Adventures in Weasley-Sitting

Chapter Two

Dr Seamus Finnigan had chosen to be a general medi-wizard because he liked people more than medicine. He kept his Floo lines open at all hours, knowing that at any moment he could be called away for any sort of emergency. He liked the variety of dealing with children and adults alike. He also found dealing with an entire family's medical history far more rewarding than just the single ailment.

That, and he'd learned that caring for the Weasley family as a whole often kept him in caviar for months.

So he wasn't the least bit surprised when Harry Potter's frantic head appeared in his fire Saturday morning. "Dr Seamus, come quick!" barked the man before disappearing. Dr Seamus smiled, and set down his paper.

"Harry's a bit frantic," he commented to his wife. "Wonder if Draco's slipped in the shower again?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" asked Lavender lightly. "Harry and Draco are taking care of the Weasley children today."

"Ah," said Dr Seamus, satisfied. "That explains it."

And he grabbed his medical kit, tossed a handful of Floo powder into the fire, and called out "The Weasleys, Kensington!"

* * *

"Interesting ... "

"What? What? Is it all right? Can you make it better?"

Dr Seamus looked up at Harry from the corner of his eye. "Harry, stop hovering. You're worse than Hermione," he ordered. "Justin's fine. It's just I've never quite seen such an impressive burn. His nerves were completely damaged, to a crisp, really."

"Cool," said Justin. "I can't feel a thing!" He poked at his left arm with his right forefinger. "Neat!"

"Stop that!" yelled Harry.

"How on earth did this happen, Justin?" asked Dr Seamus.

"Meredith's dragon got hold of my homework again," said Justin. "And I was trying to pull it out of his mouth and he burnt it all to a crisp."

"Meredith has a dragon?"

"Uncle Draco transfigured it from a cushion," explained Justin. "I have a project on dragons due on Monday."

"Ah," said Dr Seamus knowingly. "That explains it then. Well, close your eyes. I'll have this fixed in a jiffy. It might sting, now."

Harry watched Dr Seamus pull out his wand and wave it over Justin's left arm, but as the skin and muscle began to heal themselves, he began to feel queasy and quickly closed his eyes as well.

"There, done," said Dr Seamus, and Harry opened his eyes. Justin was looking at his left arm, completely healed and looking like new, and grinning madly.

"Thanks, Dr. Seamus," he said, and bounced up off his chair. "Say, Uncle Harry, can we go to the zoo now?"

"Sure," said Harry weakly, and Justin ran out of the room. Dr Seamus looked up at Harry.

"You're a bit green around the edges, Harry," he said, eyes twinkling. "How many times before you learn not to watch me heal injured limbs?" He fumbled in his bag and pulled out a bright pink vial. "Here, this should settle your stomach a bit."

"Don't," sighed Harry, but he took the vial anyway and gulped it down. "Ugh, that only makes it worse."

"Sit a minute then. Decide how to take care of Meredith's dragon," advised Dr Seamus.

"I can't do anything about it," said Harry. "My wand's in the bushes in the front yard."

"Of course," said Dr Seamus, as if that was where Harry kept his wand on a regular basis. "You sit down, and I'll go get it."

Dr Seamus left Harry sitting at the kitchen table, shakily drinking the tepid cup of tea that Draco had made some time before. When the doctor came back, he was biting his lip.

"Er, Harry -- this isn't your wand, is it?"

Harry gave a strangled cry. The lovely holly and phoenix feather, eleven-inch wand he'd owned since the day he turned eleven was covered in teeth marks.

"I had to wrestle it from a squirrel," said Dr Seamus sheepishly. "I think it's all right, though."

Harry took the wand and pointed at a chair. "Wingardium Leviosa," he said, and the chair didn't move. The wand shot out a few weak, strangling little sparks. Harry groaned.

"Mr Ollivander might be able to fix it," said Dr Seamus. "He's brilliant."

Harry nodded, looking forlornly at his wand. Bert and Justin appeared in the doorway, coats firmly buttoned. Behind them stood the twins, dressed, jacketed and heavily scarved and mittened. Meredith was bouncing up and down. Bob the dragon was bouncing next to her, and somewhere along the way he had obtained his own little scarf, wrapped about his neck

"Uncle Harry," said Bert, "can we go now?"

"First things first," said Dr Seamus, and he kneeled next to Meredith. "Merry, might I see your dragon a moment?"

"Okay, but don't hurt him," said Meredith. Dr Seamus tapped the dragon on the head with his wand, and almost instantly the dragon changed into a plush toy.

