Baby Names

Author's Notes: Many thanks to my speedy beta, Alexa Black! And I have to credit my [Author ID1: at Thu Aug 16 23:04:00 2007 ]mother, the unexpected source of the bunny that gave me this short fic.

************************************************************************

"No, no, you got to name Rose," Hermione told Ron firmly. "I want to name our next baby."

"But I like the name Heather," Ron said stoutly.

"Well, maybe if it's a girl, but really, Ron, there's a fifty percent chance that we'll have a boy."

"And what would you name this boy?"

"Well, I've been toying with names for a while, and I really thought that Victor would be --"

"Hold it!" Ron interrupted. "Let me make it clear that no son of mine will be named Victor." He said the name as though it were something immoral and disgusting.

"Ron --"

"Hermione, how can you even suggest that name after Krum!"

"Oh, Ron, I haven't thought about him in years!"

"Well, I have, and I haven't forgotten!" Ron said stubbornly. "Stupid Victor. I suppose we'll call him Vicky, like we call Rose Rosie?"

Hermione flushed and narrowed her eyes. "Ron. I was not thinking of Viktor Krum when I chose that name, especially not in that way. How could I, Ron? Do you doubt the fact that I love you?"

"No!" Ron shot. "I just don't want my son named after Vik--"

"For Merlin's sake, Ron, it wouldn't be after him! I was actually thinking of names of authors I like when I thought of Victor!"

"What?"

"Victor Hugo is a French author. He wrote books like Les Miserables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I like the name Victor."

"Well...well I don't." Both were quiet until Ron added, "Trust you to use famous authors' names as inspiration instead of a baby name book."

Hermione smiled. "I really like the name, Ron."

Ron gave her a pained look. "Say I really liked the name Frieda. Would you have let me name Rosie that?"

"I -- Ron that isn't fair," Hermione said, but Ron was grinning. "Frieda is an odd and ugly-sounding name, and Victor isn't!"

"Not the point though, is it?" Ron said. "If you name our child Victor, I will forever think of your first boyfriend, who you snogged before snogging me, and that you corresponded with for ages 'as friends'."

"Well...well, what if you wanted to name Rose Lavender?"

"I didn't," Ron pointed out.

"But if you did, if you thought it was pretty or because you loved the poems of Lavender Aurora."

"I didn't, though," Ron said pointedly.

"But say you did. And then we named her Lavender and nicknamed her Lav-Lav, and all I could think about was the two of you barely restraining from shagging each other in the middle of the common room."

"I didn't," Ron said again.

"But say you did. Say you really, really loved the name, and wanted to name Rose Lavender instead -- I would let you."

"No you wouldn't."

"Ron!"

"You wouldn't. You wouldn't even care if I wanted that name because I like Lavender Aura or whatever you called her, the poet I've not even heard of. You would be just as unwilling as I am now. I repeat: we are not naming our son Victor. End. Period. Final."

"Fine. Fine. What would you have him named? Ronald Bilius?"

"No. Something like...something normal, you know?"

"Victor's normal."

Ron ignored her and continued, "Like John. Or something."

"John? Well, that's nice, I suppose...though it is kind of plain."

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"I've already told you," Hermione said exasperatedly. "I like --"

"Victor. Right," Ron said stonily. "Well, you can't have that -- in fact, you can't even say that name anymore -- so pick another."

"What about Hugo?"

"Hugo?"

"Well, as I thought of the name Victor --"

"Mmph!" Ron halted her, holding up an admonitory finger. Hermione sighed hugely and rolled her eyes.

"Since I thought of the V-name," she began again, putting air quotes around 'V-name', "while considering Vic -- oh, Ron, you are impossible -- Monsieur Hugo, I figured perhaps I could still name the boy after that particular author. Are there any bad memories connected to the name Hugo, my dear husband?" Hermione finished sarcastically.

"None that I can think of," Ron admitted.

"Then could we name him that, if it is a boy? Please?"

Hermione looked at her husband imploringly, silently pleading for him to just give in. Ron sighed and said, "Well, okay."

"Oh, Ron," Hermione said fondly, hugging him. "I hope it's a boy!"

Ron patted Hermione on the back, thinking, At least Hugo is better than Victor.