Village of the Snapes

"Ah, cousin Vladimere." Livia murmured, pleased, as the lid of the box was completely thrown aside by a thin, pale hand emerging from within. The hand was followed by a wrist hidden in lace, an arm draped in dark wine coloured robes, and, eventually, a head and body rose from the depths of what was now unmistakably a coffin.

"Cousin Livia." Vladimere Sackville-Snape purred. He had a deep, silky voice, tinged with a slight but noticeable accent. "How wery nice to see you again."

"Likewise, cousin. You remember my grandson..." she made the word 'grandson' sound like 'useless git' - "Severus. He is hosting this Gathering."

"Ah, yes, of course. Greetings, great-cousin Severus."

Snape, apparently speechless with mortification, simply bowed awkwardly, his face ashen.

"I told you!" Ron hissed in Harry's ear. "I always said he wasn't human. He's a vampire! I never thought Dumbledore would employ a vampire! "

Neville, beside them, shivered, but Hermione snapped,

"Of course he wouldn't. Snape isn't a vampire, he just has undead relatives, that's all. Don't we all have a family member who embarrasses us at parties?"

"Drinking the blood of virgins is a bit worse than embarrassing, Hermione!" Ron growled. She nudged him sharply; the other lids were opening. Out of the second climbed a beautiful, pale, dark-haired woman, obviously Mrs. Sackville-Snape.

"Cousin Malicia." Livia greeted her. The vampiress nodded regally.

Yet another box opened, revealing a tall, thin young man who squinted in the light. He was greeted as 'great-cousin Nicholas'. The next box contained a girl of about sixteen, pale and dark-haired like the others, called Teresa. The last, smallest box held a cherubic boy of about ten, whose bright eyes were everywhere, taking in the scene with repressed excitement. He was greeted as 'little great-cousin Valentine'.

Snape - 'their' Snape - bowed politely to each member of the vampire branch of his family, looking increasingly unhappy as each creature of the night emerged.

"Vere is ze food?" Vladimere enquired after a few minutes of pleasantries. "Ve haff had a long journey."

"Allow me." Snape scurried off, seemingly happy to get away for a minute. The rest of the hall's inhabitants remained still, staring fixedly at the vampires in varying degrees of shocked horror. Livia, however, looked pleased with herself.

"Oh, cousin." She murmured to Vladimere, spotting Harry and the others standing nearby. "Do let me introduce our *special* guests for the evening." She beckoned them over. Neville had to be dragged. Staring into Vladimere's burning black eyes, Harry felt a wave of nausea pass over him; he could feel Neville trembling beside him, and heard Ron's rapid breathing on the other side. Hermione looked pale but determined not to appear flustered.

"This," Livia said, putting a clawlike hand on Harry's shoulder, "is Harry Potter."

"Oh, indeed?" Apparently even Transylvanian vampires had heard of him. Cousin Vladimere looked interestedly at Harry's scar. "Greetings, Master Potter."

Livia introduced Ron and Neville briskly. Vladimere barely glanced at them, however.

"And this," purred Livia, "is Miss Granger. She is muggle-born, Vladimere. Isn't that remarkable?"

A strange look which Harry didn't like at all passed between the Snapes. Amazingly, Hermione didn't seem to notice. She was staring at Vladimere with a disturbingly familiar expression on her face: it was very reminiscent of the look she had had in the second year when talking to Gilderoy Lockhart...

"Oh, yes, remarkable." Murmured Vladimere, smiling at her and revealing long, sharp eye-teeth. Neville whimpered. All his nightmares were coming true, and Harry doubted whether any of Snape's relatives would be obliging enough to put on Neville's grandmother's clothing just to soothe the boy's fears.

Hermione, meanwhile, was smiling up at Vladimere in a gooey sort of way. Fortunately, before she could speak to him, Snape emerged from the still-transfixed crowd, carrying a tray on which sat five goblets filled with - well, Harry didn't want to think about what they were filled with. The vampires took them eagerly, however, and even the horrible slurping sounds they made didn't seem to put Hermione off.

