Yes, Dear

What if Mad-Eye Moody found a wife that could pass his scrutiny?

The man limps down the stairs to breakfast. The table has three meals placed at three different settings. The man's wife sits behind poached eggs on rye toast with a grapefruit, oatmeal, and a glass of milk. The man's eleven-year-old daughter, Ciara, eyes her stack of pancakes with maple syrup, bowl of fruit, and orange juice. The man takes his place behind a jelly doughnut and coffee. The two females then start eating. The man smells his coffee, casts his magic eye into, decides that it seemed okay, and takes a sip. He doesn't die, but it was hot. The man uses his fork to pick up the doughnut and study it. His daughter gives him the just-eat-it look.

"Do you know what could be inside of this doughnut?" the man accuses. His daughter answers off-handedly.

"Jelly?"

"Oh, constant vigilance!"

The three finish their meals at almost exactly the same time.

"Ready?" The wife asks. They had been planning to go to Diagon Alley to get Ciara her school supplies. The man allows his eye to rotate, checking everything. He searches up and down his companions, then, ten minutes later gives the all-ready. The three cram themselves into the fireplace and floo to Diagon Alley.

The fireplace they land in is in Ollivander's. The man barks for Ollivander to come attend. He comes. The man watches him. Wands are tried. The man watches him. Ollivander starts getting uneasy. The man watches him. A wand is picked and paid for. The man watches him. They leave. The man examines the list of school supplies.

Next on the list are robes. They walk to Madam Malkin's. Well, the man's wife and Ciara walk; he staggers. The man's wife gives a shriek of delight as they reach the robe shop. Madam Malkin and she had been good friends at school. They immediately delve into conversation. Ciara and the man roll their eyes (magical and normal) simultaneously. Half an hour later, after much barking at them on the man's part, the conversation finishes. Madam Malkin measures Ciara for her robes under the man's watchful eye.

In Flourish and Blotts, the man and his wife look through his daughter's first-year books.

"Oh, look how precious!" the wife exclaims. "They're still taught elementary wand safety."

"Of, course," the man answers, "everyone should know elementary wand safety."

"Do you think Ciara should read this before she gets to school?" his wife asks gesturing to the wand in Ciara's back pocket. The man admonishes his daughter. When his wife guffaws at him, the man answers with a simple, "Constant vigilance!"

The rest of the school shopping goes by without any major incidences besides the man scaring a young boy so much that he wet himself and sending spells and potions flying around the apothecary, making it smell worse than a cooked skunk stuck in melting tar in a baby's diaper in a moist cellar that hadn't been cleaned since the early 17^th century. The last item on the list is an optional owl. This annoys the wife since the man has been frequently changing his mind about whether an owl is necessary or risky. Right now, the man is against getting an owl, which means they'll go to the Magical Menagerie (instead of Eeylops Owl Emporium). Creatures are running around everywhere. Ciara spots an owl she wants. It's large and a bright tawny color.

"Oh, daddy, can I get this one?" the girl asks with puppy dog eyes. The man is about to refuse when he sees his wife frowning.

"Absol- ask you mother." His wife buys their daughter the owl, which Ciara names Tawny, but the man takes to calling it Aleister (not to be confused with Alastor).

"Well, that's it. Let's go home," the wife announces. And they leave, the man muttering "constant vigilance" all the while.