Five Days

Chapter One

Day One: committing to the decision

Needless to say, my decision had been postponed so many times that more than five days had passed; it had been more like two months.

So here I am, sitting at a table in the common room, my Transfiguration books around me and my head in the Quidditch field, where Harry and Ron are practising.

I don't know who was happier with Ron being the Gryffindors' new Keeper: himself, Hermione or me. She was so proud of her boyfriend; I was so happy he could finally play Quidditch instead of just babbling about it. Of course, it made him babble even more about the sport, but now it was for a good reason - it wasn't just because Quidditch was the only subject he could keep in a decent conversation.

Well, maybe that's too harsh, but I don't care. I hate him right now.

He always excludes me from his group and always makes such an important face when he says, "You're too young, Ginny, and besides, you should be studying right now."

What nerve! He, the laziest boy in the school, telling me I should be studying! My grades are better than his, and I'm sure I could beat him in a duel anytime!

But this hate for my brother actually started two nights ago, when he and Hermione were talking about their relationship. Harry was beside them, pretending to read a book. I was sitting right in front of them, listening to Hermione complain about how Ron never even gave her a sign that he was in love with her, and it was she who had had the courage to make the first move.

"Well, but I was not alone." She smiled, looking briefly at me before turning back to Ron. "Ginny helped me a lot in this. I still remember, she said, 'Hermione, if you feel what you say you feel about Ron, you have to tell him! You trust him with so many things, you have to trust my brother won't treat your feelings harshly! Establish a goal for yourself - tell him that you love him - and then do it!'"

Wow, I was so proud of myself! I seemed so... clever! I never thought I could actually say such beautiful, deep things!

But wait a minute... I hadn't said those beautiful, deep things. That was Hermione putting words in my mouth. But when I saw Harry smiling proudly at me, I didn't care about that. She could lie as much as she wanted.

But you can trust Ron to ruin a great moment.

"Wow," he said, "you must have been really desperate to go to Ginny for counselling on something like this!"

He's not my brother; he's a troll.

I sighed heavily at the memory when I saw the Gryffindor team all enter the common room - but Harry and Ron were nowhere to be seen.

They were all covered in mud, and they looked exhausted. Soon, I heard Fred answering a girl who asked what had happened. "Harry was hit by a Bludger that Malfoy threw at him, and he is now in the infirmary."

My heart skipped a beat. I heard the girl ask what Malfoy had been doing at the Gryffindor practice, but Fred shook his head and said the Slytherin team had shown up and refused to leave.

I grabbed George's arm when he passed by me, and I didn't even need to ask, for he read my pleading look. "He will be fine, Gin."

Then he answered the second question I hadn't asked. "Ron and Hermione were the only ones allowed to stay with him."

I could see from George's worried expression that the same memory was crossing our minds: last year, when Harry had been taken to the infirmary after the third task.

The pain I had felt back then came back to me fully. I had spent the entire night awake, crying quietly in George's arms, while Fred had guaranteed me that if Harry was lethally hurt we'd already have known.

But I had wanted to be there beside him. I had wanted to hold his hand, to see for myself if he was indeed alright. I had envied Ron and Hermione so much that night. They had been there, they had seen everything; they had been beside him - while I had stayed outside the infirmary, watching the commotion and being ignored by everyone. I can still remember it vividly: Dumbledore entering the infirmary right after Professor McGonagall and Fudge; the door closing behind him, shutting me out from where I wanted to be.

And it was happening again. I was shut out from his life, from his side - the only place I wanted to be.

I noticed Fred staring at me from behind George, so I let go of his arm, smiling faintly as I turned back to my books.

I heard them sigh and turn their backs toward me to go to their dormitory. I could count on a prank early tomorrow morning to cheer me up.

But I knew what I had to do if I wanted to change everything, whether I wanted to have him or give up on him for good.

I had five days, starting from the very first moment I saw him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That moment was right in the morning, during breakfast. Harry came and sat two seats away from me at the nearly empty table, Ron and Hermione close behind - therefore, I couldn't talk to him just now.

But the countdown had begun.

I saw him eat his breakfast and then go to his double Potions with a look on his face that seemed he was going to hell to be tortured. Then, I remembered what a delightful class he would be having, and I realized he was indeed going to hell to be tortured.

Later, after my double Herbology, I watched him eat his lunch, looking relieved that the torture was over but soon looking mournful again before going to his Divination class.

But at night, right after the dinner I skipped to spend reading, I saw him alone, taking a seat by the table at the common room, a tarot deck in one hand and a book and pieces of parchment in the other.

I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and walked over to him. "Do you mind if I...?" I didn't complete the sentence, pointing at the chair in front of him.

