A Story and a Cliché Plotline

"And then Lily was pulled out of the gorge from certain death by handsome, strong James and they shared a kiss and Lily said, 'I love you, James Potter.' So they both loved each other and got married and had lots of four-eyed, redheaded terrors." James smacked Sirius on the back of the head as Sirius finished his story.

The Marauders were all crowded around the fire participating in their favorite game: storytelling. Well, no, not really. They always told mushy, cliché stories with handsome James Potter actively saving the beautiful yet helpless Lily Evans. They were always short as none of the Marauders could stand those kinds of stories (except for Peter) but they were rather efficient in doing what they were meant to: make James blush furiously and thoroughly humiliating him.

Everyone knew that handsome Quidditch star James Potter had a crush on popular, yet amazingly smart Lily Evans and that popular, yet amazingly smart Lily Evans had a crush on handsome Quidditch star James Potter. Why they didn't just hook up was beyond anyone's comprehension.

"My turn! My turn!" exclaimed Peter suddenly. "Once James and Lily were both walking down a deserted hallway. Suddenly Lily slipped and James caught her and they lived happily after all!" Everyone just stared at Peter. Even James wasn't blushing. There was a cough somewhere near where someone was doing homework.

"Anyway, abruptly changing the subject," said Remus, breaking the tension. "One night, James was walking along the lake when he heard a scream for help. Lily was being tragically eaten by the giant squid. Without thinking, James whipped out his wand and saved Lily. 'My hero,' she cried. Then they shared a long, deep, passionate first kiss." James blushed. Everyone else laughed.

"That would never happen!" protested James indignantly.

"Do you want it to?" asked Remus innocently. James didn't say anything, but he glared so strongly that Remus burst out laughing.

"And what, pray tell, is so funny?" asked a voice.

"Just talking about you and James," said Remus. Lily too glared until he was hit by another round of giggles.

"Why are you here anyway?" asked Sirius.

"A certain someone," she said looking pointedly at Sirius, "took my notebook in hopes that I'd come over here to talk to James. Well here I am. And I need my book." Sirius sighed resignedly, giving her the book.

The next day in the Great Hall, one of Lily's friends came rushing up to the Marauders asking furiously where Lily was. Sirius glanced over at James.

"You'd better find her, mate. You've got the map." James got up with a groan and went to get the parchment. When he had left, Sirius turned to the girl next to him. "Great job." She nodded and left.

James rushed out onto the foggy Hogwarts grounds, trying to follow the map in the dimmed light. When he got to just past the lake on the map, he nearly fell face first into a ditch about twenty feet deep. Hanging from the side of it was Lily, screaming frantically and looking rather fetching in James' opinion. He leaned over and she stopped screaming. Reaching out, he pulled her up easily, brushed her off, and smiled at her.

"You okay?"

"I think so. I've been running into so many problems lately, there's no point in me screaming anymore. You always know when I'm about to perish. First the tower incident then the thing on the seventh floor then the incident with the suits of armor and now this."

"Men's intuition. It is odd, though." And he walked off with her in tow. By the time they got back to the Great Hall, Sirius was gone. James thought for a moment and then said, "Lily? Do me a favor and stay away from deserted hallways, okay?" She looked at him quizzically before nodding.

When James found Sirius again, he was sitting in a corner, studying, which usually meant he was really up to something. Sirius never studied.

"What do you keep doing to her?!" James demanded. Sirius just gazed at him through large brown eyes. "I know you're up to something. And I'm going to prove it. But if you ever actually harm her, I will kill you. Even if I don't have proof. Until then…," he trailed off. Sirius just kept staring at him. "Say something already!"

Sirius turned to Remus who was sitting next to him, not paying attention in the slightest. "You hold him down; I'll call the men in the white cloaks." Remus looked thoroughly confused. James growled and stormed up to his room, still fuming.

But, of course, dear readers, Lily somehow managed to find the only deserted hallway in all of Hogwarts to use on her way to Transfiguration. And, of course, dear readers, James found himself ditched by his friends somewhere around there, which led him down that hallway. And then, of course, dear readers, there did happen to be that spilled amount of Sleakeezy's Hair Gel in the exact spot where Lily happened to be rushing which was the exact kind that Sirius happened to use. And of course we can't forget, dear readers, the lines of fairy lights lining the hallway casting a very soft red and golden glow to everything. Coincidence? I think so.

Lily rushed down the hallway, trying to keep all her books in place as James, not seeing her, rushed in the opposite direction which meant that they were both rushing straight at each other. There was a very large explosion that could only result in a series of painful cuts and bruises and ripped parchments and suddenly James felt himself sitting on the floor with Lily sitting across him. Which he didn't really mind at all. But Lily wasn't to know that. Setting, Lily on her feet and dusting himself off, he began to collect their scattered books and papers, handing her hers.

"Sorry, 'bout that," he said.

"Entirely my fault," she replied. And then they kept rushing down the hallway in their respective directions.

"I told you that wouldn't work, Wormtail," said a voice from nowhere.

