Slightly Off-Kilter 2 (or What's With the Rubber Duck?)

"Malfoy?" Snape gawped at her. Just when he thought he'd heard it all, she came up with a new one. "Lucius Malfoy? Are you mad?"

Gayle just looked at him.

"Scratch that I said that," he amended quickly. "The answer is obviously yes."

"Actually I was thinking of Draco and then Lucius," Gayle said thoughtfully, tossing the rubber duck into the air and catching it.

Severus watched the duck go up and then down, up and then down, as if mesmerized before shaking his head to clear it. "Let me get this straight," he said as he began pacing around the living room of their shared quarters. "You're going to somehow convince Draco that you need to speak with his father regarding getting to see Lord Voldemort. Then you'll convince Lucius. Once you get to Lord Voldemort himself, what are you going to do? Tap dance?"

Gayle gave him a miffed look and hurrumphed. He noted she didn't respond however.

"You haven't a clue what you're going to do, have you?" he demanded, grabbing the duck from it's descent and tucking it under his arm.

"I'm going to play it by ear," she informed him imperiously, reaching for the duck.

"I'm going to *box* your ear if you don't start thinking straight," Severus threatened. "What if Voldemort decides you aren't worth the effort? I can tell you straight off what he'll do. He'll kill you on the spot and promptly forget your existance, that's what he'll do!"

Gayle grinned impishly up at him as she snatched the duck away from him. "Ah, but I have a secret weapon!"

"What? Me? Take me to him and he'll kill us both, you mental case," Severus informed her angrily. "I can't believe I'm even arguing this with you."

Gayle considered him a moment, a hurt expression on her face. "I can't believe you are missing one key element to this whole plot. Its sitting right in front of you." She raised her arms out from the side of her body as if offering herself to him. "Or rather standing."

"What?" Severus stared at her, perplexed. "What is so special about you, besides you're nutters?"

Her eyes began to spark and he took a step back. 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that,' he thought to himself before jumping behind a giant pewter cauldron. There was a loud crackling sound and the smell of melted plastic permeated the air.

"He won't kill me because if he has the chance of finding out why I have this rather bizarre ability, he's going to take it. That and, if I'm on his side, I can zap the enemy instead of him." Gayle tossed the melted form of what was formerly a rubber duck at the cauldron. The plastic blob bounced off the rim twice before going in. "I need a new duck. Or rather you do."

Severus slumped on the floor, staring at her in shock.

Okay, now he'd just about taken all he could stand. No, he shook his head, she could probably deliver more surprises. He just hoped she wouldn't. He wasn't getting any younger.

Draco Malfoy never knew what hit him. Gayle came out of nowhere (almost literally) and slammed right into him. As she ranted insanely at him, he tried to edge away but then she got a good look at him and immediately began to babble.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy, you're the son of the great Lucius Malfoy! Oh, he who serves the Great Dark Lord, oh, oh, I can't stand it! To be in your presence, to know your family serves loyally, oh, oh!" Gayle grabbed Draco's hand and wouldn't let go no matter how hard the boy tried to jerk his hand away.

Gayle had purposefully setup the encounter right outside the Slytherin House entrance, where any passers-by wouldn't think too much of what she said was amiss. It wasn't like the Malfoy family's alignment in the war was a complete secret. Only fools like Cornelius Fudge seemed to think otherwise, but that didn't bear commenting on to Gayle's way of thinking. She'd always thought Fudge was an idiot.

With her continued praise of himself and his family, plus her obvious worship of him in particular, Draco was beginning to thaw toward her slightly. Gayle was enormously pleased with her success when Severus "happened" upon them and drug her away from the boy. Draco had called to his head of house to "not be harsh, she's done no harm".

Gayle was thrilled at her continued progress through the course of the next month. Draco was soon pleased to be in her presence at any time, especially in public. Having a beautiful, older, and perhaps slightly off-her-nut woman telling everyone how glorious was the Malfoy family was just the tonic for Draco's rather bloated ego. Gayle was careful not to mention any Death Eater type facts in public when referring to Draco or his family. Yes, Draco was definitely beginning to thaw. It didn't hurt that she'd been telling him that she knew a way to get the traitor Snape to Voldemort if she could just set her eyes upon the Dark Lord's marvelous features once more.

