Adventures in Weasley-Sitting

Chapter Three

After two more rounds of beers, Fred and Ron decided they were well enough to return home. By Floo powder, at least.

"I know a place around the corner," said Fred. "Let's get the bill settled."

The maitre d', who had the ability to hear those very words from across a continent, was at their table a half second later. Fred handed him his Gringotts Gold Card (excellent exchange rate, and very useful wherever Visa and Mastercard are accepted).

Five minutes later, the maitre' d returned. "I'm sorry, sir, the card was declined."

"Declined!" yelled Fred. "What?"

"No matter," said Ron quickly. "Put it on mine." He handed over his own card.

When the maitre d' returned with a pair of scissors, both men stared in horror at each other.

"Perhaps we should look at the bill," suggested Fred. They opened the folder and sat in silence for a moment.

"Oh," said Ron.

"Dear," said Fred.

"I didn't know you could count that high," said Ron.

"This is bad," said Fred.

"How many rounds of vodka did we have?"

"I forgot. That's how we knew to stop."

Fred looked at the maitre d', who looked very unhappy. "Could you give us a moment, old chap?" he asked, trying to sound as sober and cheerful as possible. The maitre d's eyes narrowed.

"No," he said coolly.

"Ah," said Fred. "Well. Then. In that case ... Stupify!"

The maitre d' fell over, and Ron jumped up. "Call an ambulance!" he shouted to the rest of the room. "This man is dying!"

Several waiters rushed over to the fallen man. Fred quickly whispered "Enervate," to him, and turned to Ron. "Move," he muttered, and the two of them began to back away. They were nearly to the door when the maitre d' suddenly sat up and pointed.

"THEY HAVEN'T PAID THEIR BILL!" he roared.

"Run!" yelled Ron, and the two of them slipped out of the door, just as the ambulance crew stormed in, blocking the path of their pursuers. They ran for two blocks before stopping.

"Remind me," gasped Fred, holding his side, "never to drink that much and run so fast again."

"I'm gonna be sick," groaned Ron.

"Oh sure, waste perfectly good Stoli," said Fred.

"Shut it! It's your fault! If your blasted card had worked in the first place, we wouldn't have had to skip out!"

"My card? You ordered the last round of beers!"

"Oh, let's just get to the Floo and go home," said Ron.

"We're there already," said Fred, nodding towards a nearby doorway.

They walked into the store, and Ron's mouth dropped open. "Fred," he croaked. "This is a sex shop!"

"But look," said Fred, pointing to the video arcade in the back. "Space Invaders!" He ran to the machine, and began digging in his pockets. "D'you have any coins?"

"What the hell, Fred? There's wizard porno everywhere, and you want to play Space Invaders?"

"It's the best game ever, you know."

"Oh my god, the girl in that mag just winked at me. I can't look."

"You should see Bert, he's brilliant at Space Invaders."

"You bring Bert here?" said Ron. "That does it. You are sick -- sick -- SICK." He grabbed Fred by the collar and dragged him to the fireplace in the back. "The Burrow," he shouted, and tossed Fred in. Noticing the clerk behind the counter, who had been watching the activities with a certain air of detachment, he shrugged. "Nice shop."

"Indeed," said the clerk, and Ron disappeared into the flames.

* * *

The zookeepers couldn't quite seem to follow Harry.

"You mean your little girl was eaten by the lions?" they asked, and it was quite apparent that they thought Harry the fool.

"But there were EIGHT of them this morning!" he wailed.

"Are you quite certain, sir?" asked the zookeeper. "Because our lions wouldn't eat a little girl."

"They're blood-thirsty felines," said Harry. "And she's little!"

"Our lions are vegetarians, sir."

Harry stared at him. "Vegetarians?"

"Yes, we feed them only sprouts and celery," said the zookeeper. "It's quite the fine diet, they do splendidly on it."

