A Last Love

Chapter One - Grief is a Mysterious Thing

The newly risen sun shone down over the houses of Privet Drive. 'It was going to be another unbearably hot day,' thought Harry Potter as he rolled over in bed. He glanced over at his birthday presents that his friends had bought him. They were still left unopened. Harry's birthday had been a few days ago, however, he just wasn't in the mood. He looked over at the clock: 07:04 am. He got up slowly, not wanting to do much, and wandered over to his wardrobe where he got slowly dressed.

At that moment Hedwig soared in through the open window with about four letters for Harry.

"Put them on the pile, Hedwig," Harry said tonelessly.

Hedwig obediently put the letters on the huge mountain of unopened ones. As soon as he'd arrived at the Durselys', he hadn't bothered to open any of his mail. Today, however, he thought he might as well open one. He picked up the first one, which was from Hermione. He recognised her neat handwriting. What would she have sent him? He started to open it, but his hands were shaking. He dropped the letter, went over to his bed and tried to choke back the tears forming in his eyes.

'No, don't cry again. The day hasn't even started yet,' Harry told himself sternly. He shook himself, stood up straight, and walked downstairs to make himself some toast which he took up to his room. He crawled on his bed again, eating the toast. He needed to get a grip on himself; he couldn't carry on like this forever. His thoughts drifted as he ate, and he finally made up his mind. He would carry on with his life. That's what he would've wanted... Harry stood up and began to tidy up his room. He eventually came to his mountain of letters and picked up the bottom one. It was from Ron. He took a deep breath and opened the letter then unrolled the parchment and began to read:

Dear Harry,

How are you, mate? I've been pretty worried about you, after everything that's happened. Dumbledore says you can come round in about a week in the summer holidays. Please write back soon.

-Ron

Harry looked up around his room. It was the third week of the summer holidays. Did that mean he'd been invited somewhere, and he hadn't bothered to find out? Harry was momentarily angry with himself, but then his pain came back. He found it wasn't as bad as he had expected, reading Ron's letter. In fact, it made him feel better. His hand reached to the next letter. It was from Hermione.

Dear Harry,

How are you? Listen, Harry, don't do anything stupid. Please don't. You can come and stay here for a bit. Thinking about you.

-Love from Hermione

Harry's first thought was confusion. Where did she mean? You can come and stay here for a bit. Where? He read through the rest of his mail. It was at about eleven o'clock when he'd finished. The letters were now full of concern and worry. Harry sighed, sat down, and sent a letter to everyone who had sent him one, which included Remus Lupin, Mad-eye Moody, Tonks, and Hagrid.

I'm fine. I'm sorry I haven't replied to any of your letters. I've been a bit unhappy. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. So, if anyone could help me I'd really appreciate it.

-Harry

Harry went over to Hedwig, who waited very still so he could tie all the letters to her leg, and she took flight through the window into the sky. Harry sighed and looked at his clock. That was the most eventful day of his summer and the time was only twelve noon. Harry looked out the window and sat down on his bed thinking he would wait for Hedwig, which at least gave him something to do. So he sat on his bed and waited.

* * * * * *

Harry was woken up by a rustle of feathers as something landed gently on him. He jumped, and after about seven seconds of confused struggling, Harry sat up with Hedwig in his arms.

"Hedwig!" Harry shouted.

Hedwig hooted quietly and held out her leg. There was a note. Harry took it and opened it quickly. What he read made his heart plummet like a stone.

Dear Harry,

We are all at Grimmauld Place. The adults will be arriving in about ten minutes to collect you. Stay in your aunt and uncle's house.

-Hermione, Weasleys, Hagrid, Mad-eye Moody, Lupin, and Tonks

Harry clenched his hand around the letter, and threw it to the floor.

'How dare they?!' Harry thought in a rage. 'It was Sirius' house...'

From downstairs came a knock on the door. It can't have been ten minutes already, can it? Harry heard Dudley shuffle towards the door and open it.

"We've come to pick Harry up." It was the voice of Remus Lupin

Dudley grunted he would get him, but Lupin cut across him.

"Sorry, but can we come in? I know your parents wouldn't be happy, but we need to help Harry pack as quickly as possible."

Dudley stood frozen in the doorway as something in his head clicked.

"If you don't believe us, we have a letter from Albus Dumbledore."

