Harry Potter and the Year of Something

Chapter 1: Owls

Harry Potter had been living a little differently on Privet drive. Aunt

Petunia had noticed that Dudley's diet was not working. In fact, they now had to eat outside because Dudley couldn't fit in the kitchen. Another change, since grapefruit quarters didn't work, they all ate an inch of yarn at each meal. As for pleasant changes, the Dursleys still didn't know that Sirius was innocent, and Harry had told them that a witch lived nearby, which was true. Mrs. Figg, the old lady down the street, was a witch. Or so Harry had heard on the Internet. As a result, the Dursleys were terrified of him.

Harry finished his inch of yarn in a second (after all, it was only an inch), and hurried up for a real breakfast. Once again, he had sent owls for food. He wolfed down one of the Weasley's pies. Feeling properly fed; he noticed two owls on his windowsill. One was a Hogwarts owl, and the other was one Harry didn't recognize. Harry took the letter from Hogwarts. It read:

Course Books
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 5) by Miranda Goshawk
Fantastic Underwater Beasts by Some Guy That Knows About This Kind of Crap

Dangerous Things That Are Unlikely to Happen by Lotsa Paranoia
Advanced Transfiguration by Emeric Switch
The Book of Scary Dark Stuff by >:)

Harry then noticed that it was holding a second letter that looked important, mainly because it was labelled 'Important' He took it and read.

Mr. Potter,
We are pleased to inform that on account of outstanding bravery, valor, and shit like that, you have been made a prefect. The position of prefect is usually important, but so many unqualified losers have been made prefects lately that nobody seems to care. By the way, privileges include-
1. The ability to take points
2. Access to the Prefect's Bathroom
3. Ability to patrol whenever needed
4. Ability to scare little kids with stories about Radioactive English Muffins

Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress

Harry sighed. It was great to be a prefect, but he didn't want to turn into a miniature version of Percy. But he could use the prefects' bathroom, which was a definite upside to the promotion, he thought to himself. Plus, now whenever Malfoy made fun of them, he could make Slytherin's points go down the drain. At this, Harry thought it wouldn't be so bad being a prefect. He was wrapped up in his thoughts of it, and fantasies of frolicking around in a pool of large bubbles, when he remembered Sirius's letter. He picked up the envelope, and noticed that it had a large coffee ring on it that said 'Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and that Two-Inch Traitoring **** F*** %$&' on the inside. Smiling, Harry opened it and read it.

Harry,
Dumbledore and I will be arriving tomorrow at ten a.m. After picking you up, we will transport you to the Weasley's. Have a good summer and keep in touch. And don't worry about me, I'm safe at Remus's house.
Sirius

Harry's heart jumped at this, but then remembered what Dumbledore had said at the end of the year, that he should go to the Dursley's. He decided to ask him why that was when they came. Harry spent the rest of the day dreaming about tomorrow, and the next year at Hogwarts.

Harry slept easier that night than he had for the entire summer. It was wonderful, he thought, to be able to sleep without having to worry about Dudley sitting on him the next day. When he woke up at seven, he remembered what would happen in three hours and bounded happily out of bed. Upon reaching the back yard for breakfast, he hurried over to Uncle Vernon. The first thing that happened was Dudley farting so powerfully it knocked Uncle Vernon's chair back.

"Sirius will be here at ten," he said very nonchalantly.
"Who?" grunted Uncle Vernon
"You know, my Godfather!"

Upon hearing this, Vernon made a funny noise, Petunia turned pale, and Dudley wet his pants with the force of a fire hose.

"LET'S GO!!!" screamed Uncle Vernon, and they an off. Harry watched Dudley walk as fast as he could down the street, which was cracking under his weight, before going inside to wait for Sirius and Dumbledore.

Harry was eating his fifth slice of chocolate cake when the clock struck ten. A popping sound in the living room told him it was time.
"Time to go, Harry."