I'll Stand Alone

Prologue: Duvet

-And you don't seem to understand
A shame, you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing-

Lilika knew the Potions Master disliked her the instant he laid eyes on her.

She was standing in front of the lot of them like a chastised student, horribly nervous, weak in both knees and every fiber of her being straining towards them, trying to ensure that they accepted her. They were all older then her, these professors, grave and stern like sentinels and they wouldn't stop watching her.

If she give way to nervous collapse in front of them she would never forgive herself. Might as well just hand her enemies the knife or the wand and be done with it. If she couldn't stay at Hogwarts, if they had no use for her brilliance, she would be finished.

The seal was very cold against her breasts.

"Well?" Dumbledore said, his eyes crinkled in a cheerful smile. "If no one has serious objections, then I am pleased to say Miss Jardin is our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor..."

Tiny Flitwick was bobbing his head absently-she couldn't be afraid of him, with his tufty milkweed hair and wide, mild eyes. Vector smiled, her head tilted upwards on her long neck, and Sinistra nodded and ran spindly fingers across the staff table.
Professor McGonagall alone looked slightly uneasy, her mouth pulled into a tight corner. Her black hair was scraped off her face and Lilika thought it a wonder she managed to change facial expressions at all with her skin pulled tight by that bun.

"You seem qualified. After all, it's not everyone who knows defenses against one-hundred and thirty different curses. Some I've never even heard of myself." McGonagall said crisply and managed to make it sound like an accusation. Was it?

Lilika nodded, and found herself pulling her black braid forward and playing with the blue ribbon binding it in her single nervous gesture.

"Some of the curses are original to my family. My brother..." She had to stop for a moment and breathe. The image of her siblings taunting her with the Petrificonus Curse was swinging a little too vividly before her eyes. "My brother and sister liked to experiment with new ways to tease me. A lot."

"Yes, yes," McGonagall said, then stopped. "You are one of the more qualified people we've ever had applying for the position. We desparately need a Dark Arts teacher, and you are the best of the current lot. I have nothing personal against your appointment...it's just that, with times the way they are.." McGonagall then trailed off. She met Lilika's eyes directly and seemed to be trying to find the best way to put something uncomfortable, her brow twitching.

"There's just been so much trouble with the Dark Arts position-and you are rather.."

"Young?" the Potions professor- what was his name again? -put in smoothly. "One of the youngest Dark Arts professors Hogwarts has ever seen."

"You say that like it's a bad thing Severus," Dumbledore said mildly, inbetween bites of a large toffee. He came around behind her and Lilika felt something pressed into her clenched hand. Dumbledore then continued around her with nary a pause. "Miss Jardin is not much younger then Quirrell was."

"Not the best example, I'm afraid, Headmaster," the Potions master murmured. He turned to face her, his eyes narrowed into dark little slits. They swept over her face, searching for weakness and Lilika tried her hardest to look blank and harmless. His eyes made a few more passes before he snorted softly and turned away. Judging from the sneer now on his lips she'd been measured, considered and obviously found wanting.

"Of course we all know how dear Quirrell turned out," Professor What's-His-Name said, and jerked his large nose down at her as punctution to his point. Lilika tried not to feel offended, as people always ended up looking down at her. It was just one of the perils of being, as her sister had used to say "as scrawny as a teeny little chipmunk."

The Potions Professor was speaking again and she reluctantly dragged her attention back to face another of his accusations.

"And just where did you go to school again? Not Hogwarts. I checked." His narrow black eyes glittered as they stared her down, making her feel like a butterfly pinned to one of those dissection boards. "It's very odd that you've never been to any of the wizarding schools available."

"I had private tutors," Lilika said evenly, trying her hardest to keep from sending her fist right into that large nose. "And you're making it sound like I'm an infant. I'm twenty-seven. Hardly a child."

"It's the rare family that doesn't send a child to one of the schools," McGonagall mused aloud. Obviously these two were the ones with the power after Dumbledore. Lilika went to face her, turning her back on Mr. Suspicion.

It didn't help, as she could feel his eyes boring a hole into her back and out to the far hall. She sighed.

