The Death Eater's Daughter

Chapter Fifteen - Good Intentions

It was now the small hours of the morning. Luci could tell that Harry was growing weary when he shot, "Reducto," at her and missed. By a lot.

She pocketed her wand and suggested, "Let's call it a night."

"Forfeiting, eh?" He stifled a yawn.

"Never," she grinned. "But you're exhausted."

"You're not?"

Luci frowned to herself. "No, I guess I'm not. Must be all the caffeine in the tea." But she secretly suspected that it was simply the fact that she was enlivened by spending time with him.

"You'll get immune to it eventually," he said, sinking into the couch.

She wanted to sit next to him, but she didn't. Instead, she leaned against the table and asked, "Shouldn't you sleep in your bed and not here?"

He smiled. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Josh always presented the same question to her, but for once, she meant it when she answered, "No, of course not."

"Can I ask you something?"

She met his droopy eyes and laughed, "If you've got the energy."

"Where are you from? I've never been to the States, so I was just curious."

"Arizona," answered Luci. "It's a dull place. I've never been anywhere else, actually, until now."

"That's not even a state people know exists," he chuckled.

"Told you it was dull."

"Do you miss it?"

She blinked at him. "Well... no, but I miss my friends and my mom."

Harry bobbed his head in understanding. "This must really suck for you. And having to hang out with Malfoy." He made a disgusted noise.

"It's not so bad," she disagreed. "Besides everyone hating me, obviously."

"Not everyone."

Luci looked at him and she felt so... accepted all of the sudden. She couldn't help but beam and reply, "Well, maybe not everyone. You know, you should really get to bed."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said, struggling to his feet. "Can we do this again?"

"Sure," she answered, trying not to show her enthusiasm.

"Tomorrow night, same place, same time?" he repeated her words.

"I'll be here," she nodded.

He averted his eyes for a moment before offering shyly, "I can walk you to your room?"

"Good idea," concurred Luci, endeared. "These halls are dangerous at night."

They both tiptoed as silently as they could toward their rooms. When they reached Luci's, Harry whispered, "Night then."

"Night," she echoed softly before shutting herself behind the door.

She changed and crawled into bed, but after lying there for awhile, she decided that it was impossible for her to ever reach sleep again. It happened most nights, but tonight, her mind was particularly racing. She had had such a spectacular time with Harry. And now she was feeling guilty. He hated her. He didn't know it yet, of course, but he hated her blood, and therefore, would hate her. And she did too, at the moment. Well, often, really, but more severely at the moment. For letting herself get carried away. For not being responsible and disciplined enough to deny him these so-called duels. And though she was looking so much forward to the next night, everything was telling her to cancel it, avoid him, fly home to Arizona immediately. But she wouldn't. Because she hadn't enjoyed a boy's company in so long that she couldn't let herself run away. Though she should. Oh, god, she could just tear her hair out!

"Overreacting," she told herself aloud.

Because what was the problem? They were just going to be friends. None of the other stuff mattered. It didn't matter that he was seventeen years old. Or that he was, according to Fleur, practically betrothed to Ginny Weasley, a girl who surpassed Luci in every way. Because they were just going to be friends.

Still, she couldn't placate herself, and she didn't sleep.

When morning came, she was the first into the kitchen to make tea. She was downing cup after cup, sitting alone at one end of the table, avoiding the gazes of everyone else, when Draco and his mother finally decided to join her.

"You look terrible," he remarked.

"Gee, thanks. Couldn't sleep."

"Is that why you're self-medicating with caffeine?"

"Exactly why," she smiled.

"You know," said Draco passively, "you could make a sleeping draught."

Wow, why hadn't that occurred to her? Stupid Muggle upbringing. She nodded and said, "I think I will."

Throughout that entire next week, Luci and Harry met in the drawing room at night, and during the day, disregarded each other entirely, except for the occasional furtive glances and downplayed smiles. At one point, Luci realized that she had initiated most of this eye contact and, embarrassed, ceased looking in his direction altogether. But that same evening, he had asked her if something was wrong, and she had gone right back to initiating the very next day.

It was the eighth night when he walked into the room and stated, "You've gotta stop looking at me like that."