There was no sound of movement from Dudley downstairs. Uncle Vernon seemed to realise that Dudley wasn't moving, because he came into the passage and said, "Everything all right, son? Oh no, not you lot!"

"Mr Dursley..." Then there was the sound of quiet calm talk. The front door closed and then came a soft knock on Harry's bedroom door.

"Come in," Harry muttered

There was a woman standing in the doorway. She had long, straight, waist-length, brown hair and big, brown eyes. Harry looked at her and she smiled.

"Hi, Harry, it's me! Tonks!"

"Hi, Tonks," said Harry flatly. He tried to fight back the tears that were prickling in his eyes.

"Come on," said Tonks gently. "We're going to pack all your things now."

Harry could only nod. His things were still in his trunk; he hadn't opened it at all. Tonks sighed and picked up Harry's trunk

"Come on, Harry. It's time to go now."

She was looking at Harry full of concern. He coaxed Hedwig into her cage, picked it up and hurried down after Tonks.

"Harry!" It was Lupin. Lupin looked up at him and smiled. Everyone from the Order of the Phoenix seemed to be there. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were looking most annoyed that these abnormal people should be in their house, but they all had their wands out, so they said nothing. Dudley was hiding in the cupboard under the stairs where Harry's bedroom used to be. Not that it offered a safe haven, since he was shaking so badly that everyone could hear him moving.

"Well, thank you for your er... hospitality, Mr and Mrs Dursley," Lupin said. "We'll be on our way now. Harry, got your broom?" Lupin asked, turning towards him kindly.

Harry nodded and went under the stairs to collect his Firebolt, the best racing broom in the world. It was a gift from Sirius for all his birthdays he had missed. It took a bit longer to retrieve his broom from within the cupboard, because it turned out that Dudley was sitting scared stiff on top of it.

"Would it be alright if we used your back garden?" Lupin asked

Harry's purple-faced Uncle could only nod jerkily in reply.

"Thank you. Come on, Harry."

Lupin held out a rusty old can.

"Harry and I will go by Portkey to the front porch of Grimmauld Place. Arthur should've disabled the detection on Portkeys by now. You will all Apparate back to Grimmauld Place when we're gone, understand?"

The rest of the Order nodded, except for Tonks.

"I'll go with you, Lupin," she said.

"Okay," said Lupin slowly, "no one else, though."

Everyone else nodded. At that moment Lupin's watch on his wrist glowed a light blue.

"Hold on, Harry," said Lupin.

Harry held onto the can with Lupin and Tonks. He felt the familiar jerking sensation just beneath the navel. The world was spinning, and everything was a blur. Just as Harry started feeling sick, he was thrown face-forward on the hard floor of concrete pavement. He opened his eyes and someone held out their hand to him. He took it and stood up. His sight was recovering some focus. The streetlamps were bright yellow and illuminated the darkness around them. He knew where he was. He looked across to the other side of the street and saw house number eleven and house number thirteen, but no number twelve. As soon as Lupin nodded at him to go, Harry crossed the street and began thinking about the address.

'Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix...'

And just then, a grimy house appeared out of nowhere in the middle of numbers eleven and thirteen. The sight of it made Harry even sadder than he was before. Suddenly, everyone else who came to get him Apparated behind him, and they all started moving quickly towards the house. At the door, Lupin knocked gently. The door opened slowly and Mrs Weasley's eye peered at them through the small gap between the door and its frame. She sighed quietly and ushered everyone inside. She whispered something urgently to Lupin, and he nodded to everyone else. He then turned to Harry.

"I'm really sorry about this, Harry," he whispered. "We're going to have to leave to go to the meeting. Our newest member has been captured by Voldemort. I shouldn't really tell you information like that, but it's what he would've wanted..." His voice trailed sadly off and he looked intently at Harry. Harry didn't need to ask who 'he' was. He knew he meant Sirius.

"Hermione and the rest of the Weasleys are upstairs in your room, I think. Just go straight up, but remember to be quiet."

Harry crept quietly upstairs and tiptoed to his and Ron's room. He paused outside the door as he heard everyone's voices coming from inside. They were talking about him.

"I'm so worried about him, Ron. Do you think he actually got the letters we sent? Maybe a Death Eater is intercepting them. Maybe he wants Harry to think we don't care about what happened with Sirius."

Harry's sadness since the loss of Sirius only deepened when Hermione mentioned him casually like that. She never understood Sirius or how he felt trapped in this house. Her whole future hadn't depended on him, Harry thought bitterly. To her, he was Harry's godfather and a nice person. His thoughts were interrupted by Ron's voice.

