The Severus Snape Saga-Book 1, the Sordid Hat

Chapter 5: Apologies and Headwear

Severus smiled at his friends and motioned for them to come along. A few minutes later they heard Umbridge's hysterical sobbing as Riddle forced her to tell him the name of every single Gryffindor who had recited the chant.

"Well, it was worth getting slapped to see that happen," said Bellatrix happily.

"I couldn't agree more," said Lucius

"What d'you reckon Dumbledore'll do to Corlagon?" asked Severus.

"I don't know, but I hope it's painful," said Rodolphus. "Honestly, slapping Bellatrix! The old git!"

"Yeah, I wanted to tear the old blighter apart!" snarled Antonin.

"When he was an adult and you're only eleven years old?" asked Serena skeptically.

"I could have used the Cruciatus curse on him," said Antonin.

"And gotten sent to Azkaban for life? I'm glad you didn't try," said Serena.

"Well, ermm, of course, that's exactly what I was thinking!" said Antonin awkwardly.

As they entered the great hall, they noticed Riddle and a large group of Gryffindors huddled together. All they caught of the conversation was Riddle casting a memory charm on the Gryffindors for making them forget what they had heard about Serena.

Severus sat down between Bellatrix and Antonin and began helping himself to food when he suddenly noticed that Imperius had flown in and was nibbling at his finger. He looked up to see that Imperius had a large parcel tied to his leg. Severus acknowledged Imperius and gave him a few bread crumbs before sending him back to the Owlery.

Severus wasn't sure he wanted to open a mysterious parcel in the middle of the great hall, as it could easily be a practical joke. Instead, he shoved it into his book bag and went back to his food.

"Hey, Sev," said Antonin, nudging him. "I noticed your owl had something for you. Aren't you going to find out what it is?"

"Later," said Severus. "It could be a practical joke and I don't feel like being made a fool of in front of the entire school."

"Good idea," said Antonin. "Once we finish dinner, though, It might be a good idea to have a look. I think I'll get Bellatrix, Lucius, Serena and Rodolphus to help out too just in case it's dangerous."

And with that, Antonin began talking to Lucius about the mysterious parcel that Severus had received. Severus tried very hard to concentrate on his steak while Antonin went about recruiting people for the unveiling.

"Hey, Sev, you ok?" asked Bellatrix, looking slightly concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said uncertainly and then he added "Do people just send you parcels out of the blue all the time?"

Bellatrix snorted. "Well, I think my uncle got one without an explanation once, but it turned out to be a pair of cursed panty hose. Why?"

"Just wondering," said Severus.

"You're so mysterious, sometimes, Sev," said Bellatrix. "Sometimes I wonder if I even know you."

Severus chuckled and went back to his food. There was no reason for alarm, it was probably just someone's idea of a joke. But still...

For some reason everybody who was going to investigate the hat finished dinner before Severus and when he did finally finish it, everybody else involved got up simultaneously. Trying to tell himself that it would just be a joke, he walked down into the dungeons followed by Serena, Antonin, Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Lucius. When they had placated the serpent and all got into one dormitory, Severus took the parcel from his book bag and slowly began to open it, trembling. He braced himself for the coming explosion, for the snake-in-a-box to come hurtling out of the wrapping paper. He tore the last of the paper off and threw the parcel away from him like a bomb. When it didn't explode, he walked over to examine what it was and saw...a hat.

It was an ordinary wizard's hat with a hastily scribbed note attached to it which only read "use it well." Severus didn't understand why anyone would send him a hat without it even being a holiday, but he figured there was only one thing for it. He put the hat on his head...

And nearly jumped out of his skin, for the hat had started to speak to him. "Ahh, so you are the one who will be my master," it said in a deep voice. "It talks!" he hissed at the others. They looked surprised.

"Er...yeah," thought Severus, thinking that maybe the way you communicated with this hat was similar to the way you communicated with the sorting hat. "Who sent you?"

"That is of no importance," replied the hat. "What matters is that now I am yours alone, master."

"What can you do?" thought Severus frantically.

