Slightly Off-Kilter 2 (or What's With the Rubber Duck?)

Albus Dumbledore had just enough time to raise his head before a bright yellow and green rubber duck with evil-looking red eyes was unceremoniously thrown onto his desk. A high-pitched squeal of outrage from the other side of his desk and a growl of disgust following the ear-shattering sound told him that Severus and Gayle were in his office.

Again.

For the fifth time this week and it was only Wednesday.

He really had to get these two on a vacation together before they tore the school to the ground.

"What are you grinning about, you old conniver?" Severus Snape was standing in front of the desk, glowering down at Dumbledore.

Gayle suddenly burst into laughter. "Do you know what day it is, Albus?" she singsonged brightly, obviously having a great time of a sudden.

Severus turned to glare at her next. "Shut up, you," he snarled. "You're going to drive me crazier than you were less than six months ago."

"Not likely," she informed him with a smirk. "I'm going for crazier."

He growled something at her best left unmentioned.

Dumbledore held up his hand to get the two of them to stop squabbling. "What seems to be the matter this time? Why is there a rubber duck on my desk?"

"She put it on my desk!" Severus said in righteous indignation.

"It's November the 13th, Albus!" Gayle exclaimed at the same time, looking excited.

It took Dumbledore a moment to follow Gayle's train of thought and then he shared a conspiratorial smile with her, which made Snape more than nervous. It made him paranoid. "What have you two plotted this time?" he sighed heavily, collapsing into the chair next to Gayle. She patted him sympathetically on the arm.

Dumbledore continued to grin; he hadn't had this much fun since March 22, 1965.

"Actually, I'd forgotten you weren't party to the promise you made me," Gayle explained as if to a child, "so I guess you're excused for failing to uphold your end of the bargain."

Severus stared at her, disgruntled. Nothing she said anymore surprised him, unless it actually made sense. "How can I make a promise that I wasn't even aware of?" he asked reasonably.

"Albus made it for you instead," Gayle informed him with a grin.

"Did he now?" Severus gave Dumbledore a disgusted look. "How generous of him."

"I thought so, Severus," agreed Dumbledore, still grinning like a loon.

"And what exactly was this generous promise that you made on my behalf?" The Potions Master closed his eyes. Really, anything the two nutters said couldn't possibly take him off-guard. No, he'd pretty much heard and seen it all by now.

"You were supposed to die for me, Severus, and since you've failed in your mission, you are mine to toy with," cackled Gayle in a mock-insane manner.

At least, Severus assumed it was mocking in manner, but really, with these two, you never could tell. Either way, he'd just reached the limit of what he could take. He began to laugh. He laughed, and laughed, unable to stop, unable to care about stopping because laughing felt so good. It was either laugh or kill them on the spot. Laughing at the moment, for now, was still a preferable option.

"He's taking this well," Gayle told Dumbledore in mild surprise.

"Yes, perhaps a bit too well," Dumbledore agreed, waiting for the inevitable explosion.

It never came. Severus stopped his laughing fit some ten minutes later and took a drink from the water glass that Gayle held out to him. "Feel better?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you. I needed that dose of insanity. Now that it's out of my system, I can handle you two lunatics with tact and calm." Severus ignored Gayle's snort of derision. "How about if one of you start from the beginning, preferably Albus, since I'm more used to his abnormalities."

Gayle stuck her tongue out at him. He returned the favor, startling them both.

"Several months after the two of you first met," Albus began, settling back in his tall, medieval chair, "Gayle realized she was in love with you. Imagine her surprise when you seemed inclined to continue the relationship despite her admission of affection." Severus gave him a sour look. Undaunted, Albus continued, "When the plan was conceived that she too take on the role of Death Eater spy, I agreed with your decision to not hide the fact that the two of you were involved. The less lies you lived, the easier it would be."

"I know all this," Severus snapped impatiently but Gayle slapped a hand over his mouth to silence him. He kissed it before she removed it, almost revolting himself with his mushiness. 'It's a damned disease!' he thought to himself.

"However, there were several times when you were summoned and she was not. At first we thought it was because she was female and perhaps not as highly regarded but you let slip once that Madame Lestrange had been present at these meetings. We determined that Gayle had not proven her worth to Voldemort. Perhaps he did not think her evil or talented enough for the special assignments you seemed to be on. We therefore decided that something had to be done."