"Do you have nothing more...fresh?" Vladimere asked. Snape shrugged apologetically, but shot a faintly nervous glance at Hermione.

"I don't like this." Harry muttered.

"You think I do?" Replied Ron, hotly. "It's horrible! How do we get out of here?"

"It's not just that. I'm worried about Hermione. I think the Snapes are up to something."

"It wouldn't surprise me."

Their fears were not assuaged when, ten minutes later, they overheard Snape having a sort of argument with Livia - or rather, Livia was angrily insisting on something while Snape whined unhappily.

"But, grandmama, she's the only student in my Friday afternoon potions class with half a brain!"

"Your silly potions lessons do not interest me, grandson. This Gathering is far more important."

"But, grandmama..."

"There will be no arguments! We must have an alternative since you were foolish enough to let that actor go."

"He...er...had to leave early. He was...filming...in...Borneo."

"Hmph."

"Does it *have* to be Granger? Why not do us all a favour and use Longbottom?"

"Young Longbottom is a pureblood!"

"But he's an idiot!"

"Nevertheless, he is a pureblood and thus unacceptable for our purposes."

"But grandmama..."

"Stop arguing immediately, silly child! Do you remember what happened to the last wizard who argued with me?"

"Of course I remember. Father's remains are still in an urn on the mantelpiece."

"Shut up, then."

Snape fell silent. After a moment, Livia spoke again.

"Where *is* Drusus? Really, this is terribly bad form. The guest of honour and he cannot do us the courtesy of arriving punctually."

"Ill just...go and see what's keeping him."

Harry turned to Ron in horror as Snape disappeared into the crowd once more.

"There're going to use Hermione in that muggle-sacrificing ritual!"

"They wouldn't dare." Ron replied, but with a slight tremor in his voice. "Dumbledore wouldn't allow it."

Harry sighed with relief. Ron was right, of course.

"Where *is* Dumbledore though?" Wondered Neville, looking around. The headmaster was nowhere to be seen.

"Come to think of it...where's McGonagall? And Hagrrid? And all the other teachers?"

Harry scanned the room urgently, but Ron was right - the Hogwarts staff was nowhere to be seen.

They were alone with the Snapes.

"Where's Hermione?" Harry hissed. He, Ron and Neville were hiding behind the punch table.

"Over there." Neville pointed fearfully. "Talking to one of the Sackville-Snapes."

Harry looked - Neville was right. Hermione was engaged in deep conversation not with Vladimere, but with Nicholas, who was leering at her in a most predatory fashion.

"Go and get her." Harry hissed to Ron.

"Not on your life! That'd mean going near *him.*"

"He won't bite us."

"You sure?"

Their attention was distracted, however, by a drawling exclamation nearby.

"*Potter*! Now *what* are you doing here?"

"Malfoy." Harry growled.

"I can't imagine professor Snape would invite *you* to a family Gathering. Oh - perhaps you're here for the *entertainment* afterwards, yah?"

"Go away." Harry hissed.

"Oh, trying to remain inconspicuous, I suppose? Worried about the Sackvilles, eh? They're rather nice people actually - but then again they're not likely to attack *me*, we're old friends of the family."

"Sod off." Muttered Harry. Malfoy's mother came over at that moment and he wondered whether she was going to have a go at him for insulting her son. But Narcissa had other things on her mind - one other thing in particularly.

"You - boy! Yes, you. Have you seen Sevvy?"

"Who?" Asked Harry, blankly.

"Professor Snape! I've been looking for him all evening but he's avoiding me, the tease!" Amazingly, Mr. Malfoy didn't look the least bit disturbed by all this. He was taking in his surroundings in an approving sort of way, smirking to himself.

"Er...he went that way." Harry told Narcissa. She squealed in delight and swept off.

"See you *later*, Potty." Draco drawled, following his mother. Harry turned to Ron.

