The Purloined Prophetess

XIV: The Lady Vanishes

I was looking forward to my shift at Hogwarts for more reasons than one! Sybill and I had been exchanging several letters a day, and we were both looking forward to meeting once again in the Corporeal Realm, as she so beutifully put it. I hoped to see my daughter as well. And finally, I planned to do some recruting for the cause. Remus told me there was a sixth-year student named Hermione Granger who would probably be intrested in joining H.O.W.L.

[Private notes exchanged between Reg Black and Remus Lupin:

Moony, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but are you nuts? It's a good cause in theory, but the man's an idiot! You said yourself that he didn't know the first thing about what it's like to be a werewolf! I don't even want to know what would happen if he tried to spell 'lycanthropy.' - R. B.

I know. I'm hoping Hermione will figure out for herself what it's like to have someone take up a crusade on your behalf without asking your permission. - R. J. L.

Have I ever told you you're a lot more devious than you look? - R. B.

Thank you. - R. J. L.]

Luna introduced me to Miss Granger on the first evening. Not only was she very interested in my activisim on behalf of wherewolves, she told me all about a sosiety she founded called S.P.E.W., which does the same sort of work for house-elves. I could have listened to her for hours! It is terrible the way they are treated - no pay, no holidays, no proper clothing! She helped me get an exclusive interview with a house-elf named Dobby, who told me a heartrenching tale about his former life in a household of Dark wizards. I made a mental note to interview Reg Black's house-elf, Gilderoy, as well. He is a very famous author who has written more than a dozen books, so I think it is very suspicuous that he is still running around in an old tea-towel. Who is really getting the income from his work, I wonder?

[You owe me a bottle of firewhiskey. - R. B.

Agreed. - R. J. L.]

Meanwhile, Sybill and I were getting along beautifully! She's so spiritual, and I love the way she dresses! And she was interested in all the articles the Quibbler has published about famous seers, like Nostradaisimus, Sydney Omarr, and Madame Cassandra Vlabatsky. She even said she might consider writing a weekly horoscope column for us.

Within days, the North Tower seemed just like home. Much more comfortable than home, actually, because Sybill is a great decorator! It occured to me that my house in London really needed a woman's touch.

Luna joined us most evenings when she wasn't over at Hagrid's visiting Arjeplog. It was wonderful to see my daughter again, but I couldn't help thinking how sad it was that she had to be motherless. One evening I asked her how she would feel about having a stepmother. She must have liked the idea, because she came over all dreamy and didn't speak for a long time! 'Well, Daddy,' she said at last, 'I don't think I'd mind anything that makes you really happy.' Wasn't that sweet! 'But I don't think you should propose to her just yet. It's better to take things slowly and buy her gifts and things.'

Luna thought a necklase made of butterbeer caps would make a lovely gift, but Sybill said she was more partial to sherry. I decided that a necklase made of sherry corks would be a nice compromize. Of course it would take Sybill a long time to drink all the sherry first, but I'm a patient man. It took me six years to uncover the truth about Cornelius Fudge controlling the national Quidditch team with the Imperius curse because he was betting against them in all the World Cup games.

The next evening, I asked Professor McGonagall to take over guard duty for a while. It was a rench tearing myself away from the North Tower, but I wanted to pick up some sherry at the Three Broomsticks so I could get started right away on Sybill's necklase.

I asked Madame Rosmerta for a bottle of sherry to take away.

'That seems to be a popular order lately,' she commented. 'Why don't you stay for a while and have something for yourself, love?'

'Don't mind if I do,' I said. 'I'll have a vodka and pumpkin juice.'

As I sat at the bar sipping my drink, a stunningly beautiful woman with red-gold hair approached me. 'Aren't you Mr. Lovegood, editor of the Quibbler?'

'Larry Lovegood is my name, crusadin' with the facts is my game. That's me.'

She sat down next to me and began to talk in a rapid undertone. 'My name is Fidessa Fauntleroy, and I work at the Ministry of Magic. I'm not supposed to talk about this, but I think the world should know the full truth about what happened to Dolores Umbridge, who has been away on a leave of illness since last spring. I want you to write an exposay.'

I borrowed a pen from Madame Rosmerta and grabbed a handful of cocktail napkins to write on. Fidessa gave me the best scoop I'd had in years! It had everything - a cover-up at the Ministry, an unpopular public official getting her comeuppance, and a wonderful human rights angle. You see, during Dolores Umbridge's time in office, she'd been the author of several unusually vicious pieces of anti-wherewolf legislation. Ironikly, after Madame Umbridge spent a night in the Forbidden Forest last spring, she had been discovered to have a wherewolf bite herself - in, shall we say, an intimate portion of her anatomy! Of course her former colleagues at the Ministry were working feverishly to conceal this. They had locked Madame Umbridge away in a top-secret private ward at St. Mungo's, where she lay shackled to the bed and guarded by Aurors with silver bullets.

