Satan's Little Helper

"What, Lassie? You say that little Timmy has fallen down a well? What are we waiting for? Let’s go!" said James Potter, not moving a muscle from where he was sprawled across the Hogwarts’ lawn. There was a large black dog pulling furiously at his robes and giving muffled barks.

With a quick *pop* James’ best friend was suddenly kneeling before him, chewing on his robes. He spit them out and stood up, hands on hips, staring down his six foot two body at James lying spread-eagle on the grassy slope.

"Come on, James," he said, trying to look menacing. It only made him look cute, though that wasn’t what James was thinking. James glanced up at him and burst into laughter.

"You sound like my mother," he gasped out.

"The infamous Mrs. Potter. How nice. Come on." He tugged at James’ hand, prodding him to follow.

"What is it now? You actually sound like what a dog would say if it could speak English."

"That’s nice. Come on." He tugged James’ hand again until he reluctantly got up and followed Sirius around to the other side of the lake. When they got there, James’ mouth fell to his knees.

"My God, Sirius. What the Hell happened?"

*Seven years earlier*

James Potter looked around worriedly at the Muggles surrounding him. As nonchalantly as he could, he leaned through the brick wall beside him and slid through - only to trip over another boy who had been standing at the gate in awe of the scene before him. There was a large scarlet steam engine billowing out puffs of steam on a platform filled with people milling about. But neither was watching that scene anymore. James was focusing on the wheel of a cart that was a mere two inches from his face and the other boy was focused upon a foot, which did not seem to be his.

"Sorry ‘bout that," said the boy who wasn’t James.

"No problem…that is if I can get up - " said James trying to disentangle himself from the other body. "I seem to do it all the time."

"I know what you mean," said the other boy, standing up. He reached his hand down and pulled James up so that both were standing arms locked, chest to chest staring into the others’ eyes.

"So sorry," said James.

"Yes, I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you, poor dear," said the other.

Each gave an identical Cheshire Cat grin before whipping out his wand and murmuring something.

There was a small fizz and suddenly James was looking very green indeed. Literally. He could be compared to an Irish clover.

The other boy seemed to have red and gold striped hair that was very fetching indeed. Both boys bowed their heads slightly, snickering.

"James Potter," said James.

"Sirius Black," said the other.

"Wouldn’t be a very good idea to miss the train on the first day, would it?" said James. He reached out to grab his trunk and caught sight of his green hands. "Now how did that get there?" he asked giving a small glance in the direction of one red and gold striped teenager who was still snickering. "How about setting me right?"

"Noticed already?" asked Sirius. But he whipped out his wand and murmured the counter curse. Surprisingly enough, he did not try to curse this boy anymore as was typical of his personality. This boy seemed to be a bit different than most. For one, he had a sense of humor.

"Come on then," said James, "let’s get a car before they’re all full up." He made his way off to the steam engine with Sirius directly behind him.

The train ride went rather quickly for them both as they began to learn about each other. James conveniently forgot to set the other’s hair right the entire time. As they got off, they grabbed a boat with two other boys. One was tall and lanky and the other was short and rather plump.

"Severus Snape," said the tall one.

"Peter Pettigrew," squeaked the other.

"Charmed, I’m sure," said James.

"I know you’re all delighted to see me," said Sirius standing up. He began to take bows when the boats abruptly started, sending him toppling in to the water, face first. He grinned and took James’ offered hand, pulling him in as well until they were both holding on to the sides of the boat being towed along in the frigid water.

"You will die a long and painful death, Sirius Black," called James over the noise of the other students, "and I will be there and I will stop and point and laugh!"

"How quaint," called Sirius back.

"You’re both idiots," called the greasy boy named Severus. Peter just widened his eyes in awe.

When they finally made it to the castle, both were more than a little wet and Sirius still had striped hair. They paraded into the Great Hall making squeaking splish-splosh sounds and feeling the eyes of the entire Hall upon them. Nevertheless, they ignored the rest of the people and kept talking quietly to themselves.

With a sudden yell that made them jump, a tall witch in a green hat unrolled a piece of parchment and called, "Black, Sirius. Well Mr. Black seems confident of his house, I would say." His hair was still red and gold. He made his way to the front and she set a hat upon his head. It was there for a few moments before it called out, "GRYFFINDOR." Sirius took the hat off of his head and made his way to the table that was cheering him, a large grin spread across his face.

One after another the eleven-year-olds tried on the hat and were sorted individually to their respective houses. Finally the tall witch got to, "Potter, James." She had barely placed the hat upon his head when it called out, "GRYFFINDOR." James got up happily and made his way to the Gryffindor table, sitting down next to Sirius. James offered his hand.

