"How I Did It": The Follow-Up

Author's Notes: This won't make a single knut of sense if you haven't read "How I Did It, by James H. Potter", also found on Riddikulus. It's the follow-up, as the title suggests. Thanks to my beta!!

Sirius and Peter just stared at the several sheets of paper that were spread in front of them. James had sent each of them a copy, and Sirius, having "escaped" from home for a few days while his parents went to Paris, was at Peter's house. The first thing they did was re-read the story their best friend had written and distributed.

"What does this even mean?" Peter asked, shifting the papers about on the floor.

"No idea," Sirius said. "Can't believe Rem actually proofread it."

"Do you think it's dangerous, having the information about how we became Animagi out there?"

"Pete, don't be thick," Sirius said impatiently. "Firstly, it's not like James is sending it to Whizz Hard or anything, and secondly, who'd believe it?"

"Point." The boys sat in silence for a minute before Pete spoke again.

"Sear?"

"Hm?"

"What did he do?"

"What?"

"We read this story, right?"

"Yes."

"And the title is 'How I Did It,' right?"

"Yes."

"And the introduction goes on and on about how he did something, right?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Did we miss something?"

"I...don't know. I guess we did."

"What did he do?"

"I don't know."

"So why is it called 'How I Did It'?"

"I don't know."

"So how come--"

"Pete. I don't know how James' mind works. I just don't."

"You know better than anyone else," Peter muttered.

There was another silence as the two boys skimmed over the copy of the tale. Sirius suddenly swept a few papers aside and grabbed on, looking at in as though he were having a revelation similar to Remus'.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Pete, did you ever find out who stole your potatoes?"

"What?"

"Your potatoes! You were going on about it, and James even added it in his book..."

"Yes, I know what potatoes we are discussing. It wasn't a what-are-you-talking-about 'what.' It was a hold-on-a-sec-what-the-heck 'what.'"

"Oh. Well, do you see what I'm saying?"

"No."

"I think James took them!"

"What?"

"Was that a what-are-you-talking-about 'what' or a -"

"It's a you-can't-be-serious 'what'!"

"James took them! That's 'what he did'!"

"Sirius, you are a nutter."

"No, look! It's, like, the one thing that James didn't sum up! Because he couldn't if he wanted us to read it!"

"You think?"

"Yeah!"

"If he did..."

"Yeah?"

"If he did...I gonna...hex him."

"Yeah! Wait - over potatoes?"

"Hey! Over the course of the year, I probably lost enough to hold Remus' hunger on a full moon."

"Wow. So, should we ask him?"

"He'll say no!"

"So we do what? Hex him for apparently no reason?"

"Sure, who needs a reason? Besides, we do have one."

"True."

"So, you'll help? And you won't tip him off? Because I can do it, it's just I'm...not as..."

"Clever. I understand."

"I was going to say creative, but okay."

"I've already got a plan..."

***

"'How We Did It, by Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew'? Do you two realize how effing odd and alarming that title is?" James asked, staring at the top of the parchment roll. "Not too long, is it?"

"It didn't have to be," Peter said. "Allow me."

Peter snatched up the parchment and began to read:

"''How We Did It,' by Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew.

"'Unlike the story that inspired this, we won't skirt about the issue. We won't have an elongated introduction that has no point, and we will not dub our short piece with a name that does not fit it. No, you will know exactly what we did - we figured it out.

"'While sitting at my house not long ago, me and Sirius were reading an inspiring tale written by James Potter. Indeed, the tale was so inspiring, we were inspired to inspire others with our own inspiring work. The reason for writing it would be to tell the world of the amazing discovery we had made, reading between the lines of Mr. Potter's work.'

"Now, James, I could keep reading this, but I'll cut the crap. We know what it was you did."

"Huh?" James said.

"Don't play stupid, mate," Sirius said, lounging in James' beanbag chair. "That's 'what we did'," he continued, making air quotes. "We figured you out."

"I -"

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER YOU STOLE MY POTATOES!" Peter suddenly bellowed, unable to restrain himself any longer. James fell off his desk chair and Sirius shrunk back on the beanbag. "YOU ARE A PRODUCE THEIF! DO YOU DENY IT?"

"If I say yes," James said in a small voice, "will you hurt me?"

"YES - JUST ADMIT IT, AND YOUR PUNISHMENT WILL BE LESS HORRIBLE! No, wait," Peter said, suddenly dropping the dramatic, booming voice. "No, it'll be just as bad. I lied."

"Just - just wait a sec," James said, standing up. "I'll confess if you tell me how you knew."

"I owe you no explanation, James Potter."

"Nice knowing you, Jimmy-boy," Sirius said absent-mindedly from his chair.

"Avast!" Peter cried, pointing his wand threateningly. "Meet your maker!"

Peter slashed the air and from no where, potatoes began to appear. They dropped from the ceiling, rose from the floor, piled out of desk drawers and tumbled from underneath the bedcovers. Peter cackled and Sirius flicked his wand, turning out the light and creating a flash of lighting for effect. When he brought the lights back up, James was surrounded by potatoes of all varieties and preparation styles. He looked bewildered.

"You done?" he asked, awestruck.

"Just about - one last thing," Peter said, swirling his wand, and a neat dollop of mashed potatoes, looking like a strange, white hat, appeared atop James' head.