"Hermione I'm worried about him too, right? But you talk about nothing else. Do you fancy Harry or something?"

"Ron! How dare you! Harry's my best friend!" she said in outrage.

But Harry didn't wait for Ron's reply. He didn't need a debate as to whether Hermione fancied him or not. The only person he had fancied was Cho Chang. However, they had dated last year and it didn't work out. In truth, Harry hadn't thought about her for a long time. Everything came second best to Sirius. He rushed off upstairs to try and escape his thoughts and nearly ran right into Ginny Weasley.

"Oh, Harry! Hi! I didn't know you were here." She sounded so casual and normal.

"Hi, Ginny," said Harry, desperate not to cry in front of her. He forced a smile, which she returned with a cheeky grin.

"I thought Hermione would scream the place down when you came back. And Ron always kicks up a fuss--". She stopped at the look on his face. "They don't know you're back yet, do they?"

Harry shook his head and stared at the floor. Ginny sighed and seemed to know what was wrong. "Hey, guess what? I got a Saturday job working at Flourish and Blotts, and I saved up enough money to buy a new broom. Want to come up to my room and give me your opinion on it?"

Harry just nodded, and Ginny led the way up to the room she shared with Hermione. This was exactly what Harry wanted. Some normality, someone who wouldn't pity him, someone who would just take his mind off Sirius...

* * * * * *

Ginny opened the door to her room and turned on the lamps. Then she went straight to her bed while Harry stood awkwardly in the doorway. He had never seen Ginny as a close friend really, just as Ron's kid sister. He was jerked out of his thoughts when Ginny emerged from under her bed with her new broom.

"What do you think of this?" she said proudly. She handed it to Harry, who examined it from all angles.

Ginny ran a commentary while he looked at it. "It's from the new range of brooms. The Meteorite Mark I. The handle is made of Cherry Wood. It's small, sleek and can go very fast. See the way these twigs on the tail are angled? This is the new aerodynamic design. Obviously, it's not as good as a Firebolt but..." She looked at him expectantly, waiting for Harry's opinion.

"It's amazing, Ginny. It has to be one of the best brooms in the world." Ginny's face flushed. Harry was exactly what she needed. So far this summer holiday everyone had been caught up with the Order of the Phoenix, and she'd been left out. At least Ron and Hermione had each other to talk to. When she got this new broom, no one had been bothered by it, and to see Harry appreciate it the way she did was very comforting to her.

"Well, it is a great broom. I did want a Firebolt, but I could never afford it." She and Harry both smiled at each other. Genuine smiles that they both hadn't sported in a long time. "I've also got this amazing broom polish; that's my secret to this gorgeous glow." She hesitated. "Um, shall I get your broom and we can polish them both together? I haven't had a proper look at your Firebolt yet."

Harry nodded. "I'll be as quick as I can," she said, practically running out of the room.

Harry couldn't believe how he hadn't seen Ginny as herself. She was so nice and down to earth. He didn't realise it then, but she had definitely given him something to think about other than Sirius. Sirius was at the back of his mind right now. She appeared at the doorway with Harry's Firebolt, and he found instead of crying about Sirius when he looked at it, he really wanted to polish it with Ginny. It had lost the shine it once used to have.

"I hope that polish of yours is good, Ginny. It's going to take a lot to make it as shiny as yours."

Ginny looked at it. "Wow, your broom's even more amazing than I remember. But you're right that it's going to need good polish. It's definitely lost its expensive gleam." She put on a military style voice. "If you're up to the challenge, sir, we will make you're broom look better than new."

Harry laughed for the first time in ages. She was so fun to be with. She got out her polish cream and two rags. She passed one to Harry.

"Now, let's get polishing!"

While they were polishing their brooms they chatted about Hogwarts and the students there. Ginny giggled as she told Harry all about Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood's romance. She claimed it happened when they were both at the greenhouses trying to catch Trevor the toad. Halfway through the story, however, Mrs Weasley came in with Ron and Hermione close behind her.

"Harry, there you are! I started to worry about you when you weren't with Ron and Hermione," panted Mrs Weasley out of breath. She had obviously run all over the place looking for him. A white-faced Hermione pushed past and threw her arms around Harry and burst into tears.

