Art Thou Jealous

Auditions for School Play: William Shakespeare's "Hamlet"

Headmaster Dumbledore has seen it fit to institute an inter-house production of the famous Shakespearean tragedy. All interested students may arrive for auditions in the Great Hall this Saturday after breakfast is cleared. Professors Flitwick and Sprout will be overseeing this production, and you may find sample audition clippings by stopping by either of their offices. You may instead choose your own monologue from the play if you so desire. Please have your piece memorized. Stage hands will also be necessary - if you are interested in being on the crew, please see Professor Flitwick or Professor Sprout.

That was the notice that was pinned up on each House notice board. A few scoffed at the idea of a drama club of sorts, but most seemed genuinely interested.

"Hamlet," James said questioningly to his friends as they sat round the fireplace that evening. Outside, snow was falling thickly, gathering on the windowsill of the Gryffindor Tower.

"Hamlet," repeated Peter, tugging at the loose cloth that edged the rug he was lying on.

"Hamlet," agreed Sirius, leaning his head over the armrest of the common room couch, shoes up on the opposite side.

"Hamlet," Remus said happily from his armchair. "We're doing it, right?"

"I call stage hand," Peter said.

"Stage hand? But that's dull," Sirius interjected. "I'll do it with you, Moony!"

Remus grinned. "Prongs, you in on it?"

"Of course! For a rose by any other name would smell as sweet! Especially if said other name is Lily," he added loudly, winking at the redhead as she passed.

"Wrong play, Shakespeare," Peter snickered.

"Well, same bloke, no? So, Rem, you get first dibs - who you gonna go for?"

Remus tried to hide his grin as he said, "Hamlet."

Sirius let out a whoop and rose up from the couch in a jump. "I was worried you'd say something like Marcellus!"

"I'm surprised you know Shakespeare well enough to know Marcellus," Remus commented.

"Well," Sirius said, "I have been known to read."

"Moony's gonna be the title character of a Shakespearean play," Peter said.

"I'm auditioning, Wormtail, I haven't got the role."

"Rubbish," James put in. "You, my friend, are Remus John Lupin. And you will be beat by no one - unless of course I try out for Hamlet."

"He won't," Sirius said.

"Maybe I could be your evil uncle!"

"Haha, King James -"

"Or your dead father!"

"Haha, dead King James--"

"Or your best friend!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Okay, James. Sounds good. What monologue are you using?" he asked his friends at large.

"Mine goes like this," Peter began. "Professor Sprout, I plead with thee that thou wilt maketh me a stage hand, pleaseth."

"A winner," Sirius said, flashing a grin. "I rather like Horatio's bit when he rambles about all the things the ghost could be doing - 'What if it tempt you to the flood, my lord, or to the dreadful summit of the cliff that - bugger, I don't know the rest."

"Ha, jolly good, Padfoot," Peter said, laughing. Remus looked suitable impressed.

"Not as good as yours, Pete," Sirius returned in mock humility.

"I'll have to find one I like," James said, picking up Remus' thick book containing all the Shakespearean plays. Sirius had bought it for him the Christmas before.

"Who do you think the fair Ophelia will be?" Peter asked.

"Dunno, Nina?" Nina was one of the other sixth year Gryffindors.

"Eh," Sirius said. "I reckon Leslie is more likely."

"The Ravenclaw?"

"The Slytherin."

"Oh. That Leslie," Peter said, winking at Sirius.

"Shut up," said Sirius.

"Don't be sore," James said, flipping through pages of the anthology. "Everyone gets dumped at least once."

Sirius grumbled.

"Have you lost your twoo wove?" Peter cooed.

"No," Sirius said bitterly, "I've lost my shagging partner."

"Did not need to know!" Remus said loudly, while Peter said, "Is that why you're so grumpy?"

"Okay, okay, calm down, Mr Prude," Sirius said to Remus, throwing a pillow at Peter. "It's not like you didn't know about it."

"I could pretend it wasn't happening until you said it aloud."

"Oh, please, it's human nature," Sirius argued. "Everyone does it. What, you think Ophelia and Hamlet weren't going at it? Talk about sexual tension. What about Shakespeare himself, for Merlin's sake! From what I hear, even I could learn some lessons from that son of a bi--"

"I get it, I get it!" Remus cried, covering his ears. "Don't soil my image of the Bard!"

Sirius leaned back and closed his eyes. "My work is finished."

"Hey, what about this Polonius bloke?" James said, pointing to a spot in the book on his lap.

"What about him?" Sirius said.

"I think he'd be good for you, James," Remus said, uncovering his ears.

"'I did enact Julius Caesar!'" James pronounced, standing up on the couch and through one arm wide, holding the heavy volume in the other. "'I was killed i' the Capitol. Brutus killed me.'"

James fell forward, enacting a death-by-knife.

"Wingardium Leviosa," Peter cried, saving The Complete Works from crashing to the ground. It floated daintily over to Remus. James, meanwhile, was "dying" beside the fireplace. Sirius threw a balled up piece of parchment at him.

"Et tu, Sirius?" James gasped.

"Very good, Caesar," Remus said with a yawn. "But let's leave the monologue work for tomorrow. I'm whacked."

***

The next day, after Charms, Peter informed the boys he had been taken on as a member of the crew and was getting extra credit for offering, while a large portion of the school was preparing monologues - and half the students weren't sure what they meant.