"He'll be easier to keep track of this way," said Dr Seamus, and Meredith hugged the dragon to her, and gave Dr Seamus a kiss.

"Thank you, Uncle Dr Seamus," she said quite seriously, holding her dragon by the neck. Dr Seamus chuckled and turned to Harry.

"You might as well get the wand done," he said. "It'll be quiet at Diagon Alley today."

Harry nodded again. "Yeah," he said. "Might as well."

* * * * *

The fire at the Leaky Cauldron never went out. Tom, the bartender, made certain of that, because you never knew when someone would need to pop in, even at three in the morning. It was generally not used as a conversational device, since it was far too popular as a tool for transportation. So Tom didn't blink when first one kid popped out ... and then another ... and then another ... by the fourth kid, he was curious. By the sixth kid, he was waiting patiently to see who arrived. When the last person appeared, he smiled widely.

"Harry Potter!" he cried, throwing his arms wide. "Fancy seeing you here! And half the Weasley clan to boot!"

"Hullo, Tom," said Harry wearily. The red-headed tots surrounding him were bouncing up and down excitedly, and had somehow managed to spread themselves around the room, chatting to each other. Andrea was settled in the Snugli that Harry wore on his chest, and all that could be seen of her was a pink knit cap.

"What brings you here today?" asked Tom, and Harry held up his wand. Tom sucked in his breath. "My, there's a problem. You gonna need help getting into Diagon Alley?"

Harry groaned. "I forgot. Yeah, thanks. Weasleys round-up!" he called over his shoulder, and it seemed like children flowed towards him from all corners of the building. They followed Harry, who followed Tom, into the narrow alley behind the Leaky Cauldron. Harry looked sternly at each of them.

"Everyone hold hands," he said, "and we're going straight to Ollivanders. No detours!"

"Yes, Uncle Harry," chorused the children, almost angelically. Tom smiled.

"Cute tykes," he said. "Come back for a butterbeer when you're done." He opened the passageway and the Potter-Weasley train began to snake its way through the massive herds of people in Diagon Alley.

Ollivanders was at the very end of the alley. Harry gently herded the children in before stepping in himself, to find that there was no room for him to stand. The small store was packed to the gills with Weasleys, and on the far end stood Mr Ollivander, pressed against a bookshelf filled with boxes of wands.

"Mr Potter," said Mr Ollivander. "How very ... nice ... to see you."

Harry didn't respond, and merely held up his wand. Mr Ollivander's eyes went wide and he clicked his tongue. "Well, well. That seems to be a problem. When did this occur?"

"About an hour ago," said Harry. "A squirrel."

"Pesky squirrels," said Mr Ollivander. "Rats with furry tails, I've always said. Well, hand it here."

Except there were too many children in the shop, and Harry couldn't reach him. The wand was passed from child to child until it reached Mr Ollivander, who frowned as he examined it closer.

"Can you fix it?" asked Harry.

"Yes," said Mr Ollivander. "If I could but have a little more room."

"Go outside," said Harry to the children. "And don't move a muscle."

The children, with the exception of Andrea and Betty, trouped outside. Harry moved over to Mr Ollivander's desk and looked at his chewed up wand.

"I can either repair or replace the wood," said Mr Ollivander.

"Which is better?"

"Neither," said Mr Ollivander sternly. "You may as well get a new wand. How old is this one? Nearly twenty years! You've changed since you acquired this wand, no doubt, and another may suit you better."

Harry sighed. "I don't know that I have time to find a new one."

"Too bad," replied Mr Ollivander, and disappeared into the stacks. Betty looked up at Harry.

"Uncle Harry," she whispered. "Can I have your old wand, if you get a new one?"

Harry sighed. "Fine. Go sit down somewhere."

Betty went to sit on the floor by the door, clutching her "new" wand, and pretending to cast spells on her own.

Mr Ollivander gave Harry approximately two dozen wands before he found a match. Harry was handing the seventeen galleons to Mr Ollivander when he realised that Mr Ollivander had suddenly grown five feet.

"Er," said Harry blankly.

Mr Ollivander blinked. "How did I -- "

Betty in the corner laughed, and raised her wand higher. Mr Ollivander began floating up towards the ceiling. "Look, Uncle Harry, look what I can make your wand do!" She twirled the wand in circles, and Mr Ollivander began to spin.

"I'm going to be sick," groaned Mr Ollivander.

"Elizabeth Weasley!" said Harry. "Put him down now!"

