Love is Out to Get Me

Love is Out to Get Me - Part 4/4

Early on Day Eight I decided to change to animagus form and follow Snape around, just to see what he was up. I have to tell you, I'm a God. I'm not the God, I don't think, but it's occurred to me that I have a kind of uncanny foresight not usually found in mere earthly beings. (If you don't count Dumbledore, although he cheats a bit. I'm referring to the timing and the lurking, but I'll explain that soon enough.) For example, it was my sound advice about Granger that helped Snape get her into bed. Maybe I should mention that Weasley gave him a grand lecture and said a lot of the same things, and so did Dumbledore and Lupin hours later, but they only said things that I said first. Day Eight was the day, and I'm not too shy to take credit for prodding and pushing Snape in the right direction. Day Eight was a masterpiece.

Snape really put some effort into it; he did something even I hadn't thought to tell him to do. He intercepted Granger in the hall outside her rooms while she was on her way to the staff meeting, and he persuaded her to skip the staff meeting with him. I would have been more suave about it, but it worked all the same.

"Good morning, Hermione," he said, as though he was happy to see her. And that's saying something; I've never known Snape to be happy about seeing anyone. It was my first clue that today was the last Saturday I would see for a week.

"Good morning, Severus. What are you doing in this corner of the castle?"

"I was just going for a walk. Care to join me?" Just going for a walk. What a line. I was sure it wouldn't work, but at least he was romancing Granger like I (and Weasley and Dumbledore and Lupin) said he should.

"There's a staff meeting, remember?" said Granger, looking at him oddly. Now that's what I mean, Snape was saying things that were so simple and not thought out. Maybe Snape was suffering from time loop sickness. Of course, I'd never heard of time loop sickness, but maybe it's like air or seasickness and he couldn't think straight.

"I do remember, and I am not attending. Unless you want to, of course, but I have the strangest feeling that it will be a waste of time. Perhaps not that strange of a feeling--staff meetings usually are a waste of time," said Snape. He didn't miss a beat, and she said she'd go outside with him, though she was looked at him even more oddly. Like he'd shaved his head and painted his scalp green, and all she could think of was "Why has he done that to himself?" or perhaps "What is wrong with him?" Of course he hadn't shaved his head and died his scalp green, thank Merlin, and he probably never would. In my opinion he just had time loop sickness, or lovesickness. (That's what Weasley would say.)

I followed them out to the grounds and watched as they walked through Sprout's rose garden. It was painfully sappy. He picked a rose, one that shimmered from white to pink, and even charmed off the thorns before he handed it to her. I must not have been paying attention when everyone drank a cup of maple syrup with breakfast. When he handed it to her, she smiled and leaned over and gave him a kiss. It was chaste enough, but I couldn't have been more pleased with the progress. It was a vast improvement over Day Seven. Skipping the staff meeting was a stroke of genius, and maybe the blunt method of asking her to go for a walk wasn't all bad. She is a Gryffindor, after all; she appreciates that sort of thing. Here is where I might also remind you that giving Granger flowers was my idea, because it was, if you will remember correctly.

After the staff meeting I met Dumbledore, Weasley, and Lupin in Dumbledore's office. There was excitement in the air. Weasley squealed--more like an excited schoolgirl than a pig, I should clarify--Lupin jumped up and down and grinned like an idiot, and Dumbledore kept offering everyone Pepper Imps because that's what he does in moments of great stress or excitement. I think it's called using food as a crutch, but I'm not going to step in before it escalates to serious substance abuse, as I like having a source of free sweets. Especially when he hands out Chocolate Frogs, which happens more often when something is wrong that when something exciting is afoot. Anyway, it was Pepper Imps or nothing, and I had my mouth full of the smoking little sweets as I told what happened while they were at the staff meeting yet again. It was lunchtime by the time everyone was satisfied I had told everything there was to tell, so Dumbledore asked a house-elf to bring us some soup and sandwiches and pumpkin juice.

We all ate crowded around his desk looking into a basin of water that showed the Great Hall. Dumbledore, you see, is not so omniscient as he allows people to believe. He has a cabinet full of enchanted parchments, basins, and crystal balls that allow him to see different rooms and people in Hogwarts. Some of the parchments are maps or charts that show who's on the grounds and where they are exactly. I asked him if that was slightly unethical, but he said he had no idea what I meant as he only used them in times of great peril and such. Which obviously isn't true, as we were using one of the basins to spy on Snape and Granger eating lunch in the Great Hall (and to point and giggle at them, in Weasley's case.) I let it go, as I was happy to know how Dumbledore did it, it being the timely lurking in general.

The quidditch match was the next of the day's activities. I attended in animagus form like I had been doing for the last several matches. This was so in case Snape bit the dust, I could run off to the Hospital Wing to watch before Dumbledore told me to stay outside. As for the match, it was still exciting, even after seeing it (or shortened versions of it) seven times before. There was Snape, flying around in a thundercloud of black robes. And there were the quidditch players, going after each other like the hormone-ridden adolescents they are. The whole match went by strangely fast. There were players who were knocked off their brooms, broomsticks that were set on fire, slugs belched from high up in the air that fell and landed in the staff box (and other places, I imagine), and then Snape went down and everybody was quiet, except for some of the students who gasped and Granger who made a wailing racket. Dumbledore, Pomfrey, and Granger all ran to him, and I trotted off inside to the Hospital Wing.Â

I just knew Snape had to die. He pulled the whole thing off like he'd been practicing, which he had been, if you think about it. Pomfrey healed Snape's neck, just as I had been told, and then something happened that Dumbledore et al had failed to tell me about. She pulled the broomstick out of Snape's chest with a squelch and oh dear, look at that. You faint of heart should know that it wasn't disgusting. I was mostly detached from the whole scene, I just couldn't figure out where it was all coming from. It being the blood on the floor, blood on the wall, blood all over the place. Of course Pomfrey cleaned that up with a single spell and then promptly patched up Snape's insides. Granger was told to heal Snape's bruising, which she did quite adeptly. After his body was restored, Pomfrey revived Snape. Dumbledore and Granger went to his side as soon as he sputtered awake. Snape finally did what he should have done all along. "Hermione...?" he said weakly. He looked up at her and ignored everyone else. I was proud.

