Mary Sue and the Rollercoaster of Doom

Mary Sue Parody shook her long, silky, radiant, long, incandescent, radiant, silky, long, silver hair out of her sparkling, azure eyes. They glowed as she looked around the tiny closet that served as her bedroom in the seventy-five bedroom mansion that belonged to her Aunt Selma and Uncle Pete. It was lucky that, despite being tall, she was so slim, since her closet had gotten a lot smaller since Uncle Pete had bricked half of it up. It had amazed Mary Sue how he had manged to brick up the entire area in front of her door in the middle of the night without being heard. The only way she could get in and out now was to apparate.

Her face lit up with a smile as she thought about the first day of school at the Pasadena Institute for Sorcerers and Sorceresses. She would be entering her sixth year there, and there were many wonderful adventures to be had. There was a month to go before that day arrived, but she decided that the time could be put to good use - she would try to find a cure for lycanthropy. Mary Sue was the only witch from her school allowed to use magic out of school, but following an incident where she had saved the entire falculty, two bunny rabbits and a goldfish from certain death in the form of an illegal experimental curse, the President for Magic had recognized that Mary Sue possessed powers of judgement and magical ability far surpassing any rational adult. She was therefore given a special dispensation to use magic out of school for the good of wizardkind, and control of the entire state of Texas.

She just wished that her Aunt Selma, Uncle Pete and Cousin Annie, the only family she had left, could understand. They all hated her because they were jealous of her goddess-like beauty, beside which their skin imperfections, weight problems and character flaws could only appear more hideous. They couldn't accept that she was a witch, still less that she was the most talented and powerful witches of her generation, and they had always told her that her parents had died in a freak rollercoaster accident. Mary Sue knew this to be a tissue of lies. She knew her parents had died fighting the most evil wizard in the world, and it was her one ambition to avenge their deaths. Little did Mary Sue know that her aunt and uncle, despite their character flaws, were scrupulously honest, and the only way to avenge her parents' no less tragic deaths was to find a good lawyer and sue the fairground. This her aunt and uncle had already done, hence the mansion.

"Get up! Get up now!" Aunt Selma's harsh voice woke her out of her reverie. "You have to clean the whole mansion and the swimming pool before breakfast." Mary Sue pulled on some clothes, last season hand-me-downs from her cousin. They always looked good on her, no matter how revolting they were. Her best friend, Gabby Prue, had always said that Mary Sue could wear sack cloth and it would only accentuate her undying perfection. She apparated out of her closet, and started cleaning.

Fifteen minutes later Mary Sue was eating her breakfast. She had cleaned the mansion and the swimming pool with the help of telekinetic powers that she had only just now realised that she possessed. They could probably be useful to her in her adventures at school, she decided.

"Mary Sue! Do you ever listen?" shouted Aunt Selma."We're going to the fairground to celebrate little Annie's sixteenth birthday, so don't touch any of our stuff, and while we're gone, I want you to compose a violin concerto to mark the occasion. Got it?"

"Yes, Aunt Selma," said Mary Sue, whilst calculating how long it would take her to learn the violin.

"Good," said Aunt Selma. "Put that Vogue down, Annie, we're going to the fairground. The rollercoaster there is one of the best in the world."