"Oh, okay," said Betty, and dropped the wand. Mr Ollivander fell to the floor behind his desk, and Harry peered over it.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Out," wheezed Mr Ollivander.

"Yessir," said Harry, and hustled Betty out of the store, where the children were sitting on a bench waiting.

"Betty got a wand!" said Meredith, pointing.

"I should have gotten a wand, I'm older than you!" cried Alexa, snatching for the wand.

"No! It's mine!" said Betty, clutching the wand closer to her. "Uncle Harry gave it to me because he likes me better!"

"Where's Justin and Bert?" asked Harry. "I told you to stay put!"

"They went that way," said Dexter, pointing. Harry followed his finger and gulped.

Justin and Bert had gone right into Knockturn Alley.

* * * * *

"Cool," said Bert, nose pressed to the glass. "Those would scare Merry right quick. Let's go in."

They pushed open the door and a bell jangled. The boys stood in the entryway, their mouths dropped open in wonder. The store was filled to the brim with all sorts of dusty objects, and it smelled faintly of copper and mildew. There were raggedy old books, broken mirrors and foggy crystal balls. There was a tea set in the corner that looked so black, it was as though it sucked all the colour from the room. On a pillow by the window sat a disembodied hand, and next to it was what the boys had been admiring -- a very beautiful doll that bled from its ears and eyes when hugged.

"Hello, boys," whispered a soft and seductive voice. The boys blinked, and looked around. No one was standing there. "A pleasure to see you here -- Weasleys, aren't you?"

"Yes," said Justin. "Who are you?"

"Where are you?" added Bert.

A figure appeared from the shadows. She was dressed in a rather skimpy black robe, the neckline of which plunged straight down to her cleavage and then some. The sleeves flared out at the wrists, complementing her blood red nail polish. "You were admiring some of my wares from the window."

"Yes," said Justin. "The doll, for my sister."

"An enchanting thing," smiled the woman. "Let me show you -- "

But as the woman reached into the window for the doll, they saw Harry racing past. The boys groaned.

"We're caught," said Bert mournfully, just as Harry threw the door open.

"Oh, Pansy, thank God you found them," said Harry, relieved. "Who knows what might have happened to them here?"

"Quite," said the woman, clearly annoyed. Bert and Justin looked at each other. The woman's voice had suddenly become much higher and decidedly less spooky. She put her hand on her hip and glared at Harry. "What is that on your chest, Potter?"

"A baby," said Harry, taking the boys by the shoulders.

The woman let out a screeching laugh. "Oh, that's rich! I didn't know you'd gotten Malfoy preggers!"

"I didn't," snapped Harry. "They're Ron and Hermione's. I'm taking them out on a picnic today."

The woman chuckled. "It's going to rain today, Potter. Look outside the window."

Harry glared at her. "Oh, shut it!" And he shoved the boys out onto the street.

Justin and Bert had to keep up a light jog to stay with Harry, who was clearly fuming.

"We didn't mean to go in there, Uncle Harry -- "

"We just got caught up in the flow of traffic -- "

"And we were sort of shoved in by some other bloke -- "

"We were only asking how to get back to Diagon Alley -- "

"And that lady was pointing the way through the window -- "

Harry stopped and knelt down to face the boys. "I don't care how it happened," he said, looking them in the eye. "But I don't want it to happen again. Can I trust you two to behave for the rest of the day?"

Justin and Bert looked at each other and shrugged. "Sure, Uncle Harry," they chorused.

Harry grinned at them. "Great. Now let's get to the zoo and eat our lunches."

"Okay," said Justin, and they joined the girls, still waiting outside Ollivander's Wand Shop.

* * *

The four wizards sat at the table, laughing and talking animatedly to each other. They were young, talented, happy, and -- most importantly -- child-free, or at least at the moment.

They did not notice when the older red-haired woman entered the restaurant, not until she stood by their table and somehow managed to focus her gaze on each and every one of them, as only a mother of seven can.

"Ronald Weasley," said Molly Weasley sternly. "What are you doing here?"

"Mum!" said Ron, jumping. "Hullo -- you're in London!"

"Of course I'm in London," said Molly, very clearly agitated. "I told you last week I would be shopping for Christmas things this weekend. You were to watch Betty and Alexa for me."

"Oh dear," said Hermione. "Was that today?" She did not seem a bit concerned.

Molly glared at Fred and Angelina. "And you as well? Might I ask the whereabouts of your children?"

There was a very pregnant pause, as all four of them looked at each other, wondering who should speak up. Hermione finally managed to brave the silence.

"Harry and Draco offered to baby-sit," she said.