"James Potter."

"Sirius Black."

"You seem familiar - "

"Have we met before?"

"I think I would remember a face as hideous as yours - "

"Or a mind as clueless - "

"Funny how these things work, isn’t it?" But there was no more time for conversation as food appeared just then and both their mouths were soon crammed to the bursting point.

*Scarcely a month later*

"You heard him say it too, didn’t you?" asked James in a whisper to Sirius.

"On the boat? Yeah. He ought to be punished," replied Sirius with an evil grin and a glance at Severus Snape who was sitting on the other side of the class.

"Today. We must do it today."

"Today we form the Marauders."

"That’s an interesting name."

"I agree. Then that’s it."

"I think we should get more Marauders to be in our prank circle."

"What about that boy Remus Lupin? He seems daring, yet practical."

"He’s in. And I guess we couldn’t leave out Peter. It would be hard to plan things in our dormitory with three of us trying to hide something from the fourth."

"We’ll have to abduct…er…induct them tonight and perform the prank after that."

"Got it," said James. "Though I think you were right the first time."

Severus Snape was none too happy to find that a spell had been put on him to make all his food taste like avocados. Which he hated. It took Madame Loretta nearly a week to take it off of him and meanwhile he was ready to throw up every time he tasted any sort of food. He knew, though he couldn’t prove it, that it was Sirius and James who had put it on him and thus the feud began.

*Four years later*

"Be careful, Sirius," said James concernedly.

"You remember what happened last time, don’t you?" asked Remus Lupin.

"We wouldn’t want anything bad to happen, would we?" squeaked Peter Pettigrew.

"I’ll try. Don’t nag. Come on, James. Come see me screw up. You two follow in just a moment." James jogged behind Sirius as they rushed through the hallways to a corridor set near the third floor where there was an empty room with a bubbling potion. Sirius walked over to it and ladled some into a goblet. He turned around. "Ready?" he asked breathlessly.

"Are you?" Sirius shrugged and lifted the goblet to his lips. Drinking deeply, he shuddered and sank to the floor.

"SIRIUS!" screamed James. He began to run over to where Sirius had been lying but now there was only one single large, black, shaggy mess of fur and a wet nose. It looked up at him and wagged its tail and then Sirius was suddenly standing there.

"Didja see me? Didja didja didja?!" James laughed.

"I saw you! That was great, Sirius! A dog? But nevertheless! Wow! That was really cool! Let me try!" James ran to the cauldron and ladled some for himself. Taking a long swig, he too shuddered. His eyes rolled back and he began to fall, but before he could hit the ground, Sirius had caught him.

"James?" he asked worriedly. James’ body shimmered for a moment and then Sirius was left to carry the wait of an extremely large stag that was quite a bit heavier than his friend’s normal body. James suddenly reappeared.

"That was so cool! Hey, Sirius! Did you see me? What was I? A deer of some sort?"

"A stag I think. Of the genus Homo idiotus."

"Really?"

"No." As if on cue, both changed to their animal forms at once and began to chase each other excitedly.

At that moment, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew strolled through the door and both stopped suddenly.

"Wait, let me guess," laughed Remus. "The dog is Sirius. And I guess that hideous beast must be James." The stag turned to him and began to charge, stopping just short of Remus. It’s antlers bent low, it began to paw the ground and then James was standing before the laughing Remus, glaring at him. Remus kept right on laughing so James did the only thing that would make him stop: he tackled him. Peter squealed and ran over next to the cauldron. The two were rolling around on the ground wrestling when a large black dog jumped in with playful nips. All three were having quite a bit of fun when a rat joined their midst. Everything stopped.

"A…rat?" said James uncertainly. The dog sniffed it and cringed away. Remus gave a forced smile.

"I’m sure he has his reasons." Peter reappeared and glared at the two of them and the dog with his nose in the air. Then Sirius was standing next to him.

"You smell terrible, buddy. When was the last time you took a bath?" James and Remus laughed while Peter tried to remember.

"Do you know what this means?" asked Sirius as he and James crept down the hallway. The Marauders always traveled in pairs to avoid detection while performing or returning from a prank.

"No, what?"

"Now that we’re animagi, not only can we perform way more pranks with no one knowing, but we’ve now officially broken the law."

"Our first time!"

"Congratulations!"

"From one friend to another!"

"Happy birthday!" James stared at Sirius.

"What?"

"You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you? It’s today."

