Uric the Oddball's Fantastic Adventures

Uric Beaufolle: A Closer Look at the Oddball

A biography by Radolphus Pittiman.

p. 2, an excerpt

Was there a history of madness in the Beaufolle family? What sort of bloodlines produced the notorious Oddball? The Beaufolle's have a long and historic bloodline dating back to the foundation of Gaul. There the Beaufolle forbearer's were druids, providing both the muggle and wizarding world with their expertise.

When Caesar invaded Gaul and called for the deaths of the druids, the Beaufolles(1), were some of the first to relocate to Britannia. Once there, they continued to prosper. One of the most well known of Uric's ancestors from this time is Delvia Beauxfolle(2), the mystic and seer who predicted one of the great goblin raids of the ninth century.

In 1128, Ulric Beauxfolle(3) was the first Beaufolle to serve as head of the Wizard's Council. His son, Magnus, was to follow after him in the post. A Beaufolle did not hold the seat again until 1611 when Janus Beaufolle(4) ruled with an iron wand for over thirty years. It must not be overlooked that a Beaufolle has sat on the Council, if not at the head for over 700 years, until the Council's disbanding in 1726.

The Beaufolle's were well known for their abilities as problems solvers, disciplinarians and businessmen. They were careful to maintain the integrity of the Beaufolle bloodlines when other wizarding families were relaxing their standards. They would have been very shocked at how easily Uric shattered this reputation.

Footnotes:

1. Known as the Belladems at the time.

2. It was only later that the Beaufolle's dropped the telltale 'x' in their surname.

3. Uric's namesake. For more on why they dropped the 'l' , see page 17.

4. Uric's grandfather.

*****

A Few Things That Bother Me

By Salumius Extercrabble

p. 11,283, an excerpt

I was reading that antiquated text, Uric Beaufolle: A Closer Look at the Oddball by my esteemed colleague, Radolphus Pittiman - the only wizard in the world who could make a life like Uric's sound boring. Be that as it may, I became particularly interested in the chapter detailing Uric's bloodlines and the lack of insanity in his family. I invite my colleague to now examine my revised family tree of Uric the Oddball and remind him that the Beaufolles married often into other pureblood families. It is in these that we find evidence of insanity.

The first of the Beaufolle family to show signs of mental instability was Trillium the Vengeful. He was disowned in later years, which is probably how my colleague missed him. Trillium was one of the druids who refused to leave Gaul. Instead, he resolved to haunt Julius Caesar and drive him mad in revenge for his mother's death at the hands of Caesar's druid seekers. Trillium's plan was largely unsuccessful, the only record of it being Caesar's own inaccurate accounts of the 'bloodthirsty' druids. Trillium himself was driven insane by his own attempts. A bout of maniacal laughter during a demon summoning ended his life and lives of nearly everyone within a five kilometre radius.

This was not the last insane relative of Urics. Delvia Beauxfolle's half sister, Melfina Malfoy, was well known for her eccentricities. She had two distinct personalities. The other personality being Lulu Malfoy, a two year old who threw tantrums every time someone said the word 'wand'. Her prime personality, Melfina, was just as insane. She decided one day that she was a duck. For nearly two years, she refused to leave a pond outside the Beauxfolle Manor and answered all questions with 'quack'. For an excellent biography of Melfina, the reader would do well to consult "A Pure-blooded Duck" by Ivan Moleskivy.

Further research has turned up Uric's relation, through various bloodlines, to Wendelin the Weird (well known for her love of being burned at the stake, though not so well known for her love of toasted cheese), Aedan the Addled (responsible for the infamous House Elf Incident of 1411) and Quirky Quimble the Quick (famous Quidditch player and downright loon). These are the more famous of the Beaufolle family tree to show signs of insanity. For a full diagram, please see the family tree on pages 11,285 - 11,289.

*****

London during 1944 was a wonderful place to live in. This was, of course, if you discounted the blackouts, food shortages, bombings, rampant radar balloons, robberies and general disorder of the city at the time. Things weren't much better in the countryside, but at least there you didn't have to worry about your neighbour's house falling down on yours. This was generally because your neighbour lived miles away.

In Diagon Alley, life was just as grim. Latest rumour told that Grindelwald had joined forces with Hitler and was planning on a mass extermination of the wizard's who opposed him. Consequently, very few wizards were about and many of the shops were closed indefinitely. Most passer-by decided therefore, that the naked man, wearing a tea cosy and strolling down the street, was definitely a hallucination.

*****

Uric wandered down the alleyway, his attention completely focused on the time turner in his hands. The time trip seemed to have cleared his thoughts. Those boys had told him how to work it, but something must be wrong with it. He should be travelling only through time, not space.

