Yes, Dear

What if Severus Snape was forced to marry?

The man hates summer. Well, he hates winter, spring, and fall, too. In those three seasons he has to spend his miserable life teaching rowdy children who never do anything right. He hates summer because he has to live with his wife. It is the beginning of summer.

"Welcome home, dear," the man's wife says dismissively as he walks in to the luxurious cottage. She is eating calamari while stroking the cat. The man hates cats, but (two years ago) he "accidentally" killed her puffskein and getting her the cat was the only way to make it up to her. He kicks off his shoes and sits by the fire. He only has a few moments to relax before his wife finishes her meal. She hands him a to-do list for the summer. Most of it involves buying her things. His wife bats her eyelids and asks him to complete the tasks on the list. He grits his teeth and mumbles a "yes."

The man is only married to his wife because her parents offered his father a nice, large dowry. The man hates his father.

The man goes into the storm cellar. It's where he gets away from his wife. She hates being down there because it smells like a dungeon. It smells like a dungeon because of all the Potions ingredients he stores there. As he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the man realizes that the familiar smell of the dungeon isn't there. He looks around. With horror, he realizes that all of his potion-making things (ingredients, cauldrons, etc.) are gone. He runs up in a mad rage to yell at his wife. She is asleep in the master bed (she had taken the master bedroom so he took a room far away, the attic, where he slept). He screeches at her for getting rid of his potion-making things. His wife sleepily mumbles that the aroma had stunk up the whole house so she hired some people to take all the stuff away and sell it to an apothecary. She then tells him to do the tasks on the list. He grumbles as he apparates to Knockturn Alley.

The first item on the list is to get new dress robes for both of them for a party they are invited to at the end of the summer. The man decides that his dull, black robes double as dress robes. Now, he just needs dress robes for his wife. He could either go to Madam Malkin's or buy them off of a street vendor in Knockturn Alley. He buys them off a street vendor. The man only pays half of what was asked (which is double what it's worth) and disappartes before the vendor notices.

The next item on the list is to buy a house-elf. Seeing this task, the man apparates straight to his wife's room. The loud crack wakes her up. He yells at her like there's no tomorrow. She smiles, bats her eyelids, and says in a misty voice, "Dear, please."

The man puts his foot down, yelling "No!" like a spoiled five-year-old. He apparates to his attic room and goes to sleep. Hopefully, He'll be able to avoid his wife for the rest of the summer, but, with a to-do list this long, he doubts it. Ugh.