- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Characters:
- Tom Riddle
- Genres:
- Humor Parody
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 01/18/2002Updated: 03/07/2002Words: 16,262Chapters: 10Hits: 4,149
Flower Potter and the Stone of Hot Ice
Someisa
- Story Summary:
- A parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that takes place during the Riddle era. Starring the infamous Flower Potter who survived Grindelwalds ye old grande de wrath filling in for Harry, the poor but humorous Haruko Weasley filling for Ron, and the incredibly attractive nagging bookworm Tom Riddle filling in for Hermione. Together, with plot devices, lucky, and insanity, they're going to protect the Stone of Hot Ice from Grindelwald!
Chapter 03
- Chapter Summary:
- A parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that takes place during the Riddle era. Starring the infamous Flower Potter who survived Grindelwalds ye old grande de wrath filling in for Harry, the poor but humorous Haruko Weasley filling for Ron, and the incredibly attractive nagging bookworm Tom Riddle filling in for Hermione. Together, with plot devices, luck, and insanity, they're going to protect the Stone of Hot Ice from Grindelwald!
- Posted:
- 01/20/2002
- Hits:
- 316
Letters from Nowhereland
By the time Flower was allowed to come out of the broom closet she lived in, Dumass had been accepted to Smelling Salts School of Stupidity, where Helga had gone. She had received her uniform, which included a large over sized metal hammer used to thwap people.
One Sunday, the mailman had come, and Flower was commanded to get the door.
"Get the door!" sassed Uncle Vermont.
"Why?" asked Flower obnoxiously.
"Because I said so!" he roared.
"Why?"
"Because someone needs to get the mail!"
"Why?"
"Because the mailman put it there!!"
"Why?"
"So we can read it!"
"Why?"
"So we know what our relatives are doing!"
"Why?"
"Because they're are relatives!"
"Why?"
"Because that's just the way our family is!"
"Why?"
"I don't know- oh, for so and so's sake, Dumass, hit her with your hammer~!"
Flower quickly moved and went to get the mail. She picked it up, three bills, a postcard from Aunt Margarin, and a... letter for Flower? It said on the front, "Flower Potter, The Broom Closet, Number 69 Perverted Drive." Flower cocked a brow, perhaps it was a letter from that weird monkey she met at the zoo?
She tred into the kitchen, handed Uncle Vermont his letters, and went into the corner to open hers. Dumass quickly noticed this.
"FLOWER'S GOT A LETTER!" she howled. She quickly snatched it from her and gave it to her father.
"Hey! Whore! That was MINE!" yelled Flower.
"Yours?" echoed the Dorksleys. "Who the hell would wanna send you a- oh shit, Helga, it's from..."
Helga's eyes popped out and she and Vermont shoved Flower and Dumass out of the room.
"HELLO! I WANT ATTENTION!" screamed Dumass. She got out a shotgun and shot the roof of the hallway down. Her parents didn't care. "HELLLOOOOOO!"
Two point five seconds later, Flower had a room up in the upstairs bedroom, and more letters came. They kept coming, and finally, Uncle Vermont nailed the mail slot shut. He felt rather accomplished. On Sunday, the family sat in the living room to have a nice, quiet, Sunday.
Flower noticed an Owl outside the window as she put on her French Maid suit and served cocktails and horrs devus (or however the freak ya spell it) on a silver sterling tray. She cocked a brow as it went by carrying a parcel much larger than it's body weight. She smirked, however, as she noticed about 100 others carrying letters right behind it and continued serving cocktails.
A bomb suddenly went off, and burst open the wall of the Dorksleys living room.
"Someone set us up the bomb!" coughed Flower through all the smoke.
When the smoke disappeared, 100 owls with white and blue facepaint appeared with weird machines. The machines were called the "Letter Machina 2002." The owl previously carrying the parcel, of which Flower decided was the bomb, rose a wing, and squeaked loudly. The "Letter Machina 2002's" began spitting out letter after letter at the Dorksleys. Flower grabbed one and ran to the broom closet, but not before Vermont could tackle her.
"WE'RE LEAVING!" he screeched.
10 seconds later, the family piled in the car, Flower notably still wore her French Maid suit, and drove for quite some time until they reached the coast where a Yellow Submarine was.
"Are we setting sail on that Yellow Submarine?" asked Flower.
"YES! WE ARE!" Vermont roared.
"Did it belong to a man who sailed who sea?" asked Dumass.
"YES!" Vermont roared.
"Are ve sailing onto zee sun?" asked Helga.
"Till we find a sea of green?" asked Flower.
"To live beneath the waves?" finished Dumass.
"YES! YES! YES!" Vermont roared.
"So... vere all going to live in it?" asked Helga.
"YES!" screamed Vermont at the top of his lungs.
No one dared question him, and they all piled in there, and he began steering it towards wherever he could. However, they hit a rock, the Submarine began to flood, and they crashed onto a deserted island.
"Where ARE we?" whined Dumass. "I'm HUNGRY!"
Suddenly, Bob Denver appeared. "Hey there folks! Welcome to Giligan's Island!"
Flower dropped her feather duster in bewilderment, and looked around..... it WAS Giligan's Island! The huts, the hammock... oh lordy.....
That night, they family used one of the huts to rest in. Flower had to sleep on the ground, in her French Maid outfit, with one blanket. Damn life sucked.
