Marauders, the next generation

Yelling at Vampires (Singing about Lumberjacks)

Gregory and I backed away until we hit something behind us. It was bumpy and very un-wall-like. My hands reached behind me, frantically feeling it in case it could be used as a kind of weapon. As my fingers investigated the object, it fell backwards, as did we.

We fell right through the hole and on to a granite floor behind. There was light here; it illuminated the face advancing on us. I waved my arm at the portrait.

"Close it! Close it! Close it! Close it! Close it! "

By the third 'Close it' Gregory had already shut it but I felt that the hazardousness of the situation demanded the other two.

My breathing began to slow down as my lungs took the advantage of a break in the panic attack I was suffering from. I turned my head and it resumed again.

Two brown eyes looked up at me. It was a house elf. One of the newly paid ones by the look of it. It was wearing a woolly jumper too large for it, a skirt designed for a two year old and a small bobble hat. Behind it was another wearing a pair of child's dungarees and a pair of blue 'Toto the magic elephant' shoes. There were a few more wearing pillowcases marked with the Hogwarts crest. The kitchen staff gazed up at us.

"House elves," breathed Gregory, sounding almost relieved to find a subject he knew about and could rely on. Unlike the existence of Vampires within the halls of Hogwarts. "Hogwarts has the largest population of them in the world. About thirty are paid. My Aunt Hermione fronted the movement. It was one of her most radical propositions. But when many House elves showed their support for it and demanding wages Aunt Hermione arranged for any company who take in at least five House elves on a paid, heath benefit and holiday package to receive subsidies. Dumbledore was a huge supporter and turned down the payment but took on as many House elves as wished to work. Now less than a hundred house elves are fully paid. A far cry from Aunt Hermione's dream of freeing them all from their brainwashed oppression, but at least those that want to 'Throw off their shackles' can."

"Well, someone's going to shine when we cover that in History of Magic."

"I only know it because of my Aunt and Uncle," said Gregory. "That's all. Besides-"

There was, on cue, a large bang on the portrait hole. Gregory already had a chair in his hand before I could react with my traditional,

"Block it! Block it! Block it! Block it! Block it!"

The house elves moved forward pushing a large table between them. It creaked as it scraped against the floor and bashed against the wall. It's strange how you remember little details.

"Kettle!" cried Gregory, "What do you know about Vampires?"

"Er..." I strained for the knowledge that got me ten out of ten on the Defence Against the Dark Arts test. "Er... They don't actually need your blood but a sugar inside it. Er... They can control your mind by looking in to your eyes. You know, hypnotism. Er... They.... er.... Ooh! They don't always have to turn you in to a vampire; they can put something in the blood. And they don't have to kill you either, they can just take a little of your blood as a snack."

"All very informative," Gregory sang as the crashes on the other side of the portrait grew louder. "But not helping!"

"Um..." I found myself wishing that I had Joseph's computer like memory. "They're...um... They're anal-retentive! If you throw poppy seeds at them they just have to stop and count every one. And they're pathologically meticulous; they hate not having everything in place. If you steal their left sock they'll forget all about you and spend the rest of eternity looking for it. Unless they see you steal it, then you're in big trouble. So it's best to steal it when they're asleep during the day. Sunlight! They can't stand it, it turns them to dust. That also happens if you stick a stake through their heart. And lemons! Get a lemon in their mouth and they can't stand it, stops them in their tracks. But that only works on the older vampires because the younger ones still have the human defences against it. So the best thing is to chop their heads off with an axe. But you'd better be careful not to spill any blood because if you do, poof! They're back. Then there's water... water... Holy water! Throw it at them and it burns. Some vampires have been reported to burst in to flames. They can't stand anything holy- Holy objects! Get a cross or a Star of David or anything religious and show it to them and they can't look straight at it. That's why Buffy wears a silver cross round her neck."

"Who's Buffy?"

By this time I was hopping up and down between my toes and my heels. I was actually excited.

"Who cares?!"

"Come on you guys!" Gregory was addressing the house elves. "Lemons, poppy seeds. Any sharp knifes? While you're at it, does anyone know how to bless water?" He turned back to me. "I hope you're right."

"There's more!" I cried, getting ever so slightly carried away. "Vampire's have this amazingly strict hierarchy. They actually get to choose whether you're going to be an equal or a subordinate when they bite you-"

And that's when the table gave way.

"Distract them!" commanded Gregory before vanishing further in to the kitchen.

I watched the creatures climb through the hole and began to panickingly consider exactly how to draw their attention away from what I prayed Gregory was planning for an assault. Then it hit me, those vampires moved fast. One moment they were just entering the room, the next they were around me. It wasn't exactly a hit. I think one of them tried to grab my arm but I twisted away and got hit instead. I heard a rip and silently prayed it wasn't a ligament. I tried to remember anything else from class but it all required props, aside from the not looking in to their eyes bit. I was left to, as Gregory might say, 'wing' it. I jumped in to a space and flung my arms in to the air.

"I never wanted to be a hairdresser!" I declared, "I wanted to be a vampire! Swinging from balcony to balcony as I floated through the night! Biting my best girly by my side and I'd sing, sing, sing!

I'm a vampire and I'm okay!

I work all night and I sleep all day!

She's a vampire and she's okay,

She works all night and she sleeps all day!

I find some men, to be my lunch,

I go to the lavatory!

On Wednesdays I go hunting,

And have buttered kids for tea!"

Gregory struck. Soon there was a small heap of dust on the floor. Or at least up until the house elves moved forward with brooms to sweep it up. They didn't seem at all flustered, it made me wonder how often this sort of thing happened.

