Toothbrushes

Author's Notes: Thanks, Liz, for the great beta job! And also to my uncle, who's true life experience with my aunt inspired this story. So...Based on a true story, here is Toothbrushes!

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Remus awoke one morning to find his toothbrush, a blue one that had been dubbed 'Clown' by James for reasons unknown, hanging by a string from the hinge on the bathroom mirror. Perplexed, he looked around and spotted a sticky note covered with Sirius' scrawl. Remus squinted at it; sure that he had somehow mistaken the words. It was Clown's suicide note.

I have lived as long as I can possible live. I'm too old, too brittle, too crummy, and I don't clean teeth properly anymore. I have contemplated my choices and decided suicide would be best for all concerned. Do not mourn me too much. In fact, I wouldn't blame you if you simply chucked me in the bin a bought a new toothbrush.

Faithfully,

Clown

Remus blinked at the note before pulled the string over his toothbrush's head. Examining it, he decided Sirius was overreacting; true, it was a few months old, but... Remus shrugged and turned on the faucet. Two minutes later, he left the bathroom with his teeth brushed, hoping Sirius had left the paper for him before going to training.

***

Sirius was not amused. Upon opening the mirror door above the bathroom sink, he found prison bars making it impossible for him to get to his toothbrush. A bit of parchment fell into the sink. Sirius picked it up, and through the wet splotches the fall had caused, read: Detained for questioning concerning the hanging of Clown.

Sirius attempted several counter curses and charms on his toothbrush's prison, but Remus had obviously foreseen all his attempts and protected his jail. Sirius gave up, shut the cabinet, and took out his wand, magicking letters onto the mirror for Remus to read when he woke up. He would later have to explain to James (who visited Sirius and Remus' flat just after Sirius left) as to why the words: It was SUICIDE! were scrawled in Sirius' shorthand in the bathroom.

***

Other than Sirius' note on the mirror, Remus experienced nothing odd the morning before, so he was hardly shocked that there was an unpleasant surprise, concerning his toothbrush, awaiting him when he went to brush his teeth.

Indeed, his toothbrush wasn't there.

On the bars of the jailhouse Remus had constructed, where Sirius' toothbrush still remained, Remus found a dark red note with letters cut from the Daily Prophet. Remus couldn't help but smiling as he read:

REleAse THe TOothBRuSh if you EVER want to SEE CloWn aGAIn!

***

That night, Remus sat down next to Sirius on their bed. Sirius seemed to be reading a novel but tilted his head in greeting.

"I took the bars down," Remus said, not bothering to conceal a grin.

"You should put skills like that to use in law enforcement," Sirius suggested, "instead of using it to imprison the innocent."

He put his book on the nightstand next to the bed and looked at Remus, surveying him ominously.

"I'm afraid," he said grimly, "that your toothbrush did not handle being held for ransom very well. It went berserk and flung itself out the window into the dumpster."

"Sirius!"

"I have however, taken the liberty of purchasing you a new one. It was Clown's last wish, after all."

Remus sighed. "Thank you," he said, resignedly.

"You're welcome. What do I get for my kindness?"

"What? You get your toothbrush out of jail."

"Nothing else?"

"After the toothbrush incident you started? And as you haven't been able to brush your teeth for two days? I think not."

Sirius gave a long-suffering sigh and left the room. Remus heard the faucet running as Sirius brushed his teeth, and smiled to himself. Well, Remus reasoned, following Sirius into the other room, Sirius had bought him a replacement.