We Are Death Eaters!

"Ahem, ahem, this meeting is now in session!" Lucius Malfoy, wearing his traditional KKK Death Eater robes, raised his hands in effort to gather the crowd's attention. Bellatrix Lestrange seemed to be the only one listening, as she waved her "Marry me Dark Lord" poster in the air while yelling quite shrilly. Even Narcissa Malfoy was not paying attention, as she chatted to other MAM members (Mothers Against Mudbloods) about cooking tips, their children's OWLS results, and of course killing every damn muggle born alive.

"Everyone shut the Goddamn Hell up, thank you. I now present, the Dark Lord!" Lucius collapsed to his knees, his hands outstretched as he started a chanting of 'we are not worthy' in the crowd. A spotlight (controlled by Wormtail) fell onto a shadowy figure that had just walked onto the stage (yeah, it's Voldemort. Work with me here people). Voldemort tripped over his robes, fell, but was lucky because everyone was too busy worshipping him to notice so he quickly got up and took the microphone from his servant.

"Thank you for your welcome. Our first order of events is about Harry Potter. As you all know, he escaped...again...and we didn't get the prophecy."

Several people booed respectfully, while some rolled their eyes. "Tell us something we didn't know," Mr.Parkinson muttered to his neighbor.

Voldemort cleared his throat. "So obviously our cover is blown and we've just unintentionally started the war two weeks early, which was not the plan." Voldemort pulled out a laser pointer and shined it onto a projector screen showing the itinerary for Conquering The World. Just before the words "Big-Ass War" was "Prophecy", written and underlined three times in red ink. Lucius, sensing the Dark lord's wrath, jumped in to interrupt.

"But my Lord, we managed to kill Sirius Black! Potter cannot go on without his godfather!"

Voldemort pondered this for a moment. "...Was he the one with the pretty long hair?"

Lucius, despite being angry for not being complemented on his own golden locks, mumbled, "Yes my Lord."

"And is he the one that almost killed Wormtail?"

Wormtail squeaked upon hearing his name.

"Yes, that's him."

"Well...it is a pity. Now I can't ask him where he got his hair products from. Anyway, I would like to hear about our current status in the Ministry, please."

A man in the back row stood up, projecting his voice with his wand. "My Lord, we have several spies still going unnoticed in the Ministry, including Umbridge, though due to some incidents she might be out of commission for a while. Fudge is cracking under pressure (those pictures of you cutting his head off worked brilliantly, my Lord) and is considering resigning. If everything goes according to plan we will soon have our own Minister in charge."

"Excellent! Who did we pick to be the next Minister of magic anyway?"

After much shuffling, Wormtail piped up from his place behind the curtain, "we're still deciding. While many think it should be Lucius, some are suggesting that Snape gets the job."

Snape looked up at this point from his Daily Prophet and laughed nervously.

"Oh no no no! I cannot give up my position as Potions Master yet. I must still help-erm, that is, spy on Dumbledore as a double-agent for you, My Lord, of course. My loyalty to you is above all others including Dumbledore, whom I might add has no idea I'm a double-"

"Alright then, I see your point. In that case, the job will have to go to someone else."

Lucius looked as though Christmas was canceled. "What about me?"

"Well I certainly can't have a known Death Eater who just escaped Azkaban (like it's hard) running the Ministry now can I? No, I shall find someone myself. Once we have our numbers in the Ministry we shall ATTACK!"

Voldemort raised his arms, and the crowd roared. After someone slapped Bellatrix to get her to shut up ("honestly, woman! We're all fans here but REALLY!"), Mrs.Malfoy stood, clearing her throat. Lucius groaned inwardly.

"My Lord, the Mad Mothers and I have come up with an idea to raise money and support for our side!"

Voldemort looked shocked. "I thought your family could cover all of the fees!"

"Well, with those visits we keep making to Starbucks after every meeting we're really pushing our budget."

Voldemort sighed, but giving up his Starbucks fix was not an option. "Very well, then."

"Well, our idea was to have a bake sale! We could recruit some Death Eaters and make money at the same time! Plus, Mrs. Parkinson makes a mean chocolate cheesecake!"

The women murmured in support. Lucius made a mental note to kill his wife after the meeting. Voldemort considered the option, and after much pondering, he clapped his hands together.

"Brilliant! I do love chocolate! I will leave you in charge Narcissa." Voldemort shot out several green sparks from his wand and shouted, "Meeting adjourned! Who wants coffee?"