Fred and George's Alternate Flobberworm Proposal

To Percival Weasley in Regards to Your Report on The Economic Development of Flobberworm Juice: Sexual Uses

Fred poked his head out into the hallway and looked down the stairwell. " 'S'alright George not a soul in sight." The boys scurried across the hall into another bedroom. Fred turned, pulled the door behind him, and faced George, who had already begun rifling through things on the desk in the corner.

"Come on George, we haven't got all day. Mum's not going to be outside for long and if she catches us in Percy's again room we're in for it," warned Fred.

"Oh sod off, Fred. I'm looking as fast as I can. I know I saw it here last week," mumbled George. He was throwing things about on Percy's desk to the point of disturbing the large owl in the corner.

"Now you've done it!" Fred scolded. "You've gone and woke Hermes." The large owl made a loud screech and Fred looked around for something to throw over his cage. "Bloody Hell George." However, George wasn't listening he had stopped tearing apart the desk and was staring at a piece of parchment. Fred turned and was about to begin to bellow at him again when he saw what he was doing and the strange look that had just crossed his face.

"Hang on," said George deviously. He shoved the piece of parchment into his shirt and looked at Fred. "Come on." Fred looked at him like he was mad.

"Did you get it?"

"No," George answered with a triumphant grin. "I've got something even better!" Fred just shook his head and wondered vaguely if his madness was catchy. However, despite his misgivings and because he knew George would never let him down when it came to a joke at Percy's expense, he trusted his twin completely and followed him out of his room and back into theirs.

Fred looked at George who had collapsed unto his bed in hysterical laughter as soon as they had entered the room. And then Fred finally asked the question that had been heavy on his mind since they had left Percy's room: "Have you gone mad?"

George pulled the parchment from his shirt and shoved it in Fred's direction. "It's official, ole' Perfect Percival has gone off his rocker."

Fred looked at the parchment and laughed loudly. "The Economic Development of Flobberworm Juice: Sexual Uses," he read allowed. "This has to be some kind of a joke," declared Fred. Fred continued to read and George was soon looking over his shoulder.

They spent the better part of a quarter of an hour laughing hysterically before they finally put the parchment down, both of them laughing so hard that they were nearly crying. "You know," started George Weasley grinning widely. "We can't let this opportunity go."

"Absolutely not!" agreed Fred. He looked at George and donned his best Percy Weasley face and voice. "George, take a letter."

George walked over to the desk that sat in the corner of their small room. He pushed the pile of papers covering the desk onto the floor, pulled out parchment and a quill. "Yes Mr. Weasley, please begin," George chuckled.

Fred rose from his bed and began to pace as he spoke. "To Percival Weasley, in regards to your report on The Economic Development of Flobberworm Juice: Sexual Uses." George sniggered as he transcribed.

"George and I have a few suggestions regarding the implementation of your proposal," continued Fred, in his best "Percy the Ministry Official" voice.

"Bloody hell we do," said George laughing loudly. Fred was trying to keep a straight face and having a terrible time doing it.

"Come on now George let's get on with our business," he scolded.

"Oh, yes Mr. Weasley," said George clearing his throat and straightening up. Fred chuckled.

"First of all, in our quest to be an asset to the Ministry, in general, and to our elder sibling, in particular," Fred continued eliciting a snigger from George. "It is our desire to assist you in your quest to encourage market growth through the development of the personal care products made with Flobberworm Juice. We particularly see rich economic opportunities in the expansion of lubrication products." George couldn't help but burst into a full belly laugh as Fred's eyebrows waggled when he said "expansion." Fred quickly joined in.

"I know, I know," said George regaining his composure. "We can make suggestions on flavorings and colors."

"Absolutely!" chimed Fred. "It is after all our specialty to invent novelty treats and what isn't novel about Flobberworm Lubricant?" George was practically falling out of his chair with laughter at these thoughts.

"You know Fred, this has applications that our, ahem..." George cleared his throat, "straight laced hiding in the closet big brother hasn't thought of." Fred looked at George and began to laugh louder.

"In the closet. Oh George you're so clever," he said slapping his brother on the back.

"I'm thinking different spoke's person here," George said looking at the piece of parchment again. "I mean Krum will appeal to the birds and the jocks and perhaps even some of the market I'm talking about but," George reached up and scratched his head. "We need someone with a bit more 'sex appeal'." A grin blossomed across his lips as he turned to face Fred. "I wonder what how busy ole' Oliver is these days. He always did have that crossover appeal." Fred tried to contain his self unsuccessfully and was soon rolling on the bed with laughter.

"Perhaps when we're finished with our letter to Percy we should write to him as well," suggested Fred again attempting to compose himself.

"Alright, alright so we need to put in here something about flavoring and coloring and," George was searching around for the right word.

"Marketing brother, marketing!" finished Fred. "We need to suggest that there's more money out there to be made in the ahem," Fred cleared his throat, "slash community with the Flobberworm Lubricant and it shouldn't be overlooked."

George grinned from ear to ear and said, "Think of how large a market there is at Hogwart's!" George reflected on the possible profits. "Think of the money we can make selling them flavored Flobberworm Lubricant," George concluded.

Fred's eyes widened. "Hell, we'd get rich off the Slytherin Quidditch team alone," he said with an evil glint in his eye. "I think we picked the right time to be rummaging through ole' Percy's things. This was no mere coincidence."

Fred turned around and motioned quickly for George to get back to his writing. "We digress," said Fred, returning to his Percy voice. "We want you to know that we are there for you one hundred percent on this venture. Since we are well acquainted with flavor enhancement and how to make things visually appealing, we offer our services to help market this new product. It has also come to our attention that you may be overlooking a lucrative target audience by not intentionally marketing to the non-heterosexual community." He paused to regain his composure.

Fred stopped, grinned, and looked at George who was chuckling quietly as he wrote. "What?" George asked looking at him oddly.

"I was just thinking about the Gryffindor Quidditch team doing a promotional spot for Flobberworm Lubricant and it being shown in clubs." George burst into laughter.

"Yeah I'm quite sure that having Harry as a spokesperson would bring in the Galleons," agreed George. "He definitely has crossover appeal." There was a brief pause, were they both contemplated how much money they could make. Then they began laughing again.

"Please continue Mr. Weasley. We need to wrap this up," suggested George.

"Yeah so we can get started on our research," said Fred gazing off toward the window. "I wonder what Angelina is doing this weekend," he said dreamily.

George grinned, thought about bringing their business proposal directly to Oliver himself, and then dipped his quill into the ink one last time. Fred shook his head and redirected him self to task.

"In conclusion, we believe that Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Inc. could be a valuable partner in the Ministry's pursuit of this new application of Flobberworm Juice and offer our services most humbly," continued Fred. "Sign it, Misters Fred and George Weasley of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Inc.," said Fred pompously.

"So," said George leaning back in his chair and surveying the piece of parchment. "Do we really care if they want our help?" Fred snorted.

"Of course not. Right after lunch, we're off to see Hagrid about Flobberworms. I wonder were you can go invest in them and how much we'll need to start out with. Boy is Mum going to be mad when she finds out what we're up to now!" Fred finished his statement and laughed as George picked up the piece of parchment he had just labored over for the last half hour and threw it into the trashcan.

"Bloody Hell, let's go now."