in a tiny tower sprouting off the Ravenclaw common room, was nicely done in a pale shade of blue. The bed was firm and she tested it for springiness by bouncing on it a few times before nodding approval.

"I'm glad you like the room my dear," the Grey Lady said. She was a tall, elegant specter dresssed in neat robes of shimmering silver and possessed of a tendency to look around the room as she spoke. "It is a lovely guest room, is it not? I've always liked blue myself. In fact, this might even be the room I died in, though of course it's been updated. One tends to forget these things after a while."

"Yes, charming," Lilika said, with a small swallow, and began prowling about the room, throwing open the room's closets and chests. There proved to be nothing more threatening inside then a few dust bunnies, who growled, revealing wicked silver fangs, and then promptly scattered off to darker places as she stared at them. She ended her inspection by squirming under the low bedframe. "No boggarts, right? No ghouls or anything like that? They make such a racket at night."

"Not," the Grey Lady said, looking properly horrified, "in this part of the castle." She put slender transparent fingers up to her carefully done mass of hair as if to assure herself it was all in place, then folded her hands across her stomach.

"Alright." Lilika ran a careful hand over her braids, feeling for snags. This close inspection still managed to miss the large and disgruntled dust bunny that had clamped itself onto the end of her braid until the Grey Lady stared at her for a few moments in silence, then began clicking her tongue. After two or three confused seconds, Lilika finally grasped her meaning and yanked the vicious and fluffy little ball of dirt off, ending up with a matching set of fang marks in her left index finger for her pains.

"Disgraceful," the Grey Lady murmured. "I suppose the House Elves will have to be spoken to. No one's used this room in many years, but that doesn't mean it can't be clean."

Lilika busied herself unpacking her chest, tossing items onto random surfaces while the Grey Lady drifted over first to the window, then came back to look over Lilika's shoulder. A drop of cold sweat ran down Lilika's back, right between her shoulder blades as the Grey Lady moved closer to examine her robes.

The Grey Lady was nice enough for a ghost, but that didn't mean she wanted the Grey Lady clinging over to her. It had been odd enough following a silvery smear of light all around the castle, but to have the Grey Lady brushing up against her was making her break out in gooseflesh all down her back. She had very little experience with ghosts; there had been none around the house when she was growing up. It was a good thing she supposed. It had been hard enough sleeping at night.

"Your robes look as if they are quite fine quality," the Grey Lady said approvingly. "Are you from one of the old families my dear?"

"Old yes," Lilika replied, not really wanting to go into specifics. She folded her everyday stockings and put them into the armoire, threw her lingerie collection into a black chest crawling with a stylised pattern of glaring hawks-"Muggle undergarments?" the Grey Lady murmured in what sounded like horrified curiousity-then took out her spare shoes. They needed polish dreadfully. "We...are you a noblewoman, Lady?"

"Of course! MY family was once the finest of all the wizarding families, the highest for several centuries. Alas." The Grey Lady's voice faded slightly. "We are no more. The last of the main branch passed on last century. We were the Lovells once."

Lilika choked and began putting away things even faster. She'd have to keep the Grey Lady from finding out what family she was from then, as her family had not gotten along well with the Lovells. Not well at all.

Not wanting to continue with that topic, she finally settled on "Is it nearly time for the feast then?"

The Grey Lady, who had gone back to looking out the window, actually jumped slightly. "I'm so sorry. I almost forgot you were here. Yes, the feast is nearly upon us-you'd better change, I think," she said, eyeing Lilika's pale grey robes with the faint distaste of the well-dressed. "Something a little more formal. Best to impress the students right at the start."

"I can accept that." Lilika stripped off her robe and exchanged it for a deep red one, shoving her feet into her formal slippers as she went. The Grey Lady had politely turned her back and through her, Lilika could count the tiles in the wall.

"Alright," she said, hastily brushing out her hair, then re-braiding it. Lilika finished up by winding a pale blue artificial rose into in the tie holding her braid together, looked into the mirror and was satisfied. "I'm ready."

"Then we'll go down together. Most embarrassing if you became lost on feast day." With that, the Grey Lady turned and glided out through the wall, leaving Lilika to scramble after her more prosaically through the door.