"Maybe they don't like celery," said Alexa, and Harry resisted the urge to throttle her. Eventually the zookeepers wandered away, without having been any help whatsoever, and Harry decided the best course of action was to take the remaining children home before they were eaten by something else.

It took another twenty minutes to calm Betty down (she had, after all, nearly fallen into the lion pen herself), as well as attempt to dress Dexter again (who had taken the opportunity to unclothe himself once more).

And all the while, the lions kept licking their chops.

In the middle of all of it, Andrea began to yell.

"Her ear hurts," said Alexa. She was still fairly upset with Harry, but now there was a glint in her eye, and Harry decided he'd had enough of the eldest Weasley child in his charge. He began digging in the baby bag for the medicine, without luck.

"We need to go home," he said. "Damn. It's miles to the Leaky Cauldron."

"There's a wizarding shop around the corner with a fireplace," said Bert. "Can't we Floo home from there?"

Harry stared at him. "Why didn't you say this before? We could have taken that instead of the bus."

Bert shrugged. "You didn't ask."

Harry took a deep breath and counted to ten. "Fine. We'll go there." He grabbed the baby bag and the procession left the zoo, led by Bert. It was only a minute or two until they reached the shop, and Harry didn't even bother to look at the sign. He just opened the door and shoved the kids in before stepping inside himself.

He nearly fell over the children, still huddled around the door. They were staring open-mouthed at the contents of the shop (which consisted of a good deal of leather and latex), and Harry felt his stomach drop.

"Er, Bert, care to tell me how you knew of this establishment?"

"He's over there," said Justin, and Harry looked in the corner. Bert had glued himself to an old arcade game, and was feeding it shillings one by one.

"Uncle Harry," whispered Betty, "why are their lollipops shaped like that?"

"Oh God," groaned Harry, and clamped his hand over her eyes. "Bert!" he hissed. "Get over here now. No one look at anything!"

"Hey!" yelled Justin, who was looking in one of the glass cabinets. "Uncle Harry, look at that! It's shaped like a -- "

Harry clamped his other hand over the boy's mouth. "Fireplace," he gasped at the bemused clerk. "Please. Now."

"Over there, Mr Potter," said the owner. He pointed to the corner by the arcade game, and Harry pulled the children towards it.

"Go," said Harry, shoving Justin and Betty in, and in a flash of green flames they were gone.

He shoved Meredith in next. "Oh, Uncle Harry, can't I have a feathered boa, please?"

Then went Dexter. "Uncle Harry, all those people in the pictures are naked."

Harry dragged Bert away from the arcade. "But, Uncle Harry, it's Space Invaders!!!"

He then turned to Alexa, who stood there with her arms crossed, a very wicked expression on her face.

"You're next, Alexa," said Harry.

"Funny," said Alexa smugly. "How the shop owner knows you by name. Better ask if your order will arrive on time!"

And she stepped into the flames herself and disappeared. Harry stared open-mouthed at her, before looking at the owner.

"It'll be in next Thursday," said the man.

"Oh, shut it!" snapped Harry, and went into the flames.

* * *

When Harry came out of the fireplace, Dexter was waiting for him, standing stark naked in the centre of the room.

"I," the boy announced, "am a naked mole rat."

Harry stared at him. He appeared to be thinking it over.

"What do naked mole rats do again?" he asked.

Dexter thought for a moment. "They be naked. And watch telly and eat chocolate ice cream."

"Right then," Harry said. "Rat on."

And he left the room in search of Andrea's medicine.

* * *

"Er, Fred?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"Where are we?"

"Aren't we at home?"

"No. We are not. The Burrow kitchen is not a dusty, dirty, and dark basement. Which is where we happen to be."

"Oh. Perhaps the fire at the Burrow is out."

"Yes. I think so."

"So where are we?"

"I don't know. I'm asking you."

"Perhaps we should leave the dark and dirty basement."

"Yes. That might help."

Some shuffling, and then a door being opened.

"Ah. Well. This is amusing, isn't it?"