"I can answer any question you put to me, if I am not forbidden to answer you."

"Ok," thought Severus. "Who is the Potions Teacher at Hogwarts now?"

"Professor Tom Marvolo Riddle: aged 31 with green eyes, black hair and an uncanny magical ability. Professor Riddle is able to speak Parseltongue, though he never admits to it, and was head boy while at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Professor Riddle enjoys Dark Arts research, Making Potions and Roulette."

Severus was shocked. This hat knew things he couldn't imagine anyone but Professor Riddle knowing. This hat was a gold mine! Why, if he'd wanted to he could cheat on exams with it.

"Do you have any more questions?" asked the hat.

"Not at this time," thought Severus, and he pulled the hat from his head. Bellatrix, Lucius, Antonin and Serena were looking at him expectantly.

"Well, what does it do?" asked Lucius.

"It's omniscient!" Severus gasped.

"In English please," said Bellatrix dryly.

"It knows everything. And it can answer any question I want answered as long as the answer is not forbidden to it."

"Really?" asked Antonin eagerly, and he seized the hat.

What followed was shocking. A blast of green light shocked Antonin backwards and he stared at the hat. "What the hell just happened?" he asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Severus.

"Ask it, dumbass!" Antonin hissed.

Severus once again placed the hat on his head. "Why did you blow the other away?" he asked.

"He is not my master, you are. Only my master may touch me."

Severus pulled the hat off.

"Well?" asked Antonin, rubbing his head.

"It says that since I'm it's master, I'm the only one who can touch it," Severus explained.

"A bit picky, isn't it?" asked Serena.

"Yeah, it's strange," said Severus.

"STRANGE? Severus, that thing is a GALLEON MINE!" said Lucius happily. "You can find out everything that nobody wants you to know and blackmail people! I can just see the look on Umbridge's face!"

"Hmm...I get the feeling you're right," said Severus. "Hang on, I want to ask it a question."

Severus placed the hat on his head again.

"Yes, master?"

"Tell me everything about Dalverry Corlagon," said Severus.

"Dalverry Corlagon: Aged 31. Brown hair, blue eyes. Sorted into Gryffindor house while at Hogwarts. Lost out to Tom Marvolo Riddle for the title of Head Boy. Proposed to Augustina Sellers but was turned down in favor of Pravus Snape. Had an illegitimate affair with Phalisia Umbridge, resulting in the conception of a daughter named Dolores. Corlagon is a former member of the Auror corps of the ministry of magic. He resents Pravus Snape for marrying the woman he loved and being a better Auror than he. Corlagon was directly responsible for the death of Pierre Black, a respectable magical citizen whom he believed to be a dark wizard. Corlagon, while he sternly denies this, is also responsible for the creation of the Imperius curse, a deed which he credits to Pierre Black, who is innocent of any such sordid activity. Mr. Corlagon currently is teaching Defense against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, resides in Surrey, and enjoys Magical Creature Breeding, Researching anti-dark arts formulae and brooding on his lamentable past."

Severus took off the hat and looked at the others. "I think I figured out why Corlagon hates Bellatrix so much," he said.

"You asked it about Corlagon?" asked Serena.

"That's right," said Severus. "And it turns out that your great uncle was a perfectly nice guy, Bellatrix. Corlagon invented the Imperius Curse and killed your great uncle because he thought he was a dark wizard."

"But wouldn't he be in Azkaban if he'd killed my great uncle?" asked Bellatrix.

"He was an auror, he had the license to kill," said Severus.

Bellatrix threw her Defense against the Dark Arts book at the wall. "The old BUGGER!" she snarled. "The absolute and total GIT! And to think he treats me like I belong to a family of Dark wizards! I...I can't believe it!" she broke down into sobs, all the while sobbing "I'm not evil! I'm not evil!"

Rodolphus got down beside her and tried to comfort her. "Bellatrix, it's alright, nobody thinks you're evil. Not Severus, not Lucius, not Serena, not Antonin and not ME! Why, I could kill Corlagon!"

Bellatrix looked up at Rodolphus. "You'd do that for me?" she whimpered.