Lilika folded her hands in her lap and watched as the Sorting Hat was brought out.

She felt a little uncomfortable sitting up at the high table where everyone could see her from any angle. Most of the students had goggled at her coming in and she saw several point and whisper, which made her even more uneasy. It felt so odd to be in a position of authority again, after all this time. Well, it wasn't as if she had ever really had authority to begin with; just with Clara and Agnes and her nurse. They didn't really count either, since they had been more like her friends then her servants.

She had been seated besides Vector and Flitwick, but Flitwick had gone to get the Sorting Hat, and Vector was talking quietly but enthusiastically with Professor Sprout. Dumbledore was seated in the middle, wearing a truly fantastic robe embroidered with golden comets and silver stars that actually moved and changed position. She envied him that robe terribly.
Besides Dumbledore sat Professor McGonagall, tidy in her green tartan robes. Next to McGonagall, a huge man with wild black hair that draped over his broad face like a shaggy curtain was almost overflowing his seat. He hadn't been among the staff introduced to her at her hiring. She studied him, noting the well-worn clothes and the hands wide as a dinner plate, not scrubbed completely clean. Someone who spent a lot of time outdoors and enjoyed it. His face was usually beaming a cheerful smile and Lilika decided she liked the way he looked.

Further down the table was the thin, scowling visage of Snape and Lilika was very glad he was at the other end of the long table, as it kept her from hurling one of the plates straight at his throat, especially after she caught him glaring at her several times. The first few times she had scowled back, but the next time she caught him, she smiled back cheerfully and his face became even angrier. She had nearly laughed again, but held it in. It was going to be fun playing with that one. If he was going to be trouble, she was going to give him trouble right back, and God only knew she had enough experience with that.

A sudden burst of applause rang out and Lilika looked up, startled. A frayed and tattered hat was now sitting on a stool in the center of the room and McGonagall was also below, leading a long line of mostly terrified looking children. Damnit. Obviously the Hat had done its famous song while her mind was wandering on. Served her right for letting Snape get to her. I'll have to pay more attention.

McGonagall was unrolling a thick scroll of parchment.

"When your name is called, you put on the hat and sit on the stool. When your House is announced, you will proceed directly to its table."

Lilika had to admire the sharp and precise way McGonagall spoke. It almost seemed like the Dark Lord himself would cower before her if spoken to like that, in that imperious and confident way. It was a good skill to have.

"Aberdeen, Jemina!"

A pallid little girl walked forward, trembling so much her braids were shaking. Was it really such an ordeal? It looked like a lot of fun from where she was sitting.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat shouted. The Hufflepuff table burst into loud applause.

"Agnore, Jack!

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Anderly, Louisa!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

Lilika applauded quietly too, as the Ravenclaw table went into cheers and shrieks. The Grey Lady looked properly pleased.

The line of children continued on and Lilika felt her stomach beginning to rumble. She pressed a calming hand to it. Nice if they'd speed it up a bit. They were only to the G's and Lilika counted at least forty or fifty children still on line.

"Grey, Thomas John!"

An extremely pale blond boy walked forward and sat on the stool, gripping it so tightly his knuckled turned pure white. Lilika watched him with a bit of nostalgic detachment, while patting her aching stomach. He was almost as fair as her brother had been, the poor frightened boy. There was a moment of tense silence.

"RAVENCLAW!" The Ravenclaw table promptly began yelling again.

"Hughley, Emmaline!

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Arrrrrrghhhhhh.

Finally the Sorting Hat had been carried away and Lilika was reduced to staring ravenously at her golden plate. I'm dying here.

Dumbledore was saying something about the Forbidden Forest and the giant squid, but the rumble of her stomach was drowning out everything else.

"And lastly," she heard Dumbledore say "I am very pleased to welcome another new teacher to Hogwarts once more. Professor Jardin has very considerately come here to fill the constantly vacant Defense Against the Dark Arts position. May she avoid incident and let us all hope she has a better-and longer -stay then her predecessors."

Thank you for starting off my job on such an ominous note...you know, you've just jinxed me now that you've said that out loud...