I listened to Fidessa in fascination and filled half a dozen cocktail napkins with notes. This story was so hot it smoked! If it didn't sell a thousand new subscriptions to the Quibbler and bring comfort to oppressed and persecuted wherewolves all over Britain, I would be very surprised.

It wasn't until I heard Rosmerta calling for last orders that I realised it must be almost eleven o'clock, much later than I had intended to stay in the villiage. I hurried back to the North Tower.

'Halt! Know ye the password?' said Sir Cadogan.

'Er...' He changes them all the time, and I don't know a whole lot about knights and things.

''Tis one of the famous ones this time.'

'Sir Lancelot? Sir Galahad? Er ... Sir Rhosis, Sir Cuselephant? Sir Gawain?'

The portrit swung aside. 'Pass, brave Sir Larry!'

I climbed the ladder only to find that Professor McGonagall had already gone. The tower seemed deserted. I assumed that Sybill was in the washroom, which is where she usually hides from Professor McGonagall. They don't seem to like each other very much.

'Hello, darling, I'm back.' There was no answer. I tapped softly on the washroom door. 'You can come out now!' Still no answer. I banged on the door and then rattled the knob.

The door was unlocked and the room was empty!

'Sybill!' I shouted, running through the tower. 'Darling! My little Blibbering Humdinger! Where are you? Sybill!' She was nowhere to be seen.

I remembered Dumbledore's instructions and rushed down to the portrit at the base of the tower. 'Sir Cadogan! Raise the alarm!'

'God save ye, noble sir! Have ye a quest for me?'

'YES!' I almost sobbed.

'Be of stout heart! Is it some maiden, some passing fair and gentle damsel in distress? Alas, I have a soft spot for the ladies! I swear upon my sword that Sir Cadogan shall neither rest, nor take food or drink, until she receives rescue and succour.'

I sank down on the landing, relieved to find someone who shared my own feelings so completely. 'It is. She is a sweet and innocent lady, and I fear she has fallen into evil hands.'

'A dragon? A Questing Beast? A giant? Or perhaps some wicked, scurvy, treacherous wizard?'

'Wicked wizard,' I gasped. 'Tell all the other portrits, will you?'

'Fear ye not, Sir Cadogan will save the day!' He clanked out of the frame, followed by his pony.

Feeling a little better now that such a brave knight was on my side, I hurried off to Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, to alert the other members of the Order.

XV: Minerva's Statement

I, Minerva McGonagall, Transfiguration Mistress at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, am writing this in Sybill Trelawney's Instant Message Book, which she left behind in the North Tower at the time of her disappearance on the 28^th of September. Larry Lovegood's account of the night's events, which I have just finished reading, contains several discrepancies with my own recollections. I feel it is my duty to make the other members of the Order of the Phoenix aware of these inconsistencies.

First of all, Mr Lovegood seems to imply that I deserted my post before he returned. This is absolutely untrue. I never left the Divination classroom between eight o'clock, when he left for Hogsmeade, and eleven, when he returned. I spent the entire time sitting in an armchair marking Transfiguration essays and practising my saxophone. I had a clear view of the washroom in which Sybill had locked herself. It has no windows and no door other than the one directly in my line of sight, which never opened. As I am sure my readers are aware, it is impossible to Apparate or Disapparate inside of Hogwarts. Short of setting up an unauthorised Portkey, I see no way for Sybill to have left the washroom during the entire time I was there.

Forgive me for asking this, Minerva, but there's usually a roaring fire in the Divination classroom and I know from experience how easy it is to fall asleep over a stack of essays. Are you positive you didn't doze off at any time during the evening? - R. J. L.

You needn't apologise; that is a fair question. I don't think I did, but I can't absolutely swear to it. - M. McG.

In any case, Mr Lovegood and I saw each other and spoke briefly after he returned. He asked me how the evening had gone; I said that it had been very quiet, and we wished each other good night. In light of this, I find his statement that I was absent completely inexplicable.

Mr Lovegood's version of his conversation with Sybill upon his return is also not strictly accurate. What I actually heard him say as I left the North Tower was, 'Hello, darling, it's safe to come out now - that old she-gorgon is gone!' I appreciate that he may have left off the 'old she-gorgon' part out of politeness. (I have been called much worse in my time. I must, however, point out that the expression is redundant, as gorgons are by definition female.) What I find harder to explain is the fact that I believe I heard Sybill reply to him, although her voice is very low and there is a slight chance I may have been mistaken.

