Once More with Phoenix

Once More with Phoenix

Scene 5

It isn't Right, it isn't Fair

Same day as before. Ron and Hermione are walking through the corridors on either side of Professor McGonagall, speaking to her urgently, their words overlapping.

RON

It's a nightmare, a plague.

HERMIONE

It has to be stopped.

RON

It's like a nightmare about a plague...

HERMIONE

It's like we were being watched, and I don't mean by Madam Pince...

RON

I didn't want to be singing these things but they just kept pouring out...

HERMIONE

It was like there was a wall missing from the library, like there were only three walls... And I was singing the oddest things, like the word "fanon." What on earth is that supposed to mean? And I said "I take the fifth." The fifth what?

RON
(directed at Hermione, slightly hostile)

I do not think old robes have ruined my life!

HERMIONE
(defensively and also slightly hostile)

My hair is not a nightmare!

RON

Professor McGonagall, we've got to stop it...

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL

Well, Professor Dumbledore is looking into several possibilities...

HERMIONE

That's fine, but, well... I might not mind so much, but our most recent number was a horrid retro-pastiche that could never be a breakaway pop hit on the Wizarding Wireless...

As they walk through the corridors they pass Justin-Finch Fletchley, who is singing to Filch.

JUSTIN

I've been having a bad, bad day...

RON
(speaking)

Just show me where to point my wand...

JUSTIN
(singing to Filch)

Come on, won't you just please let it go?

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
(speaking)

I'm afraid, Mr Weasley, that it is not quite that simple. We have recently learned some disturbing things, but basically--

They continue talking indistinctly as they walk; Filch is looking at Justin sceptically.

JUSTIN
(still singing)

I'm asking you please--no!
It isn't right, it isn't fair!
I have too much homework to bear
A long detention in your lair.
Why can't you let it go?

They leave the general vicinity where Justin is singing to Filch.

RON

As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's barking!

HERMIONE

I don't know... One more verse of our little ditty and I would have been conjuring up a can of petrol...

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL

Well, clearly emotions are running high. But as far as the Muggle authorities--and Professor Dumbledore--can tell these people burnt up from the inside. They spontaneously combusted.

Zacharias Smith and Padma Patil are dancing a pas de deux in the corridor, daintily moving around Ron, Hermione and McGonagall. When they reach Justin and Filch, further down the corridor, they include them in their dance as well. Ron, Hermione and McGonagall turn a corner and continue walking and talking.

HERMIONE

Because their emotions were running too high?

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL

It seems to be the case, yes. Professor Dumbledore was able to discreetly examine one of the bodies while the Muggle police were taking witness arias...

As they round another corner they discover the Weasley twins dancing with Professor Umbridge, who is trying to extricate herself from them whilst fireworks tumble around the ceiling.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL, cont'd.
(unconcerned)

Oh, hello, Dolores. You're looking very light on your feet today...

UMBRIDGE
(to the twins)

What have you done with Montague? I demand that you tell me!

She and the twins continue dancing together, each taking a sword from three suits of armour standing nearby; the suits of armour join in the dance as the twins and Umbridge using the swords as canes, twirl around each other and the suits of armour.

UMBRIDGE, cont'd.
(grunting with effort as she dances, sweat pouring down her face)

Professor McGonagall! If I could have your assistance please...

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL

Oh, no, Dolores. You're a much better dancer than I. If I were to join in it would be unbalanced, as well, as you all have partners at the moment... I'll just leave you to it, then.

She, Ron and Hermione round another corner; Ron is smirking over his shoulder at the sight of his brothers and Umbridge.

HERMIONE

Well, that would explain why he'd done it...

RON

Who?

Hermione raises an eyebrow and looks at him as though she thinks he's an idiot.

RON, cont'd

Oh, wait--you mean You-Know-Who? And what explains it?

HERMIONE

Well of course that's who I mean! He must know that Professor Dumbledore wants Harry to learn to keep his mind from being infiltrated. Harry's supposed to be learning how to shut down his feelings, his emotions, but all of the singing and dancing is making that nearly impossible. That also explains why he keeps going into those really elaborate numbers just before bed...

RON

Right. That's when he's supposed to be working especially hard to turn off his feelings--and then he starts singing and dancing--

HERMIONE

--and letting his emotions run riot--

RON
(very quietly)

--and the next thing you know he's seeing my dad attacked by a snake...

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
(sighing)

I'm afraid you may be right, Miss Granger.

HERMIONE

Harry claims that the "Remedial Potions" lessons are going well, but I have my doubts...

RON

Well, it's Snape teaching him, isn't it?

He catches Professor McGonagall's eye and clears his throat.

RON, cont'd

Erm, Professor Snape, I mean...

HERMIONE

Ron, you know that he's not--

RON

I just mean that, well, he and Harry don't exactly get on swimmingly, do they? Every time he gets the opportunity he's insulting Harry's dad, and how is that calculated to get Harry to stop feeling things?

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
(sighing again)

I fear you may be right as well, Mr Weasley. I will recommend to the headmaster that he speak to Professor Snape when he returns from the meeting... He should be there now. Perhaps one of the other members of the Order can shed some light on how You-Know-Who has managed to disrupt both the wizarding and Muggle worlds to this degree...

NEXT: Rest in Peace

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