"Welcome back, Severus," said Dumbledore with a smile. Then he strode over to the corner where I was hiding, scooped me up, and took us out of the Hospital Wing, damn him. We went to his office.

"Dumbledore! It was just getting interesting." I was annoyed.

He lifted a crystal ball out from the shelf in his secret cabinet and set it on his desk.

"Relax, Alastor, you may still watch." Oh, good.

Weasley and Lupin came bounding in, still acting like a couple of school children. "Well? How did it go? Is he still dead? What did he say?"

I let Dumbledore explain; I was too busy watching the happenings in the Hospital Wing. Mostly Snape had his eyes closed and Granger sat on the edge of the bed stroking his hand.

"Well, three cheers for that!" said Lupin, and he passed around a bottle of Ogden's Old. I should tell you that from this point on we were all (meaning Weasley, Lupin, and me) slightly inebriated, and I may have missed some of what happened in the Hospital Wing while I was lying about on the floor warbling old drinking tunes with Weasley and Lupin. Pent-up stress and excitement, you know.

Dumbledore went out after an hour or so and left us there, but he soon returned with a bottle of Sobriety Solution. "Dumbledore! Man! Who's been watching Snape and Granger?" I said when I came to.

"Relax, Alastor," said Dumbledore. "Nothing has happened."

I hobbled over to his desk and looked in the crystal ball. Sure enough, there were Snape and Granger, asleep on Snape's hospital bed. But they were both fully clothed and it was thoroughly uninteresting. My stomach rumbled. "Oh, I see. Well, let's go to supper and get a bite to eat before they wake up."

It was in fact suppertime, so I changed to groundhog form and we all went to the Great Hall. Lupin carried me and I sat on his lap and ate bits of food that he passed to me under the table. Before we left, Weasley wrapped some food in a napkin to take back to Dumbledore's office for my human stomach. For all their faults, those two won't let anyone starve, I must admit. When we returned to Dumbledore's office and looked in the crystal ball, Snape and Granger were awake and deep in conversation with each other. Dumbledore looked at his watch and excused himself from his office--I had no idea where he was going at the time. I didn't really care, either, as something was finally happening in the Hospital Wing.

"Visiting hours are almost over, Professor Granger," said Pomfrey.

"How long does he have to stay here?" asked Granger.

"For two or three days, at least." Pomfrey looked pointedly at Snape. "Someone needs to make sure he takes his anti-infection and pain potions."

Snape sighed. "Madam Pomfrey, I do not mind at all if Professor Granger stays after visiting hours. We are not first years, after all."

"I mind, Professor Snape. A hospital must be kept orderly, and that means not breaking the rules, even for professors. You'll be fine, and you can visit him tomorrow, Professor Granger."

"He's really okay?" asked Granger thoughtfully.

"Yes, I daresay he will be, as long as he takes his potions and doesn't exert himself," said Pomfrey.

"You can release him from the infirmary, then," said Granger. "I'll make sure he takes his potions."

"I would be more comfortable in my own rooms," Snape chimed in. I bet he would be; I've been stuck in the Hospital Wing under Pomfrey's overbearing care myself.

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips, just as Dumbledore walked into the room. "I think that is an excellent idea, Poppy," he said.

Pomfrey glared at Dumbledore. "I suppose you insist, Headmaster?"

"I do," said Dumbledore.

"Then out with you, Professor Snape. And come with me, Professor Granger, I'll give you his potions. I'll hold you personally responsible if he gets an infection, so make sure he takes them," Pomfrey relented.

Granger nodded enthusiastically. Then Dumbledore left the infirmary, and so did Snape and Granger shortly after.

"Quick! Go find Dumbledore!" I told Weasley and Lupin. I didn't know which basin or crystal ball was for watching Snape.

Weasley and Lupin dashed off, and dashed back in five minutes later with an out of breath Dumbledore.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I asked him. "You must have something that can show us what's going on in Snape's rooms. We have to know if we should end the time loop tonight, after all!"

Dumbledore took a different crystal ball out of his cabinet and we crowded around it. Snape and Granger were standing in front of his bed, snogging like seventh years at a midnight rendezvous at the top of the Astronomy Tower. Lupin blushed. "Well, The Plan seems to be working," he said. "Perhaps we should leave them to it."

"Be quiet, Lupin," I hushed him.

Snape lifted Granger onto the bed. "Severus, Madam Pomfrey said you shouldn't exert yourself," she said.

"I am fine, Hermione," he said.

Lupin grabbed Weasley's hand and pulled her out of the office. "That's it then. See you on Sunday, I expect," said Lupin as he dragged a vaguely protesting Weasley down the hall. Lupin was right, of course, that was basically it for The Plan.

I caught another glimpse in the crystal ball--Snape unbuttoning Granger's shirt--but that's where I must fade to black because Dumbledore, damn him, made me quit watching.

-THE END-