"Fred. What do you see out the door?"

"Well. I'm not sure, really."

Some more shuffling.

"Oh. How pretty. I've always wanted to go to the Caribbean."

"Yes, I've often thought so."

"Water's blue."

"Very blue."

"Fancy a swim?"

"Shouldn't we be a bit concerned that we are likely no where near the Burrow?"

"Oh, very much so, yes. All the same."

"A swim would be lovely."

"Indeed."

The door slammed shut.

* * *

Andrea had promptly fallen asleep once she had her medicine. Harry settled her in her room and thudded down the stairs to the front room, thinking to collapse on the couch, but instead he found Alexa, sitting on the ottoman, arms crossed and smirking at Harry.

"So," she said.

Harry was tired. His feet hurt, his ears hurt, he was convinced that Kara was very much lion lunch and none of the Floo numbers Hermione and Ron had left were working. Justin seemed not the least bit concerned over the loss of his sister and Dexter was still playing naked mole rat.

He had no idea where Betty or Meredith were at the moment. Frankly, he didn't much care.

"So," said Alexa again.

"What?" asked Harry, exasperated.

"I know something you don't know," said Alexa.

"Lovely," said Harry.

"Want to know what it is?"

"Tell me."

"Mmmm, no," said Alexa, and laughed. Harry sighed.

"Fine. Don't tell me. When do you go back to the Burrow?"

"I dunno, Gran will call us when she's back. What did you buy at that shop, Uncle Harry?"

Harry didn't answer, and Alexa laughed again.

"Why don't you go do something?" Harry snapped. "Like climb a tree or jump off the roof?"

"Okay!" sang Alexa, and left the room.

Harry stayed slumped on the sofa, and considered his options.

Contact Draco, who as an Unspeakable surely would be able to find the exact location of Ron and Hermione. Try to contact the Burrow again, although it seemed their fire was out for some reason. Run away. Locate Ron's stash of alcohol.

Harry got off the couch and began to open various cabinet doors in search of something with a high concentration of booze. He didn't hear the kids enter until they spoke.

"Uncle Harry?"

"Yes, Merry?"

"Alexa's on the roof."

"Oh, damn!"

Harry ran out to the yard. Alexa was sitting on the roof, dangling her legs over the side, and observing the growing commotion below her as various neighbours gathered in the street.

"Hi, Uncle Harry!" she said cheerfully.

"Alexa Weasley, what -- how -- "

"I climbed the tree," said Alexa. "You said to do it!"

"That's not what I meant!" yelled Harry. "Get down from there!"

"Okay," said Alexa, and stood up. "Catch me?"

"No, Alexa, don't -- "

Alexa jumped.

* * *

"Thank you, Mr Diggory, for helping us reset the Floo network again," said Angelina. She very carefully backed Mr Diggory toward the door and out of the house. Hermione was supposed to be keeping their mother-in-law quiet and upstairs -- two things Molly seemed to have trouble with at the moment, and Angelina didn't know how much longer her sister-in-law could manage it.

"Oh, it wasn't any bother," said Mr Diggory cheerily. "Just a bit of know-how. Lucky I stopped by, aren't you?"

"Quite," said Angelina. Nearly there -- nearly there -- one more step!

"Is Molly at home, by any chance?"

"Er, no, not right now," said Angelina. "Well, you must be going, I'm sure."

"Right, just tell her that I'll be by some other time for that pie plate, then," said Mr Diggory, and he turned for the door. "Oh my."

Angelina looked over his shoulder, and her mouth dropped open. "Oh, no!"

Molly Weasley, wearing nothing but her blouse and her gartered stockings, was skipping through the herb garden, being chased by Hermione, who would have done very well if she hadn't been hobbled by the ropes twisted around her ankles.

"That -- isn't -- Molly?" he squeaked.

"I don't see anything, Mr Diggory," said Angelina calmly.

"You don't see her, running through the garden?" asked Mr Diggory.