"So it is," James said. He had indeed thought his best friend had forgotten. Creeping silently into the Portrait, an eruption of noise scared James so much he jumped backwards and crashed into Sirius who almost turned into a dog in surprise.

"SURPRISE!" yelled the Common Room of people.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," was all James could say for a moment. Then he turned to Sirius. "You planned all this, didn’t you?" He looked very ferocious in the half-shadows of the hallways. Sirius nodded silently. Suddenly James lunged out at Sirius and grabbed him in a brotherly hug. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?" Sirius took James by the shoulder and led him into the party.

*Two and a half years later*

James took Sirius by the collar and threw him roughly into the Common Room. "God, Sirius! That was completely irresponsible! How could you? Life is not a joke! You do not toy with anyone’s, not even if it was Severus Snape’s! He could have gotten mauled or killed or even turned into a werewolf! He could have let Moony loose to wreak havoc on the school and then everyone would be dead! What the Hell were you thinking?" Sirius looked down shamefully as James assaulted him with words. James had at first agreed, but then he had gone soft and at the last minute, he had pulled Severus back and he had gone and been the bloody hero yet again. And for once in his life, Sirius was really ticked off at James. Not just a simple argument. Full blown angry. And he knew he was in the wrong.

"Well maybe it wasn’t all me, Prongs!" His anger began to overtake him and he straightened up as much as he could - tall though he was, James was two inches taller. "You agreed to it too! You need to tell me these things and not go off to put yourself on a bloody pedestal for being the hero! You can’t back down on things once you say that you’ll do them! I may toy with things that ought not to be toyed with but at least I’m honest!" The entire Common Room was staring by this time though, luckily none had heard the earlier part about being a werewolf. This was not an ideal spot to have a row. Especially between best friends. "I won’t back down on things I say I’ll do!" Both boys had uncanny similarities between them that were easily noticeable as they stood merely a few inches apart yelling at each other’s faces. They both had black hair that fell messily in front of their eyes. They both had chocolate brown eyes that made any girl weak at the knees. "And I’d never EVER BETRAY MY FRIENDS!" Sirius finished off as loudly as he could. Both stood stewing in their anger before turning away angrily and leaving the Common Room. They turned in opposite directions and neither looked back.

It had been almost two weeks and neither James nor Sirius had even spoke of each other. No one could ever remember them even disagreeing on anything before and it set the entire school off-balance. Finally Remus had had enough and he grabbed both James and Sirius by their shirts and threw them onto an empty couch in the Common Room, not two feet where their original squabble had been. Sirius took one look at James and stormed off.

"I tried," said Remus tiredly to James.

"And I forgive you," James growled, though not at Remus. Remus made a face.

"That’s not what I meant." James didn’t seem to hear him.

"But he’s wrong," he said softly at Sirius’ retreating back.

"So, Potter, I hear you’re having trouble with your friends," sneered Severus Snape from across the Potions Room. Getting up, he strode over to where James was sitting. "You seem to have made friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there." He held his hand out to James. James looked up in disgust.

"Get lost, Snape. He’s still my friend, even if he is mad at me." Sirius looked up. "I would never betray my friends like that as to leave when things get rough." Then he lowered his voice so that only Severus could hear. "I didn’t save you because it was you, Snape. I saved you because you are a person and everyone ought to have their fair chance at life. It wouldn’t have mattered who it was. You’re nothing special to me so stop pretending like you are." Sirius had heard, though. He said nothing as Snape turned on his heel and stalked back to his seat. Once Snape had left, he turned to James.

"Am I?" he asked softly.

"Are you what?" said James.

"Anything special?" James bit his lip to keep from smiling broadly.

*Several months later*

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius innocently.

"I mean what the Hell happened?" said James.

"Language, language. It seems that Mr. Snape stumbled across the model spider’s web I made for Care of Magical Creatures. It would appear that that glue we used works rather well." And so it had. Severus Snape was strung between two trees in a tangle of fine string and glue. In the very middle was his wand.

"Sirius! Don’t you remember what happened last time? Have you no memory? Do you know what happens when we pull pranks that are potentially dangerous and could get us in trouble. We could - oh screw it. This is hilarious. How long has he been there?"

"About two hours."

"You think he’s had enough?"

"I dunno. Let’s ask him. HEY SNAPE! YOU READY TO COME DOWN?" Severus had several thicker cords across his mouth so all that came out was ‘mmph rrrgh ek’.

"It sounded like no to me," said James giving Sirius a wicked grin. They gave each other high-fives and walked away, leaving Severus to struggle frantically and let out several ‘mmmphs’ which should not be translated or this fic would have to be rated R.