He shook the time turner and found himself twenty paces further down the street. Well, no matter. He had promised to get clothing and Diagon Alley, in any age, was the perfect place to do it. I always loved coming here. He laughed and did a little dance in the street. It's good to be free.

A blast shook the street and the few wizards outside, ducked for cover. Diagon Alley was magically enchanted not to be affected by the bombings in the Muggle world, but most wizards preferred to be inside when the bombings started. Uric, of course, took no notice.

He continued to wander down the street. I need clothes. Socks. Pretty, little socks. Socks for me and socks for you... His attention was drawn to a shop window showing various garments, including a large basket filled with multicoloured socks. Uric leaned against the window, practically drooling. It looks like my sock room back home.

"So many colours," he whispered.

"They are rather pretty aren't they? I prefer ones with patterns myself. I have a delightful pair my aunt gave me with tap dancing hippogriffs on it." Uric turned around, hoping the voice was real. It wasn't often he met people who loved socks like he did.

"Were they wool? I love a room full of thick wool socks." Uric looked expectantly at the man in front of him. He was about the same height as Uric but had red hair and light blue eyes. He was smiling at Uric in a friendly sort of way.

"I've always been rather partial to wool myself, what with living in a castle and all," he said. Uric leaned in closer to the man.

"I need them you see. My toes have been looking at me funny. I need to get them covered before they decide they don't like me," Uric said confidentially. The red-haired man nodded in understanding.

"Perhaps you should get clothing too. You never know what your elbows are thinking," he suggested. A look of alarm crossed Uric's face before he nodded in agreement. Slowly a smile spread across his face. Here is a man who understands me. He stuck out his hand.

"I'm Uric Beaufolle." The man took his hand, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Albus Dumbledore. Would you like to join me for a cup of tea? After we get your clothing of course." Uric was overjoyed.

"Can we have cheese?" he asked.

"We can have anything you want, Uric." They entered the shop, sending the young witch tending the store into a fit of giggles. She was unable to stop giggling. On Albus' suggestion, she sent for the older witch in the back of the shop. The older witch, a Madame Malkin (the sixth of her name) immediately disapproved of the naked man in her shop. She disapproved even more when she found out he didn't have any money.

"You don't have any money? How about a wand?" asked Albus.

"No money, but a wand..." Uric reached up and took the tea cosy off his head. His wand. Hazel and unicorn hair. Nine inches. Stretchy and pliable. Good for...he couldn't remember, but Ollivander had been very excited. Uric was more excited about the pliableness of it. He was probably the only wizard who could bend his wand in half.

The wand was folded in the top of the tea cosy. He took it out and shook it. The tip drooped a little, but that was normal. A spray of feathers fluttered out of it. It had been a long time. Uric put the tea cosy back on his head.

"Nobody wanted to search it you see. They didn't even ask me where my wand was," Uric said. Madame Malkin was whispering urgently in Albus' ear.

"Albus. What are you doing with this man? He's obviously batty and dangerous too."

"He's no more dangerous than any wizard and if he's who I think he is, it's important for us to take care of him," said Dumbledore firmly.

"I take it you're paying for his robes then?"

"Much as it affects my lowly Transfiguration teacher salary, yes," he said. Madame Malkin didn't even smile at the jest.

"I want nothing more to do with this Albus," she said. So, Uric and Dumbledore wandered the store, choosing undergarments, pre-fit robes and most importantly, socks, with minimal interference from Madame Malkin.

They bought the clothing and Uric put it on in the shop, at Albus' suggestion. Albus then led Uric out of the shop before Madame Malkin hexed them.

"How does the Leaky Cauldron sound, Uric?"

"Is it still here in this time then? They banned me from coming back you know. They blamed me for burning it down that time, though it was the salamander's that did it."

"And were you playing with the salamanders?" asked Dumbledore. Uric was hurt by the suggestion.

"No. Everyone blames weird things on me, but mother always said not to play with dangerous creatures and I said I wouldn't."

"I seem to remember something about you and a dragon..." Dumbledore trailed off at the look on Uric's face.

"That's why mum asked me to stay away from dangerous creatures."

"You're mother sounds like a wise woman. I'm sorry for implying that you caused the fire, Uric. Forgive me?" Uric considered the request. It wasn't often that people asked his forgiveness. Albus is a sock fan...

"It's okay. At least you believe me." There was bitterness in Uric's voice. Albus gave him a sidelong glance.

"Are you really insane, Uric?" Uric looked at Albus. He didn't understand.

"Insane? Everyone always tells me I'm insane...I just want to tend to my birds and see all the beautiful things in the world."

"I hope you succeed." Albus' eyes were sad. "If only everyone had such magnificent goals." He became lost in thought and Uric didn't interrupt him. He was quite content to explore his thoughts about the mating habits of cauldrons. Why are some of them born with three feet and some with four?