He looked puzzled for a moment, and then embarrassed, but after a minute that seemed like hours he said, "If you sit in front of me, I won't have enough room to lay the cards." He raised the deck, and then said before I could feel disappointed, "Why don't you sit here beside me?"

I blinked several times, thinking it was too perfect to be true, before I smiled and sat right beside him.

"If I bother you with the cards just tell me so, alright?" He smiled as I placed my Arithmancy book on the table.

I nodded, too enchanted to speak, while he focused on his cards and forgot about me.

Have you ever felt heaven and hell combined in one moment? If you haven't, I don't think you'll be able to understand what I was feeling. Sitting beside him, feeling his arm brushing mine once in a while... And also being consumed with fear, wanting to engage in conversation and not knowing what to say...

He was the one who solved this dilemma. I was staring at my book, looking petrified and going through different tones of "How have you been?" to choose the best one to use when he turned to me and asked:

"Looking at these cards, how do you think I can get hurt if not by a Bludger, a crazy centaur or an unidentified beast?"

I was speechless and looked at the cards just because his finger was pointing at them.

Many things crossed my mind and, miraculously, an idea came. "Maybe you could... trip over your feet and break your leg because..." my eyes ran through the cards and I saw one with a man being hanged by his foot, so I just read the name of it: "... because of the Hanged Man?"

"Perfect, Ginny!" he exclaimed. "That was great!"

I knew I was looking pathetic, smiling widely like I was, but I couldn't help myself.

"This is getting very difficult, you know," he said. "I don't have any more tragedies to write in my assignments; I used almost all of them in the previous years..." He shook his head, finished writing my idea down and then looked at the cards. "And the cards aren't helping, either! They're mostly good! Do you see this one here, on the end? The World? According to this book, it's the best card of the deck. How can I make this card look tragic?"

"You can say that it refers to your worst enemy...?" I suggested reluctantly.

He smiled again. "Yes!"

While he wrote it down, I analysed the cards. I had never had Divination, and I knew nothing about tarot, but even so I could sense that that was not the way a reading was supposed to be done, and certainly neither the Hanged Man nor the World meant what I had suggested. I saw the Lovers card laid on the table and couldn't help but joke, "The Lovers, huh? Who is the lucky girl?"

I closed my mouth in terror when I realized what I had just said. I watched as Harry's face turned red, then a strange shade of purple. "Yes, well... this card keeps showing. I guess I'm not shuffling the deck right..."

"Hum, well... you can say someone you love will fall in love with someone else..." I tried to fix my mistake, and luckily his face went back to his usual lovely colour.

"You know, Ginny, you have a great mind for disasters!"

My face was lit again by a huge smile until his words finally struck me. Was that a compliment?

"Just like Ron! He is the one who usually helps me with the Divination assignments, but tonight he was studying with Hermione..."

It seemed amazing to me how he said 'studying' without making it sound ironic at all. Was it possible he actually believed they would be studying?

"Humph! Studying, my..." he didn't finish the sentence, but I realized he wasn't as naïve as he wanted to appear.

He finished his assignment with a dramatic flourish and then collected his cards.

"Thank you for your help, Ginny," he said, turning to look at me.

"Anytime," I said, and I knew it was now or never. "Harry, there's something I need to tell you..."

He kept staring at me, a curious look on his face, and I took a deep breath before continuing.

"I know I'm young, but I'm not that young, you know..."

I saw him become more uncomfortable in his chair, and then a commotion on the other side of the room caught our attention. Parvati was jumping up and down, smiling dazzlingly at Lavender, talking excitedly about something, and I saw Harry watch her hair falling smoothly on her back, her lips curving into that beautiful smile, and I realized he seemed hypnotized by her.

Then a thought crossed my mind: I could never match her beauty. I could never be as charming and gracious as she is.

When he turned back to me, a smile playing on his lips, I knew that it wasn't the right time to confess what I wanted to.

"Yes, Ginny?" he murmured as if to catch my attention, his shining eyes destroying the rest of my confidence.

"I just wanted to say that you can count on me for anything, Harry. Although I'm not a friend of yours as my brother is, I want you to know I'll be here if you ever need to talk."

That came easier than I thought. Perhaps it was because it wasn't what I really wanted to say.

"Thank you," he finally said. "I appreciate it very much. It's good to know... you know."

"Yes, I know." I could feel my clumsiness coming back and I knew I had to finish that conversation before I messed up everything, so I said the very first thing that crossed my disturbed mind. "Friends are good."

I saw him nod slowly at me, standing up with a confused look on his face, clearly thinking about my words. Then, he finally muttered a good night, and I tried to keep my smile frozen on my face while I watched him leave.

When he was finally out of sight, I let the smile die and bumped my head several times on the table.

Friends are good?!?!

Somebody hex me. Now.