Flower watched Dumass's watch: it would soon be 12 am, and then she'd be 11 years old. She used chalk to make a birthday cake with a hot guy popping out of it. She noticed it would be just 14 more.... no 8... 7..... 6.... 5.... 4... 3.... 2...... 2 and a half!
2 and three fourths!
1!
ZERO! LIFT OFF! BLAST OFF! ZOOM!
The door at the hut suddenly rattled - some woman with big boobs and long red hair and 5 inch stiletos stood knocking at the door... if Uncle Vermont wasn't married, he'd've tried to have sex with her.
By the time Flower was allowed to come out of the broom closet she lived in, Dumass had been accepted to Smelling Salts School of Stupidity, where Helga had gone. She had received her uniform, which included a large over sized metal hammer used to thwap people.
One Sunday, the mailman had come, and Flower was commanded to get the door.
"Get the door!" sassed Uncle Vermont.
"Why?" asked Flower obnoxiously.
"Because I said so!" he roared.
"Why?"
"Because someone needs to get the mail!"
"Why?"
"Because the mailman put it there!!"
"Why?"
"So we can read it!"
"Why?"
"So we know what our relatives are doing!"
"Why?"
"Because they're are relatives!"
"Why?"
"Because that's just the way our family is!"
"Why?"
"I don't know- oh, for so and so's sake, Dumass, hit her with your hammer~!"
Flower quickly moved and went to get the mail. She picked it up, three bills, a postcard from Aunt Margarin, and a... letter for Flower? It said on the front, "Flower Potter, The Broom Closet, Number 69 Perverted Drive." Flower cocked a brow, perhaps it was a letter from that weird monkey she met at the zoo?
She tred into the kitchen, handed Uncle Vermont his letters, and went into the corner to open hers. Dumass quickly noticed this.
"FLOWER'S GOT A LETTER!" she howled. She quickly snatched it from her and gave it to her father.
"Hey! Whore! That was MINE!" yelled Flower.
"Yours?" echoed the Dorksleys. "Who the hell would wanna send you a- oh shit, Helga, it's from..."
Helga's eyes popped out and she and Vermont shoved Flower and Dumass out of the room.
"HELLO! I WANT ATTENTION!" screamed Dumass. She got out a shotgun and shot the roof of the hallway down. Her parents didn't care. "HELLLOOOOOO!"
Two point five seconds later, Flower had a room up in the upstairs bedroom, and more letters came. They kept coming, and finally, Uncle Vermont nailed the mail slot shut. He felt rather accomplished. On Sunday, the family sat in the living room to have a nice, quiet, Sunday.
Flower noticed an Owl outside the window as she put on her French Maid suit and served cocktails and horrs devus (or however the freak ya spell it) on a silver sterling tray. She cocked a brow as it went by carrying a parcel much larger than it's body weight. She smirked, however, as she noticed about 100 others carrying letters right behind it and continued serving cocktails.
A bomb suddenly went off, and burst open the wall of the Dorksleys living room.
"Someone set us up the bomb!" coughed Flower through all the smoke.
When the smoke disappeared, 100 owls with white and blue facepaint appeared with weird machines. The machines were called the "Letter Machina 2002." The owl previously carrying the parcel, of which Flower decided was the bomb, rose a wing, and squeaked loudly. The "Letter Machina 2002's" began spitting out letter after letter at the Dorksleys. Flower grabbed one and ran to the broom closet, but not before Vermont could tackle her.
"WE'RE LEAVING!" he screeched.
10 seconds later, the family piled in the car, Flower notably still wore her French Maid suit, and drove for quite some time until they reached the coast where a Yellow Submarine was.
"Are we setting sail on that Yellow Submarine?" asked Flower.
"YES! WE ARE!" Vermont roared.
"Did it belong to a man who sailed who sea?" asked Dumass.
"YES!" Vermont roared.
"Are ve sailing onto zee sun?" asked Helga.
"Till we find a sea of green?" asked Flower.
"To live beneath the waves?" finished Dumass.
"YES! YES! YES!" Vermont roared.
"So... vere all going to live in it?" asked Helga.
"YES!" screamed Vermont at the top of his lungs.
No one dared question him, and they all piled in there, and he began steering it towards wherever he could. However, they hit a rock, the Submarine began to flood, and they crashed onto a deserted island.
"Where ARE we?" whined Dumass. "I'm HUNGRY!"
Suddenly, Bob Denver appeared. "Hey there folks! Welcome to Giligan's Island!"
Flower dropped her feather duster in bewilderment, and looked around..... it WAS Giligan's Island! The huts, the hammock... oh lordy.....
That night, they family used one of the huts to rest in. Flower had to sleep on the ground, in her French Maid outfit, with one blanket. Damn life sucked.
Flower watched Dumass's watch: it would soon be 12 am, and then she'd be 11 years old. She used chalk to make a birthday cake with a hot guy popping out of it. She noticed it would be just 14 more.... no 8... 7..... 6.... 5.... 4... 3.... 2...... 2 and a half!
2 and three fourths!
1!
ZERO! LIFT OFF! BLAST OFF! ZOOM!
The door at the hut suddenly rattled - some woman with big boobs and long red hair and 5 inch stiletos stood knocking at the door... if Uncle Vermont wasn't married, he'd've tried to have sex with her.