The Purloined Prophetess

XXV: A Strictly Personal Matter

'You aren't going to go and forgive him or anything, are you?'

It was Reg who spoke, but Tonks and Jack were both looking at me as if they were afraid I might say yes. I felt a sudden rush of longing for Sirius, who was probably the only person in the world who would not have needed to ask the question. And even he never knew how much Snape's revenge - I refuse to call it justice - had cost me. I am not in the habit of complaining.

'No.'

I must have put a lot of venom into one word, because they all edged away uneasily. I don't get angry easily, but people tell me I am very frightening when I do. Strange, when I've spent most of my life making a conscious and sustained effort not to scare anyone.

'Right then,' said Tonks in a businesslike manner, 'should we have him arrested right away, or wait until he leads us to Sybill?'

I blinked. I had been feeling dazed and stupid ever since their shouting woke me up; the complete absence of pain gave everything a slightly unreal feeling. Apparently I had missed something important. 'You think Severus Snape abducted Sybill?'

'Well, isn't it obvious?' she said. 'Expert potion brewer, Hogwarts insider, somebody who asked far too many questions about the investigation, and a damned sneaky little snake in the grass. It all fits.'

Reg, who seemed to have completely forgotten his suspicion of Larry, charged up the stairs to confront Snape.

It sounded all right. I wanted to believe it. I didn't. I was still trying to wrap my head around the reason why I didn't buy this theory when Jack spoke up. 'Wait,' he said. 'Wasn't Snape with Sybill when the other man tried to kidnap you?'

'Well, naturally he had an accomplice - one of the other Death Eaters.' She made it sound like it was self-evident that Snape was a Death Eater.

Right, I thought wearily, time to go back to being the calm, patient, reasonable one. It had been nice having a few minutes off. 'Er, do you have any evidence that there's a connection between comfrey essence and kidnapping? Because I'm bound to say this sounds to me like a strictly personal matter, and I'm not even sure it should go beyond the five of us.'

She looked at me, astonished. Before she or Jack could say anything, the other two reappeared at the top of the stairs. Snape's voice was raised: '... cracking jokes about tattoo parlours - and going around in bloody muscle robes. Why shouldn't I hate you, when you make a mockery of the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life?'

In spite of everything, I realised these last few words carried a note of conviction that could not be faked.

Reg looked hurt, and suddenly very young - hardly different from the boy I remembered, which wasn't so surprising since he had missed out on sixteen years of life. As Snape had said, he was wearing a jaunty set of short-sleeved robes, clothing designed to flaunt the Dark Mark rather than hide it. (He does throw on a longer cloak when he goes out in public.)

I sighed heavily. 'It's the worst thing that's ever happened to him, too, Severus. He just has a different way of handling it.'

'I understand. He prefers to handle it the moronic way. About what I would have expected.'

'No,' I said. 'You've just finished writing a great deal about the Wolfsbane potion. Let me tell you about one of its discoverers. I think you have one or two things in common with him. He never saw his life's work completed either.'

He knew who I meant, of course; while my father had never gained much respect among the academic community while he was alive, his experimental notes had won him a fair amount of posthumous fame. He flinched. 'I'd rather not listen to this, Lupin.'

I pressed on. 'And like you, he fought in three wars, two public and one private. The first was the French Resistance against Grindlewald; the third, which claimed his life, was the first war against Voldemort. The second was entirely a family affair. The battleground was the Dai Llewellen Ward in St. Mungo's; the weapons were Chocolate Frog cards, pillow fights, and dozens of ridiculously silly werewolf jokes. I remember him rattling them off one after another, and my mother forcing herself to laugh. I am telling you this because my parents are two of the bravest people I have ever known, and because I believe Reg has the same brand of courage.' I struggled with temptation for a moment and gave in. 'You don't. You're a coward, Severus.'

Even as I spoke, I knew this was unfair. He had, after all, taken personal risks I could scarcely imagine; even Reg could have only an inkling of them. I expected him to challenge me on this point, but all he said was, 'At least your father seems to have liked you.'

He turned away, looking as if the sight of the four of us caused him physical pain.

'Wow, Moony,' said Reg when he had gone. 'You've got a way with words, did you know that?'

I shook my head. 'I'm not proud of it. I think I hit him below the belt more than once.'

'So did he,' said Jack. 'That last line was calculated to push your buttons. Don't think for a minute that he didn't know it.'

