Trapped Like Rats

Draco: Are you ready kids?

Harry: What?

Ron: What kids?

Draco: No, it's a song.

Hermione: Aye, aye, captain!

Draco: I can't hear you...

Hermione: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!!

Draco: Ooooo, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Hermione: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Ginny: Who's that?

Mundungus Fletcher: Yeah, and why would they live in a pineapple under the sea? Does fruit even grow down there?

Ginny: Wait, what are you doing here?

Mundungus: ...nothing.

Harry: Yea, you're not even in this fic.

Mundungus: Fine then. (sniffs) I can tell when I'm not wanted! (runs out of room crying)

Ron: That was weird.

Harry: Yeah.

~Snape enters room~

Snape: What are you all doing here?

Harry, Ron, Ginny: WAIT DON'T CLOSE THE-

~door Snape came through closes~

Harry, Ron, Ginny: NOOO!!!!!

Snape: What is going on here? Where are we?

Ron: Well, I was trying to find Neville's toad because that's the only excuse I can think of since J.K. Rowling's already used it eight times when I came in this room and got locked in.

Ginny: And then I came looking for Ron and got locked in here with him.

Harry: Then I was trying to find Ginny so we could snog each other senseless behind Ron's back and when I came in and did the same thing Snape just did.

Snape: That's Professor Snape, Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor.

Harry: Waaa! I'm so misunderstood!

Snape: How did Malfoy and Granger get here?

Ron: Through the big, open window right by the door.

Snape: So there's no way out?

Ron: Nope.

Harry: Haven't found one yet.

Ginny: If only the door by the big, open, and completely unblocked window would open. (sighs)

Draco: If nautical nonsense be something you wish!

Hermione: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

Draco: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Hermione: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Snape: SHUT UP!

~ Draco and Hermione glower and plot evil things ~

Ginny: Now how do we get out of here?

Snape: Raise your hand to ask a question!

Ginny: But we aren't in a classroom!

Harry: Yeah, Snivellus.

Snape: Grr...

Ron: Now, how do we get out of here?

Ginny: I don't know.

~ Draco and Hermione come back from the corner to join group ~

Draco: We have an idea!

Hermione: First, everyone get in a circle.

~ no one moves ~

Hermione: I SAID GET IN A CIRCLE!

~ everyone forms a circle and sits down ~

Hermione: That's better.

Ron: Now what?

Draco: Well, that's about as far as we got.

Hermione: But until we come up with a new plan, how about we play a game?

Harry: Sure.

Ginny: Okay.

Draco: Everyone up for truth or dare?

Ginny: Yea!

Harry: No! I'm too scared!

Hermione: I'll play.

Snape: I'll play! (mutters) Then maybe I'll get Harry back for calling me Snivellus and bringing up my painful past. Oh, he'll pay.

Ron: Dude, we're right here.

Ginny: We heard everything you just said.

Hermione: So, you're in?

Snape: Hell ya!

Harry: I'm scared...

Draco: Too bad, we're playing anyway. Who's starting?

Ron: I will! Snape, truth or dare?

Snape: That's Professor Snape! Truth.

Ron: Do you pick your nose when we aren't looking?

Snape: (overly paranoid and looking around) What? No! Never, that's disgusting!

Ron: You have to tell the truth!

Snape: Can I take the dare?

Ron: You have to go the whole time while in this room without picking or eating your snot.

Snape: Damn it! Well, at least I get to go next. I pick-

~ door opens and Sirius comes in ~

Sirius: So this is what's behind the veil-

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Draco, and Snape: DON'T CLOSE THE-

~ door slams shut ~

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Draco, and Snape: -door.

Sirius: Hey, what're all you doing?

Ginny: Playing Truth or dare until some bozo comes in and doesn't close the door for once.

Harry: Wanna join? It's Snape's turn.

Sirius: Sure.

Snape: Truth or dare.

Sirius: Truth.

Snape: Chicken! Bawk, bawk!

Sirius: I still say truth.

Snape: Grr... fine. Are you gay and if so, who do you love?

Sirius: Yes and before I died and came back to life, I was dating Lupin.

Harry: My godfather's gay? NO!!!

Hermione: Duh! Since I'm a know-it-all I somehow found this out and knew it the whole time.

Harry: I'm so misunderstood.

Draco: Just go Sirius before Harry starts crying again.

Harry: Waaa!!!

Sirius: Draco, truth or dare?

Draco: Since I'm the only brave one here-

Ron: Boo.

Draco: AHH!!!

Ron: He he he.

Draco: I'll choose a dare.

Sirius: Okay, I dare you to stand up and go to the person in this room that you love and serenade her with the most romantic song you can think of.

~ Draco stands up, goes over to Hermione, takes her hands in his, and gets ready to sing ~

Hermione: Oh, Draco I knew it! Sing me our song!