"Harry!" she sobbed. "I thought you'd been kidnapped or something! I was so worried when Mrs Weasley told us you'd already arrived!"

Harry noticed Ron's eyes fixed on Hermione with a sort of pained expression on his face. It was almost wistful, Harry thought... He'd talk to Ron about it later. He prised himself out of Hermione's arms, which was easier said than done, because Hermione was now howling the place down and had actually woken the portrait of Sirius' mother in the entrance hall. Mrs Weasley sighed and muttered, "Not again!" and then hurried downstairs to try and restore calm.

While Ginny soothed Hermione, Harry turned to Ron, his best friend. Ron looked a little confused at having found Harry in his sister's room. "Harry, do you want a hand unpacking? Your stuff's in our room."

Harry nodded and got up reluctantly. He was careful not to show how disappointed he really was. Ginny was so understanding, but on the other hand, Ron would probably be feeling quite hurt. They went downstairs to the bedroom they shared; the house now much quieter as the portrait had stopped shrieking insults at everyone. Ron kept glancing at Harry until they reached their room.

Harry collapsed on his bed, the familiar feeling of sadness washing over him.

"Harry?" Ron said tentatively from his bed. He was perched on the end as if he had something important to say. Harry sat up, knowing that Ron was about to ask endless questions about him. "Why were you in Ginny's room?"

"What?" Harry said a little surprised. He had been expecting questions about his summer, why he hadn't replied to his letters for so long, and at least, how he felt about losing Sirius. Harry looked up sheepishly.

"Um... Well, I heard you and Hermione fighting, and I didn't want to start getting roped into your argument. I don't have the strength right now."

"And you were in my sister's room because?" Ron said suspiciously.

"Well, I got a bit upset thinking about what..." Harry paused for a second. "What Sirius would've said about you two arguing." Harry was now looking anywhere but at Ron. "I guess it just sort of overwhelmed me. I'm back in his house, and everywhere I go, I can see him." Harry sat up and buried his face in his hands and blinked back the tears stinging his eyes. Even though he said nothing, Harry could tell Ron wanted to know why he had chosen to go and see Ginny first over his best friend, so he carried on with his story trying to push Sirius to the back of his mind.

"I tried to go upstairs to clear my head a bit and get away from everyone, and I literally bumped into Ginny. I was going to just say sorry and walk away asking her to leave me alone, but I found she treated me normally. She wasn't 'walking on eggshells', just trying to make me feel better in her own way."

"Did she make you feel better?" asked Ron, now sounding amused.

"Yes, she did. We talked mostly about brooms."

"I heard you talking about Neville and 'Loony' Luna," said Ron, grinning.

"Yeah, they're going out together. Boyfriend and girlfriend, aren't they?"

Ron gave a very satisfied grin. "Ginny wouldn't tell us who Neville was going out with. She said it was his business to tell us when he wanted to. We've been trying to get it out of her."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Hermione and I, of course. You may think she's all sweet and innocent, but believe me, she's into more gossip than you know, Harry Potter." Ron laughed.

Harry looked stunned. "Not Hermione, surely?"

Ron nodded with a smile but, before he could say another word, there was a knock on their bedroom door and Mrs Weasley entered.

"Supper's ready now, boys. I want you both to make a trip to the bathroom and wash your hands. Don't give me that look, Ronald," she added as Ron rolled his eyes. "As long as you're in the same house as me, you will wash your hands before you eat, no matter how old you are."

Ron sighed, got off his bed, and turned to Harry.

"You coming, mate?"

Harry thought for a moment. He wasn't sure if he could go downstairs and have everyone making a fuss of him. In fact, just thinking about it was torture.

"I'm not really up to seeing everyone in one go just yet, Ron. I need to deal with this in my own way."

"But if you'd just get it over and done with, you'd feel better. And everyone's dying to see you; we've all been a bit worried about you, Harry."

Mrs Weasley came to his rescue. "Ron, don't push Harry right now, there's a good lad," she said in her softest voice. "He's been through a lot, and like he said, he needs to deal with this in his own way." Before Ron could protest, Mrs Weasley quickly ended the starting argument. "I'll send someone right up with your dinner." She quickly glanced over at Ron. "I think it would be better for Harry if he slept in a room on his own right now." She turned to address Harry. "There's a spare room on the third floor landing, second door on the left. I'll get Remus to bring your belongings upstairs."