"No," said Angelina, her voice rather high. "Not a thing. Perhaps the Floo fumes affected your brain a bit?"

"Perhaps," said Mr Diggory slowly. "Well then. I'll be off."

And Mr Diggory walked to his broomstick, careful not to look behind him.

As soon as he was out of sight, Angelina ran to help Hermione out of the ropes.

"What happened?" she hissed.

"Never mind that," gasped Hermione. "Stun her already!"

"We discussed that, she's our mother-in-law, we can't just stun her!"

"Angelina," groaned Hermione. "She's about to take her blouse off!"

"Stupify!"

* * *

Harry hobbled to the fireplace, a string of anxious children following him. He tossed a handful of Floo powder into the fire. "Dr Seamus!"

A minute later Dr Seamus Finnigan stepped from the flames. "You didn't feed Kara strawberries, did you, now?"

"She was eaten by lions," said Harry.

"But no strawberries?"

"Er, no."

"Well, then, what's the trouble?" asked Dr Seamus. Harry pointed down, and Dr Seamus' eyes bulged.

"Egad. What happened?"

"Alexa jumped off the roof," piped up Justin.

"Alexa jumps off the roof and you get hurt, Harry?" asked Dr Seamus with a smile.

"Uncle Harry broke my fall," said Alexa, who was near the back of the crowd.

"And very well too," said Dr Seamus. "Not a scratch on you that I can see. Harry, this leg won't be an easy fix. You'll have to stay off of it when I'm done."

"What do you mean, not an easy fix?" asked Harry. "Whip out your wand and bim bam boom, done!"

"You've broken this leg twice already," said Dr Seamus. "It's like antibiotics -- after a bit the body grows immune to the cure. So you try to stay off the leg today and tomorrow, and after that you should be fine."

"Oh, bloody hell. Just fix the leg already."

Dr Seamus -- quite accustomed to obnoxious patients -- merely raised an eyebrow. "Draco's been a bad influence on you," he said, and shoved Harry onto a chair. Propping the leg up, Dr Seamus quickly tapped it several times with his wand, never noticing that behind him, Justin and Bert were rummaging through his medicine bag.

"All done. Want a lollipop?"

"Go away, Seamus."

"Call if you change your mind. I have some with painkillers in them. Goodbye for now, Weasleys."

"Goodbye Dr Seamus," chorused the children.

"See you in a few hours," added Justin, as Dr Seamus disappeared into the flames.

Betty stood near Harry's knee. "Uncle Harry, don't be sad. Your leg's all better now."

"Yeah," said Harry, still glum.

"Let's put Uncle Harry in the front room, he can watch something on the telly," suggested Bert, and the children pulled Harry to his feet (Harry was a bit startled to realise his leg still really hurt), and led him en masse to the couch. He found himself seated, with his leg propped up on pillows, covered with several blankets and furnished with a glass of water and a plate of biscuits. The telly was turned on and the remote placed in his hand. There were reruns of Fawlty Towers on, and Harry suddenly felt very pampered and very loved.

"My favourite," he said, smiling.

"You stay there, Uncle Harry," said Justin.

"Call if you need anything," said Bert.

"We'll just be upstairs playing quietly," said Betty.

"Don't worry about a thing," said Alexa.

And they left the room very quickly, leaving Meredith and Dexter (still naked) staring at Harry with wide eyes.

"Are you gonna die, Uncle Harry?" asked Meredith.

"No, of course not," said Harry.

"Because if you die, can I have your wand?"

Harry sighed. "Sure."

"Good," said Meredith, and she leapt onto the couch, narrowly missing Harry's leg. She burrowed into the blankets next to him. Dexter sat on the floor at the base of the couch.

"I want a blanket, Uncle Harry," he said. "I'm cold."

"Put on a jumper, Dexter."

"I'm a naked mole rat, Uncle Harry," said Dexter patiently. "Naked mole rats don't wear jumpers."