"You bet, Bella," he said.

Bellatrix seized Rodolphus in a bone crushing hug. "Thanks, Rodolphus," she whimpered, sobbing into his robes. Rodolphus looked thoroughly terrified.

"So how do you propose we get Corlagon back for doing this?" asked Lucius. Severus got a look on his face like he'd won the lottery.

"Hang on," he said. "I've got an idea."

He replaced the hat.

"Can you make me write like Pierre Black?" he asked.

"Certainly, Master," said the hat "Just keep me on while you write."

Severus went over to a piece of parchment and dipped his quill in ink and wrote out a very short note. It ran as follows.

Auror Corlagon,

You are a miserable old scumbag. You'd better be careful or I'll tell my great-niece who's the REAL dark wizard.

Pierre Black

Severus finished writing the note and looked it over. It did look nothing like his handwriting and he only hoped that the hat had really made him write like Pierre Black.

"What are you writing, Severus?" asked Antonin and he walked over to see. The instant he read the note he snorted with laughter.

"Brilliant, Severus! That'll make the old git wet his pants. How'd you write in that handwriting?"

"The hat can make me write like someone else if I wear it while I'm writing stuff," said Severus.

"Great! Say, is there anything else you found out about Corlagon?" asked Antonin.

"Yeah, Umbridge is his illegitimate daughter. Maybe we can use that too."

"Can we use it? Of course we can! Let's write him a letter from her mom telling him he has to tell Umbridge!" Antonin smiled cruelly.

So Severus sat down and told the hat to make him write like Phalisia Umbridge. When he had finished the most scathing note he could manage, he took the hat off and smiled at his handiwork.

"Corlagon, your days are numbered," chuckled Rodolphus, who had managed to untangle himself from Bellatrix.

"Hey, Sev, shouldn't you be getting to Riddle's classroom so you can brew that forgetfulness potion?" asked Antonin.

"Oh, right," said Severus reluctantly, tearing himself away from his writing. "Send those letter using school owls while I'm gone."

"Why school owls?" asked Bellatrix.

"Because we can't afford to have him recognize ours," hissed Severus, "That would spoil the whole joke!"

"Duh!" said Antonin.

Severus heard Bellatrix tell Antonin to shut up as he left for Riddle's dungeon classroom.

Riddle was waiting for him patiently with a large cauldron set up in the center of the classroom. Severus rushed over to it and hastily prepared to light a fire when Riddle stopped him.

"One minute, Mr. Snape. Just what do you think you are doing?" he asked kindly.

"Brewing a forgetfulness potion, Professor," said Severus.

Riddle laughed out loud. "Severus, I am in no doubt that you can produce a potion that simple. What I called you here for is to give you your new schedule...and something else," he said. He pulled out a sheet of paper and a massive book.

"Severus," he said, beaming. "Welcome to N.E.W.T Potions."

Severus blanched. He was taking sixth and seventh year level potions?

"You have been excused from all first year potions classes on the condition that you manage to read that book by the time of your Ordinary Wizarding Level exam. And instead of attending Professor Binns' class, you will instead join your N.E.W.T. Potions classmates here. Professor Binns has kindly offered to tutor you privately at the times when you would have had your first year potions classes. You will take a sixth year level Potions exam and are automatically excused from the first year one, which I have taken the liberty of giving you an automatic "A" on. Is that clear to you?" Riddle finished and gave Severus one of his frightening smiles. Severus was petrified. What if he wasn't good enough?

"Professor Riddle?" he asked.

"Yes, Mr. Snape?"

"How do you know that I wasn't just lucky? How do you know I really am capable of concocting that potion I made in class?" he asked, wondering the same thing himself.

Riddle gave him an indulgent smile. "Severus, you created that potion by yourself and before any other student could finish the forgetfulness potion. If that is not enough of an indication of your skill, then let me tell you that your Draught of Luck would have earned an A plus had you been in my sixth year class."

Severus couldn't argue with that. "Alright, Professor. I'll see you tomorrow."

