The Convict Trio and the Wings of the Heir

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Our Trio's Story

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Dumbledore waited patiently for an explanation, a faint expression of amusement on his face, as if he was having tea with the Minister of Magic and not facing three escaped convicts from Azkaban. The fact that the trio of men were wearing expensive Armani suits and snazzy pants was not lost on the old wizard. He watched as Snape cleared his throat, obviously preparing to speak.

Lupin viciously elbowed Snape in the stomach and opened his mouth, but before he could utter a single word he was tackled by Snape and they rolled around Dumbledore's office, kicking and punching each other madly. With a wave of his hand, the two men were sucked back into their seats. Albus raised an eyebrow as the pair settled back into their seats, glaring daggers at each other.

"Severus? Would you mind telling the story?" said the old wizard. Snape flashed Lupin a smug grin and began telling their tale.

o_O O_O O_o HURASHIBAKKU! (flashback)

Remus Lupin smiled cheerfully to his two companions as he pulled out his wand and held it up, preparing to concentrate on his upcoming Apparation.

"To the Forbidden Forest!"

Snape glared at the spot where Lupin had used to stand, before raising his own wand and Apparating. A moment later, Sirius also vanished, leaving the bare rock of Azkaban littered with human bodies (the ones chucked out of the windows).

o_O O_O O_o Present!

"Of course," Snape said acidly, breaking the flashback. "Lupin conveniently forgot that Azkaban is an Unplottable piece of land, making Apparition a risky business at best."

Lupin glared icily at the hooknosed convict. "I didn't see you noticing that either, Snapy.

Snape experienced a violent bout of coughing and quickly continued recounting their story.

o_O O_O O_o Back to the HURASHIBAKKU!

On a foggy island somewhere near in Europe, three figures suddenly appeared out of thin air, and they immediately started to bicker.

"I don't believe this is the Forbidden Forest," Snape said in a drawling sneer, sounding remarkably like his favorite pupil Draco Malfoy. "In fact, I'm not even sure that this is Britain. Has your stay at Azkaban addled your brains, werewolf?"

Remus ignored the blatant insult and put his wand on his palm, muttering, "Point me." His wand promptly started to spin wildly, not pointing in any particular direction. Sirius noticed, and he breathed two words that summed up the situation nicely.

"Oh shit."

Lupin stared at the wand still spinning in his hand, then grabbed it and held it ready. "We're on an Unplottable piece of land," he murmured. Sirius looked perplexed.

"Which means we're either at Beauxbatons, which doesn't look likely..." Black said.

"Or Durmstrang, but it's not cold enough," added Snape.

"...that leaves the Isle of Drear," Lupin said softly, looking utterly terrified. The confused look on Black's face deepened.

"Where have I heard that before?" His question was abruptly answered by a loud ruddy voice from out of the fog.

"ACH! Y'wee wizard scum! Keep yer arses put, noe! Ah'm a'comin' soo Ah kin eat yer sools!" The thick Scottish brogue made Snape wince, a hint of fear creeping into his eyes as well.

The pitter-patter of five feet working in unison could be heard, and something large, far larger than a man emerged from the mist. It would have looked completely ludicrous, if it hadn't been so terrifying.

What looked like a five-legged spider came to a halt in front of the bedraggled trio. Except that all five legs were very much human and extremely hairy, with knee-length white socks and thick shoes on them. A huge black-and-red kilt adorned its torso, and the bagpipe attached to its shoulders was literally slobbering. Snape idly noted that the mouthpipes had teeth. And long pink tongues.

The quintaped's mouth was extremely toothy, with multiple rows of razor-sharp teeth giving the impression of looking into a shark's maw. A huge, orange bushy mustache and beard, coupled with an impressive pair of sideburns only made the creature look more ludicrous than ever.

Snape and Sirius quickly drew their wands, pointing them at the quintaped. "Don't worry, we can take one on," Lupin muttered, preparing a curse.

Of course, that jinxed it. The quintaped grinned devilishly before putting its lipless mouth to its snarling bagpipe and blowing fiercely. The flat squeal echoed eerily across the island, and a deep silence fell on the island afterwards.

"Ye'll be gettin' yer dues noe, laddies," the quintaped sneered. "Mah kin're comin an' Ah reckin yer in fer a braw party."

There was a deep rumble as a horde of quintapeds, perhaps a hundred or more, emerged from the deep mists and rushed up behind the one that was already standing in front of our trio. Needless to say, our heroes nearly soiled their robes.

"I think now would be a good time to run," Lupin whispered faintly.

"For once, I must concur, Lupin," replied Snape in a rather strangled voice.