Molly stood for a moment, processing.

Eight Weasley children.

Versus two bachelors.

"They'll never make it out alive," said Molly.

"Probably burn the house down," said Fred. He sounded gleeful.

"Really, someone responsible should be over there to help," continued Molly.

"God knows you need ten hands when Justin and Bert are together," said Ron.

"And Dexter's going through a stage right now," said Angelina.

Molly nodded. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Please," said Ron.

"Care for a drink?" asked Fred.

"Scotch. On the rocks."

* * *

"Ah, back again, Harry?" said Tom the Barkeep cheerily. "Ready for some lunch then?"

"No, Tom, thanks," said Harry. "I've got sandwiches here. We're on a picnic."

"Ah. Got your brullies, have you?"

"It's not going to rain, Tom."

"Course not," said Tom -- probably the last person left in the wizarding world who wouldn't dare contradict the famous Harry Potter.

Harry led the line of children out the door and onto the street. And then came to a complete stop.

"Oh dear," he said absently, patting his pockets.

"What's wrong, Uncle Harry?" said Betty.

"Nothing, sweetheart," said Harry. He poked his head into the baby bag that held all of Andrea's diapers.

"You forgot money, didn't you?" asked Betty.

"I have money," said Harry.

"Good."

"I forgot tube tokens."

Alexa tugged on Harry's sleeve. "We can take the bus. Gramps took me and Betty on the bus last month and it took us right to the front gates and Gramps fumbled the money but the driver was very nice and when Gramps kept pulling the cord to tell him to stop he didn't even get mad."

"Well, not very," amended Betty.

"Bus then," said Harry, and Alexa took his sleeve and pulled him to the enclosed waiting area for the bus.

It being Saturday, they waited a very long time for a bus. Perhaps as much as five minutes -- which is an eternity when there are Weasley children involved. In the span of five minutes, Justin and Bert discovered they could make funny faces through the shelter's glass; Dexter had attempted to remove his clothing; and Betty had managed to levitate Meredith, the basket of sandwiches, and a passing terrier.

When the bus finally came, Harry herded the children onto it. The driver watched the procession of red-headed children admiringly.

"Dad's day out?" he asked.

"Here," said Harry, handing him two 20 pound notes. "Is that enough? There's nine of us, counting the baby."

"Right-o," said the driver, eyes gleaming. He stuffed the notes in his pocket. "What stop, sir?"

"The zoo."

"Certainly, certainly. Sit right down," said the driver, and Harry pushed the kids down the aisle to the very back of the bus, where he plopped down on the seat and closed his eyes.

Only a moment, he thought to himself. He was asleep in thirty seconds.

The Weasley children were wide-eyed and quiet for about that long, taking in their surroundings. Except for Alexa and Betty, none had ever been on a city bus before. The Weasleys had more or less taken over the entire back of the bus, with Alexa and Betty on one side of Harry, and Dexter and the picnic basket on the other. Sitting near to them was the only Muggle on the rear of the bus, a little old lady with blue hair, who turned to Alexa and smiled kindly.

"Off for a day with your father, dearie?" asked the lady kindly, and Alexa was off.

"Oh, he's not my father, he's my uncle except he's not really my uncle, he's a friend of the family and he's taking all of us to the zoo today even though I told him it would rain but he packed us a lunch of sandwiches but I don't think he made enough -- "

The lady's eyes had already begun to glaze over at the onslaught of Alexa's speech, and she didn't notice that her small dog had been eyeing the picnic basket all along. As soon as the pooch realised his mistress's attentions were otherwise engaged, he edged a bit closer, nose working overtime. Dexter, sitting next to the basket, leaned over his seat to scratch him behind the ears.

"You hungry, pooch?" the boy asked. The dog stuck its tongue out and panted. "Me too." Dexter opened the basket and peered in. "Ham and cheese. One for you -- one for me." Dexter handed the dog a sandwich and they both began munching.

"Quit kicking my seat, Merry," Bert complained from just ahead of them.

Merry giggled. "I learned a song at school yesterday, do you want to hear it?"

Justin, sitting next to Bert, turned around. "A Muggle song?" he asked, knowing that Merry and Dexter both attended a Muggle nursery school. "Sure!"

Bert elbowed him. "Oh, great."

"The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round," sang out Merry, as loudly as possible. Justin winced and covered his ears.

"She'll sing that the whole way," groaned Bert.