"The Jardins are a cadet branch of one of the snootier wizarding families," Lilika said helpfully. Her throat tightened at having to say so much, but she managed to get her voice out. "We had a taste of the throne-lost it after a fairly short time. Since then, we've been trying to build up back up to that. Think we're too good to mix with the common people." She scratched her nose in embarrassment as she finished, feeling the tips of her ears turn red.

"I don't feel that way," she added lamely.

"I think Miss Jardin will be a good addition," McGonagall said finally and Lilika let out a large, grateful breath. "I have no objections."
A small but kind smile crossed her mouth. "I was afraid you'd end up fainting from lack of air. Don't be so worried, child."

The other teachers began murmuring their assent, while Lilika stared at a spot one the wall shaped exactly like a rabbit. It was right over Vector's head. I hope I'm not all red with embarrassment and looking like a stupid schoolgirl.

Dumbledore rose and stretched, his long silver beard wagging as he did.

"Then we'd best proceed with the preparations for the banquet, yes? Professor Jardin needs some time to get acquainted with Hogwarts as well, since she's never been here before."

She nodded and secretly rubbed her right leg against her left. One of her stockings was falling down again. Her stockings were supposed to be one of the best brands money could buy and the damn things couldn't even stay up for a hour on their own.

Dumbledore smiled at her once more and Lilika smiled back. She liked his smile. It made her feel calm. Like this was the right place to be.

Dumbledore went and turned to leave, but the dark Potions Professor jumped up and went after him.

"Headmaster," he began in a low intense tone, moving to catch the older man by the sleeve. "You can't possibly allow this...unknown to take the job. A girl who just appeared out of nowhere, no one knows her..."

Lilika was inwardly outraged and bit her lip hard to keep from showing it on her face. She tasted blood. Nobody? If only you knew..

"Remember the problems we've had!" the man hissed. "The trouble over these last few years!"

Dumbledore looked at his urgent face and sighed.

"I tell you Severus, your suspicions are baseless. Professor Jardin." He looked at her over the Potions Professor's shoulder and grinned a little.

"You haven't been traveling in the forests of Albania anytime in the last five years by any chance?"

"No, I haven't left England in fifteen years," she answered, a little startled.

"I rest my case then."

Dumbledore turned and left, leaving the Potions Master with one hand dangling limply in midair. He lowered it with a grimace and Lilika went against her better instincts and crossed over to him.

"Sorry to disappoint you," she said quietly and grinned.

The man whipped his head around and shot her a very black look; his eyes hard and fierce like a hawk's.

Lilika shook her head, but she couldn't stop smiling. I've been accepted and you can't do anything to dampen that.

The Potions Master stalked over and leaned in very close, his oily hair nearly brushing her cheek, and she swallowed, and almost stepped back. Lilika hated people getting right into her face; it made her twitch. Then she thought better of it and stared him down as well. His eyes were so black a bat might like to live in them.

"I will be watching you," he hissed, revealing uneven but sharp teeth.

"I'll be looking at you as well, unfortunately," Lilika snapped.

"Snape!" McGonagall barked. "Leave the girl alone. You're far too stingy with your trust."

"And the Headmaster is far too free with it," he breathed angrily, and then swept from the room, shutting the door rather forcefully behind him.

Lilika looked at the closed door and bit the inside of her mouth, hard. Snape, eh? I could swear I've heard that name before...Severus Snape...though if I have, it means nothing good.

All of the names ever mentioned in her house were either the dead or their murderers.

"Don't mind him," McGonagall was saying behind her. "He has enough bitterness in him to choke a dragon. Doesn't like change at Hogwarts. Particularly considering the times we're in now." She broke off and said abruptly, "You'd better go and learn your way around. Ask one of the ghosts to guide you...since you're staying in Ravenclaw, it'd better be the Grey Lady. Go on now. There's not much time left until the term starts."

"I will then. I'll be seeing you." She bowed halfway, then nearly ran out the door, breathing hard. I can't remember ever feeling so dumb. Oh gods, I hope I haven't made a mistake in coming here.

But where else could she go?

Her hand tightened and she felt something squish. Dumbledore.. She opened her fingers one by one.

There was chocolate smeared on her palm and in her hand was a smushed but edible caramel chocolate.