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Sirius shouted, and the trio started running away like bats out of hell. After a brief pause, the quintapeds followed, and, of course, having five legs as opposed to a human's two, they were gaining rapidly.

Lupin whipped his wand behind his shoulder, shouting, "Infernum!" A red bolt of crackling energy burst out of his wand and hit a bagpipe, which glowed deep crimson for a second before exploding with a loud pained scream. The quintaped whose bagpipe had died let out an outraged cry.

"Ach, ye goddam bastards!" it shouted. "Ah'll flaiy yer meat froom yer boons an' roost it o'er a fire!" This, of course, only prompted the good convicts to run faster.

Lupin was so busy hurling curses over his shoulder that he almost fell off the edge of the island and into the misty seas to a watery death. He was teetering on the edge when Sirius pulled him back by the nape of his robes, almost falling off the edge himself. The pair clutched each other (not slashy-like) and barely managed to tumble away from the edge.

Meanwhile, Snape had decided on a more permanent method of dealing with the beasts. Holding out his wand and aiming at the foremost quintaped, he shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

A blinding flash of green light filled the air, temporarily burning away the mist. Something huge and invisible rolled through the air, prepared to snuff the life out of anything that stood in its way. It impacted into the hairy chest of the five-legged monster with a dull rush of air and the viridian radiance grew unbearably bright. The green light cleared....

Revealing a grinning quintaped, its sharp teeth gleaming. It scuttled forward on its disturbingly human feet, confirming the fact that it wasn't really that dead yet and it didn't look like its status would be changing anytime soon. The bagpipe in its arms snarled threateningly.

"Oi, laddie," the quintaped smirked. "That there speel dunna wairk on me an' mah kin." Then it scuttled towards them even faster, obviously intent on eating them. Or something equally horrible. Perhaps it was going to invite them to blow on his bagpipe. But we never find out, because...

Snape gulped and said, "Let's try Apparation one more time, shall we?"

Lupin and Sirius nodded hastily, before raising their wands again. The three shouted desperately, "ANYWHERE BUT HERE!" and vanished, to the angry howl of the quintapeds, who really hadn't had a good square meal in years, ever since the Ministry had hidden their cursed island from prying eyes and stopped the inflow of hapless victims.

The trio reappeared in the middle of the air, falling into a large heap of limbs. Lupin groggily looked around, muttering, "Where are we?"

The author would like to take a moment here to pan outside the building. A sign standing outside the building proudly proclaims,

"Supreme Court of Justice of the United States of America"

Snape and Sirius finally looked up, and noticed that the room was utterly quiet. Looking around, they could see many people dressed in Muggle clothes, doing very good impressions of goldfish. It dawned on them that they might have appeared in the midst of Muggles.

We're doomed. was their collective thought as they hastily Apparated out, their destination unknown. It's a wonder they haven't splinched each other yet, you know.

A moment later, a pair of expressionless men in immaculate black suits walked in, showing their official-looking IDs. One held up a small silver pen-like device and directed everyone to look closely at it. Then there was a flash...

A few minutes later, Lupin, Snape, and Black (their initials rhyme with LSD, y'know) tumbled again, although this time, the ground wasn't soft enough to cushion their fall. They landed in a bruised heap of groaning wizardness. Snape quickly looked up to check out their surroundings, and breathed a sigh of relief as he noted that the clearing was deserted. Deserted except for...

"Merlin's beard..." Lupin gasped, staring at the old wizard lying flat on a rock, his eyes closed in enchanted sleep. He was dressed in simple purple robes and he had no hat, letting his gleaming silver hair lie free. He had to be at least as old as Dumbledore, perhaps older. A staff lay at his side, engraved with ancient runes of power. But that wasn't the reason for Lupin's shocked expression. Rather, the words carved into the stone beneath the wizard were...

"Yonder rests Merlin, Great Wizard of Old

'Til the eve of His return hath come upon us

Whose Flesh and Blood be destined to lead Honorable King Arthur and his Knights of Legend

And save the fair land of England.

-Nimue"

For a long time, the three could do no more than gape at the living legend that lay before them. The story was, of course, that Merlin lay asleep beneath a rock, enchanted by the Lady Nimue, but it had been dismissed as a children's tale long ago by most of the wizarding community.

Suddenly, Lupin and Sirius rose and walked silently over to Merlin's sleeping form, looking entranced. Slowly, oh so slowly, they reached out to his staff, which rested beside his body.

"Fools! What do you think you're doing?" Snape hissed suddenly, looking startled.

"We're robbing Merlin. What does it look like we're doing?" replied Lupin. "It's not like he needs this staff, he has more magic in his pinky than Dumbledore and Voldemort combined."