"And then Uncle Draco said I gotta go, and he left right away," Alexa was continuing, "and that's when the dragon got away through the window -- "

"Hey," said Betty. "Look what I can do!" She stood up on her seat next to Merry and tapped the bench with her wand. The green plastic slowly changed to a fuchsia tone.

"Cool," said Justin, admiringly.

"The kids on the bus say Let me out, let me out ... "

Betty tapped the poster next to the window -- the thin, half-dressed model instantly turned into a chicken wearing a pink corset.

"Hey, Betty, let me see your wand," Justin said. "I want to make that bottle fly."

"No," said Betty, clutching her wand closer to her. "It's mine."

"I'll give it back," said Justin. "I won't throw it out the window. Give it here." He reached out for the wand and managed to wrap his fingers around an inch of it. Betty pulled the wand back, but Justin was stronger and as the wand slid through their fingers, it let out several brightly coloured sparks, which landed on the seat next to him. The seat began to smoulder before suddenly bursting into small flames.

"Now you've done it," said Bert.

Justin gulped. "Give me some water, I'll put it out."

Betty turned and saw Dexter, now sharing a sandwich with the dog, who kept licking its chops. "Dexter, is there any water in that basket?"

Dexter blinked. "There's pickles!" He handed the jar over.

Justin grabbed the jar from his cousin and dumped it (pickle juice and all) onto the seat. The fire went out, but pickles starting rolling everywhere.

"You better pick those up," said Betty. "Uncle Harry'll be mad."

Justin, Bert and Dexter fell to their knees, and began gathering pickles. Dexter kept crawling toward the front of the bus, chasing the pickles that rolled forward whenever the bus stopped, and depositing them in the nearest available bag or purse. Justin kept putting the pickles in his pockets, which were soon sopping wet with pickle juice. He looked over to Bert and saw his cousin tying together the shoelaces of the unsuspecting passengers.

"Bert!" hissed Justin. "What are you doing?"

"You're just mad 'cause you didn't think of it first," replied Bert.

"You could have at least told me," said Justin, and he too abandoned the rest of the pickles.

Dexter had his eyes on the prize -- in this case, an extra large pickle that had rolled its way to the very front of the bus. Dexter continued crawling on hands and knees, dodging the various passengers' coats and bags, focusing squarely on the pickle.

And then the unthinkable happened. The bus hit a pothole in the road and jumped -- Dexter rose into the air and fell to the floor again -- the pickle flew up and landed squarely into the space between the brake pedal and the floor. Dexter blinked.

"Uh-oh," he said, and started crawling backwards. "Um, Justin?"

"What?" asked Justin, looking up from a pair of wingtips. Dexter pointed to the pickle. Justin's eyes widened. "Uh-oh. Bert?"

Bert looked up from a pair of sneakers, and saw where Justin pointed. "Uh-oh -- Betty?"

Betty followed the pointing hands (now three of them), and gulped. She jumped off her seat and pulled on Alexa's sleeve.

"And then the man said we all had to leave the store, not very nice of him -- what, Betty?" asked Alexa, clearly annoyed that her tale had to end. Betty didn't say a word, and merely pointed to the front of the bus. Alexa stood on her seat and looked, and it was right then that the bus driver called out --

"London Royal Zoo!" And he proceeded to press the brake pedal, which of course since it was blocked by an extra-large pickle did not even budge. The bus driver began to kick the pedal with his toe, which did not help at all, and several of the passengers began to scream.

"The brakes are out!"

"We're going to hit that truck!"

"Stop the bus!"

Which was when a very strange thing happened. Justin, Bert, Dexter, Betty and Alexa stared at the pickle with fear growing in their small Weasley hearts, and with the growing amount of dread that they felt, they could also see that the pickle was somehow moving out of its very tightly wedged place.

"Oh!" cried Alexa very softly, figuring out what was happening, and she grabbed Betty's wand and pointed it towards the pickle.

With a bang, the pickle burst into a thousand pieces, and the bus screeched to a very sudden halt, causing every single passenger except Harry and the Weasley children to fall to the floor. Harry opened his eyes and blinked.

"My, that was fast," he said blithely. "Are we there?"

"Yes," said Betty.

"Come along then!" said Harry, jumping from his seat. He grabbed the baby bag and herded the children off the bus, frowning as he saw the passengers falling over their tied together shoes in their attempts to pick themselves up. "Bit of a sudden stop, really, but not a bad ride," he told the driver, who glared at him. "You've a bit of pickle on your face, I think."

The moment the last Weasley set foot on solid ground, the driver had slammed the door shut and driven away as fast as he possibly could. Harry didn't even notice the poster with the corseted chicken.

