Remus' Nifty, Big, Red, Beautiful Book

Author's Notes: Thanks to beta Arni; Arpeggio too. Also to Ash again. Enjoy

Wednesday, April 1, 1981

Sirius was beat to the ground by savages with sharp, pointy sticks, and the Healers were wrong; he didn't make it. Okay, you caught me. April Fools. James went 'undercover' to find out what happened to Sirius, and it turned out the Hospital released him an hour before James showed up. So James went to Sirius' apartment and found out from Elle that the Aurors had been working on head-to-head combat with Muggle weapons, and the spell that was blunting the knife, of Sirius' opponent, wasn't cast properly. So when the guy's hand slipped and hit Sirius in the chest... James says that Sirius showed up and added that they were being stupid and he didn't need to go to Mungo's, and that they only sent him there so they weren't sued, or something like that. Happy to not miss April Fools Day, Sirius joined the festivities. The goings on of the day were as follows: James charmed his kitchen sink to squirt pink and blue water in your face when you turn on the faucet, Sirius told his mum Elle was pregnant, Peter charmed his sister Helen's dolls to run away when she reached for them, and I was hit by three well aimed water balloons belonging to James, Sirius, and Peter. I didn't do much though. Wasn't in the mood. However, Sue and I did play a trick on Winston. That was fun...

"Hey, Winston," Sue said.

"Yes?" he asked in his nasally voice.

"You remember those aliens you said were due to arrive?"

"Yes... Why?"

"Well, I dunno, Remus, should we tell him?"

"It's better that he knows," I insisted seriously. "Winston, they've landed."

"No!" Winston cried, with a mixture of shock and horror.

"Yes," Sue and I said grimly.

"They're staying at the hotel down on the street corner," Sue warned him.

"Now the ancient prophecy has been fulfilled," I added.

"What prophecy?" Winston asked cautiously.

"You don't know?" I asked sounding surprised.

"The prophecy of the aliens' appearance, of course!" Sue exclaimed. She had to go serve a customer as I continued.

"It has been foretold that on April 1, 1981, the aliens would finally reach London."

"And they have!" Winston shouted in complete fear. He rushed to the storage area and pulled out a metal spray can.

"Alien spray," he explained to me. "It will protect us!"

That was the only joke we never told him was fake.

Wednesday, April 8, 1981

Winston asked me to cover for him on Saturday so he can attend a Star Trek convention.

I said no.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease!" he whined.

Sue and I exchanged glances. She shrugged.

"Fine," I said. I hated seeing people plead like that. "What's Star Trek, anyway?"

Based on my Muggle media knowledge, what I know about Winston, and the information provided by Sue, the convention must be for crazy people. People like Winston. Sue slapped her forehead at my question, and Winston's eyes lit up. For the next half hour, I heard a detailed report on what Star Trek was, its history, and who everyone was. I ventured to ask Sue if she watched it. She laughed and said, "Of course not! I don't need to anyway, Winston keeps me informed." Winston proceeded to explain what had happened to Captain Kirk last episode.

Thursday, April 9, 1981

James is officially Captain of Puddlemore United, starting Monday. The current coach is leaving the league at last, and he trust James completely to handle the team with great skill. James informed me today that Quidditch stands for nine things (and I'm betting he or the coach made these up).

"Quidditch stands for nine things," James began his lecture. Harry was sitting on my lap after James announced to me that he was captain.

"Q is for the quality of a match. U is for unity of a team. I is for the intense practices. D is for determination. The other D is for daring. The other I is for... something else that begins with 'I'. T is for teamwork. C is for cheering each other on, and H is for happy."

That last one screams James. Only he could say 'H is for happy."

Saturday, April 11, 1981

There's this girl at the coffee shop that shows up every Saturday with her mother. She throws this big tantrum about getting a cookie and throws napkins and straws all over. I mention this because the boss showed up for once and saw the stuff on the floor that no one had bothered to pick up. He threatened us, and Winston groveled, picking everything up. I notice he grovels a lot.

Saturday, April 18, 1981

Sirius slept on James' couch last night. Elle kicked him out, and their apartment only has one bedroom. Anyway, he would've slept on his couch, but papers from training that he had to keep track of were all over it. The two of them are getting really stressed out.

I was talking to James and Peter this morning, and James admitted he wasn't sure if they'd make it.

"I mean, they fight so much!" he pointed out.

"It's probably from the wedding, James," Peter said. Peter seems to think everything will work out. He has a childlike hope. I think it's because he hates arguments.

"What do you think, Remus?"

What did I think? "I'm not sure," I told them honestly.

Sunday, April 19, 1981

Sirius went home today. There wasn't any bad news about that, so I assume everything blew over. It's really funny how one day, he and Elle can be at each other's throats, and the next day, totally fine and absolutely in love. Oh, Peter just showed up.

Remus is making coffee (what else is new), and I found this sitting on the table... Heh, heh, heh... It's Peter. I've already been introduced, it seems. I've just finished reading everything Remus wrote before. I note he writes a lot about the wedding. I'll bet anything it's because he misses the love of his life. Poor Moony. And whatever he says, he is in love with Nina SeBella. And a few side notes: I do not have 'childlike hope'. And I wasn't that upset when Remus and I got lost last month. I'm really glad Remus loves his friends so much, to be calling us names and sharing how much he's starting to hate the three of us. He's a rather depressing fellow, isn't he? Oops, he's coming back! Bye!

Peter (Wormtail)

Wednesday, April 22, 1981

Thanks, Peter, for that lovely entry. And he put an inerasable spell on it too. I DON'T LOVE NINA.

Friday, April 24, 1981

The Bridal shower's tomorrow. Elle doesn't know, of course. And don't listen to Peter. I don't talk about the wedding because I miss Nina. I write about it because it- it... It's a big thing! Weddings are important! Peter! You've just screwed this whole journal thing up. It's supposed to be from MY perspective! God!

Saturday, April 25, 1981

Hey, Peter was right! Man, if Remus wants us to stay out of this, he better move it off the coffee table. It's James, hello! Hm... Lots about me in here... Not enough Quidditch, in my opinion, but it's a nice biography, just like I told him to make it.

James (Prongs)

PS Remus loves Nina. Don't deny it Moony!

Sunday, April 26, 1981

Am I really the last one of us to write in here? Ugh. Sirius checking in. It's really nice to find out that my friends don't think my relationship will work. But I'll deal with that later. Remus still loves Nina. It's obvious, and if you agree with Remus' claim of not missing her after the three of us telling you otherwise, than you're mental. Oh, he thinks Peter and I are bastards? Is that a joke? I can't tell.

Sirius (Padfoot)

Thursday, April 30, 1981

Okay, James. I'll take your advice. This will no longer sit on my table, since it seems I can't trust my friends to keep their noses out of it. It'll go someplace no one will ever look. So there!