Harry dragged one of the blankets off of him and dropped it on Dexter's head. The little boy giggled and wrapped himself in the bits that weren't still caught by Harry's legs. Comforted, they all settled back and watched the telly in silence.

* * *

"Fred?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"I think I fell asleep."

"Me too, Ron."

"Fred?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"Do you feel very warm?"

"Yes, Ron, as a matter of fact I do, rather."

"Fred?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"You look a bit pink there."

"So do you, Ron."

"I think we'd better go home now."

"Yes, that might be a good idea."

* * *

"This is a bad idea," said Alexa.

"Quiet, baldy," said Justin. "Here, Bert, hand me that roll of twine."

"You're gonna get yourself killed."

"Go tell Uncle Harry then," said Bert. "Here, Betty, sit right there." He patted the toilet seat.

"I don't think I want to."

"Oh, Betty, it's gonna be fun. Won't hurt a bit."

Betty climbed up onto the seat and clutched the edges very tightly. "Can't I have a helmet?"

Bert handed her the plastic trash can, and Betty put it on her head. It sat on her shoulders. "I can't see," she complained, and inside the trash can her voice sounded muffled.

"That's probably best," said Justin. He was busily tying the twine to various parts of the toilet. "Okay, Betty, I'm going to strap you in -- "

"Why?" asked Betty, sounding nervous.

"You don't want to fall off, do you? All right then? Count of three!"

* * *

When Fred and Ron stumbled through the fireplace at the Burrow, they were at first grateful that the Floo network seemed to be working properly again. Second, they were grateful that the girls seemed to be nowhere around.

"I can't decide what's redder, Ron," said Fred, lowering himself carefully onto a chair. "You or your hair."

"Speak for yourself," groaned Ron.

Thump.

"What was that?" asked Fred.

"Dunno," said Ron, "but I'm not going upstairs to find out. Moving hurts."

"Sit down."

"Sitting down hurts."

"Stand then."

"Standing hurts."

"Wimp," said Fred.

Footsteps down the stairs interrupted them, and they both painfully turned their heads to see who appeared.

"Oh my," said Angelina. "Our husbands are on fire. They're all pink."

"Where on earth were you?" asked Hermione.

"Never mind that, how's Mum?" asked Ron.

"Er, sleeping," said Hermione. "It was a bit of trouble putting her into the bed -- "

"On account of her being rather stiff at the moment," added Angelina.

"But we'll remove the spell when she's sobered up again," said Hermione. "Back to the earlier question, please."

"The Floo network wasn't working," said Fred.

"We know," said Angelina dryly.

"It was a very lovely beach," said Ron.

"And you decided to get a bit of sun?" asked Hermione, her mouth quirking.

"Had to wait for the Floo, didn't we?" argued Ron.

"Did you both fall asleep or something?" asked Angelina.

Fred and Ron looked at each other.

"Or something," said Fred.

"Well, at least it's only your heads and arms," said Angelina. The boys didn't say anything. "It is only your heads and arms, isn't it?"

"Lovely beaches they have in the Caribbean," said Fred.

"Rather warm for clothing, too," said Ron meekly.

Hermione began to laugh. "So you took off your shirts. Big deal."

"Er -- "

Hermione began to roar. "Oh, Ron -- tell me it wasn't a nudist beach!"

"He'd be lying," said Angelina, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Of course he would," replied Hermione.

"Don't you know any spells that can help?" asked Fred.

"Probably, but this is much more fun," said Hermione.

"You do realise," said Ron darkly, "exactly what bits we've burned?"

Angelina and Hermione looked at each other, and stopped laughing. Angelina stepped to the fireplace and threw a handful of Floo powder in.

"Dr Seamus, could you come to the Burrow for a moment?" she called.

