Flower Potter and the Stone of Hot Ice

The Keepress of the Keys

Uncle Vermont and Aunt Helga woke immediately. Flower looked up in fear, while Dumass continued to sleep.

The woman outside set the walls of the grass hut on fire, went through the hole she made, grumbling incoherently, removed the lock from the doro, and then went outside. The three awake looked up at her in awe as she did so. Then, the door opened, and in came the red haired woman once more. Dumass still slept.

Enter Ruby Hagatha. Thinner than a twizzler stick, accent of an Aussie, a chest like a watermelon, legs thin and silky, like, well, silk, and about 5' 9". She was the Keepress of the Keys, and man, she was totally not a Rubeus Hagrid.

She looked at the three people starring at her, then squatted down by Flower, and started giggling.

"FLOWER!" she yelled. "I ain't seen ya since you were a baby!" she squealed. "Now your all grown up....." she sighed. "Anywho! Happy Birthday!"

Ruby handed her a small box, and Flower opened it up to see a small round pink ice cream cake that had yellow lining that looked a lot like her scar, and little icing flowers in the three holes between the yellow. And, also included in the parcel was a spoon.

"Oh, thanks!" Flower picked up the spoon and began eating the cake, and watched Ruby goto the fireplace, start a fire suddenly, then she pulled out from her purse a huge tea set. Flower nearly dropped her spoon in awe.

"Mary Poppins?" she gagged.

"Mary Poppins? Me? GOD NO!" yelled Ruby. "IF THAT BLASTED WOMAN DOESN'T STOP SINGING I'D'VE BLOWN THE TAPE UP!"

"Sherry Bobbins then?" asked Flower.

"Nope! Just good ole Ruby Hagatha!" she said proudly. "I'm the Keepress of the Keys at Hogwarts... of course, you know all 'bout good ole Hoggy Hogwarts, doncha?"

"Uhm, no," said Flower.

Ruby looked like the world had just blown up. "WHAT THE HELL?" she screamed.

"Uhm, sorry?" asked Flower.

"GOD DAMMIT DORKSLEYS! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL FLOWER SHE'S A WITCH AND THAT SHE'S FAMOUS FOR SURVIVING THE BIG-EVIL-MEAN-GUY'S ATTACKS! AND! AND! YOU SPOONY BARDS!"

"We.... uhm... have our reasons?" Vermont said uncertainly.

"REASONS MY ASS! COME ON FLOWER! WE'RE LEAVING!"

"Huh? Wha?"

"GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"

Flower dropped her cake, and spoon, and scurried along... Dumass still slept.

Ruby suddenly made a speed boat appear out of thin air. Flower hopped in, and Ruby followed. She enchanted the controls, and turned towards flower.

"You're a witch," she began.

"I'm a WHAT?" asked Flower. "One of those broomstick riding freaks who casts spells and turns Princes into Toads to make Princesses go find them?"

"..... yea, pretty much."

"SWEET!" yelled Flower. She wanted to frame this moment in her mind: it was priceless. She was a witch.

"Your parents were also a witch and a wizard too!"

"You... knew my parents?"

"Yep! Sure did! They learned magic at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! And you've been accepted to goto school there! Here!" Ruby handed her a letter - thee letter. Flower quickly opened it, and read the top line.

"Dear Ms Potter, you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" she read aloud. "Wow!"

Ruby smirked. "Of course you have! After all, your Flower Potter! The girl who lived!"

Flower looked at her. "What?"

"Aw, shucks, forgot, no one ever told ya..." Ruby coughed, and began. "Look, long time ago in this galaxy which isn't so far away, at all, there was an evil Dark dude, everyone's afraid of him and no one dared to speak his name so we call him the Big-Evil-Mean-Guy or the Evil-Meanie, stuff like that."

"What's his real name?" asked Flower.

Ruby looked hesistant. "Gri-Gri-Gri-Grindelwald," she spoke in barely a whisper, clutching a small teddy bear.

"Oh.... kay..."

"The Big-Evil-Mean-Guy, 'bout 20 years back, was lookin' for followers, loyal minions, mindless drones, stuff like that. Anywho, yer parents were nice and sparkly white toothy shining wizards. They lived amung the Muggles."

"Muggles?"

"Non-Wizarding folk like yer aunt and uncle. Anywho, one night, 10 years ago, on Halloween, he showed up at yer parents house in Sleepy Hollow and tried to take their Cappuchino machine; your parents had quite a lot of them. He killed your father, then yer mother when they refused to give him it, and then, he went to kill you, perhaps to finish the job off, and for some reason, he couldn't god damned kill you. The spell he left a mark on you - that scar of yours." Flower put her fingers over her Circle Upside Down Y scar, knowing where it had come from. "And then, he just kinda disappeared. No one knows why, but there was sumthin' odd aboutcha that made 'em not kill ya!"

".... oh...." she said soundingly slighty unsatisified.

"Aw, don't feel bad," said Ruby. "You'll find out all this crap within the next seven years of yer life! Hehe!"

"Er, ok."

"Anywho....... we'll be arriving at the surface shortly! We'll needa goto London!"

"Why?"

"To buy yer stuff for Hogwarts."

"Uhm, I don't have any money..."

Ruby laughed. "Oh yes, you do, trust me, you do! It's at the Wizards Bank!"

"Wizards Bank?" repeated Flower.

"Yep! It's run by Goblins!"

Flower shuddered to think what the Goblins looked like.

"So... did you ever goto Hogwarts?"

Ruby blushed. "Er, yea, but uhm... I got expelled in my third year..."

Flower stared. "Why?"

"I kinda sex with my teacher..... heh...."

Flower tried to picture this... 13 year old Ruby making out with a Teacher.... oh hell - BAD! MENTAL! IMAGES! WRONG! EW! She couldn't be serious, could she? Well, little did she know she'd actually find out in the next book!