"It might have a curse on it, you idiots! Don't touch it! You'll get us all killed!!!" Severus cried, running forward and grabbing the back of their robes. Unfortunately for him, this was just as they touched Merlin's staff...

There was a brief explosion as the entire world inverted for a second, and then an unseen force blew the three wizards back, impacting painfully with the stone wall. Lupin was the first to recover, shaking his head queasily and gazing at his companions... whose robes had been replaced by snazzy gray Armani suits and matching gray pants. Looking down, Lupin noted with faint horror that he too was dressed the same.

He stared at Merlin's tomb, where a message hung glittering above the old wizard's body.

'So, it appears that somebody's found my tomb. I'll ask you not to disturb me, or else I might wake up ahead of my time, and I might be... grumpy. Those clothes you have on are fashionable among the non-magic folk of your time, I understand. If, perchance, you don't find them to your liking, you must dance and sing a happy song in front of a crowd of at least a hundred people. Have a nice day."

With that, the message dispersed into thin air. Merlin seemed to have a small smile on his face. Snape glared at the Animagus and the werewolf, his upper lip curled back to show his yellowing teeth.

"And that, gentlemen, is why you don't disturb the tombs of thousand-year-old wizards who could kill you with a glance if they wanted to," he sneered.

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"Enough of this. Shall we Apparate to the Forbidden Forest this time, not another one of these cursed Unplottable human-repelling lands?" he questioned snidely. "I wouldn't want you two botching up the job again."

o_O O_O O_o Back to the Present...

"And so, we Apparated back to the Forbidden Forest under my command---"

"Excuse me, Snapy," Sirius cut in rudely. "You seem to be missing something..."

"I am not!"

"Allow me to tell it how really it was." Lupin smiled cheerfully and picked up the story.

o_O O_O O_o Back to Merlin's slumbering form...

"Us? Botching up the job?" Sirius growled, his hatred toward Severus beginning to surface once more. "I don't see you doing anything right yet!"

Snape, unable to prove his fellow convict otherwise, snorted and strode around the tomb in search of an exit. Unfortunately for his dignity, the Potions Master tripped and fell against a rock formation, nearly landing upon Merlin himself in the process. Horror-stricken, the former teacher quickly backed away from the sleeping 'God of Wizardry,' stunned to silence as yet another glittering message hung above the prone body.

"I thought I specifically asked you lot not to disturb me. Now then, I do not consider myself a morning person, so if you would shut your bickering up and move on out of here, there's still the chance that I'll slumber on schedule. Good bye."

Severus was, nonetheless, angered by this message and the snickering of his companions. With a piercing glare to the fading lettering and an angry huff, he tore his wand out of his ro---Armani suit. "The Forbidden Forest!" he hissed as he Apparated, leaving nary a trace.

Lupin and Black gave each other triumphant smirks before pulling out their own wands and following suit.

"...And that's how we finally ended up in the Forbidden Forest!" Remus finished cheerfully, much to the dismay of the greasy Potions Master beside him.

"You could have done without mentioning that," Snape sneered angrily.

Dumbledore couldn't hide his amused smile as his eyes twinkled at the Trio. "But you did not immediately report to me. What happened after you reached the Forest?"

"This was where I came in," Snape drawled with a smirk, picking up the story once more as he promptly 'forgot' the whole Merlin ordeal ever happened. "After we Apparated successfully, I had brought up the fact that we would have difficulty entering the castle without adequate disguises or Floo powder. We had no access to the latter, considering Floo powder does not spring up in greenery spontaneously, unlike what some wished to believe," he mentioned sarcastically, ignoring the harsh glare Black sent his way. "A disguise, however..."

o_O O_O O_o Fade to black to cue the flashback once more...

"What the hell are you doing, Snape?" Sirius demanded as the Potions Master scanned the ground.

"I'm foraging," Snape snapped back with a scowl. "What does it look like I'm doing? Searching for thousand-year-old-wizards to steal from?" He rolled his eyes and picked at the ground, uprooting the occasional plant that he found up to par.

"Look, Snapy, we don't want to be poisoned ri--"

"I'm not going to poison you, morons!" Severus sneered. He needed his companions, after all. "You honestly don't expect to safely infiltrate Hogwarts like this without being spotted, do you?"

And so, the greasy haired convict set to work on what most obviously were the beginnings of a potion. Snape was forced to use two stones as an impromptu mortar and pestle, grinding all of the required herbs into usable bits of leaves or powdery substances. Thankfully, after about 5 rounds of 'Shut up!'s, his companions were quiet enough for him to concentrate. It was rather simple to carry out the rest, after the required ingredients in their required quantities were obtained (along with an impromptu conjured cauldron and the magically induced fires).