* * *

Harry had been sitting quite peacefully, with Meredith asleep next to him, and Dexter asleep at his feet. Apparently BBC2 was running a Fawlty Towers marathon, and Harry was enjoying it immensely. The children seemed to be entertaining themselves -- every so often he'd hear the boys laugh, and they'd run from one room to the other, but Harry wasn't terribly worried. They all seemed to be near the loo now, perhaps having a bathe. After all, what sort of trouble could kids get into?

Harry came to his senses when the house began to shake, and the windows rattled. Then, from above his head, Harry heard an explosion. He tried to jump up, but was still so tangled in the blankets that he fell over onto the floor, tripping over Dexter. While struggling to disentangle himself, he saw Bert, Justin and Alexa race down the stairs and out the front door.

"Hey!" yelled Harry, "where are you going?" He pulled away the last blanket and limped after them, stepping onto the porch just in time to see the toilet land in street, Betty tied to it, followed by a very skimpy parachute constructed from twine and bedsheets.

"Cool," said Justin.

"Awesome," said Bert.

"Is it over?" said Betty.

"Get her off that thing!" said Harry. "What on Earth were you thinking?"

"Well, Uncle Harry," said Justin, "the toilet was the only thing that had enough weight that we could be sure Betty wouldn't fly too far -- "

"And we thought the parachute would make the landing softer," explained Bert.

"The actual launch was a bit tricky -- "

"But we figured we'd get the proper pressure from the plumbing system."

"Really, I think it worked out fairly well, don't you, Bert?"

"Oh, yes. Look, her helmet even stayed on!"

"Congratulations, partner!" And they shook hands, quite pleased with themselves.

Harry's mouth dropped open, staring at them. He moved it once or twice, as if to say something, but nothing actually came out. Alexa, who had finished untying her sister, walked by them on her way in.

"I told you they were planning something," she said. "I hope you're going to punish them."

"Ah. Yes," said Harry. "Go inside. And find a place to sit, and think about what you did. Yeah. That's good."

Justin and Bert looked at each other. "Okay," said Justin. "We'll do that." And they ran inside.

Alexa stared at Harry. "That's it?" she shrieked. "They tried to kill my sister and they just have to think about it? They're gonna figure out how to do it better next time!"

"Alexa," said Harry, very tired, "take Betty inside."

"Aren't you even going to fix the toilet?"

"Alexa -- shut it!"

Alexa shut her mouth sharply. For half a moment she reminded Harry of Aunt Petunia -- and he quickly shelved the thought. Harry picked up Betty and went into the house, Alexa trailing after.

"Are you all right?" he asked the girl.

"Yes, Uncle Harry," said Betty. "But I should be punished too, I sort of helped."

"All right, if you want," said Harry, shrugging. "Go sit upstairs with the boys then. And not a word from any of you!" He set her down and she scampered up the stairs.

Harry looked at Alexa, still fuming. "I suppose you think I've made a royal mess of today," he said.

"Yes," replied Alexa.

"Thanks for your honesty," said Harry sarcastically. From upstairs he could hear Andrea begin to cry. "Can you try not to get into trouble until it's time to go home?"

"Yes," said Alexa.

"Excellent," said Harry, and he gingerly climbed the stairs, feeling more weary than he'd ever felt before in his life (Final Battle included).

No matter what Draco is doing today, he thought, he's having an easier time of it than me.

* * *

"Quite a day," said Dr Seamus Finnigan as he came down the stairs at the Burrow. Hermione and Angelina jumped up from the kitchen table. "Quite a day indeed."

"Rather," said Angelina.

"Between the adults and the children," continued Dr Seamus, "I'm not certain which set of Weasleys is more accident prone."

Hermione and Angelina glanced at each other. "Harry's called you, then?"

"Oh my yes," said Dr Seamus. "Shall I tell you why?"

"Are any of the children seriously injured or dead?" asked Angelina.

"No, although Harry seems to think that Kara was eaten by lions."

"Ah well," said Hermione. "That's all right then. Cup of tea before you go?"

"Please," said Dr Seamus.

