Potty Prank

"Hurry up, Remus!" growled an impatient Sirius. "We have to hurry to the forest before a professor notices us."

"Ok, ok!" muttered the teenage boy struggling behind his three friends.

Remus half dragged and half carried the large porta potty cast to the edge of the forest near Hagrid's hut. Sirius and James helped Remus set the porta potty upright and stood back to admire their work. James tested the door, opening and closing it.

"Opens smoothly," he admired.

"Now all we need are the right charms, some toilet paper, and a toilet," said Sirius, walking around the cast.

The four Gryffindors had planned this event for months. They marked on their calendar the day they would perform and even stored the material in a hidden place. This could only be...

"Our best prank ever!" Peter said, almost breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Yeah," agreed Sirius, putting an invisibility charm on the cast.

"We'll get Moony to drag the rest of the material out later."

"Hey, why me?" cried Remus.

His three friends only answered him in laughter and walked towards the castle for lunch.

The next morning Sirius, Remus, and a very tired Peter walked towards the Forbidden Forest to finish the porta potty. They carried the toilet paper and book of charms as well as a toilet they had taken from a bathroom rarely used.

(Myrtle "Hmmmmm!!!")

James was at Quidditch practice or, more specifically, showing off for Lily Evans.

Peter and Remus lifted the cast while Sirius placed the toilet under it and cast a charm on it to make the bottom seem like a tank. The toilet paper was set in place and all the right charms to finish the project were finally set.

James was to put Laxative in the fifth year Slytherins cups during breakfast. He claimed his owl would drop the invisible powder into the cups of the Slytherins as it gives him his mail.

The first class for that day was Care Of Magical Creatures. They knew that Professor Lutze would retire early for the summer and leave them with a substitute. Namely, Hagrid.

"Hagrid will probably just make us do some garden work," said Remus, glancing at the healthy vegetables near the little stone hut. "Peter don't you have a small garden at home?" he added, turning to his small friend next to him.

"Yeah, the one with all the tulips arranged to spell out your name?

Each letter's a different color?" said Sirius with a wide grin on his face that would have knocked the girls dead.

"Shut up Padfoot," cried Peter angrily.

"Not in public," he said hastily, continuing to look around the school campus for any onlookers.

"So when do you think those Muggles at the construction site will notice this porta potty missing?" asked Remus, changing the subject.

Sirius and Peter only shrugged.

They met James in the Great Hall for breakfast and watched the Slytherins all sit down and start on their toast and tea. A gray owl flew through the window, along with a few other owls. The gray owl flew over the Slytherin fifth years, dropping from a small open bag some contents. The owl made a landing and hooted proudly. James looked embarrassed for the powder had also gone into a few Hufflepuff drinks too.

But their main target had been hit and consumed the powder successfully.

The fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins now stood outside of Hagrid's hut waiting for whatever chores to be tackled. Hagrid smiled at the awaiting students. Many of the students noticed the porta potty and gave Hagrid a questioning look.

Hagrid ignored it, claiming that it was just there so they would not have to go off to the castle and use that bathroom while they do work.

This answer seemed enough to lessen the curious looks and brought concentration back to the awaited work. They did not have to wait long before Hagrid assigned them chores in the garden and the cottage.

Sirius and James worked outside pruning tomatoes and keeping a close eye on the porta potty. Peter and Remus cleaned windows hurriedly, trying to finish quickly so they could join their two friends.

A lot of the Slytherins rushed to the john, happy of its existence. A long line formed but still not containing the main victim.

Remus and Peter finished washing the windows and started to help James and Sirius with the tomatoes. The john was finally free but still no mad dashes were made toward it by their victim. James and Sirius started to pick absent-mindedly at the leaves of the plant. They were given clippers for the weeds, which, not surprisingly, grew up and started to become hostile, strangling small rodents who tried to get a meal out of the vegetables.

Snape was busy weeding and talking to a very bored looking Lucius.

"He is taking way too long," muttered a sweaty Peter.

"Don't worry, it's only a matter of time," answered Sirius, who had been absent-mindedly cutting James's hair with his clippers.

James took notice of this and took the clippers from Sirius before he could move on to Remus.

Remus had started a rousing conversation with a stray dandelion out of boredom. Sirius took his clippers back.

"So how long have you been had Hogwarts?" asked Remus to the dandelion, half dazed by the sun.

Sirius, still watching Snape, chopped the dandelion in half. Remus stared wide- eyed at his dead friend and slapped Sirius upside his head.

Finally Snape gasped then excused himself from Lucius. He walked over to the john and made sure it was empty before going in and closing the door behind him.

Snapping to reality and abandoning the funeral for the flower Remus had set up, Sirius whipped out his wand and prepared to lock the door to the john. A click was heard from the john door and a loud yelp of surprise from inside.

Sirius waved his wand again and pointed it at a black marked spot on the side of the john. After a couple of carefully said words and flips of his wrist, the john stared to move.

The john made its way across the campus of Hogwarts, doing turns and figure eights. A scream could be heard from within it and furious pounds sounded on the door. The john glided towards the lake, where it did a turn and threatened to go into the lake. Instead it did a small twirl and then flew across the campus again.

Lucius abandoned his post and started to chase the porta potty screaming, "Try to unlock the door, love."

Lucius was gaining on the john and panted, clutching his side. Sirius only laughed and made the porta potty fly up into the sky. Lucius stopped and stared helplessly at the john that was now out of his reach.

The students back at the cottage, including the Slytherins, laughed at the sight of a flying porta potty and Lucius chasing it desperately.

The john started to fly in circles in mid air. Snape's high- pitched screams caused faces to appear at the castle windows. Peter rolled on the ground, along with a very breathless James, laughing.

The porta potty landed on the ground and turned to chase after Lucius, who had been trying to get his breath back. Lucius noticed the change in pursuit and ran away shouting words everyone knew he would never say when he was around his favorite stuffed opossum, which was really a replacement of road kill from the Marauders.

Lucius ran into the Forbidden Forest screaming that he was too young to die a virgin.

The porta potty finally stopped. It levitated for a second, before Plopping on the ground and letting free a very dizzy looking Snape. Snape walked towards Sirius, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks paler than usual.

Sirius merrily pointed his wand at the john and smiled wickedly. Remus laughed and pointed behind the frustrated teenage boy. Snape turned slowly then started to run from the porta potty, which had stared to chase him too.

Lucius returned from the forest with a squirrel on his head and a bunny hopping next to him. Several other rodents followed him out of the forest.

"Get them away! Get them away!" said Lucius, waving his arms pathetically and crying.

None other than Professor McGonagall who looked half amused and half ready to murder stopped the porta potty.

Snape cowered behind a tree shivering and trying to explain to a chipmunk why his hair oil was better than the oil in its acorn. It disagreed, throwing the nut at his forehead angrily.

Later that afternoon:

"Well that was worth the ten weeks of detention we're getting when we get back to school," said James polishing a small trophy.

Remus had started a conversation with a trophy and Sirius grabbed the dug up dandelion and waved it in front of his face. Remus screamed and chased Sirius around the room, waving the trophy in the air.

And in the corner quietly sat Peter, putting extra polish on a trophy bearing services to the school. "Tom Marvolo Riddle."