Ron started arguing with his mother, but Harry, who was keen to get away, walked through the open door and went to his new room. He could tell that this room hadn't been used before, but at least it was clean. He fell on the green sofa, waiting for his dinner, and trying to distract himself from his thoughts. He thought he'd close his eyes for just one second, just to stop his mind working. The next thing he knew he felt a sharp pain in his side. He immediately opened his eyes and saw Ginny standing over him. He realized that she must've kicked him.

"What are you doing?" Harry said angrily.

"Well, you fell asleep on the floor, and I thought I'd wake you for your dinner."

"I fell asleep on the sofa, not the floor," said Harry gingerly, rubbing his side.

"You must've rolled off it then," Ginny said unsympathetically. Harry sat up begrudgingly on the hard wooden flooring and got onto the lumpy, viridian sofa. He ran his fingers through his tousled hair and rearranged his slipped glasses.

"This is the best food mum's made since we came here," Ginny said, placing the tray of steaming food on an old oak table at the end of the bed. Harry shuffled over to the table and sat on one of the matching oak chairs cushioned in green velvet.

"Thanks, Ginny," Harry said quietly, then looked down at his plate of food. He had a huge bowl of spaghetti bolognaise, an enormous jacket potato smothered in egg mayonnaise, and a large plate of salad complete with his favourite homemade honey and mustard salad dressing.

"Harry..." said Ginny gently, perching on the edge of a matching chair. "Don't you think that you should at least let Ron and Hermione in? They're your friends, too, and they know you better than me. I've told them to act normal around you and they promise they will." Harry stared doubtfully at his fork full of spaghetti. "And to be honest," Ginny said, suddenly laughing, "I'm sick of them giving me the 'evil look'." Harry laughed too and smiled at her.

"Okay, tell them to come up." Ginny smiled and began leaving the room. At the door she turned back to look him straight in the eye and smiled. A dazzling smile that Harry hadn't seen before.

"I'll come and talk to you after you've broken the ice a bit." Harry nodded and Ginny left the room gently closing the door behind her. Harry carried on eating his dinner, hungrier than he had been in a long while, and thinking how he could not have realised Ginny was so thoughtful before. He occupied himself by eating slowly through his dinner. Before he had even got quarter of the way, there was a soft knock on his door.

"Come in!" Harry called. Ron and Hermione came into the room, Ron carrying two trays and Hermione giving Harry a small hug.

"Sorry we didn't think of your feelings more," she said quietly, close to tears.

"Yeah, sorry, mate," said Ron, putting the two trays of food on the table.

"Don't worry about it," Harry said, smiling at his two best friends. He hadn't seen them in ages, and he had missed them. They had changed a lot over the summer. Ron was now taller than Harry, and Hermione was beginning to turn into quite a beauty, even though her hair was bushy and she still didn't wear make-up. Harry amused himself for a second thinking that she was perhaps the only girl in their whole year who didn't wear make-up. His two friends sat down and also ate their dinner.

"So, been up to much lately, Ron?" Harry asked.

"Practising Quidditch. I'm getting so much better now! And Hermione's been going through some control exercises so that I won't be nervous before and during a match."

"That's great, Ron. This year the Quidditch cup will go to Gryffindor!" Harry cheered. "And what about you, Hermione? What have you been up to?"

"Well, I've been really busy revising for our N.E.W.T's; it's going to be so difficult this year, probably with a lot of homework. I'm also trying to think of new ways as a Prefect to improve the school system, and I'm going to put my ideas across at the next meeting!" Ron rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

He leaned across to Harry and said in a loud whisper, "Hermione hasn't changed, as you can see." As her response, Hermione threw Ron's Prefect badge at him.

"Ow!" Ron yelped. "What did you do that - Hey! Where did you find my Prefect badge?"

"In the fridge, Ron," Hermione said disapprovingly, while Harry broke into hysterics.

"The fridge? Oh, I thought Fred was joking when he said he saw it in there." Ron started laughing as well, and when Hermione couldn't keep up the façade any longer, she joined in too.

After that, the tension between them ceased to exist and they chatted and joked their way through dinner. When they had finished and were leaning back in their chairs, Mrs Weasley came in, Ginny following close behind. They had a tray each bearing large portions of rich, homemade, sticky toffee pudding, drowning in custard. They both set their trays down and Mrs Weasley smiled. Ginny grabbed a portion and sat on the sofa. As everyone's conversation resumed, Harry couldn't help noticing that Ron and Hermione were being a bit cold toward Ginny. He tried to lose himself in what was being said, but he couldn't help noticing Ginny being left purposefully out. Ginny finally got up to leave and shut the door loudly behind her.