He took the book and the schedule and walked out of the dungeons, flushed with his success. Riddle thought he was good enough to be a sixth year potions student! He hadn't been sure whether he wanted to be in a room alone with Riddle, but now he felt that perhaps he'd misinterpreted the mysterious young Professor. It was with these thoughts that he arrived back at the Slytherin common room. He found Antonin, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Lucius and Serena there waiting for him.

"Sev! How'd it go?" asked Serena anxiously.

"Where'd you get the book?" asked Antonin.

"Did you get the potion right?" asked Bellatrix.

"He didn't want to see me about making the potion," said Severus in a stunned voice.

"Well then, what happened?" asked Antonin.

"I'm not going to be seeing you guys in Potions anymore," said Severus.

"And why is that? You suddenly got allergic to making them?" asked Lucius.

"No, because I'm in N.E.W.T. level potions now," said Severus, being completely unable to put any sort of pride in his words.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Bellatrix.

"Sev, we know you're good, but nobody's THAT good," said Lucius seriously.

"It's fucking impossible," said Antonin, with his mouth hanging open.

"Nope, I'm in sixth year potions. And what's more, Binns is gonna be tutoring me privately during the times when I would have had potions with you guys. And I'll be having potions when you have History of Magic."

"You lucky bastard!" breathed Rodolphus.

"Who's a lucky bastard?" asked Augustus, who had just sauntered over.

"Severus! He gets to take sixth year potions while we're sitting in Binns' class!" hissed Rodolphus.

"Hey, at least you guys aren't having Private Tutoring with the old guy," said Severus, trying to show them that it wasn't all Love potion and roses.

"Oh, right," said Rodolphus.

"Hey, maybe he'll be more interesting when there's just one of us," said Bellatrix half-heartedly.

"I hope so," said Severus.

"Hey, Sev, you know that hat you got?" asked Antonin.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Severus.

"I've got an idea," said Antonin, "Why don't you just get it to teach you the entire History of Magic curriculum without taking forever?"

"I don't know if that'll work, but I'll try," said Severus. "I'll get the hat."

Severus got up from the chair he as sitting in and dashed up the stairs to his dormitory, where he found the hat and placed it on his head.

"Yes, master?"

"Can you put all the information that I'll learn this year in History of Magic in my mind?"

"Hmm...that will be difficult. I may lose my power for a few hours afterwards, so try not to get too inquisitive. Alright, here goes."

Severus felt a massive surge of information enter his head, a mass of names, dates and other knowledge. When the blast had ended, the hat dropped off his head and lay on the floor. Severus shoved it under the bed and ran back to the common room.

Severus stopped abruptly when he saw what had happened to the common room. A large podium had been set up in the center and a crowd was gathering around it. Professor Riddle had Dolores Umbridge by the arm and he was leading her up towards the podium forcefully. Severus cast his eyes about and at last located Lucius, Antonin and the others.

"What took you so long?" asked Lucius when he got there. "Umbridge is about to spill."

"Sorry, but the hat had a lot to put in my mind," said Severus.

"Sshhh!" hissed Bellatrix. "Here comes the goods."

Riddle stood up at the podium and coughed loudly.

"Slytherins, your attention please! Miss Dolores Umbridge of the first year has a responsibility to perform. I must ask you to give her your full attention. What she has to say is not something which one should keep secret."

Umbridge looked terrified as hundreds of eyes settled on her. Severus noted that Riddle flashed her a sneer before throwing her up on the podium by her hair. Umbridge began to speak in a broken voice.

"I-I'm sorry that I told everyone about Serena Acklebridge-Snape being disowned by her family. I did it because I hate her and Severus Snape and the rest of their horrible, evil friends! I did it because I wish all the filthy halfbreed muggle-borns in this school would drop dead! I did it because I HATE BEING A SLYTHERIN!!!!" she bawled.

Riddle was unmoved. He seized her by the ear and spat with a cruelty that sent shivers down everyone's back: "TELL THEM THE REST OR I'LL TURN YOUR BLOOD TO FLAMES!"