"That's it. We get Hermione and get out of here, now. This is getting ridiculous."

It was more difficult a venture than they expected - they had only managed to wade through a few dozen Snapes before a fanfare sounded and 'their' Snape rushed past, looking harassed and rather rumpled, with a squealing Narcissa Malfoy in tow. Harry, driven by desperation, planted himself firmly in front of Snape, almost tripping him over.

"Move, Potter!" the potions master growled.

"Tell me what's going on!" Harry snapped back, refusing to move. Neville gulped in fear. Ron looked on admiringly.

"The Mont-Streppings have arrived." Snape explained unwillingly. "Now get out of my way!"

Reluctantly Harry did so, and Snape rushed off, Narcissa tripping after him. Ron wrinkled his nose.

"That's disgusting! She's having it off with him!"

"Urgh!" Agreed Neville.

"Forget about that. What about Hermione?"

"We'll have to..."

But they had little chance to do anything, because at that moment things began to happen. First, a coach-load of gaudily dressed, toothily smiling witches and wizards tumbled through the doors, led by one of the most enormous women Harry had ever seen. The Mont-Streppings had indeed arrived. The crowd parted to let them through, and the woman made her way straight to Livia.

"Darling Livvie!"

"Millie." Replied Madame Snape, with something closer to effusion than she'd demonstrated all evening. The women kissed each other's cheeks; 'Millie' continued to simper, turning her attention to Severus Snape, hovering unhappily nearby.

"Sevvy!" She roared. "Say hello to Aunty Millie!" She picked him up bodily - she was several inches taller than him - covering him in sloppy kisses as he struggled in her grip.

"Hello...aunty...Mille!" He gasped painfully. Harry felt almost sorry for him. Eventually Mildred Mont-Strepping put her victim down and turned to Narcissa, who, surprisingly, simpered every bit as enthusiastically, returning Millie's vigorous embrace and giggling madly.

"Dear Cissy!" Millie exclaimed, then, spotting Draco, "and *dear* little Drackie!"

To Harry's supreme delight Mildred scooped up Malfoy, petting him as though he was a baby, covering him in more of her soppy kisses. Malfoy, terrified, struggled wildly.

"Isn't he darling!" Crooned Millie. Eventually she set Draco down, and he ran to hide behind his father, who was standing firmly away from the big woman.

"But Livvie, dear, do let me introduce you to my sister and her family! This is Margarita!" Margarita, Millie's sister, was amazingly unlike her - tall, but very thin, not so red in the face. However, the physical difference was obviously the only one, for she squealed and fawned every bit as much as Millie, causing Draco to duck out of sight behind Lucius again.

"And this is her daughter Helena!"

A young woman of about twenty emerged from behind Margarita, beaming on the assembled company.

"Helena *isn't married*!" Margarita hissed confidentially to Narcissa. Millie nodded vigorously, and all three women shot meaningful looks at Draco, who trembled visibly.

"Drackie, dear, why don't you take Helena to get a glass of punch?" Warbled Millie.

    Helena, apparently delighted, grabbed Draco's arm and bore him off in the direction of the alcohol. Ron turned to Harry, about to make a remark on this happy turn of affairs - but the excitement was not yet over. A sudden rush of great wings made everyone look up, and Livia exclaimed,

"Ah, Drusus! About time!"

A majestic hawk was sweeping its away across the hall, carrying something in its claws. The Snapes cleared a space for it to land in the very centre of the room; rather than touching down, however, the moment the bird reached head height, it transformed...into a tall elderly man with grey hair almost to his feet and a long grey beard.

"Amadeus!" Livia snapped. "Where is your master?"

For answer, the grand old man pointed downwards. A wicker basket stood at his feet; out of it climbed a sleek red fox, its fur tinged a little with grey, its black eyes very bright, looking everywhere.

"Drusus. Stop being foolish." Growled Livia. The fox stood up on its hind legs, capered around a little as though making fun of her, and then - transfigured.