Harry Potter and the Year of Something

Chapter 3: Sorting

"...Professor >:)!"
Some scattered applause followed, but mostly students trying to figure
what kind of name >:) was.
"But enough jibber-jabber! Bring out the smelly-old-hat-that's-been-rott-ing-away-in-the-school-for-billions-of-years!" Dumbledore shouted to the hall.
McGonagall brought out a three-legged stool with the familiar hat on it.
For a few seconds the school was silent. Then...

It was a billion years ago
Right at this castle here
Four stupid fools came round the bend
Each clutching cans of beer
Now all of them, they shared a wish
And so they had a plan
In that moldy, crappy place
And Hogwarts School began
Bold Gryffindor from Wild Moor
He always liked the brave
Sweet Hufflepuff like loyal ones
Who knew how to behave
Fair Ravenclaw, who came from glen
She really liked the clever
And Slytherin liked ambitious ones
And I have no rhymes for this line
So put me on your giant head
And please sit still, don't fight
'Cause I'm a stupid piece o' crap
And I am always right!

A wave of applause followed the song and McGonagall started calling out names and one by one the first-years were sorted. It was pretty boring. Everyone was jerked back when the name "Osbourne, Ozzy" was called, but they realized it was just some wannabe. McGonagall put the hat away, and then, the feast appeared! Everyone scarfed the food down, and the desserts appeared! They scarfed that down and After-Meal Snacks appeared! They scarfed it, and Dumbledore stood up.
"I have a few announcements. I am proud to announce that we will be playing host to an American exchange student. Give a hand to, Joe Blo!"

Dumbledore clapped, but the rest of the Hall gave Joe a contemptuous glance, before reaching into their pockets.

"What are they doing?" Joe asked of Dumbledore.

Suddenly, there was a great cry of "Avada Kedavra!" from every person in the hall, an overwhelming flash of green light, and where Joe had been standing ten seconds before, was a small pile of dust.

"Okay, then... In the light of the rising of Voldemort, you shall have Defense Against the Dark Arts twice a day."
The Great Hall groaned.
"Yes, twice. Now where was I? Wait a minute, where am I?"

A glazed look came over Dumbledore. "You!" he pointed at Colin Creevey. "GET OUT, GRINDELWALD!" Dumbledore shouted, and bean to chase Colin, shooting stunning spells, which Colin was lucky enough to have missed.
"Professor Dumbledore, please stop at once!" McGonagall's ordered in an annoyingly superior voice. Instantly, Dumbledore came back to his senses and went red.
"Oh..." he said as he returned to his seat at the High Table, "As I was saying, the reason we chose >:) to be the teacher is because he is one of the most powerful wizards in the world, and we will be safer in his presence. Which brings us to our next announcement. >:) is a member of a group of the most powerful wizards in the world. They too will be joining us. Please welcome..."

For some reason, I like doing that to you. Cliffhanger! Do you know why
I do it? Because if I leave it like that, the readers like you have to review
to hear more.
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