* * *

Draco whistled as he walked down the street. His emergency had resolved itself nearly an hour before, but he had thought to give Harry additional quality time with the Weasley brood before returning.

Draco had really had quite a good day. Evil had been vanquished, Harry's fatherly urges would be cured, and for lunch he'd had a most excellent lemon tart. Really, life didn't get much better.

The toilet seat sitting in the middle of the street, of course, did throw him a bit, but he forgot about it when he opened the door.

"Harry, I'm home!" he called, and was greeted by complete silence. "Harry?" Draco shrugged off his coat and hung it on the coat-rack in the corner. As he turned around, he was greeted by Meredith, clutching a stuffed dragon.

"Hello, there," he said. "What have you got there?"

Meredith held out the toy. "My dragon," she said. "Make it move!"

Draco frowned. "Who turned him into a stuffed toy?"

"Uncle Doctor Seamus."

"Mean old uncle doctor," said Draco sympathetically. He tapped the toy on the head with his wand, and instantly Bob the Dragon sprang to life, his tongue rolling out of his mouth. Bob squirmed into Meredith's arms, as she cuddled the very much alive dragon.

"Thank you, Uncle Draco," she said happily. "You're much nicer than Uncle Doctor Seamus!" She bounded up the steps to the bedrooms, Bob in tow.

"See that you remember that come Christmas!" called Draco after her, and he went into the front room, hoping to find Harry. Sure enough, there the errant babysitter was resting, surrounded by a snoring Dexter, a glaring Alexa, and a bouncing in her bouncy-chair.

"Ah, down to three now?" asked Draco. "Where are the others?"

"Bert, Justin and Betty are upstairs contemplating their transgressions," said Harry dully.

"That would be the toilet, I assume?"

"Dexter is playing naked mole rat," continued Harry.

"And a very fine looking naked mole rat, he is, too," said Draco.

"Alexa has decided that she hates me."

"There are days," said Draco darkly.

"Kara was eaten by lions."

"Excuse me?"

"We were at the zoo," said Harry, "and I took Meredith to the loo, and when I returned Kara had been eaten by lions."

Draco was quiet. "Ah. I see. And exactly how do you intend to explain this to Ron and Hermione?"

"I was rather hoping you would," said Harry. "I thought if you came back before they did, I'd commit hari kari in the kitchen and spare Hermione the trouble."

"Thoughtful of you."

"Quite."

"Bit of a mess to clean up, though."

"I'd spread newspapers," said Harry.

Draco nodded. "Well then. Best get to it." And without another word, Draco fell back against the doorway, clutching his stomach as the realisation began to hit him. "Oh dear. Lions. That sweet little girl."

Alexa and Harry stared at him in shock. Draco was actually beginning to cry. "Draco?" asked Harry. "Are you all right?"

"I was playing with her this morning," said Draco, beginning to shake. "And she had so much life in her, and now she's lion food, and I was having such a good day until now!"

"Kara wasn't eaten by lions," said Alexa suddenly. Both men turned to look at her.

"What?" asked Harry faintly.

"She wasn't even at the zoo, Uncle Draco," said Alexa. "She never left the house with us this morning."

"Well, if she wasn't eaten by lions, where is she?" asked Harry.

"Oh, dear," said Draco. "I think I know." And he left the room.

Harry stared at Alexa. "Why didn't you say something!"

Alexa shrugged. "You didn't ask."

* * *

The sounds of cellophane being unwrapped filled the air.

"Here they are!"

"Oh, excellent, what flavour?"

"Raspberry, melon and apple."

"I want raspberry."

"Dr Seamus has the best lollipops."

"Here's an apple for you, Bert."

"Brilliant. Think he'll miss them?"

"Hardly, there were at least a dozen in his bag."

The room began to fill with the sounds of slurping.

* * *

Draco opened the linen closet upstairs and fell to his knees, grateful. There, nestled among the towels and sheets, curled Kara, fast asleep. Draco looked at her for a moment, catching his breath, and wondered how long she'd been there. Some seven hours, at least. That she hadn't come out looking for him took him by complete surprise. He reached for her shoulder and gently shook her awake.

