Shiny and New: An Organic Experience

Shiny and New:

An Organic Experience

Chapter One: Like A Virgin

It started out a day like any other for Professor Severus Snape, except that he had gotten very little sleep. Try as he might, he couldn´t get his new idea out of his mind. He couldn´t wait... his appendages squirmed in anticipation. He was finally going to do it. He was going to try it.

Herbal Essences Shampoo.

The Bottle had come as a gift from an anonymous friend but, as several long, black, dog-like hairs had found their way into the envelope with the card, Severus hadn´t had to think very long about who it had been from.

He awoke early that morning and stripped himself of his clothes, just as he did every day. His body was slightly fatigued and, looking in the mirror, he saw a few signs of wear and tear, but he shrugged and continued with his morning ritualistic singing of "I´m... too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt... just too sexy..." and turned the water on.

He stepped into the shower and let the hot, steamy water run down his limbs... before he realized that he´d left The Bottle. He opened the curtain a bit and reached for The Bottle that was sitting on the counter. Just a little bit further... a little more... "BLOODY HELL!" he cursed, tumbling out of the shower.

He took a few deep breaths and re-entered his damp paradise, bottle in hand.

Severus started out timid and shy, using only a small bit of the goo and massaging it delicately into his scalp with the tips of his fingers. This had to be heaven... yes... ohhh yes... this was very nice indeed. "I rather like this..." he mused aloud, watching the foam run down his chest.

He would have to thank Sirius for this later.

Oh hell, NO! This wasn´t supposed to be happening. The Potions Master of Hogwarts was NOT supposed to feel things like this under ANY circumstance... the question was, did he CARE?

"Ohhh... God..." he moaned. A tingling sensation rushed over his entire body as he began to use more liberal amounts of the goo. "Yes... yesss.... YESSSS!!! Oh, YES! Mmmm...."

Severus was so engrossed in his bliss that he didn´t notice the voice of Professor McGonagall at the door to his chambers. "Severus? Are you alright?"

"YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! BLOODY MOTHER OF MARY!!!! YES!"

McGonagall raised an eyebrow and turned on her heel. "If you say so, Severus."          

Severus picked up the bottle and looked at it lovingly as the last of the foam ran off of his body... when he saw the word `repeat.´

"Should I...?" he wondered aloud. Deciding that a small taste of bliss would do for today, he put the bottle back down and stepped out of the shower, feeling like a new man.

He wrapped himself in a particularly spiffy pink towel and sat down by the mirror. His eyes shone when he saw his reflection. He brushed a few rogue strands of hair out of his eyes when he felt a completely different texture. He ran his fingers through his beautiful mane several times before he could actually believe his hands. It was amazing. It was exhilarating. It was ECSTASY. It made him feel so.. so shiny and new! His mouth opened and music flowed out joyously in a high falsetto. "So shiny and new! Like a vir-gin... ooooooh...touched for the very first time! Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin... when your heart beats next to mine!"

"Erm... Severus?"

Severus stopped dead and turned slowly. "Sirius... how good to see you... I was... erm... just thinking of you."

Sirius´ eyes went wide. "Really, now?"

Severus looked down for a moment, over to the bottle, then quickly back at Sirius. "No."

"I´m, uh... relieved, Sevvie."

"SEVVIE????" Two identical voices shouted before bursting into fits of hysterical laughter.

Sirius looked to the man sitting before him in nothing but a spiffy pink towel. "Erm... I´ll get that." Sirius walked over to the door and in fell none other than the Weasley twins.

Severus jumped up in a fit of rage, momentarily forgetting his towel clad state. "YOU!!!"

Sirius turned a rather funny shade of purple in an attempt to keep from laughing. "Erm... Severus? Feel a draft in here?"

Severus´ eyes went wide and he grasped his towel, doing his best to keep his dignity. "WHAT are you two doing here?"

"PROBABLY the same thing as I am... wondering about your mental state, Severus!" McGonagall said, sharply. She paused, looking at Severus´ attire. "Oh my..."

Severus shot a dark look to everyone in the room. "IF I might remind you all, these are MY personal chambers to do as I please on MY personal time..."

This did NOT help the Weasleys´ laughing fits. "As you please WHOM, Professor?" George laughed, rolling on the floor by this point.

Severus growled in frustration and was about to retort in anger when he glanced at the mirror, filled with his newly sexified reflection and couldn´t stop himself. "Like a vir-gin... OOOH... touched for the very first time..."

The room went silent. Eight eyes rested solely on the singing professor, in his spiffy pink towel. The Weasleys and Professor McGonagall were unsure of whether they should laugh or run for cover. Sirius, however, sat with a bemused smirk.

Severus continued, beginning to dance through the room in his towel. He picked up the bottle and looked at it, his eyes shining with love. "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you..."

McGonagall shot Sirius, who had the mother of all shit-eating grins on his face, a look. "What the hell is this?"

"This," he replied, the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face, "is the Madonna curse.  It´ll have him singing for days.  I tried it on Remus before I sent the bottle," he explained, smirking at the still dancing Severus.  "I did put a bit of a modification on it.  If it works alright, He´ll be singing `I Touch Myself´ for a whole day after the Madonna part wears off.  But that might not happen..." Sirius continued to mumble to himself while looking at Severus, but Minerva paid no more attention to Sirius after a quick look in Severus´ direction.

Severus, obviously forgetting about his company, had thrown his spiffy towel across the room and continued dancing around, now singing even louder.  "Being touched, for the very first time...  touched..." Severus´ high falsetto sang out, shaking his hips, and, well, by default *something else* as well. 

The Weasley twins were cowering in the corner, their eyes closed tight and their faces green with disgust.  Something told Minerva this had not been what they had been they had imagined when they decided to spy on Severus.  No, definitely not.

Presently, Minerva gagged slightly in disgust at the sight of her colleague dancing around in his chambers in the nude, singing an old Madonna song from the Eighties.  She turned, not wanting to be subject to Severus´ nudity longer then she had to be.  Just a moment longer, and she would have to run to the bathroom.  She could feel the bile rising.  Oh, yes, time to go.

Minerva McGonagall ran from Severus´ room, her face green.

Severus remained blissfully unaware of his situation.  He continued to dance, sans towel, singing various bits of `Like A Virgin.´

Suddenly, in the middle of the third chorus, he looked down.  Then he looked up, noting the spiffy pink towel that had, moments ago, been around his waist, was now next to Sirius Black, whose face had turned an odd blue in a futile attempt to muffle his laughter.  And the Weasley twins, who had somehow managed to break into the staff wing, sat huddled in the corner, their faces a sickly shade of green.  As Severus took all this in, he wondered briefly what had happened to Minerva.  In a moment, Severus´ brain had extracted itself from a state of shock and then, in a rush of comprehension, he screamed.

Then Severus Snape then did something he would deny for the rest of his existence: He fainted.