"Why are you two being so distant with Ginny?" Harry asked. He didn't want to start an argument, but he didn't want Ginny to be cut off either.

"The question is, Harry, why would you choose my sister's company above mine and Hermione's? I thought we were your best friends," Ron said lightly, but one could feel his frustration and anger in his voice.

"Ginny's my friend too, and although we're not that close, she was there when I needed her."

"Oh, and me and Hermione aren't?" Ron spat.

"Ron, just leave it," Hermione muttered.

"No, Hermione! We're always there for you, Harry. We both offered to be there before, but you chose to hang out with my little sister instead. Why, Harry?!"

"I wanted to be on my own!" Harry said, his voice level rising. "But I ran into her on the stairs, and she was nice to me. She treated me normally, not like 'The Boy Who Lived', but as me, Harry. Like she would treat you or Hermione. I don't think you understand that, Ron. That's all I want at the moment."

"You could have told us!" Ron said defiantly. "We're your friends. You're supposed to tell us everything."

"I do, Ron."

"Maybe you fancy her."

"Don't be ridiculous. She was just there when I needed someone. She could've been anyone. Anyone Ron! She was just there! She could've been Lupin, or Tonks, or even your mum!"

"Is that what you think of me, Harry?" Ginny had slipped back into the room during the row, as she had left the bowls. She was hovering by the door with tears in her eyes.

"No, Ginny, I didn't mean that."

"It's okay, Harry. I understand now how you really feel about me..." And she ran out the room, sobbing. Harry tried to go after her, but Hermione held out her arm to stop him.

"Just leave her, Harry. She's best left alone right now. You'll only make things worse," she said gently. Harry desisted, realising she was right. He stared at the floor and his feelings of sadness started creeping back to him.

"Sorry," Ron said, "I didn't mean to get you upset or anything. I was just trying to understand why you're so different."

"MY GODFATHER'S DEAD!" Harry erupted. "HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO CARRY ON LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED? HE MEANT A LOT TO ME! HE WAS THE NEXT BEST THING TO MY DAD, AND YET WE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO GET CLOSER! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND... I LOVED HIM!"

Hermione and Ron looked totally at a loss of what to say. They stared at Harry with a sorrowful look, feeling so sorry for him.

"DON'T STARE AT ME LIKE THAT! I'M NOT WEIRD, AND I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!" Harry glared back at his friends. "I think I've had enough visitors tonight, thank you. Could you please leave now?"

"Harry-" Hermione started.

"Mate, don't be like this-" Ron added.

"Leave now. Please." Harry opened the door wide and went over to the window so they wouldn't see the tears in his own eyes.

Harry heard the shuffle of them gathering cutlery and plates, then the quiet thud of wood, meaning the door had been closed. Harry went over to the door and turned the silver, grimy key in its dusty lock then threw himself onto the bed. He tried to block his thoughts out, but no longer could he block out the tears that ran down his cheeks.

* * * * * *

There was yet another knock on Harry's bedroom door.

"Harry, can I come in? It's Lupin."

Harry got up off the bed and unlocked the door. Lupin cautiously opened the door and stared at Harry. Seeing Lupin brought back strong memories of Sirius, which only made him feel worse. Lupin was one of Sirius' best friends, after all. Harry looked up at the ceiling so the tears would not fall and sat cross-legged on his bed. Lupin placed down Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage, where the snowy owl was hooting happily. Finally, Lupin turned to look at him. He walked calmly over and sat down next to Harry. There was something about Lupin's gentleness that made a cloud of emotion swept through Harry's' body, and he let a tear slide down his cheek before he brushed it angrily away.

"Harry, you can't go on like this. You're pushing everyone who wants to help you away. You're lashing out at people for no reason. I know you're upset about Sirius' death, but you can't use that as a reason for ever," Lupin said, gently but firmly.

"You don't understand, Professor. No one does..." Harry trailed off.

"Why do you think that other people can't understand, Harry? Your circumstances are different from others, that is true, but other people around you have experienced the loss of a loved one. I myself have, actually."

Harry looked up at Lupin when he said that. Lupin had never talked about his past with Harry before.

"You... You have?" Harry stammered.

"Yes. Would you like to hear about it?"