Umbridge sobbed pathetically, but just as she was about to tell the rest a voice sounded from the entrance.

"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, TOM?"

Dumbledore strode into the room furiously, and for once Severus thought he saw a flicker of fear in Professor Riddle's eyes. Dumbledore's face was a mask of cold fury and he bore down on Riddle like a great bird of prey.

"Headmaster, this girl..." began Riddle, but Dumbledore cut him off.

"You do realize, Tom, that what you are doing is needlessly and sadistically cruel?" asked Dumbledore as if he were asking Riddle what he thought of the weather.

"Headmaster, I..."

"Your behavior is below your dignity, Tom," said Dumbledore.

"You said that you would leave Miss Umbridge to me," said Riddle in a far less controlled voice than Dumbledore was using.

"I left her to you, Tom, assuming that you would punish her fittingly. What you are doing here is useless overkill. I will not allow this cruel action to continue. You will release Miss Umbridge's ear, apologize for acting so brutally and then she will continue to tell why she behaved in the manner she did today. Tom, if I see you go out of control like this again I will have no choice but to let you go," said Dumbledore, sounding genuinely sorrowful about his last pronouncement. Riddle went white.

"But, headmaster..."

"Apologize, and then I will see to it that she continues with her testimony," said Dumbledore.

"I will not apologize to her or to any student, Headmaster. I admit my fault in behaving this way, but that is all the apology you will get from me," Riddle was looking into Dumbledore's eyes with an expression of defiance.

"Very well, Tom. I will not force you to compromise your dignity. Miss Umbridge, if you could continue with your testimony," said Dumbledore kindly. Umbridge nodded weakly. Apparently Dumbledore's stony gaze was far more effective than Riddle's brutality.

"The reason I hate Severus Snape and Serena Acklebridge-Snape and the rest of them is because they're happier than me. Because they're more popular than me. Because I haven't got any friends and they're so close. It makes me feel inferior to them when I'm not! I'm just a normal girl, they're a bunch of poisonous dark freaks! ARE YOU HAPPY, YOU BASTARDS?!" she screamed at Severus, Bellatrix, Antonin, Rodolphus, Augustus, Lucius, Crabbe, Goyle and Serena. "ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOUR ABNORMAL FREAK NATURE WON OUT OVER MY GOOD, WHOLESOME NORMAL ONE?!" she shrieked, and with that she picked up a book and threw it at Severus, who caught it and now, seeing the hatred that Umbridge showed him, he smirked back at her.

"That will do, Miss Umbridge," said Riddle softly. "Now come with me, and we will do your detention. Good night, headmaster."

"Good night, Tom," said Dumbledore, and he swept out of the room with his eyes twinkling.

Severus, for some reason, felt out of place at that moment. He didn't want to talk to Bellatrix or Lucius or any of his Slytherin friends. He needed someone else to talk to, someone who would understand him purely as he was. Someone who wouldn't mask their emotions like a typical Slytherin. His mind worked painfully as he came up with only one possible answer: Lily.

Severus gently disentangled himself from the crowd of Slytherins and silently walked out of the common room. He strode past Riddle's dungeon office where he heard Umbridge squealing, he strode past the Great Hall doors. He walked for what seemed like miles before collapsing on the floor. This was ludicrous. How the hell was he supposed to find Lily, let alone get her to talk to him? He was a Slytherin and she was a Gryffindor and there was nothing he could do about that. I should just go back to the Slytherin common room, he thought dismally.

"Severus?"

Severus started out of his dismal trance and saw the last person he expected looking down at him: Lily.

"Lily? What are you doing up here?" he asked, surprised.

"Just poking around. It's not curfew yet so I thought I'd do a little exploring," she said. "How are you, Sev? You know, I've been wondering when we'll have any time to talk what with being a Gryffindor and you being one of the Villa Serpensum."

"Come again?" said Severus, confused.

"Villa Serpensum. It's a nickname for the Slytherins. Don't tell me your lot don't know it?" she asked, surprised.

"Must have slipped my notice," said Severus, wondering how Slytherin ever got such a strange sounding name.

