A Tale of Little Plot

Ron: Uh... Harry, are you gonna drag me round the castle all day until we find someone who can help or are we going to go to our next lesson?

Harry: I think we should go to our next lesson.

Ron: But --

Harry: If Dumbledore can't help, who can? We'll have to go tonight with the invisibility cloak to steal Hermione out of Snape's office.

Ron: [shrugs] I suppose...

Neither of them consider the fact that the only reason Dumbledore wouldn't help was that he was busy advertising Pantene Pro-V and that he didn't even try to offer help of any kind.

Harry: Right then! What do we have next?

Ron: Uh... I can't check. My timetable's in my bag.

Harry: You left it in the Potions room?

Ron: No, but I can't use my hands. You're gripping them at the wrists.

Harry: I am? Oh yes! I forgot. [he releases Ron]

Ron: Ok, wait while the blood resumes its normal circulation, then I can open my bag and check my timetable.

Harry: [sighs despairingly] Why don't I check MY timetable?

Ron: Oh yeah! What a good idea!

Harry rummages through his bag and produces his timetable, which he examines momentarily.

Harry: Oh, whoopee. [he turns to Ron] We have Divination.

Ron: Jolly dee.

* * * * *

Ron: [still being dragged] Harry...

Harry: [still dragging Ron] Yes?

Ron: It occurs to me... that you don't actually need to drag me.

Harry: You know, you might just be right.

Harry does not release Ron, but just continues to drag him. Ron looks annoyed, and decides it is his turn for a despairing sigh.

Ron: [takes a deep breath in preparation for a much anticipated despairing sigh]

Harry: Here we are!

Ron: Damn.

Harry begins to climb up the ladder, hauling Ron behind him. Somehow about ten minutes of dragging, trudging and being lectured about Pantene Pro-V has transformed itself into the entire length of their Potions lesson, because they are just on time for their Divination lesson. They sit down and get their books out. After five minutes Ron falls asleep and onto the floor, dragging Harry downwards. (Of COURSE Harry's still got Ron's wrists in a death-grip! Whatever made you think he was going to let go after all this fairly long - uh, short - length of time?)

Harry: [from floor] Drat. [decides it's finally time to let go (curses. I was wrong. Ah well). He releases Ron's wrists, and positions him in a fairly upright position on his chair]

Professor Trelawney drifts over to Harry.

Trelawney: Ah! Ah! Harry, the fates inform me that your hair will lose its lustrous bounce unless you use Pantene Pro-V!

Ron has woken up by now, and, along with Harry looks at Trelawney in amazement. Surely Hogwarts' funds haven’t dropped to the point that all the teachers have agreed to advertise haircare products during the lessons?

Harry: [leaning over to Ron once Trelawney has made her way to another part of the classroom, in the same would-be surreptitious tone he used during the Potions lesson] Surely Hogwarts' funds haven’t dropped to the point that the teachers have agreed to advertise haircare products during the lessons?

Ron: I don't think so. It seems like they're all under some kind of spell...

Ron discloses what he heard Filch mutter as Harry dragged his friend past, something about buying Pantene Pro-V which the author can't be bothered to type in full.

Ron: If only Hermione weren't a Furby!! We could ask her, she'd be bound to be able to figure something out.

Harry: Yeah, well I know what she'd say if we DID ask her. She'd say 'oowa! Big sound!'

Ron: Hah. [it is a laugh without mirth. I felt the need to add that]

Harry: ... SNAPE wasn't advertising Pantene Pro-V! Maybe HE put a spell on the other teachers!!

Ron: Maybe! Tonight, we'll have to try and find out!

Once again, a conversation that would normally only last about five minutes - if that - has metamorphosed into the period of a whole lesson. It's Hogwarts’ high levels of magic distorting time. Really. It is in no way my being too lazy to write about what happens during in the lesson. Not at all. *coughs* Anyway, it is now the end of the lesson. Harry and Ron leave the room as Trelawney informs Lavender Brown which particular type of Pantene Pro-V conditioner would be best for her hair.

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