A Tale Of Absolutely No Plot Whatsoever

Harry, Ron and Hermione are all in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione is doing homework of some kind or another, Harry is staring into space and twiddling his thumbs, and Ron is picking at a hole in the wall. Nobody else is there. This makes little difference.
At length, Ron looks away from the wall and at his two chums.

Ron: Anyone seen Pig?

Harry: [shakes his head] Nyup.

Ron: Nyup? What's that supposed to mean??

Harry: No. More on the lines of 'nope', but they mean the same thing anyway.

Ron: Oh. [he resumes picking at the wall, then turns again and glances at Hermione] You don't think Crookshanks ate him do you?

Hermione looks up from her homework, looking ever so slightly worried.

Hermione: I forgot to tell you... Crookshanks exploded last night, he hasn't eaten anything since. [There is silence for a moment] Which would make sense, considering he's exploded.

Ron: He might make a miraculous recovery.

Hermione: Cats tend not to make miraculous recoveries after exploding.

Harry: Cats also tend not to explode.

Ron: I don't see why cats shouldn't explode if they want to.

Hermione: I shouldn't think they'd particularly want to anyway.

Ron: Why not? It might be fun.

Hermione: Somehow I doubt it.

Ron turns back to the hole in the wall and resumes picking at it. Hermione resumes doing her homework. Harry resumes staring into space and twiddling his thumbs. However their silence is broken quite suddenly by Draco Malfoy crashing through the window on a pogo stick, and, due to demand from the author's friends, wearing yellow leather trousers.

Harry: [sighs despairingly, to a muffled scream from Ron] You should be more careful with that pogo stick, Malfoy.

Nobody seems to consider for a minute that the Gryffindor common room and dormitories are in a very tall tower, and therefore somewhat hard to reach via pogo stick.

Draco: [brushing bits of broken glass off his robes, which he is wearing as well as the yellow leather trousers] I can use a pogo stick if I want!

Harry: Um.

Draco: It's my pogo stick! I can bounce wherever I like! There's nothing you can do to stop me! [the following is spoken maniacally by Draco, but chorused somewhat boredly by Harry and Ron, who have suffered an entire eight chapters of the author's previous fic and so know what to expect] I'll get you next time Batman! And your little dog, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!!

Hermione: [briskly] Right, if you're done with your little 'I'm an evil maniac on a pogo stick' thing, clear off.

Draco: Shan't.

Hermione: Go away!!

Draco: No!

Harry: Why would you want to stay here anyway?

Draco: It's nice. And not a dungeon, for a start. [in the background, Ron has begun to sing 'I'm a Little Teapot' quietly] I didn't want to be a Slytherin -

Hermione looks quite shocked by this news, but Harry, sensing the inevitable, rolls his eyes and grimly mutters the remainder of the sentence along with Draco.

Draco (and Harry): I wanted to be a LUMBERJACK!!

Hermione: A lumberjack?

Harry: Don't worry, it's just the author.