Gregory put the huge bread knife down and stared at me, or at least my shoulder. I followed his gaze.

"Awww!" I moaned, "They tore my robes."

I pulled my sleeve up at well as I could, ever so slightly relieved that it was only material I'd heard ripping. Gregory didn't stop staring.

"What's that?" he asked.

He was pointing at my shoulder again. I looked down.

"What's what?"

"On your shoulder."

"Cloth?"

"Under your sleeve," he reached forward and pulled at my sleeve, ripping out the seams and bringing it loose. It fell away in his hand revealing the mark there. "That black snake."

"Oh that," I said, "That's just a birthmark."

Gregory just gaped at me, apparently shocked that I would call it 'just' a birthmark.

"Why didn't you tell us that you had a black snake birthmark?" he demanded.

"Because you didn't ask!" I cried, snatching the sleeve from his hand "Sheesh, it's only a birthmark! Pigment in my skin that has arose in to an unfortunate shape. I know someone who has a huge brown mark across their cheek. It's a perfectly normal occurrence."

Gregory opened his mouth but I cut him off.

"Look, I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. I'm not the... the... heir of Slytherin or anything. I would know. My Grandfather made me memorise my entire family tree. So cool it."

"I still don't like it," Gregory muttered.

"Come on," I said, "Let's go find out what's happening."

We left the kitchen and made our way up the stairs to the main hall.

"I still wish we'd found out where the ring was," said Gregory.

As we reached the entrance hall we noticed the hubbub. The few students that had stayed for Christmas were gathered there along with a few staff. Robin noticed us and came over.

"Did you hear about the vampires?" he asked.

"We saw," said Gregory.

He was still holding the knife he'd used to chop the vampires' heads off. I quickly took it off him.

"They're saying a girl was attacked up near one of the towers," continued Robin.

"Who?" demanded Gregory. He was obviously not in the best of moods.

Robin paused "What'd you mean who? You mean which girl?"

"No," said Gregory, "Who says?"

"They do."

"Who are they?"

Robin looked bewildered.

"You know, they."

"No I-"

"Gregory." I warned.

Gregory glared at me. Robin gave me a look of desperation. I rolled my eyes to signify that he was to continue.

"Well they say," he gave Gregory a worried look but continued when he was certain Gregory wasn't going to interrupt. "They say she got bitten and died."

Over Robin's shoulder I spotted a girl turn and look our way. She was obviously a couple of years older than me, with black wavy hair and leaf green eyes. I pondered for a moment on what my hair would look like, like that, but stopped when I noticed her expression. It began with a 'here we go again' look but ended looking very attentive and slightly amused.

"Oh really?" I said, turning back to Robin and trying to look as interested as I could.

"Yeah," said Robin, warming to his subject. "All the blood sucked out of her."

"Oh no!"

"Attacked by seven vampires I hear."

The girl over Robin's shoulder appeared to reach a decision and moved forward.

"Two actually," she said, "And, despite what they say, I feel fine. Maybe you should check your sources."

Robin jumped, stared at her and wandered away. Gregory, trying to look as non-suspicious as possible but failing miserably, glared after him and followed.

"Sorry about that," I apologised.

"Oh don't worry about it," said the girl, "been happening all night, but it wasn't seven last I heard. Next thing you know it'll be sixteen and a dog." I laughed.

"I'm Becky. Aren't you that girl who pulled the prank on Snape?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Does everyone know it was me?" I asked, "And please, call me Lee."

"Everyone but the teachers as far as I know, but I've never been one for rumour. Hey, what happened to you?"

"Run in with a couple of vampires."

"Ah! Ditto. Up near the north tower. You?"

"Down by the kitchens," I told her, "But we cut their heads off."

"I got saved by a ton of teachers with stakes," said Becky, "I think they were after Laura Potter, the vampires I mean, not the teachers."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well when one of them grabbed me they hissed 'Potter'. If you ask me something is definitely up."

"But Laura didn't stay over the holidays."

"I wouldn't know about that," said Becky vaguely. "But you've got to admit, in the dark we both do look a lot like her."

"How?"

"Well not a lot," Becky admitted, "But slightly. Black hair, green eyes. People say I look young for my age."

"I wouldn't."

"If I were you I'd watch out for myself. I mean, you're the one who's in her class, aren't you?"

She shrugged and walked away. I gaped after her. Things were very weird.

Then Professor McGonagall came over and made things even weirder.

"Miss Davies," she said, "The Headmaster and I believe that it would be safer for you to stay in a different dormitory tonight."

My worry turned to fascination as I considered what she was suggesting.

"Do I get to go in to another house's common room?"

Possibilities of pranks swam in front of my eyes. If I could get hold of another house's password, I could do anything.

"No," said Professor McGonagall, firmly. "We can't do that."

"But all the other Gryffindors are boys!"

"She can stay in our dorm." Gregory had appeared and was looking a little too eager for my pleasure. "I don't mind."

I looked desperately up at the professor.

"We may have to consider it-"

"Is this to do with Laura?" I interrupted.

McGonagall paused; I'd obviously struck gold.

"Because if they didn't find her this time then, makes you think they're going to come back? Come on, Ma'am, I'll be fine. I could keep a knife by my bed side if you think I'm in that much danger."

"I really don't think-"

"All right, no knife. But a bunch of garlic, and some stakes. I know how to defend myself against Vampires, Ma'am, just ask Professor Delacour!"

McGonagall regarded me with a steady gaze.

"All right," she considered, "But don't wander off anywhere without an escort and you're taking some garlic up with you."

I breathed, thankfully.

"Thank you Ma'am."