Five Days

Chapter Five

No point in counting anymore

I entered his room quietly and found him laying on his bed, his arm covering his eyes and I thought he was sleeping until he said:

"Please, Ron, just leave me alone."

"Sorry, not Ron," I whispered, but somehow he heard me, for he jumped and looked at me.

He kept staring at me, surprised, his face redder than my hair, and I said softly:

"Girls are just everywhere now, aren't we?"

A long time passed in silence, until he said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression."

"You didn't," I promptly denied. "I was the one who didn't... I refused to see it. You never gave me the wrong impression, Harry."

"So... we're still friends, right?"

His voice seemed so faint, so unsure. But I knew what I had to do.

"No, we're not." I sat beside him while taking a deep breath to continue. "We were never friends, and we can't be, not now."

"You see," I continued, "I would love to say this didn't matter, but I couldn't, because it hurts too much for me to pretend it doesn't. And I would never be able to be your friend, even to talk to you, without it hurting."

His eyes were so confused I pitied him even more than I pitied myself.

"I like you, Harry." I shivered before admitting it, but I had to tell the entire truth. "I think I actually love you, and until this morning, I wanted to be a part of your life. It didn't matter if I was just your friend, because at least I would be there. But now it has changed, and I realized being your friend is not what I want."

I looked down at his bed. "It will never be enough and right now, I'm losing what I want most."

Harry gasped, but I interrupted him, "And now I have nothing to lose. Therefore, I'm allowing myself to be very selfish and to think only of me while I'm here. Because someday you'll get a girlfriend, and she will be in your room because you invited her, and it will still hurt." I was crying again. "Something inside me is telling me it will hurt for a long time yet."

So that was it. He was too shocked to speak and I was losing my nerve, so I did what I had gone there to do; I quickly covered his mouth with mine, feeling his lips on mine and his breath on my cheek.

His body was rigid. He opened his mouth, maybe to protest, but I didn't allow him to; I softly let my tongue enter his mouth and touch his tongue, pausing to keep the feeling in my memory.

And then I slowly retreated, brushing his lips with mine one last time before finally moving away from him, and said before going away from his bed and his room:

"I just wanted my first kiss to be with you."

With that, I turned my back and left as quickly as I could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had tried not to, but I couldn't help to watching him the next few days.

He had seemed so mind-absented, going through the days without even noticing them. I couldn't blame him, for I was feeling the exactly same way, watching the days fall through me without caring about it.

Ron had already apologized so many times I wasn't even angry with him anymore. Well, he had tried to play the big brother and I couldn't blame him for that - actually, I could, but I was feeling so bad that it didn't seem to mind anymore.

The kiss had been the worst thing I could have done, because now I wanted more. His lips were so soft, and his mouth was so delicious I couldn't help but dream about it over and over again.

And I kept imagining how it would have been if he had kissed me back.

But this was not getting me anywhere.

And I was right: the pain was still there, all the time. Sometimes when he would smile at Hermione, or when he laughed about something that the twins had said, I could feel the pieces of my heart clearly shattered in my chest, and they were all screaming his name.

Stupid heart and stupid me. He was going on with his life, and all I could do was keep dreaming.

The pain seemed even more unbearable when he was talking to Cho. He would actually stop to chat with her every time they met in the corridors, and their smiling at each other made me so sick I felt like throwing up.

One day, Hermione sat beside me while Ron was talking to Harry during dinner and said, "He doesn't like Cho."

I just smiled, wondering what her point was, but I didn't even bother to ask. Anyway, she said, "Trust me, he doesn't."

Couldn't she see that it didn't matter anymore? So he didn't like Cho; he didn't like me either.

And now there I was, sitting by the fireplace in the common room, oblivious to anything around me, thinking about Harry and his kiss. Well, my kiss. He just entered with the unwilling mouth.

I heard the portrait open, and then heard footsteps, and it was now that I realized everyone was already sleeping in their dorms. It must be really late, I thought, and moved slowly, wondering if it was worth going to bed not to sleep right now.

But then I heard the footsteps hesitate and finally turn back and come closer. I looked up to see Harry coming in my direction without even looking at me, but apparently he knew I was there, for he seemed to be avoiding looking at me.

He sat in the seat in front of me and placed his broom beside him, sighing heavily.

I saw he was in his Quidditch robes, which made me remember all the fantasies I had with him in those robes. He always looked so good in the red uniform I couldn't help but think naughty things.

Well, let's face it, if my mother knew half of the things I dreamed of with Harry, she would never call me her little girl again.

I was wondering where the rest of the team was when he seemed to read my mind.

"My mind was not on the practice... the team asked kindly for me to call it a night."

I smiled hesitantly, wondering what he wanted with me, but then he spoke, "My life is a mess."

I just stared at him, not understanding where he was going with this.

"I mean, I don't even have a life outside of Hogwarts, and when I'm here things are so confusing." He sighed heavily again. "I'm famous and just now I'm beginning to understand how, but I still don't understand why, you know? I can't see the reason for my life to be what it is now."

I realized he didn't know what to say. He was improvising, trying to put into words his confused thoughts.

"It really is a mess. And I kept thinking, why would anyone want to be a part of this mess? Look at Ron, or Hermione, all they had to go through just because they're my friends, and that's all that comes to my mind, why would anyone want to... and Ron told me you would, that you wouldn't mind the mess, and you would..." His eyes showed confusion and hope all at the same time when he finally looked in my eyes and asked, "Would you?"

My heart jumped with joy and hope, and I prayed, 'Please, please, let it be what I'm thinking it is, please...'

"After the answer I gave Ron I kept thinking about what I had done; was it right? And then you said all those things, and you..." He hesitated. "You kissed me. Then I realized I was wrong."

He shook his head as if to shake off his confusion. "Would you? Because it turns out I do like you like that."

My heart went back to being whole in my chest, and it seemed to be almost exploding there, beating so fast, screaming his name, as was my entire body.

I softly whispered, "There's nothing I would like more than to be a part of your mess."

He sighed in relief and quickly left his seat to kneel down before me and kiss me.

The kiss was everything I've ever dreamed, if not better. His mouth was fully covering mine, his lips touching mine so strongly and yet, so gently. I felt his tongue caressing my lips before entering my mouth and we stayed there a long time, circling each other's mouths, holding each other so closely as if frightened one would move away.

We only parted when we had to gasp for air, both of us smiling wildly, looking at each other's eyes, and I knew he was as crazy to kiss me again as I was to kiss him.

Then I heard a croak from above, and with a quick look I saw Neville's toad, Trevor, staring curiously at us, watching the whole scene from above the fireplace. But I didn't care he was there, as my attention went back to Harry and just Harry.

After all, toads are the most romantic creatures in the world.