Harry Potter and the Year of Something

Chapter 4: Voldemort

...The Order of the Phoenix!"
There was another tumultuous wave of applause at the mention of this.
Harry looked down the table at Hermione, who was looking the Order
up in 'The Book of Magical Crap That Nobody Cares About'.
"May I introduce: Mundungus Fletcher!" Dumbledore shouted,
as Fletcher apparated by his side.
"Arabella Figg! Remus Lupin! Jonah Knor! Severus Snape! Alex Kah!
Elvis Presley! Homer Simpson! Winnie the Pooh! About ten to sixteen other names I don't feel like saying! And.... Sirius Black!"
A big gasp!

* * *

Now we will check on Voldemort. He has established a castle somewhere since his escape. No one knows where it is, because whenever someone gets near it a voice says, "Go away, I'm not here!" Then a troop of dancing Mini Voldies in Bunny pajamas come out and dance until the viewer is driven insane. Stupid, but it always worked. Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs down and said, "Sick." Now to see what Voldemort himself is up to.
"Wormtail!" he screamed while thinking on his favorite throne. It was
actually plastic, but was covered with aluminum foil to make it look silver. Come to think of it, it might have just been foil, because he's so thin a toothpick would support him. Man, the guy needed to visit a McDonald's.
"Yes my lord." said Wormtail.

"You look disappointed, Wormtail. I don't care, but tell it to me anyway so

I can rub it in your face."

"I hate my job, I hate my life, everybody hates me, and I had to see you naked when you were reborn." said Wormtail, repulsed.
"My nakedness is only shown to precious few. Now you know that every part of my body resembles a snake in some way. Moving on to the plan. Get me a GI Joe! And then get me a Burger King crown! I have some evil-"
DUM-DA-DUM-DUM!
"As I was saying, I have some evil plans. Dumbledore's mind is rotting, and it is time to strike."
DUM-DA-DUM-DUM!
"Who keeps doing that!"
Voldemort floated up the stairs and glided into a room. Above the doorway was the inscription 'Ego sum caseus', which meant 'I am cheese' in Latin. Don't ask.
In this room were Lucius Malfoy and many other Death Eaters playing with an old record player. Next to him was an open box that said "Voldie's stuff".
"Oh, hello Voldemort," Lucius said, "I hope you don't mind us using this
record player."
"Yes, I mind!"
But as he tried to cross over to Malfoy, he knocked over the box, revealing a full collection of Barney, Sesame Street, and Teletubbies records.
"Damn it, Lucius this all your fault!"
He raised his hand and choked one of the Death Eaters, just as Lucius started playing the song from Star Wars. You know the one, the song that plays when Darth Vader does anything. The other Death Eaters might have survived if it weren't for the little rebellious one.

"Your British accent is so fake!"

Voldemort turned and toasted half the Death Eaters like... um... toast.

The toast was as black as the night. The castle was as silent as a cemetery.

The anger in Voldemort's eyes was like fire. Lucius was as frightened as a mouse cornered by a snake. The similes were as bad as the smell of dog shit on a rainy day.
"And as for you, Lucius...."

Ha ha. I have done it. Keep on reviewing.