Harry nodded. Lupin sighed deeply.

"About ten years ago, I fell in love with a very pretty witch named Rachel. She worked in a bar down at Hogsmeade. The bar's no longer there any more, but that's where she worked. I would go there every night just to try and talk to her, but I could never do it. I never told my friends as they would've laughed and ruined my chances. Instead, I insisted that I liked the bars special brand of Butterbeer. It was actually quite repulsive, but I drank it every night just to be near her. Eventually, I plucked up enough courage to talk to her one night. She was nice, friendly, and extremely chatty. Well, I asked her out on a date and she agreed. Our first date was a very nice meal at a very nice restaurant also in Hogsmeade. At the end of the date we were a couple. I told her right from the beginning I was a werewolf. Although she was shocked, she said that wouldn't change how she felt about me. She was very understanding. We got very close together and began falling in love. After about a year we were engaged. And then..."

Lupin cleared his throat as if the memory was still quite raw. "There was an accident at the bar. A couple of guys had gotten into a fight and one of them turned out to be a Death Eater. The Death Eater involved in the fight had always had a thing for Rachel. Well, when the other guy he was fighting with revealed his identity, he went on a rampage and killed as many people as he could. Rachel was protecting an old man who was very frail. She offered herself in return for the old man's safety. The Death Eater grabbed her roughly and disappeared. Then a few weeks later they found her body in a house the Death Eaters had used for torture. They found her tortured to death, chained to a wall, stained in her own blood. After studying the body to find the exact manner of her death, it was to be found she had been raped repeatedly and beaten ruthlessly. When the torturers themselves had no more energy left to hurt her, she had slumped against the wall in tears, screaming for help that would never come... I couldn't protect her Harry. Rachel was the thing that meant the most to me. She had become my reason for living. I loved her so much. I got so little time to spend with her. You had no choice about how much time you spent with Sirius, Harry. You spent all the time you could with him. But me... if I hadn't been so shy, we could've had maybe another year. Double the wonderful time I had with her. Maybe if I would've asked her out a year before, we would've been already married and she wouldn't have had to work at that stupid bar any longer. Then she wouldn't have been around when the accident happened."

Harry had listened intently for some time. He had never before heard of such a horrible way to die. Sure it had probably happened before, but Harry had had so little experience of the world.

"Do you know how I got over it?" Harry shook his head, thinking how anyone could ever get over something like that. "After a period of grief, which everyone needs to heal, I thought carefully about what she would have wanted me to do. The Rachel I remember isn't the one who died, broken, alone, and terrified. The Rachel I remember was young, full of life, and never ashamed of whom she was. That Rachel would've wanted me to get on with my life. I would always remember her, of course, but not shut myself away from everyone. It's her love in my heart that has helped me to carry on living. I think it's time you moved on too, Harry." Harry broke his gaze, and stared at the floor. "You've had your grief and things can't get any worse. They can only get better if you want them to. I know the Sirius you remember, who laid down his life for you, would want you to continue with your life."

"Do you think Sirius ever loved me like a proper son, Professor?" Harry murmured into his mattress.

"I know he saw himself as the next best thing to your dad. He loved you so much. His favourite subject to talk about was you." Lupin noticed the haunted look in Harry's eyes. "I'm not saying forget him. I'm saying let him be a part of you. Like when you're scared or have important decisions to make, think of him. It's time to carry on with your life, Harry. Especially, when you heard the prophecy last year." Harry shifted a bit on the bed. "I guess that's been preying on your mind, too. It's not going to happen just yet, so try not to worry too much. Talk to your friends, let people in, and you'll be fine, Harry."

Harry turned to face Lupin, realising that he had been acting like a total bastard to everyone. "I'm sorry, Professor," he said sheepishly.

"Thank you, but it's probably not me you should be apologizing to."

"I'll talk to everyone tomorrow. Life isn't going to stop just because I'm feeling down. And Professor?" Harry said tentatively. "Thank you for our talk."

"It's okay, Harry. I'm happy that I helped you. But, Harry," he added as an afterthought, "I would prefer it if you told no one about Rachel."

"I promise, Professor. I won't tell anyone."

"I know you won't, that's why I told you." Lupin smiled at him and Harry gave him a hug. Lupin held him close, knowing that he needed comfort. When Harry pulled away, Lupin ruffled his hair, gave him a last smile, and walked out the room, pulling the door closed behind him.