"I thought it would, Padfoot."

"I think this whole idea is stupid. And why couldn't James have gotten an extra large Invisibility Cloak? It's too cramped under here." There was a series of odd, muffled noises then, in which many sounded like 'OW' or '@#$%' and several feet, a fist or two, and one long, black snout became visible for a few moments. With a sudden flourish and a shimmering of the air, Remus Lupin appeared.

"We're going to be late for Transfiguration!" he yelped, tearing off down the hallway. Within a moment, Peter Pettigrew appeared chasing after him and footsteps could be heard chasing after the two of them.

"Oh, Remieeeeeeeeee," called James in a singsong voice.

"Don't call me that," growled Remus.

"Then tell me what I need to know and we'll be even."

"What do you need to know?"

"What the Hell is Sirius doing?"

"That's defined as Class A secret information by the Constitution of the Marauders of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Section C of Paragraph - "

"I get it!" James turned on his heel and stormed out. Leave it to Remus to have memorized the Constitution of the Marauders of Hogwarts School of - never mind.

James was sitting by the lake in hopes of catching Sirius at his dirty work. He heard a footstep and spun around quickly. It was Lily.

"Hi, James," she said politely. "Sirius told me I ought to go down to the lake where I'd find something waiting for me. I guess he meant you." James blushed.

"Well…actually…in a way I guess I was."

"I'm glad. Mind if I sit down?"

"Sure, no problem." She gathered her cloak around her in a very medieval fashion and sat down next to him on the grassy slope. There was an odd silence as each tried to think of something that wouldn't embarrass themselves. It wasn't uncomfortable, per se, but it was still odd. Then Lily spoke up.

"James? Why are your friends putting me in danger where you always have to save the day? It is not a pleasant thing, to be hung over a gorge. Even if you do get Prince Charming to rescue you." James blushed even darker.

"I'm not really sure. I guess they're trying to set us up. Though I wouldn't know why…," he trailed off.

"Well I would think that the only way to appease them would be just to get it over with." She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him smack on the lips and then got up and gave a little curtsey. "So I'll be seeing you around, won't I?" she said before she hurried back to the castle. James hadn't moved. She was long gone by the time he managed to nod slowly. Looking back over the water, he could see the giant squid lift its tentacles out of the water and grab hold of a tree. It pulled and pulled until the tree became uprooted. It flipped the tree about on the surface for a bit before setting it back down where it had been before. The tree promptly fell over. James grinned broadly, though not at the tree.

"Was she a good kisser?" asked Sirius excitedly.

"What?!" said James, surprised. He hadn't told anyone. "How did you know?"

"Best friend intuition." James glared. "It's so obvious. All my plans work not to mention the fact that you walk in to the Common Room grinning like an idiot and every time we mention a word that has any relation to Lily you blush furiously." James blushed.

"Not to mention the fact that I saw you kissing her by the lake," put in Remus from next to him. James blushed again. How did they make him do that so much?

"Yeah, she was," muttered James.

"What's that?" asked Sirius.

"I said she was," said James a little louder.

"What?"

"I SAID LILY EVANS IS A GREAT KISSER!"

"Got it."

"And so did they," said Remus. They all looked around, just now noticing the rest of the Common Room who was staring and now giggling.

"I hate you, Sirius," said James. Sirius grinned.

"But you love Lily." James blushed as he glared at Sirius through his glasses. Everyone burst out laughing. "A glaring tomato," teased Sirius. "How charming."

"A blushing nerd," said Remus lightly.

"A glaring potato!" said Peter enthusiastically. Several eyebrows were raised in his direction. "Potatoes can be red," he said defensively.

"Erm…right," said Remus, who always tried to be nice to Peter. "I suppose they can." Even so, the conversation became a little tattered then and the group dispersed; Peter to the Great Hall, Remus to the dorms, Sirius to the Slytherin Common Room, and James to the floor of the Common Room where he lay, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Lily. He had hardly been there for five minutes when the object of his affections came in. She came and sat down on a chair next to his head.

"Um…James? Are you alright?" she asked uncertainly. He leaned his head back as best he could.

"Hi, Lily! I'm not alright but I never have been according to my deranged friends. How are you?"

"Worried about you."

"Ah. Well, thanks."

"So, James. Does this mean we are officially together? Because I'd like it to."

"Me too."

"I guess that's a yes. Then you won't mind if I do this." She leaned over and kissed him so that his head was upside down compared to hers. (A/N: Rip-off of Spiderman, I know. But I thought it was cute.) "I've been wanting another one of those ever since the first. Thank you." She gave him a smile and sat back down.

By this time, James was grinning so broadly that if anyone else had seen him, they really would have begun to worry. But then they would have seen Lily who was grinning pretty widely herself and they would have run screaming in terror. As it is, this author is awfully worried herself so she's going to end the story now. Besides, she can't think of anything else to write and would like to note that yes, it is hard to write in third person. Read and review if you want. Don't if you don't. Thanks! *grins broadly then runs screaming in absolute terror*