"And what does the rubber duck have to do with this?" Severus asked, curious in spite of himself. He ignored the obvious comment that he was evil or devious enough to have participated in Voldemort's special assignments. It was a barb and not a very well-concealed one for Albus. Usually they were more hidden and took a moment to reason out.

"Oh that's just something that I devised in my wackier moments of insanity as punishment. It really has nothing to do with this," Gayle informed him solemnly.

"The wackier moment of insanity occured this morning then?" Severus inquired snidely, only to get smacked upside the head with his own wand. It sparked, singing his robes. He snatched it from Gayle's hand and shoved it deep into his robe pocket.

"Anyway," Albus said in a loud voice to shut up the ensuing argument, "the idea was that on the day of the thirteenth of November, Gayle would receive from you a mission regarding what she could do integrate herself into the Dark Lord's upper circle. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your outlook, Voldemort fell before that could be done. However, Gayle is still holding you to the promise I made in your stead, it seems."

"A promise made in my stead without my knowledge or consent," Severus informed them in triumph, "which automatically absolves me of being held to it."

"Actually," Gayle told him with a cheeky grin, "you're still being held to it and you're my ticket into the circle."

"What are you talking about?" both men demanded.

"Well, if I go to Voldemort, stating that I had seen the light, knew that he really was the one that needs to be in charge of the wizarding world, and bring him Severus to prove my loyalty, I'm in, right?" Gayle giggled at their flummoxed expressions.

"And get me killed?" her boyfriend protested heatedly. "I thought you loved me!"

"I do, darling," Gayle cooed at him, patting his shoulder fondly. "I do this for us."

"You're insane."

She smiled broadly. "Not yet, but give me a moment. I think I can do some channeling."

"Did I miss something?" asked Remus Lupin, looking around at the assembly. "I thought that Severus' potion cured her."

"So did I," Severus informed them all morosely. Gayle was sitting at his side, happily explaining the explosive properties of wax candle wicks and wizard crackers to an old green and yellow rubber duck. "I'd prefer she attach herself to another damned bear though."

Sirius Black barely managed to contain his snort of laughter.

"This isn't funny, Sirius," Remus said in indignation. "I mean, they are saying she's criminally insane now. Can she be trusted?" He gestured in Gayle's direction as she suddenly mimicked a gigantic explosion, complete with throwing the duck high into the air and loud KAPOW sounds from her mouth.

Gayle gave Remus a blank look when the duck came to land near him and then made a sudden rush at him. "Traitor!" she screamed. "Unbeliever!" She launched herself at him, arms outstretched and fingers curled claw-like. Severus got an arm around her waist and stopped her just a foot or two short of Remus' startled face. "You dare to question my loyalty to my," she turned in Severus' arms and cooed, "wonderful, magnificent, beautious Severus?"

"Beautious?" choked Sirius.

"Magnificent?" guffawed Alastor Moody from his seat two rows behind Remus and Sirius.

"She's nutters again," confirmed Minerva McGonagall sadly from her position on the other side of Severus.

"Laying it on a bit thick, aren't we?" whispered Severus in her ear as he drug her back to their seats. She only grinned saucily at him and pointed imperiously at the abandoned rubber duck.

"Glorious one, I need the duck. He alone shall bear full witness to your greatness!" She gave him a nutty grin. "Well, except for me, of course, but that's a given."

Severus rolled his eyes, dumped her in her chair, stalked over to the duck and snatched it from Sirius' hand as he held it out. "If you say one word, Black, I'll hex you into next month."

Sirius merely grinned unrepentantly.

"Now that we have established that Gayle is back to her, um, old self," Albus informed the group at large, "we have other matters to discuss." The meeting, thus diverted to other topics, allowed Gayle to put on the act of total insanity. Severus thought she was doing things a bit too well, but understood that it was for a good cause, even if he wasn't thrilled at the nature of the 'good cause'.

Sending Gayle alone into the lion's den was not his idea of an acceptable plan, let alone the brilliant one Gayle seemed to think it was. He only hoped he could convince her that the entire thing was folly before she set out in search of Lord Voldemort.

He was going to be less thrilled at whom she had already chosen as an intermediary.