Luci gasped. Was he on to her? "Like what?"

"Like... I dunno, the way we look at each other... like we have a secret."

She grinned in relief. "I apologize. I will never look at you again."

He seemed confused for a moment and shook his head. "I just mean that Hermione is acting suspicious."

"Oh, right, clever perception."

"Huh?"

"I've just heard that not much gets by her," clarified Luci.

"It's true. So. Yeah. Let's... be more cautious, I guess?"

He was doing that thing where he pressed his fingernails into his palms, repeatedly, and she'd decided that this was his nervous tick. It was the best thing, it really was.

"You got it," she assured him, rising from the couch where she'd been seated. "So tonight's lesson is revealing spells."

"What do they reveal?" he asked.

"Oh, almost anything. I just think it's important to have detective tools. Hermione would probably agree."

Harry grinned. "Should have invited her."

"It's not too late," Luci offered, but he shook his head, and she continued, "Okay, first, a sort of sensing spell. Gives you a bit of an insight into situations."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, suppose someone is having a whispered conversation, and you want to know what they're talking about. This spell will give you a sort of... feeling for the circumstances, like maybe the emotions being felt or... well, something along those lines."

He frowned. "What's the point?"

"Hey, if you don't wanna learn it, that's fine," she countered, a little irritated.

"No, I do," he jumped. "It's just... how is it relevant to fighting Voldemort?"

"It's not, necessarily," she allowed, "but it's relevant for gauging situations, people's intentions, that kind of thing."

His eyes lit up and she suddenly realized her mistake, even before he beseeched, "Can I try it on you?"

She clenched her jaw. He'd only be able to tell what she was feeling at the time, but she didn't trust those feelings, and certainly didn't want him to be aware of them.

"You're probably right," she replied, avoiding his question. "It's not relevant to you. Let's go with distracting spells instead."

"Why?" he said, his eyes narrowed. "Is there something you don't want me to sense?"

She was suddenly very nervous, but her mask would never show it. "Of course not," she answered confidently. "I just think something else might be of more use to you."

"I want to learn this one," he said stubbornly.

Luci almost sighed, but bit down on her bottom lip instead. "Of course, you do. Okay, fine." She was just going to have to use every trick she had to fend off the spell, since she assumed he'd perform it with flying colors right away. "The incantation is sententia."

He looked rather satisfied with himself as he took out his wand. "Is this like Occlumency?"

"No, Occlumency is far more difficult, and more valuable too. This spell simply gives you... kind of an idea of what someone is feeling, like reading body language or something."

With a small nod, he directed his wand at her. She was just able to push everything out of her mind before he commanded, "Sententia!"

They stood there for a moment, silently, and then Harry furrowed his brow. "I don't feel anything."

Luci, entirely calmed by her success, responded, "Give it another shot."

This time, when he sent the spell at her, she permitted her mind to open, ever so slightly. She was basically just allowing pride at her ability to deflect the spell. It made her feel strong and protected and capable.

And Harry's expression turned to relief before he stated, "I feel... safe. Yeah. Is that how it's supposed to work?"

"Sort of," began Luci slowly. "You should really be reading your opponent, not... replicating their feelings yourself."

He blushed and then muttered, "I guess I feel safe because you feel safe?"

She smiled, but she didn't feel safe anymore. She felt decidedly unsafe, in fact. Her heart racing, Luci changed the subject. "So shall we get to the duel?"

Harry still appeared a little dazed, but he answered, "Sure," and took his defensive position.

Luci did the same and shot, "Stupefy," but he dodged her.

The two of them flung a few more spells at each other before Harry succeeded with "Expelliarmus!"

As soon as Luci's wand was out of her hand, he continued. "Sententia!"

She froze, knowing her mind had been open, knowing her guard had been down.

He straightened and said slowly, "You're... terrified."

"Why would you do that?" she exploded, suddenly furious. "That was really... low."

Harry shook his head at her. "Low? Why?"

"Because..." But she stopped.

His nostrils flared. "I get it. Because you didn't have a chance to prepare. Well, isn't that the whole point of that spell? To get an upper hand?"

Luci nodded. She was still very worried about what he could have received from her thoughts.