The potion had taken an hour to brew. One...entire...fun-filled hour full of complaints and whining from the resident werewolf and convicted murderer. In the meantime, Snape had ignored these comments to the best of his ability as he magically hollowed-out some good-sized stones to use as goblets to drink from. Finally...it was time.

"You want us to drink that stuff?!" Sirius exclaimed incredulously, staring with disgust at the brown sludge of a potion. It looked to have the consistency and properties of mud. "What does it do?"

Snape gave Sirius a hard glare, scooping up the last of the potion for himself. "Unfortunately, it will do nothing to shut you up," he retorted with a snort. "Drink it. We shall keep track of each other with our voices. Be sure to stay together."

Without another word, Severus downed the sludgelike substance with a grimace...

And disappeared.

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black stared agape at where Snape formerly stood. They slowly stared at the potion... back to the empty space... back to the potion... and, finally, turned to give each other wide-eyed stares.

"...Do you know what this means, Moony?" Sirius asked, a grin dawning upon his features.

"...I believe I do, Padfoot. It seems that old Snapy has created an Invi--"

"SNAPE'S GONE!" interrupted Black joyously, preparing to toss the potion over his shoulder.

"No, you idiot!" Snape's disembodied voice snapped from the same exact spot he disappeared. "It's an Invisibility Potion! You truly were horrible in Potions class, weren't you?"

Black's jovial expression melted into disappointment. "Damnit. At least I was good at Transfiguration, unlike some Greasy-Haired Git I know..." he muttered dejectedly as he stared at the sludgelike potion once more. "Do I really have to drink this?"

Lupin shrugged and tipped his 'goblet' towards Sirius with a weak grin. "Bottoms up, I suppose!" He gulped down his share.

The last thing Sirius saw of Remus was the disgusted look at the taste as the werewolf faded from view.

"...Couldn't you have made it taste better?" Lupin's voice questioned to the invisible Potions Master. He received a snort in reply.

"A potion's function is far more important than its taste. Do you have a problem with that, werewolf?"

Sirius sighed at the sludge, unwilling to drink the stuff. But, in the end, he realized he didn't truly have much of a choice. The convicted murderer muttered as he held his breath and downed the potion as quickly as possible.

"Took you long enough," Snape snapped, as Black became invisible. "The effects of this potion last for about an hour and fifteen minutes. We must work quickly to get through the school."

"We're going straight to Albus Dumbledore," Remus stated with finality, as if it were the only option available. "We'll explain the situation to him."

"Of course we will!" Severus insisted, his usual sneer coming to mind to match his tone (he cannot be seen, after all). "Would you rather we go to Bartemius Crouch?"

And so, our Trio headed off to the castle. They actually didn't have much difficulty getting into the castle itself--as long as their voices were reduced to whispers (or completely silent, whenever someone walked by), they would not be caught. Mrs. Norris had almost given them away ('BLASTED CAT!' as Snape had said); it was lucky she only had scent and sound to go by with no visuals to call Filch for. She had also received a rather sharp kick to her furry cat ass, courtesy of Sirius Black. This resulted in the cat scrambling off with a yowl, having the misfortune of running straight into Fred and George's brand-new patented Crunchy Nads (they burst open the moment her paw came in contact with one, showering her with Stiffening Charms and causing her fur to make crunchy sounds as she moved).

Soon enough, the group found themselves standing before the gargoyle guarding the entrance to Headmaster Dumbledore's office.

"Everyone still here?" Lupin whispered, just to make a 'head count,' per se. Snape merely snorted to prove that he was, indeed present. Sirius, however...

"...Sirius? Padfoot? ...Sirius???" Moony questioned to the empty air, worry leaking into his tone. This worry was justified when he received no answer. "...He does remember how to find his way around Hogwarts...doesn't he?"

Snape snorted again in response. "The fool. He probably wandered off. I wouldn't be surprised if he got himself caught..."

"I'm not just going to leave him behind!" announced Lupin with resolve. "I'm going after him. Wait for us, Snapy."

The greasy-haired Potions Master sighed at the sound of retreating footsteps. Well. He'd wait for as long as it took for the potion to run out. If they had not returned by that point, he would go up without them...

Sirius, meanwhile, had gotten himself lost. Incredibly lost, indeed. He had been wandering aimlessly around the castle of Hogwarts for quite a while now, having no idea where to go or what to do. He had a very bad memory of the place, after all.

"...Remus?" he whispered to the empty air. "Remus? You still there? ...Moony?" No response. "SNAPE?!" Boy, he must truly be getting desperate.