"Look, there's some benches in the trees," said Harry, "we'll eat lunch there before going into the zoo. March!" Harry walked very purposefully towards the benches just outside the zoo entrance, and the children followed him. They seated themselves around one of the tables, looking up at him expectantly.

"Now, let's open the basket -- " said Harry, and then stopped, confused. "Er, where's the basket?"

"What basket, Uncle Harry?" asked Meredith.

"The one with the sandwiches," said Harry.

"I haven't got it," said Betty.

"Or me," said Justin.

"Not me," said Alexa.

"I know where it is!" said Dexter, jumping up and down. "Oh, Uncle Harry! I know!"

"Where is it, Dexter?" asked Harry. He eyed the bit of mustard on Dexter's chin suspiciously.

"It's on the bus!" said Dexter. "I win!"

"The basket is on the bus?" yelled Harry. "Didn't anyone pick it up?"

But there wasn't any time to answer him, because at that moment there was a huge clap of thunder and the rain began to pour.

* * *

The adults at Table 43 were becoming extremely rowdy, and as they had been talking and drinking for several hours already, and pre-theatre rush was about to commence, the maitre d' was rather inpatient for them to leave. He'd tried to bring them their bill several times, only to have one of them order another round of drinks. The older woman in particular kept demanding strawberry daiquiris.

The occupants of Table 43 considered themselves in fine form. Ron and Fred had been discussing quite loudly the last Puddlemere-Chudley Quidditch match; Angelina and Hermione had been trading battle stories regarding their offspring, and Molly had presided over it all. Hermione managed a quick glance at her mother-in-law, only to see that Molly's eyes were strangely unfocused and her face was very red.

"Mum?" she asked cautiously.

"Oh my," said Molly Weasley quite clearly. "The azaleas are lovely this season."

And her head crashed onto the table. The others stared at her for a moment.

"Ron," said Hermione. "Perhaps you could distract the waiter?"

Ron pointed his wand over his shoulder and the resulting spell knocked over a large tray of sandwiches. Shouts rang out and Hermione leaned over Molly. "Enervate," she whispered, and Molly began to blink.

"I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts," she began to sing, and Angelina clamped her hand over Molly's mouth.

"We should get her back to the Burrow," she said, and Hermione nodded.

"Stay here to pay the bill," she said to Ron, and taking hold of Molly's hand, the three Weasley women Disapperated.

Fred looked at Ron. "What do you suppose happened to Mum?"

"Don't know," said Ron. "How many drinks did she have?"

They both started counting the daiquiri glasses.

"Twelve," said Ron finally.

"Has Mum ever had a drink in her life?" asked Fred.

"I don't think so. Well, maybe when she was pregnant with Percy."

"That would explain much," said Fred. "Say, how many drinks did you have?"

"Four," said Ron after a moment.

"I had five," said Fred.

"We're probably drunk ourselves," said Ron.

"Oh, certainly," said Fred, nodding enthusiastically. "Shouldn't even try to Apparate in our condition."

"Let it settle, maybe have some coffee," suggested Ron.

The maitre d' appeared at the table again. "Gentlemen," he said, about to slide the bill towards them.

"We'll have another round of Guinness, please," said Fred. With a disgruntled look, the maitre d' left again.

"At least Harry and Draco are having a fine time of it," said Ron.

* * *

The gift shop being closest, Harry led the group there first.

"All right," he said, after handing out Commemorative Towels purchased for the low low price of four pounds each, "we can sit and wait the rain out here, or we can ... well, wait the rain out here."

"Uncle Harry?"

"Yes, Merry?"

"I'm hungry."

"So am I!"

"Me too!"

"I want a cheese sandwich!"

Dexter tugged on Harry's trouser leg. "I'm not hungry, Uncle Harry."

"Of course you aren't," said Alexa. "You ate all the sandwiches."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Tattletale!"

"Sandwich thief!"

"My brother's not a thief!" said Meredith. "Justin and Bert are the ones who stole Betty's wand and started the fi-"

Justin and Bert clamped their hands over Meredith's mouth. Harry stood there, looking very confused. Dexter tugged on his trouser leg again.

"Uncle Harry, do you want a pickle?"

"Right," said Harry. "We'll just have to eat at the cafeteria. Come along then." And he led them through the gift shop and to the entrance to the cafeteria, on which was posted a very large sign: Closed due to maintenance.

"Ah," said Harry. "Bother. Plan B."

"What's plan B?" asked Justin.

Harry thought for a moment. "Back to the gift shop."