Finally, and most tellingly, Mr Lovegood states that he discovered Sybill's absence right away and raised the alarm almost immediately. After I left the North Tower, I stopped by my office to drop off the essays I had finished marking, went to the kitchens for a cup of cocoa and a late snack, and finally returned to my own bedroom, all of which could not have taken me less than twenty minutes. The portrait of Godric Gryffindor in my room did not give me the news of Sybill Trelawney's abduction until ten minutes or so after that, which would have been around half past eleven. I have no idea how Mr Lovegood accounts for the missing half hour.

I am not accusing Mr Lovegood of anything; that is a matter for the other members of the Order to determine. I do believe I have described the events of this evening accurately and faithfully, to the best of my recollection.

Thank you, Minerva. I think you'd better keep Sybill's book with you in case there's anything you'd like to add. Has anybody got any questions about her statement? - R. J. L.

I have a few. Did you, at any point in the evening, speak to Professor Trelawney or have any indication that she was in fact in the washroom? - J. M. E.

Yes, I called out to her when I came in at eight, and she said she didn't want to be disturbed. I heard nothing from her after that. - M. McG.

Secondly, this Sir Cadogan sounds very eccentric - is he reliable? - J. M. E.

When it comes to spreading alarms, yes. He'd wake the dead. - M. McG.

XVI: The Suspects

[Editor's note: At the author's request, I have Arcanum Charmed this section against Larry Lovegood and Minerva McGonagall. - R. J. L.

Oh, come on, Jack - you can't possibly imagine old Minnie is lying! - R. B.

We have to take all the possibilities into account, Reg. - J. M. E.

Speaking as an Auror, I agree with his decision. Never assume. - N. T.]

The phone rang just before midnight. Groaning slightly, I reached for the receiver. 'Hello,' I said softly, trying not to wake Harriet. Almost simultaneously, an owl swooped in and dropped a note and a small packet on the windowsill. Telephones and owls. I had a feeling this was urgent.

'Jack? It's Tonks. I'm calling from the pay phone outside headquarters. I need you to read the last two entries in your Instant Message Book, and then come here at once.' I read the two accounts of Sybill's abduction, dressed hastily, and drove to Grimmauld Place.

The kitchen was nearly empty when I got there. Tonks, Reg, and Remus were sitting at one end of the table with a single guttering candle and an open bottle of wine in front of them. They looked tense, although my arrival seemed to relax them a little. 'What took you so long?' Tonks asked. 'Didn't the Portkey work for you?'

'Portkey?'

'Reg, I told you it was a bad idea to put it in a sample packet of Pixie-B-Gon!' she said. 'What would Jack want with Pixie-B-Gon? He probably threw it in the bin without opening it or reading the note!'

I realised they must be talking about the packet the owl had left. 'Well, actually, I completely forgot to look at it - the news about Sybill came as a bit of a shock. Please fill me in on what else has happened. Where's Larry?'

'Upstairs. Molly gave him a sleeping draught. He's very upset,' said Tonks.

'Or pretending to be,' Reg growled. 'The other members of the Order are keeping a close eye on the kidnapper.'

'We don't know that,' said Remus wearily. I had a feeling they'd gone over this ground before. 'We'd like to get your objective opinion before we say anything else. Give us your impression of Larry and Minerva's entries.'

'Well, it seems clear that at least one of them is lying,' I said. 'The natural inference is that this person kidnapped her, but it's possible that an outsider did so and one of them is trying to cover for his or her own negligence.' I got out my legal pad and divided a page into three columns, heading them LARRY LOVEGOOD, MINERVA MCGONAGALL, and PERSON OR PERSONS UNKNOWN. 'Could Larry have been the man who tried to kidnap you last week?' I asked Tonks.

'Larry is more heavyset,' she said, 'but that doesn't necessarily mean anything in our world, and I'll explain why in a minute. But before we say more, who do you think is more likely to be telling the truth, Larry or Minerva? I'm asking you as an outsider, leaving personalities out of it.'

'I don't think you can ever leave personalities out of it,' I said, 'but going strictly on the version of the facts each of them has given, I don't see anything to choose between them.'

'I agree,' said Remus. 'That's what we've been trying to tell Reg. The trouble is that most people who grew up with Minerva McGonagall as a teacher - which means nearly all British wizards under fifty - are going to react exactly as Reg did.' He looked thoughtful for a moment and added, 'We also have to consider the possibility that they are both telling the truth.'

'That's impossible,' I said. 'They directly contradict each other.'

'Not necessarily,' Tonks said. She told me about Polyjuice potion and other methods of disguising one's appearance. 'It's just possible that the person Minerva spoke to was not Larry, but if he arrived at eleven and the real Larry got there around the same time, I don't see how he would have had time to get Sybill out of the tower without being caught in the act. By the way, does anybody else think this Fauntleroy woman looks suspicious?'