Draco dropped a joyful Gayle at his head of house's private quarters one late afternoon. Once the boy was well out of sight and hearing, Gayle let out a war whoop of glee and threw herself into a disgruntled Severus' arms.

"The fish has swallowed the bait and I'm about to reel him in!" she crowed in triumph.

He dropped her on the couch and then plopped next to her. She snuggled against him and he gave in to the urge to bury his nose in her hair. "Yes, now all you have to do is convince Daddy Malfoy of your genuineness," he told her.

"Lucius is going to be much easier to convince than Draco," Gayle told him confidentially.

"Oh?" Severus turned her face up to his and looked her suspiciously. "How so?"

"Easy. His ego is much bigger but needs less asuaging. I'm getting good at that. A few "you are a godling in disguise" and he'll be eating out my hand too." Gayle grinned up at him but her smile faded when Severus didn't share her delight. "I realize you aren't thrilled with the plan but you could be pleased its going the way it should."

"Why?"

Gayle stared at him in shock. "What do you mean 'why'?"

"Exactly that. Why should I be thrilled that you are getting closer and closer to getting yourself killed and possibly taking me with you?" Severus sank back into the leather couch, staring off into nothingness.

"Someone has to be in that inner circle, Severus," she argued.

"No. They don't." He said the words with such calm and certainty that Gayle was taken aback.

"I don't understand. How else are we supposed to fight this war?" She touched his face gently, turning his profile to her. "We have to know what's going on with his people, Severus. He's not going to be very trusting and we have to find a way to get into the circle through unconventional means."

Severus sighed, tilting his head into her one-handed caress. "I get that," he told her, "but we've done our part before and it almost destroyed us. I don't want that again, that uncertainty. It almost killed me, Gayle, I can't live through it again."

"But Severus -" Gayle tried to protest but his lips pressing to hers silenced her.

In that moment, the two of them only had each other. The rest of the world could go hang.

Talking Draco into taking her to his father was one thing; convincing Lucius Malfoy to meet with her at all was an entirely different and tougher proposition. From what Gayle understood from Draco's condescending and patronizing explanations to her, Lucius was not cooperating with "the plan". He'd berated his son in numerous owls for falling for one of Dumbledore's clever schemes but Draco wore him down in the end. Draco "convinced" Severus to allow him to take Gayle to Hogsmeade one school weekend, where he would meet up with his father "accidentally" (as in supposedly unbeknownst to Snape and other Hogwarts staff). At Severus' loud insistance, McGonagall was allowed in on the secret of Gayle's not-so-insane-as-she-pretends-to-be act so that the Deputy Headmistress could keep a surreptitious eye on events in Hogsmeade that weekend.

Gayle was a nervous wreck the two hours prior to Draco picking her up for the outing. Severus watched her pace up and down the living room area, muttering to herself and plotting her actions and speech for the next hurdle in this delicate and, in his considered opinion, utterly outrageous and stupid scheme. Dumbledore was beginning to share his doubts as well, but Gayle blithely continued forth, like Don Quixote at his windmill.

Severus was pretty sure that Gayle's windmill was going to hex her into a new life.

"Where's your duck?" she asked him suddenly.

He looked up from the spot on the floor he'd broodingly been contemplating to find her staring at him. She looked miffed.

"Come again?" he asked in confusion.

"Your duck seems to be missing from your person. You are to have it on you at all times, you know."

Severus sighed. "I'm not carrying that damned thing around, Gayle. I'm a professor here and have to have some modicum of professionalism."

"Not with an insane girlfriend that you're trying to keep happy and quiet. Get the damned duck." She continued to glare balefully at him.

"No." He raised his chin obstinately just as a knock sounded at the door. "I'll get the door," he began but Gayle beat him to it.

She flung it open to reveal a neat and tidy Draco Malfoy with his usual snotty smirk. "You would not believe it, Master Malfoy!" she burst out immediately. "He won't carry my duck and keep it safe for today!"

Severus scowled angrily at her and was getting ready to rebuke her but again he was beaten to the punch, this time by Draco. "Sir, if she's worried about the safety of her, um, duck," Draco purred, "I would be happy to carry it with me today on our outing. For her peice of mind," he added in an oily tone.

