A Tale of Little Plot

Harry and Ron are proceeding to the library. Ron is banging two halves of a coconut together and Harry is walking in an 'I'm riding a horse, really I am' kind of way, not dissimilar to that of the knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Ron looks very annoyed. At length they arrive at the library. Ron sighs and puts the coconuts down. Harry doesn't seem to have noticed, but stops 'riding' anyway.

Harry: Right. We'd better get researching.

Ron: Okey-dokey! [ever played Mario Kart 64? Yes? You know how sometimes when Mario overtakes, he goes 'okey-dokey' in his strange Italian way? Right? Well, that's how Ron said okey-dokey. If you've never played Mario Kart 64, don't worry about it. Just imagine Ron said okey-dokey however you like]

Harry: Uh... yeah...

Ron: Come on then!

He runs hurriedly towards a bookshelf, then begins to slowly and ponderingishly walk up and down, looking at the books.

Ron: Hmm...

Harry: [walking towards the bookshelves] Hm.

They inspect the books for a long time. At length Harry removes a pile of books from a shelf and sits at a table, looking through them. Ron does the same.

Harry: Aha!

Ron: What??

Harry: I've found out how we can change Hermione back!!

Ron: [sighs despairingly] Harry, I told you before. We know that already. We did it last week in transfiguration. We're supposed to be researching the teacher's incessant advertising of Pantene Pro-V.

Harry: Oh yeah.

Harry picks up the pile of books and returns them to the shelf from whence they came. He takes another pile, but Ron seems to have found something.

Ron: Harry, look at this! Apparently there's such a thing as an advertising curse, which causes the victim to advertise whichever product the curser chooses, and do very little else... it says here that the curse can only be broken if someone buys the product being advertised from the person who's been cursed...

Harry: That sounds exactly like what's wrong with all the teachers!

Ron: ...except for Snape.

Harry: Yes, except for Snape.

Ron: Let's go and find Dumbledore and buy some Pantene off him!

Harry: Yes! Let's go!

Harry dashes off, for once not making Ron accompany him in an embarrasing way. Ron grins and follows.

Harry: I have a plan!

Ron: What??

Harry: Something leads me to believe that it wasn't Snape who cast that curse.

Ron: Why not? He's the only one who wasn't affected by it.

Harry: Yes, but is Snape a purveyor of hair-care products?

Ron: Well... no...

Harry: He must have just not been there when the staff were cursed.

Ron: I suppose.

Harry: Right. So, if we buy some off Dumbledore...

Ron: Yeah...

Harry: We can offer to give it to Snape in exchange for the Furby that's Hermione!

Ron: Yeah! ... hang on. Why would Snape be so keen to get hold of shampoo?

Harry: You've seen his hair. He obviously can't afford it.

Ron: Good point.

Harry: I'm a genius.

Ron: No you're not.

Harry: You have to agree with me, I'm afraid. I'm the main character, you're my sidekick. You keep forgetting that don't you?

Ron: Humbug.

After a while they arrive at Dumbledore's office.

Ron: Do you actually know where we're going?

Harry: Yes! This is the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

Ron: It's just a wall.

Harry: Ah, but you see this gargoyle here? If you say the password it moves out of the way.

Ron: Really?

Harry: Yes.

Ron: Oh. So ... do you know the password?

Harry: No.

Ron: Oh god. Yet another BRILLIANTLY thought out plan.

Harry: It was good up to here! Anyway, twice previously it's been to do with sweets, so presumably it will be this time!

Ron: Ok.

Both boys proceed to shout the names of assorted muggle and wizard sweets which can't quite be made out as they are not shouting in unison. After a while the gargoyle moves out of the way.

Harry: Which one was it?

Ron: I dunno.

Harry: Well, we should go in while we can.

Ron: Yes.

They go through the entrance and into Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore is sitting at his desk, surrounded by assorted Pantene products. He does not seem at all surprised to see Harry and Ron there, and beams at them.

Dumbledore: Hello. Have you tried the new Pantene -

Harry: Yeah, yeah. Do you have any products for greasy hair?

Dumbledore: Oh, yes, this is P -

Ron: We don't care what it's called, we just want to buy some.

Dumbledore: Very well, it's priced at eight sickles per bottle, a most reasonable -

Harry: Ok, ok, here you go.

Harry pays Dumbledore for the shampoo. Dumbledore abruptly comes out of his trance-like state as he hands them the shampoo. He looks about his office, confused at the bottles of haircare products that litter his desk and the floor around it.

Dumbledore: Harry? What are you doing here?

Ron: Huzzah! It worked!

Harry: We were buying haircare products sir.

Dumbledore: Haircare products?

Harry makes a sweeping gesture to indicate the bottles of Pantene.

Dumbledore: How very strange. What are these doing here?

Harry: You were under an advertising cursem sir.

Dumbledore: Oh good heavens! I remember now... yes, someone sneaked up behind me! I don't remember who it was though.

Ron: Well that makes sense, sir, because they sneaked up behind you.

Harry: Yes, and the author feels it would be annoying for her to have to think of who did it because then the plot would branch off into us trying to catch the culprit rather than saving Hermione which is what we're supposed to be doing.

Ron: Yeah, that too.

Deary me. What a naughty Dippy Duck I am.

Dumbledore: Ah, I see. Well, if saving Hermione is what you're supposed to be doing, don't let me delay you any longer! You get on with it, I'll just sit here and wait and offer no help at all.

Harry: Thank you sir.

Harry and Ron leave the office, holding the bottle of shampoo.

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So! We near the end of our story, as our heroes set out to rescue their friend. The next chapter should be along very soon. Or sometime in the near future. Well, let's just say it'll be along at some point. And review, people! Review!!