Uric the Oddball's Fantastic Adventures

It was a square room. It had four walls, a floor and even a ceiling. However, it lacked a door, making it slightly abnormal - much like its occupant. Though if you asked the rest of the wizarding world, slightly didn't cover it.

This perhaps explained why the occupant of the room was posing in the nude with a soggy tea cosy on his head. Or perhaps not...

*****

Uric debated to himself the wisdom of putting on some socks. On one hand, it was cold. On the other, he still wasn't sure which body part they went on. At least the tea cosy is right. He gazed at his toes. I wonder if they ever want to leave? Perhaps I should ask them...

"CHEESE!!!" bellowed a voice right in front of him. The echoes would have been deafening to anyone who didn't sleep with fifty Augureys in their room. Uric abandoned his toes to their own devices and looked up at his visitor.

The man was average height, with hazel-eyes. His hair looked like a drunken elephant had cut it. That is, if elephants could use scissors one would have cut it. He seems handsome enough, though perhaps I should ask for a second opinion? The man was stark naked and wearing a soggy tea cosy. He didn't have any socks.

Uric was sure he had seen him somewhere...

The man clasped his shoulders.

"Uric! It's me. I'm you. Or perhaps I should say, it's you and I'm me?"

"That's nice," said Uric Number 1. "Do you know the capital of Prussia?"

"No."

"Ah. Then you must be me. It's good to see you. Or is that me?" Uric was getting confused, or at least more confused than usual.

"Look," said the Uric who had just appeared. "I'll be Uric Number 1 and you be Uric Number 2."

"But I want to be Uric Number 1," said the first Uric petulantly. Uric shrugged. He had learnt a long time ago not to argue with himself.

"Okay," he said, "I'll be Uric 2." Uric1 was happy then and went back to looking at his toes. Uric2 starred at him, a puzzled expression slowly placing itself piece by piece on his face.

"I have something for you," he said slowly. Uric1 looked up.

"Oh goody. It better be that gnome tea party set I always wanted." Uric2 looked sympathetic. After all, he'd always wanted it too.

"Unfortunately, no. Not unless there's one hidden in the corner behind you," said Uric2. Uric1 turned to look, giving Uric2 the time he needed to renew his sense of purpose.

"Listen, Uric1. I found this!" He held up a glittering golden object that Uric1 tentatively identified as either a time turner or a seasick golden snitch. "In that corner." Uric2 pointed to the corner behind him. "After about ten minutes I made up my mind to come back here and give it to my earlier self so you could escape." Uric1 stared at himself, than decided to look at Uric2 instead. A random thought about hippogriffs and salami floated across his mind. There was something obvious they were missing...

"Uhm, Uric2, why don't you just free yourself?" he asked. Uric2 stared at him in astonishment, and then clapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm brilliant! All right, you stay here and look in the corner in front of you after I leave. I'll see you later." Uric2 disappeared with a twist of the turner.

Uric1 sat pondering the alliteration of that last sentence for a very long time. Eventually, he got up and found the time turner but first he looked carefully in the corner behind him for the gnome tea party set. Just in case.