A Day in the Life of Rita Skeeter

A Day in the Life of Rita Skeeter

Author's note: no house elves were harmed during the writing of this chapter. Hermione would be so proud!

And this takes place during Harry's second year at Hogwarts.

7:00 Arise with the sun, letting its rays warm my face and nourish my soul.

7:15 Send an owl to Gilderoy Lockhart demanding to know why he stood me up for supper last night.

7:30 Breakfast - a succulent feast of fruits and boiled eggs.

8:00 Go shopping in Diagon Alley. Rush up to Narcissa Malfoy for gossip from the Society to Promote Equality of Witches benefit balls.

9:00 Settle down with a cup of tea to go over my notes. "The charmingly beautiful lady of the Malfoy manor has informed me that ..."

9:30 Assume my animagus form and buzz around. Spot Molly Weasley shopping in Erma's Used Robes. Fly up to roof and start story. "It's scandalous how civil servants squander their wages, forcing their families to dress in rags..."

10:00 Assume beetle form again and eavesdrop on Narcissa as she has tea with Mrs. Goyle. Overhear her describe my new cloak as a garish picnic blanket.

Flutter into nearest alley and revise story. "The horse faced hag of a well known wizarding family ..."

10:30 Check daily planner - it's a Hogwarts weekend at Hogsmeade. Arrive at the Three Broomsticks via Floo Powder and sashay up to the bar for a Butterbeer. Have Quick-Quotes Quill ready for any Hogwarts tidbits I can find.

11:00 Attempt to interview Professor McGonagall about Dumbledore. She declines. Write in notes "The puffy faced deputy of that ancient clod of mud ... "

11:05 Ask Professor Snape about rumours of Slytherin students achieving top marks despite melting cauldrons and turning burners into wading pools.

No comment. "The greasy haired git who spends too much time in a musty dungeon ... "

11:10 Have lunch with Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. Stifle yawns with gushing admiration. Hear lots about fashion faux pas at Hogwarts and nothing else.

2:00 Assume beetle form and sneak into Percy Weasley's knapsack for a trip into Hogwarts.

4:00 Snoop around the Gryffindor dormitory, making my way to Harry Potter's room. Can I find evidence that he's the heir of Slytherin?

4:15 The Weasley boy in Harry's room keeps a rat - how odd. The rat is searching the room for crumbs. The rat finds a diary under Harry's bed - and opens it? Must be a trained rat. The rat leaves the room.

4:45 I scuttle over to check the diary, prepared to find lots of dishy stuff - what? It's blank? Useless.

5:15 Find my way to the empty teacher's lounge and return home via the fireplace.

5:30 Have quick supper of fish & chips in lonely kitchen.

5:45 Work on romance novel, "Sari PitterPatter and the Flames of Desire".

"Sari entered the ballroom, her shiny orange robes falling gracefully around her form, so gracefully that she did not catch her glowing yellow heels on them. She threw back her glittering mane of flame red hair, showing off the new luminescent purple earrings nestled in her lobes. As she raised her slender left wrist, the one with the plaid bracelet, to gently soothe the itch on her perky nose, her sparkling violet eyes met those of a handsome stranger.

"Milky white skin that hasn't seen the sun in ages emitted a gentle glow. His jet-black hair gleamed with oily purpose. His hands were strong and stained with the work that comes from developing the world's most powerful potions. His dark eyes scoured the room, questing for - questing for - questing for a lady who was woman enough to dance in his arms, yet hardy enough to travel around the world on many adventures, and resilient enough to still have time for a bubble bath at the end of the day."

9:00 10 chapters finished! Set hair with Kwik-Kurl wrappers and Gloria's Glossy Gel. Think fondly of my summer tryst with Gilderoy as I use gel.

9:30 Start nightly manicure.

11:00 Manicure finished! Time for bed. Start removing pillows and shams.

11:15 I slip between my Martha Stewart sheets and commence my beauty sleep.