I wasn't so sure, but I didn't feel up to having another argument. My legs felt like wet sponges, and I wondered how this could possibly seem like such a long day when I'd been asleep for most of it. I sat down heavily on the staircase, and was immediately surrounded by all three of them fussing over me and offering everything from aspirin (Jack) to firewhiskey (Reg). I would have done absolutely anything for them at that moment, and at the same time I wished there were a polite way to send them all off to Tibet, just for an hour or so.

Feeling rather embarrassed by all the attention, I tried to say something eloquent that would convey, in equal parts, that I felt nothing but the most profound affection and gratitude for all of them, that I needed to be left alone for a bit, and that I would prefer it if nobody spiked my drinks in the future. What I actually said was more like 'Bleaurgh.' So much for my way with words. Somehow the message must have got across anyway, because they eventually packed me off to bed with my Instant Message Book and a cup of hot chocolate which I hope does not contain any unusual ingredients.

* * *

I have just finished reading Severus' entry again, as well as his comments on one of my own, much earlier, entries. He seems to believe his revenge is justified for three reasons. My first crime, as far as I can make out, is a refusal to be affected by various painful events or at least, affected in the way he thinks I ought to be affected. I think I have responded to this already in my attempt to defend Reg. Bitterness is not the only possible reaction to pain. I will go so far as to say that it is often the easy way out, the tempting choice that has to be struggled against.

His second, and I think most serious, accusation is that I stood by and did nothing while my friends bullied him. This is true. I am still ashamed of the way I acted then. I would like to say, though, that during my one brief year as a teacher I did what I could to make up for these mistakes. I disciplined any students I saw ganging up on others and I never, as far as I can remember, bullied or intentionally humiliated a student myself. From what I have heard of his own behaviour in the classroom, he has done his best to perpetuate the cycle rather than end it.

The last thing he has accused me of is hypocrisy: making strained attempts to be civil when I do not like him. He's right. I don't.

That said, I have more doubts about my own loyalty than his. If anything, he seems to have far more rigid and unwavering principles than the rest of us. And I still see no reason why the story should go beyond those of us who were here this afternoon. I can't impose silence on the rest of you, but I hope you will respect my wishes.

Did you forget that you four aren't the only ones with Instant Message Books? - M. McG.

Oh. Right. - R. J. L.

Don't worry, I'm not about to say anything to the other members of the Order - but I did describe the situation to a specialist in magical ethics ... - M. McG.

You told my MUM?!? - R. J. L.

Well, yes, but I didn't mention any names or the precise medical condition involved. - M. McG.

Oh, she'll know. - R. J. L.

Her opinion was that he is the sort of person we should keep on our side at all costs. She said his sense of justice sounded like the equivalent of a finely honed blade. Cruel for flesh wounds, but merciful if we ever need an executioner. - M. McG.

I see. And did she say anything else, like how's-my-son or I-hope-he's-feeling-better? - R. J. L.

She said the young lady sounded interesting, and she hoped she'd have a chance to meet her. - M. McG.

Minerva, WHAT have you been telling her? - R. J. L.

Oh, only the bare essentials ... - M. McG.

How did you know she was talking about your mother? - J. M. E.

For one thing, they're old friends, and for another, there aren't very many magical ethicists running around. - R. J. L.

Why not? It sounds like an interesting field. - J. M. E.

Because as far as careers that pay well and make you popular with the rest of the community go, it's right up there with being a werewolf. - R. J. L.

Oh. Was it weird being raised by one? - J. M. E.

Apart from the fact that you end up seeing the world in shades of grey on grey, and therefore spend your adult life bumping into walls and missing things that are right in front of you ... perfectly normal. - R. J. L.

XXVI: A Visit to Hagrid's

Tues. 1 p.m. Going to Hagrid's with Larry's daughter. Will stay in contact. If you don't hear from me in an hour, consider second kidnap attempt successful and send in the cavalry. - N. T.

Really, Miss Tonks, I had hoped you might have learned some common sense since you left school, but it seems to be a lost cause. What are you thinking, letting a suspected kidnapper's daughter lure you out of the castle? - M. McG.

How about you stay where you are until the cavalry arrives? Give me an hour to get ready and I'll go with you. - R. J. L.

Forty-five minutes later: Scaredy-cats. Now I'll tell you all about it.

I'm really enjoying this teaching business. It's great fun, and occasionally you can do some good. On my first day posing as Sybill, I met a fifth-year Ravenclaw I recognised as Larry's daughter from the photographs around his office: a vague-looking girl with dirty blonde hair who kept sticking her wand behind one ear. Her classmates don't seem to treat her very well; they keep hiding her things and mocking her behind her back. I got a big kick out of working veiled threats into my Trelawney impression. 'The thing you dread most shall come to pass if what has been hidden is not brought to light,' I intoned, looking one of Luna's roommates in the eye. She squirmed uncomfortably. 'The intolerant will suffer, and those deprived of their rightful property will be vindicated.'