Remus nodded. 'She's lying her head off, for one thing. Umbridge's night in the forest was the same night as the battle at the Ministry, which certainly did not take place at the full moon.'

'How on earth do you remember that?' I asked.

I caught a flicker of amusement in his eyes that I was at a loss to explain. 'Just trust me. I do.'

'I don't know very much about werewolves,' I said, 'but I thought hardly anybody survived an encounter with one unless they were bitten on one of the extremities. Are they in the habit of biting people on, er, intimate parts, like this Fidessa person said?'

For some reason, everybody else at the table seemed to find this question hilarious. Perhaps it was the tension and the wine. They spent a few minutes tossing around some bits of innuendo that I didn't understand.

'It was a serious question,' I said at last.

'And it deserves a serious answer,' said Reg. 'C'mon, Moony, give us the benefit of your professional expertise ... as a Defence Against the Dark Arts scholar, I mean.' I saw nothing particularly odd about this request; Tonks tells me he is really quite brilliant, although his health won't allow him to take a permanent teaching job. The others, however, started laughing again.

Remus had gone very red in the face. 'Let's just say I don't think any self-respecting werewolf would have bitten Dolores Umbridge in such a manner,' he said in a strangled voice.

'Anyway, Fidessa's story was just too pat,' said Tonks. 'It had werewolves, a government scandal, and a nice stroke of poetic justice. The only thing missing is a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Larry would've eaten it up. It sounds like she deliberately invented it to get him out of the way.'

'Or Larry invented it to make it sound like somebody was trying to get him out of the way,' said Reg, who still seemed firmly convinced of Larry's guilt.

'Either way,' she said, 'I'm willing to bet my last Galleon that there's no Fidessa Fauntleroy employed at the Ministry, although I'll check up on it at work tomorrow. I'll also check up on the description, although I don't know that we'll get much out of "red-gold hair, stunningly beautiful." To borrow your way of talking about our relatives, Reg, she could well be Evil Auntie Trixie with a Hair-Colouring Charm.'

'She could be anybody,' said Reg, 'considering that the description comes from a man who thinks Sybill Trelawney is stunningly beautiful. Is that even possible? I wonder if this whole romance was a ploy to gain her trust.'

There was a moment of silence. 'She'll be all right,' Remus said, as though he were trying to convince himself. 'She's not worth anything to them unless she can make prophecies. They'll take care of her - it just won't be very pleasant for her.'

'Could she have left voluntarily?' I asked. 'Either because Larry, or someone she thought was Larry, invited her out, or through this Portkey thing everybody keeps talking about? Could you explain what that is and how they work?'

Tonks gave me a short explanation. 'I don't think she would have Portkeyed herself out of the tower on purpose,' she said, 'because Sybill almost never goes anywhere on purpose, but it's possible that someone else set up an unauthorised Portkey. We'll check all the items in the washroom thoroughly.'

'But you can't absolutely rule out the possibility that she might have left on her own. She might even have decided of her own accord to share her gifts with the Death Eaters, if it comes to that.' I added SYBILL TRELAWNEY to my list of suspects.

'The Portkey idea still points to Larry. He's one of the few people who had access to her tower,' said Reg.

'Or to you or me or Remus, or a Hogwarts staff member or student,' said Tonks composedly. 'I'd better check up on which of the Death Eaters' children are taking Divination with Sybill this term.'

'They aren't,' said Remus promptly. 'They're all Slytherins and Professor Dumbledore isn't stupid - he assigned all those classes to Firenze. Unless, of course, there are Death Eaters we don't know about yet.'

'Would students have been able to get into the North Tower even if they weren't taking a class with her?' I asked.

'Honestly? Yes. Passwords get swapped around and overheard all the time at Hogwarts. It's inevitable, with hundreds of kids running around. But nobody has actually seen anyone in the North Tower over the last few weeks who wasn't supposed to be there - which brings us back to the impersonation idea. I think it's very suggestive that Severus reported his Potions kit had been tampered with. That implies somebody may have been looking for the ingredients to Polyjuice potion.'

'Polyjuice potion, Moony?' said Reg. 'That's a little beyond student level, isn't it? Makes it sound more and more like it was one of us.'

'I wouldn't be too sure about that,' said Remus with a mysterious smile.

'How about a complete outsider? Could an adult with no ties to Hogwarts have gained access to the school?' I asked.

'Much more difficult,' said Tonks. 'I'd even say impossible, unless they had a student or staff member as an informant. So that narrows the field, but not by very much. We would need to know more to work out who is guilty or where they've taken her.' She gave Reg a sideways glance. 'I've got an idea.'