* * *

The clerk looked at Harry, eyebrows raised. "Is this all then?" he asked, nodding at the pile of candy bars and sticks of gum before him.

"Oh, ring it up already," said Harry.

* * *

As soon as the rain downgraded from torrential downpour to steady drizzle, Harry led his sugared-up charges out of their shelter and into the exhibits. He anticipated several hours of enjoyable observation of various creatures, great and small, with perhaps some educational commentary on the side. He saw himself gaining the respect and admiration of his nieces and nephews, as they all skipped hand in hand into the sunset.

Poor, poor delusional Harry.

At the Ape House, Justin and Bert somehow managed to hoot at the chimpanzees in such a way that the monkeys began a riot, throwing their food and other rather sloppy materials at visitors and resulting in a stampede toward the door.

At the Reptile House, Harry was pleased that all the children were fascinated by the turtles, until he realised that though looks can be deceiving, turtles do not, in fact, play leapfrog with each other.

At the Mammal House, Dexter threw a fit when told that naked mole rats do, in fact, prefer to be naked, and no he could not use Betty's wand to give them coats.

At the Snowdon Aviary, Betty thought it quite unfair that the peacock couldn't fly, and thought she might fix him with her wand. When Harry hustled the children out of the House, he left several zookeepers puzzling over how the bird had suddenly lost all its feathers.

Then they discovered the penguins.

Harry thought he had finally done it. All of the children were laughing at the tuxedoed birds, waddling in imitation of them and making faces over the fencing. Harry collapsed onto a nearby bench, relieved to have finally found something fairly safe that did not induce the children to begin a magically induced riot. Perhaps the day would turn out all right after all.

"Oh dear Heaven! That child has sprouted feathers!"

The shout startled Harry back to reality, and reality in this case was Alexa standing in the middle of the walk, complete with a lovely head-dress of orange and yellow feathers, much like the Empire penguins that waddled in the display behind her. Alexa was shrieking, and reaching up in an effort to tug the feathers off her head.

"Take them off, take them off, take them off!" she was screaming, and Bert and Justin were rolling on the floor with laughter. Harry grabbed Alexa with one hand and Justin with the other, and began to drag them out of the room.

"Weasleys, follow me!" he shouted, and did not look back to make sure they did. He kept moving until he found a quiet corner behind a nearby building. Alexa was no longer shouting, but she eyed him warily, sniffling.

"Okay, honey, hold still," said Harry, taking out his wand.

"Do you know what you're doing, Uncle Harry?" asked Alexa suspiciously.

Harry tried hard not to be miffed. "Yes, of course I do," he said shortly.

"Have you even used that wand yet?" continued Alexa. "Don't you have to break a new wand in before trying out complicated spells? My dad got a new wand two years ago and when he tried to fix a hole in the wall with it first thing he ended up making the whole room go invisible and Gram was awful mad about it but Gramps thought it was funny."

Harry set the wand down. "Do you want to look like a bloody Empire penguin for the rest of the day, Alexa?"

"No," came the reply. "I'll hold still." And she squeezed her eyes shut.

Harry raised the wand. "Expacto Pilosus!"

There was a pause while all the children stared in shock at Alexa. Harry slowly lowered his wand and gulped. Alexa, without opening her eyes, curiously lifted her hand to feel her head for the feathers. The good news was that she felt no feathers.

The bad news was that she didn't feel any hair, either.

"Uncle Harry!" wailed the girl.

"I always thought you looked nice in hats," said Harry quickly, digging through the baby bag. He pulled out a bright violet floppy hat and plopped it on Alexa's head. "There! Lovely!"

Alexa glared at him from beneath the hat, which was far too large for her head. "I hate purple."

"It'll grow out," said Harry. "Yes, Betty?"

"We haven't seen the lions yet," she informed him. "And they're right over there!"

"Ah, let's go then!" said Harry brightly. Alexa continued to glare at him. "Look, it's even stopped raining! Lovely! Here we go!"

* * *

The Burrow was experiencing a crisis. Dishes clattered to the floor, explosions occurred in the corners, and Molly's hand on the Weasley clock was firmly set at "Not Entirely Sane, but Thanks for Asking."

"No, Mum, no!"

It was too late. Molly had taken Hermione's wand and pointed it at the fireplace flames. "Confundo!" she shouted, and laughed. The flames erupted into a purplish blaze that threatened to engulf the entire kitchen, until Angelina doused them with a pot of water.

Molly began to sing. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

Hermione and Angelina looked at each other. "I hope the boys Apparate home," said Angelina.