Harry's expression softened. "I don't understand why you were scared."

She could only look at him.

"What did you think I'd catch you feeling?" he asked pleadingly.

Disregarding his tone, Luci spat, "None of your business," and marched from the drawing room.

He didn't follow her, didn't call her back. She made it to her bedroom with no resistance. She locked the door behind her and growled aloud. She was undoubtedly the stupidest person alive. She thoroughly hated herself and felt no desire whatsoever to stay here. She didn't want to see Harry ever again. He was too much for her - too bright and too curious and too obstinate and too... attractive. She wanted away.

Overwhelmed by her own mind, Luci gulped far more of the sleeping draught than she should have.

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She awoke to a knocking sound. Her vision was blurry and her brain fuzzy, but she managed out of her bed to open the door.

"Afternoon," said her brother.

"Afternoon?" she squeaked.

"Yeah. Past lunch, even. Are you sick or something?"

"I don't think so..." she began. "Too much of that sleeping draught. Oh, shit, are they irate with me?"

Draco smiled. "I don't think anyone pays attention to us Death Eaters. I missed you though. Mum taught me Charms. It was dreadful."

"God, I'm so sorry," she muttered, smoothing her hair from her face. "Okay, no more artificial sleep for me."

"Yeah, but then you don't sleep at all, apparently."

"Better that than being dead to the world all day."

He scowled. "I'm not so sure. It's so damn boring around here."

She nodded sleepily.

"Get dressed," he suggested, "and let's find something to do."

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That evening, at dinner, Luci glanced down the table at Harry every once in awhile. He kept his head turned in the opposite direction the entire time. It made her miserable. Though it served her right. If she wasn't going to have the good sense to cease these little meetings, then at least something was putting a stop to it. Even if it was something awful that ruined their budding friendship.

"You're quiet tonight," commented Narcissa. "It's a welcome reprieve from your usual blathering."

Luci glared at her. "Yeah, well, enjoy it while it lasts."

When she returned to her room, there was a piece of parchment on the floor that appeared to have been stuffed under the door.

Luci unfolded it and found the words: Please come tonight.

Her heart fluttered. He wanted to see her! And even though she knew they would have to discuss what happened last night, she was blissfully happy. God, she was out of her mind.

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Harry was already in the drawing room when she arrived. He looked nervous, sitting there on the couch, and she thought it was adorable.

"Hi," he said, and then cleared his throat.

"Hi," she returned.

"Didn't think you'd come."

After his note, she wasn't sure anything could have kept her away. But she merely responded, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Me too," he mumbled. "I just... secrets have caused a lot of... problems in my life. I don't like them."

Guilt crept into the pit of her stomach. She wanted so badly to come clean to him, to tell him who she was and why she was here and that she would never, ever want to hurt him, and maybe even what she was afraid he'd catch her feeling. But it wasn't an option, so she replied, "I know. But everyone has them, and some are just better kept. My life has been... complicated, that's all, and it has nothing to do with you."

"So you were terrified because you thought I might see your past? I thought the spell only allowed me to sense what you were feeling?"

"Dammit, why are you so fucking smart?" she seethed.

Harry sighed. "Don't swear, Luci, it's not-"

"What?" she snapped.

"Attractive," he answered meekly.

Taken aback, she said, "Do you need me to be attractive, Harry?"

He frowned. "No, I..."

"Never mind," she cut in. "I was terrified because I don't like being... exposed. It freaks me out. There. Are you happy?"

"I'm sorry." He stood. "I don't like it either. I don't know what I expected to get from you..."

"Death Eater secrets?" Luci suggested angrily. "Voldemort's location? Where I keep my Dark Mark?"

"No!" he barked. "Because the spell doesn't do that, does it? I just thought maybe I could..."

"What?"

"See if you have good intentions!" he yelled back. "I mean, you're such a great actress that I don't know what to think half the time! All I know for sure is that you showed up here with Death Eaters. And I can't help but be wary of that."

Luci wanted to cry. She felt sapped all of the sudden, even though she'd slept all day. She moved to the nearest chair and collapsed into it.

"You can't even tell me I'm wrong, can you?" shot Harry.