Luna wasn't as scatty as she appeared. She picked up at once on what I was doing, and she seemed grateful for it. (She knew I wasn't Sybill; Larry probably told her so, but I had an odd feeling she'd be able to see through my disguise in any case.) She must have decided I was a sympathetic type, because after class today, she hung around the North Tower until the others had gone.

'Would you care to come to Hagrid's with me?' she suggested. 'We could visit Arjeplog, my Crumple-Horned Snorkack.'

'All right,' I said, hastily scribbling a note in my Instant Message Book.

'Have you got any asparagus with you?' she asked, as if she expected most people to carry asparagus on the off chance they might be invited to meet a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. 'That's his favourite food.'

'Er, no. We could stop by the kitchens ...'

'That's all right, I brought some with me. Good preparation is life's best foundation,' Luna said in a singsong voice. She removed a large bunch of asparagus spears from under her robes and handed me half of them as we walked to the gamekeeper's hut.

Arjeplog munched the asparagus and licked my fingers gently. He seemed friendly enough, although some parts of him were very spiky. I tried not to get too close to his tail. Hagrid stepped outside and welcomed us warmly. 'Good day ter yeh, Luna. And Sybill - I don' remember seein' yeh aroun' here before, but yer welcome ter drop by any time.'

'Oh, I've been here before. And I'm not Sybill. Let me change into a more comfortable shape.'

'Tonks! Haven' seen yeh in ages, not sin' yeh used ter come by with young Charlie Weasley. How're yeh gettin' on as an Auror? Cup o' tea?'

I accepted the tea and something Hagrid said was a scone, but which looked more like a chunk of granite. I tried to feed it to Arjeplog when Hagrid wasn't looking, but he seemed more interested in the many ropes of beads I was wearing around my neck.

'No! Bad Arjie! Yeh don' eat things other people are still wearin'!'

Still wearing? Did that mean things people had taken off were fair game? I disentangled myself, removed a slightly mangled string of beads, and offered it to the Snorkack for dessert.

'Now Luna here, she's got summat she wants to say ter yeh. Bin talkin' with her about it, and we both thought yeh were the mos' likely person ter listen.'

'It's about my dad,' said Luna. 'Many people don't believe the things he says. They seem to think he's a bit odd, really. But he's telling the truth about what happened that night.'

'Most of us don't really think he did it,' I said. 'We simply don't know.'

'He really cares about Professor Trelawney, you know, and he feels awful about her being kidnapped. He didn't want to say anything to you because he thinks it was his fault for not being more careful, but he felt the same way after my mother died, and I don't think it's really logical, it's just that people always seem to blame themselves after bad things happen. I hope you trust him.'

'I do trust him,' I said, and suddenly I was almost sure that I did. 'He turned out to be right about ... something very important.'

'He usually is,' said Luna. 'Like Arjeplog, for instance. Everybody said there was no such thing as the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.'

'I never said that,' said Hagrid, setting his mug of tea on a tree stump and patting Arjeplog on the shoulder. 'Bin wantin' one fer ages.' The Snorkack crunched the mug to bits.

'Well, most people, anyway. And Daddy does get some things wrong, like Stubby Boardman being Sirius Black, but he's right a lot of the time too.' Out of the blue, she added, 'You're sort of a friend of Professor Lupin's, aren't you?'

'I hope so,' I said. Some of the things Snape had said made things very awkward between us. I hoped he hadn't got the idea that my great ambition in life was popping out bubble-gum-pink kids who howl at the moon.

Heaven help you if it is - because I can't. Lycanthropy isn't hereditary, and I refuse to go around biting your children just so they can make the front page of The Quibbler. - R. J. L.

'Well,' said Luna, 'my friend Neville said to give you a message for him. He says you should tell him to come to Hogsmeade on the weekend after next. There's someone who needs to talk to him.'

'Did Neville say who this person was?'

Luna shook her head. 'He was rather mysterious about it, really. I think he was afraid to say because he thought you might not trust this person.'

'I'll tell him,' I said. 'And I think we'll all be coming to Hogsmeade.' Madame Rosmerta would be back that weekend, and I hoped she would be able to confirm Larry's story and supply a fuller description of the woman who had detained him.