"Speaking of which, what are you doing here?" asked Lily.

"I was looking for you," said Severus impulsively. Then he added, "I needed someone to talk to who wasn't somebody who'd just agree with whatever I said."

Lily laughed. "Do your friends really do that?" she asked.

"When it comes to someone's reasons for hating me, they do. Lil, do I seem like some kind of freak?" he asked seriously. Lily laughed out loud.

"Been listening to Dolores Umbridge, have you?"

"Yeah, she just...wait...how do you know?"

"Well, you know how she recruited all those Gryffindors to sing that song about Acklebridge?" said Lily.

"Yeah, the slimy old....wait...were you one of them?" asked Severus accusingly. Lily gave him an incredulous look.

"Of course not! Some...er...associates of mine were, though," she said.

"It's alright, you can call them friends," said Severus bitterly, "I suppose in Gryffindor you can't do much better than them."

"Don't say that about my house, it's really a great place!"

"Yeah," said Severus sarcastically, "I'm sure."

"Look, Sev, if you're going to make snide comments about my house you can forget about talking!" she snapped. Severus looked apologetic.

"Sorry, I'm just a little touchy. But back to the point, do I seem like some kind of evil dark wizard?"

Lily looked at him lovingly. "If you were, do you think I'd be talking to you?" she asked.

"I don't seem like an evil freak?" Severus asked.

"Of course not!"

"I don't seem like a menacing dark wizard to you?" Severus asked a little doubtfully.

"Sev, if you're a dark wizard I'm a slytherin! Sorry, sorry!" she added hastiliy, seeing Severus' look.

"So...It's just Umbridge who thinks I'm some abnormal threat to wizard-kind?" he asked.

"You mean aside from Corlagon?"

"Corlagon thinks I'm that way too?"

"Well, he certainly doesn't think that much of your family," said Lily.

"Whatever, I won't worry about Corlagon. But do I seem...too different to you?" Severus asked, letting the last of his thoughts out.

"Severus, I'm going to share a little secret with you. If nobody were different we would all be little clones walking around on this earth. Difference is what makes us interesting, as long as it doesn't hurt other people. Maybe Umbridge would like it if we were all perfect little Xerox copies, but as far as I'm concerned it would be really dull. So Severus, If I were you I'd thank the Gods that I'm so unique as to antagonize Dolores Umbridge right off from the start," Lily finished her sermon and Severus gazed up at her adoringly. This is exactly why I needed to talk to you, Lily, he thought happily.

"I've just got one more question," said Severus with a notable change of mood.

"Ok, what?"

"What's a Xerox?"

Lily laughed. "It's this muggle thing which can duplicate a single page you feed into it into a hundred more."

"Mental," said Severus. "Thanks, Lily."

"Anytime, Sev," she said, and walked away. Severus made to return to the Slytherin common room, but was caught on the shoulder by someone's hand.

"What's the idea of warming up to my girl, Snake?" hissed the voice of James Potter.

Severus laughed bitterly. "Your girl? Potter, you've got as much chance with Lily as I've got with Professor McGonagall," he snapped defiantly.

"Very funny. Keep yourself away from Evans if you know what's good for you, Snivellus," snarled Potter.

"Let go of me," said Severus very calmly, and he twisted himself out of James Potter's grasp and turned to face him. "And don't threaten me again if you want to stay comfortable, Potter. Not unless having your arteries choke your heart is your idea of a good time," he whispered ominously, and turned to leave. But then he turned back around and saw Potter's retreating back.

"And Potter, maybe this will make you more presentable to Lily! At least then your looks will match your personality! Furnunculus!" Severus heard Potter's curses as boils erupted on his body, and sprinted back to the Slytherin common room as fast a his legs could carry him.

But Potter didn't follow him, he just stood there grimacing at where Severus had been.

"You're brave now, Snape," he muttered, using Severus' real name to emphasize the point to himself, "But let's see how you do when I've got my friends and you're all alone. Then we'll see who the best man is, Snivellus."

And with that, James Potter turned on his heel and strode up to Gryffindor Tower.