Black's dying hope rose once again as he heard the steady footsteps of someone striding briskly down the hallway. The convict pressed himself against the wall and held his breath, waiting expectantly for the source to present itself.

To his disappointment, it was someone visible.

It was...a woman. A woman with a very nice figure--those robes accented her curves nicely, Sirius noticed. Her long, glossy black hair skimmed the floor, greatly resembling a shimmering, flowing curtain. Her full, luscious lips were drawn downward into a scowl; unusual, considering the rest of her features seemed dead to emotion.

The greenish tint to her skin and the utterly creepy feeling of wrongness was what bothered Sirius. The fact remained, though, that the more he stared at the woman, the more familiar she looked...

"Holy shit," Black muttered under his breath. "It's Snape's long lost sister." He shuddered at the thought.

However, Sirius was not conscious for long enough to follow her and find out if this theory were true. The last he remembered hearing was a low, screechy voice from this strange woman. A single line of "Damn that Weasley boy for saying that about me," before he fell to the ground with a THUD, the wooziness overthrowing his conscious mind.

But Professor Sonores can't talk, can she? ^_~

"WHO'S THERE?" Sonores hissed in her oddly screechy voice, scanning the corridor frantically for any sign of life. Black's unconscious body twitched in protest at the sound of her voice.

Lupin froze as the woman before him whipped about cautiously. Had she heard him? But that can't be possible! He had made EXTRA sure that he was making no sound.

Then what had she just heard? Could it be...Sirius?

With newfound hope, Remus cautiously tiptoed past the black-haired woman, making not a sound as he stepped past. So far, so good. Now...was Sirius truly there? The werewolf decided the best way to go about this matter was to silently hold out his arms and tiptoe about in hopes that he'll walk straight into his old friend.

It was not two minutes when he tripped over something lying on the ground. Something large. Something very much like a body. An invisible body.

...Loudly.

Lupin stifled a curse and knelt to the ground, frantically feeling his way to Sirius's unconscious form and somehow managing to sling the convicted murderer over his shoulder just as Sonores began to stalk towards him. The werewolf glanced around, trying to find a way out of this--

Wait. He knew where he was. Wasn't there a secret passage just around the corner?

Silently praising his good ol' Marauder's knowledge, Remus dashed around the corner (Sirius in tow) and tapped the statue situated against the wall, wasting no time in leaping into the passageway within...

The instant the Invisibility Potion ran out of juice. They were safe.

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Snape was getting impatient. Where were those fools? The potion's almost run out!

The Potions Master paced about the gargoyle, having nothing better to do with his time. Back and forth. Back and forth. Where could they be? Back and forth. Back and forth. Black is such a fool. Back and forth. Back and forth.

There was a telltale tingling sensation as the former professor became more and more solid in appearance. It wasn't long before he faded back into being, a solid, non-opaque person once again.

His lips curled up into a sardonic grin. I suppose they won't be here after all. A pity. Triumphantly, the fully visible Git approached the gargoyle and opened his mouth, obviously preparing to state the password...

The statue behind him quite suddenly burst open as two Marauders climbed out. Snape nearly hit the ceiling at the sound, his heart racing as he whirled about, gaping wide-eyed at his companions.

"Hello, Snapy. Miss me?" Sirius grinned. He obviously enjoyed the reaction he had earned from his enemy. Even the werewolf was grinning in amusement as Snape's jaw dropped.

"Hello, Severus. Were you about to leave without us?" Lupin asked in an innocent manner, referring to the potion master's position by the gargoyle. Snape, of course, immediately set his expression back to his trademark scowl.

"What took you so long?" he demanded icily, completely ignoring their amusement. He'll return the 'favor' sometime, after all. "Having yourselves appear in the middle of a corridor would have done us no good, you realize."

"We just gave your sister a visit!" Black proclaimed with a snicker. This only caused Snape to frown.

"I do not have a sister, Black. Don't be wandering off again if you wish to survive in this school," warned Snape. Hell, he just wanted to keep an eye on the murdering fiend...

"Shut up, Snapy. Not my damn fault I got lost because you left me behind."

To this, Severus merely rolled his eyes and turned back to the gargoyle. "Best Blowing Gum," he murmured brusquely, waiting patiently as the gargoyle leapt aside. The Trio stepped inside and strode up the spiral staircase, straight into Dumbledore's office...

o_O O_O O_o Back to the present. End HURASHIBAKKU.

"...We waited in the shadows of your office until your arrival here," Lupin stated, wrapping up the entire ordeal with a smile. "And that brings us to now!"

Dumbledore was left to consider these facts as the Trio awaited his verdict with quiet anticipation...

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