"Why?" asked Hermione. "We can light another fire."

"Oh, it's not the fire," said Angelina. "The spell Mum cast likely broke the Floo connection. If the boys try to Floo home, they're not going to end up here."

* * *

The problem with lions is that they are rather boring, in zoos. But for some reason, the constant pacing seemed to put Betty in a bit of a trance. The boys were likewise fascinated. They hung over the edge of the railing, staring open-mouthed at the pacing felines. Harry might have been grateful for the children's momentary stillness if he hadn't been so disturbed by the predatory look in their eyes.

"Uncle Harry?" whispered Meredith, tugging on Harry's trouser leg. "I gotta go."

"Go where, Merry?" asked Harry.

"Potty," said Meredith, and Harry saw that the little girl was bouncing gently up and down. He gulped.

"Er, can you hold it until we're home?" he asked nervously.

Meredith shook her head back and forth. Harry looked over at Alexa, who glared at him and turned away. Sighing, Harry turned back to Meredith. "All right," he said. "Come on, guys, let's go find a loo."

"No," said Justin.

"Lions," said Betty.

"We'll be good," said Bert.

None of them even glanced away from the lions.

"Okay," said Harry slowly. "Right. Well. Merry, it's just you and me, I guess. None of the rest of you move a muscle."

"Nope," said Justin, and with a backward glance, Harry led Meredith away from the lions. They followed the signs to the nearest loo, only to discover --

"Oh dear," said Harry. "No family room." He looked at Meredith, whose legs were crossed.

"I'm not going into the boys room," she said firmly.

"You aren't going into the ladies alone!" said Harry, somewhat panicked.

"Uncle Harry, I have to go now," she began to wail, nearly doubling over.

"Excuse me," said a voice, and Harry turned to see a young woman with a pleasant face and blonde hair. "I could take her in, if you'd like."

"I don't -- " began Harry, and then looked at Meredith, who was trying to bounce with her legs crossed and doing a miserable job of it. "All right," he said slowly. "Merry, you go with the nice lady and come straight back out again."

Meredith didn't waste a moment. She reached and grabbed the lady's hand and nearly dragged her inside. Harry watched as the door closed behind them and sat on the nearby wall to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

He looked at the sky (now clearing again). He looked at the trees. He watched a pigeon land at his feet, peck at something on the pavement, and then fly away.

People entered the loo. People left the loo.

Harry found himself staring at the faces of the women leaving the loo, trying to see if one of them was the lady. Had she left Meredith inside?

Perhaps there was another exit? Perhaps the lady had run off with Meredith? They could be halfway to France already!

Harry wanted to ask one of the women if they'd seen a little girl in the loo, but already they were looking at him rather oddly -- hadn't any of them seen a frantic man outside the ladies before?

His leg began to bounce. His fingers twitched. He crossed and uncrossed his arms.

He looked at the sky. He looked at the trees. He watched a pigeon.

Fred and Angelina were going to kill him. Well, not Fred, he'd just laugh, but certainly Angelina. She was still pretty good on a broomstick, and once she caught him, she'd wallop him to Scotland and back.

What had he been thinking, letting Meredith go off with a stranger like that? She could be a kidnapper! A jewellery thief! A con artist! An American!

Harry was just about to throw himself into the loo to find Meredith (women be damned) when the door opened and Meredith came running out.

"Hi, Uncle Harry!" she cried happily. "I even washed my hands!"

Harry gathered the little girl into his arms, holding her tight.

"Worried, were you?" asked the lady, who had exited right after Meredith. "I've a few of my own. It's hard when there's no family room and your son is desperate. All sorts of frightening people about these days."

"Yes," said Harry, his voice muffled by Meredith's coat. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," said the lady, and left.

"Uncle Harry," said Meredith. "Are you crying?"

"I was worried," said Harry. "You took a long time."

"There was a long queue, but the lady sang a song and it went fast," said Meredith. She was smiling and her eyes were bright, and soon Harry's knees stopped shaking and he let go of the little girl and took her hand in his own.

"Let's go find the others," he said.

The walk back to the lions took considerably less time than the walk to the loo.

They arrived in the middle of chaos.

Betty was in tears, and Alexa had her arms around her protectively.

Justin and Bert were arguing with a zookeeper. "But it was an accident, we didn't push her!"

"She only leaned over a little far, is all!"

And Dexter, bouncing near the railing, was chanting over it all: "She near-lee fell in! She near-lee fell in!"

Which is almost precisely the moment Harry realised:

"Where's Kara?"