Gayle spun around and gave Severus a dismayed look that Draco couldn't see but Severus had a brainstorm. Ignoring the warning look in her eyes, Severus drawled. "Very well, if you're certain. I will go fetch it."

Trapped in her own act, Gayle could only stand there and sulk. She watched in consternation as Severus walked into the bedroom. Deciding to use the opportunity for some brown-nosing, she spun back around and pulled Draco into the chambers. "Oh, Master Malfoy, I'm so excited by this trip. My glorious Severus rarely lets me go to Hogsmeade without his supervision. You are indeed blessed to receive his confidence in my tender care."

Draco only smirked and patted her hand in a condescendingly comforting gesture. "Yes, well, I've been assured that this will definitely be a fun trip."

Severus listened with half an ear to the conversation in his living room as he retrieved the duck and his wand. Taking a deep breath, hoping that his idea would work, he waved the wand at the duck. "Auditor." The duck was surrounded by a brief surgance of orange light. Flipping through a mental list of spells, he hoped the one he settled on would be enough to charm the duck into showing to revealing spells that it had not been charmed. Taking another deep breath, he waved the wand one last time, "Tego Texi Tectum." This time he watched the duck become surrounded by a black shadow that quickly faded.

He cast a couple revealing spells on the yellow rubber duck but his recording spell was never revealed. Knowing it was still a big risk, but feeling that the peace it might give his mind in the long run was worth the risk, Severus nodded to himself and walked back out into the living room.

Gayle looked up at him as he approached them. She had maneuvered Draco onto the couch and had been busily explaining to him the properties of mandrake root, complete with body movements and screechings that were unnervingly similar to the mandrakes themselves. Draco had a pained expression on his face at the moment, which with Severus could very much sympathize. Gayle's performances in insanity were too convincing for his own piece of mind sometimes.

"Here is the duck," Severus told the young Slytherin, handing it to him carefully, as Gayle fretted nearby. She knew it had taken longer that it should have to retrieve the duck and wondered what he'd done to it. She swore she was going to kill him when this was over.

Deciding that perhaps she should add a bit of insanity to the moment and to needle Severus for whatever he'd done in his bedroom, Gayle chattered at Draco, "That's my glorious Severus' duck. His name is Salvador and must be accorded great care and handling as due his reverence."

Draco merely nodded, carefully tucking the duck under his arms and sharing a conspiratorial glance with his head of house. 'No doubt,' Gayle thought to herself, 'the little git thinks that he's humoring me.'

"I'm also allowing the two of you to make purchases on my accounts at the various shops." Gayle's eyes lit up mischievously at this announcement. "I expect the purchases to be reasonable, Mr. Malfoy, and not overly extravagant. However, she needs one new set of robes, if you can stomach shopping for such personal items at Gladrag's. You are both allowed a couple of butterbeers at The Three Broomsticks and may make purchases at Zonko's and Honeydukes. If you care to, you may also purchase a couple books for her at Dervish and Banges."

Gayle jumped up and down in excitement. "I need a new romance novel," she informed the two men and then grinned inanely. "I'm not getting enough sex." Both males froze and then flushed bright red, almost an identical shade, Gayle noted. Severus glared angrily at her and she gave him an innocent look back. Draco looked aghast and embarrassed.

"I expect you to be on your best behavior today, Gayle," Severus informed her imperiously, "as is my due and your duty as my chief worshipper." Gayle's mouth almost dropped open. It was the first time he'd ever acknowledged her "glorious Severus" routine. She saw a spark of satisfaction in his black eyes and grinned inwardly.

"Come along then," Draco said to her, holding out his arm courteously. Gayle latched herself to his arm and began babbling at him but she had no idea what she was saying. Sometimes the babbling came a bit too naturally and it gave her time to think and plot. Severus was up to something; he was never this accomodating before. She would have to be on her guard.

She gave a brief considering look at the duck. Yes, Severus was definitely up to something.

Damn it, that was his duck, not hers. She wondered idly if she should demand another teddy bear but then changed her mind. A stuffed pixie would be better. Severus hated pixies.