"My head hurts," was all she said, because she didn't know how to answer.

"Sure," he hissed. "Sure, it does."

"It does," Luci retorted.

And then she thought of a way to divert him while still being honest. "Harry... I didn't want you privy to my feelings because... I feel... horrible things, sometimes. And my emotions get out of control. It's not something you want someone to know about you. And... I do have good intentions, especially towards you." She bit her tongue to keep from spouting any other stupid truths and turned bright red.

He took a deep breath. "Luci... let's forget it. Let's stop talking about it and get back to... before. I'm sure you've got more stuff you can teach me."

She looked up at him, bewildered, grateful. "Yes," she said shakily. "I have loads more."

"Okay," he replied slowly. "So what's on the schedule for tonight?"

Luci got to her feet, and resisting the urge to hug him, answered, "A good one. A blinding spell."

"Cool," he said evenly. "Show me."

In that moment, she felt like he was far more mature than her. Dumbledore had been right; he may be seventeen, but he was far past his years. She wished she could be like him - able to let things go. Boys were always better at that than girls were, it seemed.

"This spell," she began, "is something we can't try on one another, because it's not easy to reverse in humans. So we'll try it on conjured animals."

One corner of his mouth turned up. "Sounds handy."

"It should be," she smiled in return, trying to relax. Then she summoned a small mammal at their feet.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Why a raccoon?"

"They have excellent vision, so it's a little more of a challenge for you. Everything comes too easy."

"That's not true," he said moodily.

"No, sorry," she corrected herself, her cheeks hot. "I just meant that you're talented. You need the... y'know, honors classes."

He only blinked at her, so she went on, "Anyway, it's an intense spell, so be gentle on this little guy. The inflection is this-" She brandished her wand in the air in front of him. "And you say caecus."

Nodding once, Harry aimed his own wand at the raccoon, mimicked her motion, and recited, "Caecus!"

They both watched the animal, who glanced up at them and wiggled its nose.

"Don't think it worked," grumbled Harry.

"So try again," Luci replied.

He gave it another shot, to no avail. On the third attempt, however, the raccoon made a complete circle, turned to flee, and barreled head-first into the wall.

Luci gasped, "Oh!" and immediately went to it.

Harry asked, "Is he alright?" just as she was removing the spell and returning its vision.

Stroking the raccoon's back, she answered, "Just fine, but I think he's had enough for tonight," and then sent him back into oblivion.

"Wow, I never intended animal cruelty," said Harry sheepishly.

"My fault," cut in Luci, "but he wasn't harmed, no worries. And you learned something new."

"You're a fantastic teacher," grinned Harry.

"Might be the only thing I'm good at it," she chuckled.

"No, it isn't," he reprimanded.

Luci raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

"Stop being like that," he snapped. "I know because I've watched you."

He stopped abruptly and blushed. Suddenly, Luci didn't know how to stand. The fact that he'd been paying attention made her self-conscious. She clasped her hands at her waist, then dropped them, then crossed her arms in front of her.

"Um," she managed. "Well... I can't imagine you've found anything else I'm good at."

Harry had been staring at the floor, but now he frowned at her. "I feel horrible things sometimes too. Self-loathing and anger and...whatever. But I think the way you put those things into words isn't the best way to deal with them."

"Oh, you do, do you?" countered Luci, moving her idle hands to her hips. "Well, putting things into words helps me to work through them. I'd die without words."

"I just mean..." he started. Then he growled softly. "Never mind. I'm knackered. Tomorrow?"

"Anon," nodded Luci uncertainly. It seemed like such an untimely end to what could have been a marvelous conversation. She wanted so badly to just sit down with him and talk candidly to each other. It was her own doing that they couldn't, she supposed.

Harry's lips turned up slightly. "Yeah, that. Good night, Luci."

"Night, Harry," she returned.

When he was gone, she curled up on the couch with Advanced Protective Spells, which she'd taken to reading only in the drawing room, because it was so dull that it put her to sleep if she was in her bed.

But the words were swirling before her eyes. She couldn't concentrate. She told herself that it was because she was tired, and it was late. But she'd only been up since noon. There was no way that she could admit that it was because she was wishing that he was still here.