Draco: (takes deep breath) Ohhhh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! If nautical nonsense be something you wish! SPONGEBOB SQUARE-

Ginny: Ahh!!! Make them stop!

Sirius: (disappointed) Okay, you can stop.

~ Draco stops and starts to snog Hermione senseless ~

~ Ron gets jealous and pulls Draco off Hermione ~

~ Draco sits back down while Sirius hums Spongebob theme song ~

Draco: Hermione, truth or dare?

Hermione: Truth.

Draco: (looks at Ron and grins evilly) Do you love Ron (Ron smiles at Hermione) or me?

Hermione: I love you Draco! Sorry Ron but you're just a git that says 'bloody hell' all the time.

Draco: (pumps fist in the air) Yesss!

Ron: NOOO! (sobs hysterically)

Hermione: Harry, truth or dare?

Harry: Oh, no you don't. I'm not giving up any of my secrets! Dare. (crosses arms defiantly)

Hermione: Okay, I dare you to answer my question.

Harry: Drat!

Hermione: Did Voldemort really give you that scar?

Harry: Drat again! No. Dumbledore, and McGonagall had a... 'meeting' (clears throat) one day and I was the result. He invented the whole 'Voldemort tried to kill me' thing and abandoned me at the Dursleys'. Waaaa!!! I'm so misunderstood!

~ everyone rolls eyes at Harry's self-pity ~

Snape: Just get on with it Potter!

Harry: Okay. (sniff sniff) I choose Ginny.

Ginny: Bring it on!

Harry: Truth or dare?

Ginny: Truth!

Harry: What really happened between you and Tom Riddle?

Everyone except Ginny: Ooooooo!

~ Ginny blushes ~

Ginny: Well... umm... everyone back then was doing it...he was just so cute...

Ron: BLOODY HELL!! How could you get it on with Voldemort?!

Ginny: I dunno.

Ron: Gahh!

~ Ron leaves circle and secludes himself in corner while banging his head against the wall ~

~ Draco and Hermione play 'Ring Around The Rosie' while singing Bob the Builder theme song ~

~ Harry goes off by Ron to wallow in self-pity ~

~ Ginny goes and writes in an old journal ~

~ since everyone else is either gone nuts or is crying, Snape and Sirius decide to get along and talk like civilized people ~

~ yeah, right ~

Sirius: Oh, Snivellus!

Snape: (bares teeth) WHAT?

Sirius: I decided that it just wasn't working out with Lupin but instead of breaking up I'm gonna cheat on him and break his heart with somebody else who I know he hates! (bounces up and down and shows symptoms of a severe sugar high)

Snape: (through gritted teeth) Good-for-you.

Sirius: (still bouncing up and down) You're kinda hot.

~ Snape grinds teeth together and clenches fists ~

Sirius: I think I like you.

~ Snape shakes with anger ~

Sirius: Sexy Sevy, sexy Sevy, sexy Sevy-

~ Sirius continues to chant while Snape prepares to hit him ~

~ door opens and Ricky Ricardo comes in the room ~

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, I'm home!

Snape: (already in a pissed off mood): Hey, wrong show bub!

Ricky Ricardo: What? How dare you! Tu feo, gordo, stupido, tonto, hijo de una perra! Tu burro assno!

Snape: (confused and doesn't speak Spanish) Uhh...yeah, I think yours is big too, but right now you need to go. Harry Potter people only.

~ Ricky Ricardo proceeds to call Snape evil things in Spanish while Snape pushes Ricky out the door and shuts it ~

Snape: Well, I guess that settles that.

~ Sirius starts laughing ~

Snape: And what may I ask is so funny?

Sirius: I take it you don't speak Spanish, love.

Snape: No I don't and if you ever call me 'love' again I'll hit you where the fleas don't bite.

Sirius: Do you have any idea what he just called you?

Snape: No.

Sirius: Good.

~ suddenly, a lightning bolt appeared out of nowhere and left Fleur Delacour sitting in the middle of the floor ~

Fleur Delacour: Big butt, so what.

Snape: Huh?

Sirius: What'd she say?

Ron: (who'd come out of his corner but was avoiding looking at Ginny) I think she said 'Big butt so what'.

Fleur Delacour: (looks at Ron in a dreamy way) Can you pluck out my nose hairs, big boy?

Ron: (looks confused but oddly satisfied) With what exactly?

Fleur Delacour: (talks in a seductive voice) If you're man enough you'd use this. (hands Ron a squeegee)

~ Ron begins to shove squeegee up Fleur's nose when Draco and Hermione come over ~

Ron: But, it just feels so... right.

Draco: No, I mean, where is the squeegee going?

Ron: I don't know, but it keeps going and going and going-

Harry: Can I try?

Draco: No! I'm next!

Harry: Waaa! I'm so misunderstood!

Ron: -and going and going and going-

Ginny: Oh, Tom, say that again!

~*~Finished*~*