The room gave some dutiful applause and Lilika looked up quickly and smiled at the assembled crowd. Most of them looked just as hungry as she was. Please please please food.

"I believe that's everything," Dumbledore said, beaming around the room. He paused for just a moment.

"Which means it's time to eat."

Hoarse cheers started but quickly died down as students and teachers began devouring the food that had appeared in front of them. Lilika had grabbed a chicken wing as soon as the food appeared and began gnawing on it. It was pretty good and she filled her plate happily.

The clatter of forks, plates and voices filled the Great Hall as everyone ate and Lilika listened to the animated conversations going on at the staff table. She talked little herself, but smiled and nodded a lot. This might be tolerable, once I get to know everyone. I've been away from people for so long, I think I've forgotten how to talk to them.

Soon she was licking the last bit of custard off her fingers and Dumbledore rose to tell everyone goodnight. The students began filing off to their Houses, leaving the Hall in great noisy groups with the new students trailing nervously behind them, and Lilika decided it probably was a good idea to go to bed. It had been a long strange day and tomorrow she was teaching her first class.

And I have to teach all these children --in just a year!- enough to keep them alive.

Lilika slid out of her seat and began to make her way back over to Ravenclaw tower, ending up stuck behind a small knot of the teachers talking together. Sprout and Flitwick were directly in front of her, talking together in low voices. They were also walking very slowly.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, can I go through?" Flitwick and Sprout parted just long enough for her to squeeze through and she gratefully moved past them, heading towards Ravenclaw. What was the password again?

"In a hurry to be away?" a voice said softly from behind her, and Lilika looked over her shoulder long enough to see exactly who she didn't want to see. Professor Snape. She glared at him, but he appeared unmoved.

"Why do you act like everything I do is criminal?" she asked, trying to keep her voice low and even. Snape's dispassionate black eyes flickered over her face as she watched him in return. "Did I offend you in some way without knowing? Because if I did, I'd like to know-so I can do it again."

Snape's thin, sallow face twisted in anger, his mouth working, but his eyes were on Dumbledore, a few feet ahead of them, talking with Professor Sinistra. He leaned forward as Lilika leaned away.

"Some of us think that a young girl appearing out of nowhere, knowing so very much about the Dark Arts is just a tiny bit suspicious." His eyes were glittering with venom and something else. "A girl with no family name I've ever heard of, who hasn't been to any of the wizarding schools and who so conveniently has no one to remember her."

Lilika opened her mouth to say something, feeling a sharp sense of outrage rising in her stomach, but he raised his hand and she faltered, wondering if he meant to strike her. His narrow face twitched into a smile.

"All of our Defense Against the Dark Arts professors in the last few years had their..shall we call them faults?" His voice was low, smooth and even, with just a bare hint of repressed rage. "One was a monster in disguise. One imitated Dumbledore's good friend and helped Voldemort to rise again. One was a utter, craven fool and one carried Voldemort himself within him." Snape gave a short, false bark of laughter. "Why should you be any different?"

Lilika said nothing, did nothing, only watched him steadily, but her eyes were beginning to burn.

"So therefore, I shall be watching you closely...very, very closely. The last few times, no one noticed anything until it was almost too late. I will not ...make that mistake again."

Lilika watched him, fixing her eyes on his thin, sallow face. In the shadows the bones were clearly visible under the skin stretched tightly over them. It all looked far too much like a skull.

He looked back down at her for a moment, then wordlessly pushed past her and swept down the corridor that led to Slytherin.

She was trembling, and her hands were so tightly clenched they were going numb. With the caution of a surgeon-difficult because of her trembling body-Lilika pried her fingers open, saw the bloody crescents standing brightly against her pale skin and began to sink to the floor. She let out a long shaky breath, trying to calm herself, still her heartbeat.

"You suspect me...you suspect me anyway, without knowing anything. Without knowing the truth." She was still shaking. She couldn't deal with this again, not here, and especially not now.

"You bastard. This is the only place I have."

Lilika leaned against the wall, putting icy hands to the throbbing veins in her temples. A dull ache rose between her shoulder blades and her mouth felt as dry and bitter as wormwood. She hated herself.

"My only refuge. If you ruin this for me, I'll harrow you straight to hell myself."