"Kara, I found you," he said softly. "Wake up, sleepyhead."

Kara's eyes sprung open. "Uncle Draco!" A large grin spread across her face and with all the energy of a three-year-old she flung herself into Draco's arms. "You found me! I hid myself good, didn't I?"

"I'm sorry it took so long, Kara," began Draco, and Kara laughed.

"I'm a good hider, aren't I, Uncle Draco? Can we play again?"

"Later, sweetheart," said Draco. "How about some biscuits and milk first?"

"Okay," said Kara. She wrapped her arms around Draco's neck and hugged him tight, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I love you best, Uncle Draco. Can we play again tomorrow?"

"Sure," said Draco. Kara kissed him again and jumped out of his lap and down the stairs.

Draco felt a funny jump in his chest, and there was suddenly a lump in his throat. He remained on the floor, blinking at the amazing revelation. He was still sitting there ten minutes later when Ron and Hermione walked into the front hall.

"Does anyone know why there's a toilet in the street?"

* * *

"They seemed in a hurry to leave," said Ron, pouring a glass of milk for Kara.

"Not that I blame them," said Hermione. "Poor things, alone with eight Weasleys all day. Draco looked like he had been hit with a freight train."

"Did you notice Harry limping?"

"I was too busy removing the toilet in the middle of the street."

"Bob! Come back!"

Ron and Hermione froze as the strange flying figure came streaking through the kitchen, circling their heads, grabbing the plate of biscuits from Hermione's hand, and rustling the papers on the kitchen table. Ron couldn't be certain, but he thought it might be a small green dragon, miniature scarf flapping in the wind, clutching onto a toy version of a Nimbus 2001.

Meredith came tearing into the room after it. The dragon flew the broom around her head, and she chased it out of the room, laughing all the way. Ron and Hermione looked at each other, puzzled, and then at Kara, who ignored it all and drank her milk quietly.

"Was that a dragon on a broomstick?" asked Hermione.

"I think so."

"I don't think we should let them baby-sit for us again."

"At least Harry's got a knack for discipline," said Ron. "He says he sent Justin and Bert upstairs to think about what they did an hour ago, and hasn't heard from them since."

The moment the words left his mouth, Ron realised his mistake.

"Oh dear."

Amazing how much damage three underage wizards jacked on sugar and ibuprofen can do.

* * *

The scene at Harry and Draco's flat was strangely familiar, though neither man realised it. Draco sat on the couch, staring into the fire. Harry had gone straight to the shower and stayed there for half an hour. When he came out, he fell onto the couch next to Draco, and propped his feet on the table.

"That had to be the longest day of my entire life," he said. "I don't care what you did at work, my day was worse."

Draco didn't say anything, and Harry glanced at him.

"I am glad it's over, though, and do you know the best part? End of the day, we hand the kids back to their parents and no more worries. That's the way to have kids."

"I want a baby," said Draco. Harry stared at him.

"Excuse me?"

"I left Kara in the closet all day long, and when I found her the first thing she said to me was 'I love you'," said Draco. "Can you believe that? She must have been in there for seven hours but she still loved me. Wow."

"Uh huh," said Harry, slowly edging away.

"I mean, you don't get that kind of unconditional love from just anyone," continued Draco. "Only a kid would still love you after you've thrown them through the ringer and maybe forgotten them on occasion. Only a kid would still want to spend time with you even though you might have behaved like a total shit all day long. Kids have this great power to forgive anything, you know. And God knows we have plenty to forgive. Maybe a kid wouldn't be so bad, after all."

"Right," said Harry. His fingers closed on his wand.

"And it's not like we'd have a Weasley. Though that Kara's sure a cutie, wouldn't you say? Huh, Harry? What do you think?"

Harry said the only thing he could possibly say. "Obliviate."

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